


The Hunt 3 - Beaten

by R_rated26



Series: The Hunt Series [3]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Anger, Anger Management, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Biting, Breaking and Entering, Bruises, Changing POV, Choking, Complicated Relationships, Control, Control Issues, Dom/sub Undertones, Dominance, Drama & Romance, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Emotionally Repressed, Erotica, F/M, Face Slapping, Fantasy, Fingerfucking, First Dates, Force Choking, Hair-pulling, Handcuffs, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Humiliation, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Impact Play, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Injured Sex, Injury, Injury Recovery, Intense hunt, Kissing, Lace Panties, Light Dom/sub, Loss of Control, Magic Fingers, Major Character Injury, Marking, Mental Battles, Name-Calling, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Orgasm Delay/Denial, POV Female Character, POV First Person, POV Male Character, Pet Names, Power Play, Public Orgasm, Rape Fantasy, Rape Roleplay, Recovery, Roleplay, Romance, Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Scratching, Self-Hatred, Separation Anxiety, Sexual Frustration, Sexual Tension, Sexual Violence, Shower Sex, Situational Humiliation, Slapping, Spanking, Supernatural Elements, Tattoos, Vaginal Fingering, Vampire Hunters, Vampires, Verbal Humiliation, public fondling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-30 08:04:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 62
Words: 117,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17824973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/R_rated26/pseuds/R_rated26
Summary: Valery has hunted vampires together with Jake and his father Bill for 6 years. 11 weeks ago Bill dies, and leave Val and Jake, both 28 years old now, alone in this dangerous world. Jake handles his grief badly, and the only one around to take it out on is Val. 6 weeks ago they engaged in a turbulent relationship that turns out to be the key for Jake to get better.After fighting Sinanima both Val and Jake end up in the hospital when she turned out to be a bigger mouthful than they expected. Val wakes to find Jake in a medical induced coma. Both to her relief and worry. Their injuries set them back in their hunt for vampires, especially Sinanima. But it’s not only their injuries that causes Val to worry, the ICU isn’t cheap, the police have confiscated her gun, and on top of all that, she’s struggling to figure out her newly discovered, but deep emotions for Jake.They take a vacation at Kevin and Tina’s place, after their latest struggles they both feel like they deserve it. Though their sex life has been on a temporary hold, they get back in the game and quickly discovers more extreme aspects of their already rough tendencies.





	1. Chapter 1

__

_She loved him_  
_With a messy heart_  
_He hugged her_  
_With fragile bones_  
_She touched him_  
_With scarred hands_  
_He kissed her_  
_With bruised lips_  
_They whispered_  
_All their flaws_  
_And inhaled_  
_The storm_  
_Together_

\- Randy Mascorro

 

My head throbbed in a constant pulsating rhythm. I opened my eyes and instantly squinted. It was too bright. I felt disoriented and fuzzy. And I felt like something was wrong, but I couldn’t hold on to the thought long enough to think it through. I wanted to go to sleep again, but the pain kept me awake. 

Suddenly, it hit me like a flood. Ambulances. Jake. Sinanima. The ER. Jake… I sat up, but instantly cried out in pain and tried to wrap an arm around my chest for support, but it got stopped. My rib protested heavily, and the sudden movement made me dizzy. Trying to take a deep breath, I realized the only thing I could manage was gasps. Looking down to see what had stopped my hand, I found that I had padded cuffs on both wrists. 

A hand laid on my shoulder. “Easy, Miss Moore. Don’t strain yourself.” The hand pushed me back onto the pillow, but halfway I struggled against it and got up again. A nurse was looking down on me. 

“Jake… I-I have to find Jake.” I explained, the fuzziness hadn’t left my mind completely. 

“The young man you came in with yesterday?” She asked sweetly.

I nodded but quickly found out it was a bad idea. 

Yesterday? Had I really been out for so long?

“He’s injured badly, but he’s alive. I’m gonna find a doctor for you, okay?” 

He was alive. He was alive. He was alive. I felt relieved and finally let the nurse’s hand press me down onto the pillow. 

For the first time, I looked down at myself. Besides the handcuffs, I had an IV in my left hand, and I was wearing a hospital gown. They were so ugly. Where were my clothes? My tongue felt the hole in the lower left side of my mouth. They had apparently removed the rest of the tooth that had been left after it had gotten knocked out as I couldn’t feel any sharp edges. I frowned in pain, the skin on my face felt stretched. Carefully I tried to feel with my fingers and felt stitches on my left chin, cheekbone, and eyebrow. 

Before I could find a mirror, a doctor walked in. “Valery Moore?” He asked friendly. 

“Yes.” I nodded again, already forgotten that it was a bad idea. My head throbbed like a hundred horses were galloping around in there. And it certainly didn’t help when he flickered a light over my eyes one by one. 

“I’m Doctor David Greer. Follow the pen, please.” 

I followed it from side to side, up and down. It hurt behind my eyes when I did. He made me squeeze his hands, examined my face, listened to my heart and lungs, and asked a few questions. During all of it, I tried asking him about Jake several times, but he stopped me before I could finish a sentence, and told me he would like to finish his exam of me first. 

He was practically bald, but it looked like his hair was dark. While he examined me, he put his reading glasses up to rest on top of his forehead. He had a particularly big nose, but his face was very open and friendly. “It all looks fine, Miss More. We got you in yesterday with a lot of injuries–”

“What about Jake? Jake Devanney?” I instantly interjected. 

“I don’t have a Jake Devanney, but I have a Jackson Devanney?” 

“Yes, Jackson, that’s him.” I nodded impatiently and resigned. 

“Is he your boyfriend?” He asked unfazed. 

“Yes,” I confirmed. 

He nodded and looked in some of the papers he had with him. “The nurse told me you asked for him, so I brought his chart too. He was in cardiac arrest when we got him in, but after 27 minutes of resuscitation, we got his heart started again. He has several fractured ribs, four lacerations on his chest and a few cuts and bruises. Because he had been in cardiac arrest for so long, we decided to put him in a medically induced coma–” 

“M-medically induced coma?” I stutteringly interrupted him. 

“Miss Moore, the reason why we decided to put him in a medically induced coma is to prevent brain damage after cardiac failure. By producing such comatose state, there is  
decreased cerebral oxygen consumption, the inhibition of excitatory neurotransmitters, and a reduction in damaging free radicals and intracellular acidosis. It basically gives his body the rest it needs, and the brain time to fire up after the loss of oxygen. We didn’t know how long he had been in cardiac arrest when the ambulances arrived, but it looks like it wasn’t more than one-two minutes, brain cells begin to die after approximately four-six minutes without blood flow.” He looked intensely at me to see if I understood all the information he was giving me. 

I merely nodded as it sank in. “Is he gonna be okay?” I asked quietly. 

“At this point, we are hoping for a full recovery, but it might take some time. We expect to keep him in the induced coma for about a week, but a lot can happen and change right now at this point. He’s young and strong, he has good prospects for recovering from this.” 

That sounded good. They hoped for a full recovery, but… there were so many but’s… I just had to wait and see. But considering he was practically dead this was as good as it got. His prospects looked good. I blinked a couple of times to prevent the tears from running down my cheeks. 

“Are you ready to hear about yourself now?” He said with a smile. 

I nodded and returned the smile, but it quickly morphed into a frown when my face hurt. 

“You have suffered several head traumas, but luckily your CT scan looks fine. No bleeding or swelling, but you have a fracture in the back of your head and a zygomatic fracture. That means a hairline fracture to your cheekbone. Both is simple, so it’s not necessary to do anything about it.” He turned on a light on the wall behind me, lighting up an x-ray of my head and showed me the injuries. Even I could see the fractures, and I wasn’t a radiologist. They probably did all that while I was sedated. It was probably necessary, had to look for internal damage or something like that. 

“You have a serious concussion. So no TV, computer or reading for at least a week, you will probably experience some nausea along with a headache because of your fracture, and even vomiting, restlessness, blurred vision, trouble balancing, stiff neck, drowsiness, confusion, and fainting. The fractures will heal by themselves, it’s nothing you need to worry about. It’s a simple, linear fracture at the back of your head. And the pain will subside after around five-ten days. 

You have three lacerations on your left eyebrow, cheekbone, and your chin, which we have stitched, there should be minimal scarring. Your molar tooth on the lower left side was gone, we checked and removed the last pieces of the root. You’ll have to go to your dentist to talk about a dental prosthesis. You have a fractured rib on the left side, it didn’t puncture anything, but it was close when you… wouldn’t go back to bed,” He said that last sentence very diplomatically, but we both knew that that was an understatement. “And at last you have some cuts and bruises, though they are worst on your back.” Again, he looked intensely at my face to see if I understood him. “Do you have any more questions?” 

“The um, ambulances? I-I didn’t call them?” I asked a little unsure, as I didn’t know if he had the answer to my question. 

“Someone living in the area heard several shots were fired and called 911.” He explained patiently. 

I nodded as little as I could to prevent it from hurting. “Can I get these off?” I asked and held my wrists up as high as I could. 

“As you seem reasonable enough now, I’ll say yes.” He smiled and started taking them off. He told me I had been awake earlier, but they were forced to sedate me again. I couldn’t remember any of it. Not a single second. But he said I had only been awake for a few minutes before they sedated me again. I asked if I could get the IV out too, but he wasn’t very fond of it until I stubbornly insisted on losing the IV he finally took it out. It had provided me with fluids and morphine, but now the nurse would regularly come with morphine pills instead.

“When can I see Jake?” I asked when I was cuff-free. 

“Anytime you want. I’ll call a nurse who can show you to him. Okay?” 

“Okay. Where’s my clothes?”

“In the closet.” He pointed to something behind me with his pen. I looked behind me. There were two small gray closets to my left I hadn’t noticed before now. 

“Any more questions?” He asked kindly. 

“No, I don’t think so. Thank you very much.” 

He smiled before he left the room. I quickly, or as quickly as I could, got up and found my clothes in the closet. My rib protested, and I got dizzier when I stood up, the whole room swirled, and the strained facial expression didn’t help on the many stitches in my face either. 

I threw off the hospital gown, clumsily and not very elegantly got my clothes back on. They were filthy and stained with blood, but it was better than the dreadful gown. I felt more normal now, less like a patient. 

The doctor had said I had to stay here at least until tomorrow, as they needed to check me at regular intervals because of my ‘head traumas.’ Normally you did that the first 24 hours, but as I haven’t been awake for most of them, it was kinda difficult. 

“Miss Moore?” A nurse opened the door and asked just as I struggled to get my top on. 

“Yes,” I answered, but groaned in pain when it felt like my whole body was hurting. 

Goddammit, even my boobs hurt. 

“Let me help you with that.” She offered, and I didn’t resist. I lifted my arms as high as I could, and she deftly got my top on properly. She had short messy brown hair, and her name tag said Violet. “I’m here to show you to Mr. Devanney’s room.” She informed. 

I followed silently and slowly after her through the hallways. She patiently walked in the tempo I could manage. Though I had to seek support from the wall now and then when the dizziness almost overwhelmed me. She offered a hand to support me, but the wall did it just fine. Before we reached the room, I was already nauseous. 

She stopped in front of the door when we reached his room, “You need to prepare yourself. It can be a frightening sight when your loved one is injured and hooked up to the different machines. He’ll have different tubes–” 

She didn’t get to say any more as I pushed her aside and walked through the door. And then immediately skidded to a halt with a gasp. My hand flew to my mouth. 

There were tubes and wires _everywhere_. Beeping, dripping, pumping, clicking, and the hissing of oxygen through the ventilator. 

My breath became more rapid until it was small gasps. My free arm laid around my ribcage for support and then leaned against the wall. The tears started to streak down my face. All that equipment. He looked so small and… weak. Fragile. I barely heard the nurse sigh behind me. I should have listened to her, let her speak out. I was in shock. All the tubes and wires and crap almost hid him. He was covered in it along with bandages, cuts, and bruises. 

“Here. Take a seat, Miss Moore.” She gently said and guided me by my upper arm to a chair near the bedside. She kneeled in front of me, so she was able to look up at my face, though my head was bowed. “Miss Moore? My name’s Violet, and I’m Jackson’s nurse. So we’ll be seeing each other a lot the next few days.”

“Jake.” I tried to correct her, but it just came out as a whine as I was unable to control my voice because of the tears, the lump in my throat, and the sobs I tried to swallow. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that?” She talked in a soft, pleasant voice. No doubt she had done this countless of times. 

I swallowed thickly and cleared my throat, but the tears were still silently running down my cheeks. “Jake. He’s called Jake.” I told her, my voice broke halfway through, but I think she got the point. 

“Jake. I’ll remember that. Why don’t you try and take a few deep breaths and then I’ll go through all these scary looking machines so they can seem less scary? Okay? Breathe deep in…” 

She breathed with me like I was mentally handicapped, or in labor and about to give birth. But it helped. It helped with the panic, and the shock, and the tears. Though it hurt when my lungs extended fully. But I have had so many broken ribs over the years that I knew it was important to breathe fully and normally even though it hurt, and therefore tempting to take shallow breaths instead. You needed to breathe as normally as possible to help clear mucus from the lungs and prevent chest infections. 

Eventually, the uncontrolled stream of tears stopped, but now and then a single tear would run down my cheek. Violet gave me a few comforting pats on my knee and when she asked if I was ready to go through everything I nodded. 

“This big one here’s the ventilator, you probably know it. But Jake needs it because he’s in a _medically induced coma_ , as the doctor told you, and that means the drugs they’re given him suppresses his breathing. So he can’t breathe on his own as long as he receives the ‘anesthetic agents’ as we call them.” 

I silently listened to her words and tried to understand it all as she pointed on the different machines. Besides the ventilator, there was a patient monitor that monitored his vital signs such as pulse and oxygen saturation levels. It was responsible for a lot of the wires. She told me they could see the patient monitor at the nurse’s station. Then there were multiple IV’s hanging by the bed. They provided fluids and medication. She said that an alarm would sound a lot, every time they needed to change the bags to new ones. There were something called a nasogastric tube, or NG tube. It went up in his nose. It gave liquid nutrition to his stomach. He had a blood pressure cuff around one of his upper arms. She said it worked automatically. The machine would with regular intervals take his blood pressure. The results would pop up on the patient monitor. And of course, a urinary catheter as he couldn’t go to the bathroom. It also allowed the doctors to monitor his ‘fluid output.’ Something with the kidneys, I think. 

It was a lot to take in. Violet talked in a language I could understand, and if she used medical terms she explained them and willingly explained some things twice if I asked or looked like I couldn’t follow her. 

I liked her, she was nice. And I needed a little nice right now. She was good at calming me down. But I bet that was just a part of the daily routine for a nurse at the ICU, but it made a huge difference for me. 

I barely dared to touch him, but when I hesitatingly reached out for his hand, Violet nodded encouraging. His hand was warm. As warm as it usually was. But lax and limp in mine. 

Violet kept standing next to the door in silence with her hands on her back, moving her weight back and forth on her heels. It wasn’t an impatient gesture, just casually rocking, she could just as well have been humming while she looked more around the room than she looked at me. Probably waiting for more questions. 

I moved the chair a little closer to take a look at his face. I could finally focus on it, on him, now that all the wires and tubes didn’t frighten me as much as when I first walked in here. The head end of the bed was raised, leaving him in a half sitting position. The left side of his forehead and temple had scratches and bruises, some of the scratches were covered with butterfly bandages. But they had removed the stitches on his cheekbone. 

I lifted his hand to place a kiss on his knuckles. “It’s good to talk to people in a coma and touch them, right?” I asked her. 

“That’s correct. Some are aware of their surroundings and can remember conversations that had happened around them, others don’t remember anything.” She elaborated. 

It suddenly hit me that I didn’t know what hospital I was in. I had been too focused on Jake. “What hospital is this?” 

“Saint Alphonsus Medical Center in Nampa,” Violet informed me. I nodded thoughtfully and slightly absentminded. 

“I don’t think I have any more questions right now,” I told her after a couple of minutes in silence where I had dared to stroke his cheek with my fingertips. I was utterly aware of his closed eyes and the ventilator tube into his mouth. 

“Okay. Don’t hesitate with finding me. Even if you think the question is stupid, I’ll happily answer everything.” She promised. 

I thanked her before she closed the door and then I returned my attention to Jake. The ventilators sound felt too loud in the room. It suddenly hit me with despondent power that this was expensive care. Being in the ICU was seriously expensive. Even all that money we found at the permanent residence wouldn’t even begin to cover all of this, we didn’t have health insurance. They had our real names. 

Crap. Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. 

My breathing accelerated, but I got myself calmed down when it started to hurt. I clapped my pockets, but they were empty. My phone was probably in the closet in my room. I wouldn’t leave Jakes side, but I had to figure this out. Figure out this big mess. 

God, it was just such a mess! We were never gonna be able to pay for all this. The ICU wasn’t cheap. I read somewhere the first day in the ICU could cost over $10.000 alone. 

Reluctantly, I let go of his hand. He was the most important thing, but as it was right now I couldn’t do anything for him, but I could try to do something to get us out of this mess. “I’m gonna be back. I promise.” I whispered before I slowly got up from the chair and sought support from the wall to the door and through the hallway. As I walked by the nurse’s station, I caught Violet’s attention. “I have to make some calls,” I told her. 

Depleted I got back to my room. It probably wasn’t more than a hundred yards away from Jakes room, but it took a great deal longer because I couldn’t walk particularly fast, and had to take a few breaks when the dizziness became too prominent, and my stomach threatened to return its contents. 

My phone and wallet were in a bag in the gray closet. I couldn’t see my gun. Wonder where it was? That question had to wait, there were more pressing matters right now. I unlocked the screen of my phone, it had gotten a big crack across the screen, but it was still functional. The battery was at 23%, but it would be enough, I only had to make one call. 

As I walked out of my room, I realized I had absolutely no idea of where the exit was. So I walked back to the nurse’s station. 

“Where’s the exit?” I asked an elder nurse with gray stains in her light brown hair. She looked suspiciously at my wrist with the plastic bracelet. “I have to make some calls, I’m gonna come back as I am not discharged yet.” My tone was a bit more snarky than necessary, but she really looked at me like I was planning a prison-break. She eyed me one more time before she gave me the directions. 

As I stepped outside, I took a deep breath of the fresh air even though it hurt. The stench of hospital still lingered in my nostrils. I walked across the parking lot and sat down on a big rock that was either for decoration or to make sure people wouldn’t drive over the grass path. I didn’t know how to get out of this mess, and the only one I could think of calling was Kevin. 

“Val, hi, what’s up?” He cheerfully said as he picked up the phone. 

“Kevin…” I trailed off as I didn’t know where to start. 

“What’s wrong?” His tone immediately changed to worried, he could hear something was up. 

I struggled with the lump in my throat, but suddenly I got a hole poked in that big bubble, and I started babbling out. “We found Sinanima. And… and she kicked our asses. I have never seen anything like it. We’re at the hospital, and they have our real names. And… and… and Jake’s in the ICU…” The tears had started to silently run down my cheeks while I talked, and my tone just rose in octaves as I continued to speak. 

“Whoa, wait… Sinanima? The ICU? What the hell happened? Are you alright?” I could hear he was shocked and struggled to follow, so I started from the beginning. How we found her, how she kicked the living crap out of us, (though I left out the part where she had been impossibly fast and strong), that they had to resuscitate Jake, and that he was now in a medically induced coma. 

“I’ll see what I can do, Val. Maybe some insurance fraud, but it’s not gonna be cheap, but I’ll do what I can. You two just get back on your feet, and we’ll take it from there, okay? Just concentrate on getting better, and we’ll discuss the practical stuff afterward, okay?” He said in the end after he had asked about our injuries, the prognosis for Jake, and everything else. 

“Okay.” What should we do without Kevin?

“And keep me updated about you two, okay? I’ll start working right away.” 

“Of course Kevin. Thank you so much. I don’t know what we’d do without you.” I said gratefully. 

“No problem. I’ll call when I figure something out.” 

We said goodbye, and I hung up. I sat on the stone for a couple of minutes until the tears had stopped and went back inside. 

Insurance fraud? Whatever. 

 

Later Kevin texted and asked for both our social security numbers and our full names. I actually didn’t know Jakes social security number, but I looked at his chart hanging at the end of his bed when I was alone with him. He didn’t have a middle name and neither did I. 

The nurse from my own wing of the hospital where I was actually admitted had gotten the message that I stayed in Jake’s room and refused to leave. They didn’t argue with me, looked timidly at me and let me be. They had probably heard about the ‘episode’ yesterday. 

They regularly checked how alert I was, how my pupils reacted to light, how my movement in my arms and legs were, my breathing, heart rate, blood pressure, oxygen saturation, and my temperature. While also giving me morphine, and some antibiotics to prevent infection. 

Violets shift ended and a new nurse named Ashley came in. Again, I had to correct her from Jackson to Jake. 

I thought back on when I found out what his whole name was. It was shortly after I revealed my real name to them while Jake was still ‘mocking’ me with it. At first, I didn’t know if I could trust them, so I pretended my name was Juliette for the first two weeks. 

 

 _“Would you hand me the milk,_ Valery _?”_

 _“Of course,_ Jacob. _" I mocked back. I was getting pretty tired of him using my full name in that particular tone._

_“My name’s not Jacob.” He snickered mysteriously._

_“Really? What is it then?” I asked skeptically with narrowed eyes._

_“Jackson.” Bill sighed behind the newspaper. He was apparently just as tired of our bickering._

_“Dad! You weren’t supposed to tell her!” He hissed aggrieved. “I was gonna make her guess it.” He muttered, clearly disappointed he missed another opportunity to tease me._

_“Jackson?” I almost spluttered my cereal all over the table and laughed._

_“Yeah, why do you think I shortened it?” He fumed and sent me a glare, but I kept laughing._

_It wasn’t an ugly name, but I simply couldn’t make it fit him. I had all the time assumed Jake was short for Jacob. “Why not Jack then?” I asked when my convulsive laughter had quieted down. It was the most obvious shortening of Jackson._

_“Only old people are named Jack.” He muttered still annoyed about the missed teasing-opportunity and that I was the one mocking him now instead._

 

After that, I started calling him jackass instead of idiot when I was annoyed or pissed at him. 

Turned out Bill and Natalie, his dad and mom hadn’t been a fan of shortening names. As they were used to William–Bill, Natalie–Nat or Nate. So during his childhood, they had called him Jackson, but apparently, as he grew older he didn’t like it and therefore chose to shorten it to Jake. Though Bill wasn’t much for nicknames, I had never heard him express anything against it. It seemed like he just accepted his son’s own name changing. 

At 10 p.m. Ashley convinced me to go back to my own room. She promised to get me if there was just the slightest change in his numbers. Though I knew nothing was really gonna, happen. He was stable, and nothing would change until they decided to take him off the anesthetic agents. 

I got some morphine for the night, and I asked for a birth control too. I didn’t get one this morning, but if it was within 12 hours from when I normally took it the safety was unchanged. 

I tried to sleep, but the continuous pulsing pain in my head, the stinging in my rib, and the thoughts wouldn’t let me. I really hoped Kevin could give us a way out of this. Though I trusted Kevin I couldn’t help but speculate. I was worried. Worried about Jake, worried about the money. The police were probably gonna be involved in some way as the doctor said 911 was called because they heard shots. So there was gonna be an interrogation, and I had to make up a story for that too. 

And where were our guns? 

I had found Jakes clothes in a closet similar to mine in his room. They had taken off the silver byzantine chain that has been his mom’s, but I put it back on him. I think he would have wanted that. But his gun wasn’t in the closet either. The police had probably confiscated them. 

And where were our gun licenses? I had to find them somewhere in the car. 

And don’t even get me started on the disappointment of Sinanima getting away, how we were going to find her again and when, and the disbelieve and fear I felt for her after our encounter. 

This was such a fucking mess. I didn’t think we had ever been in this much trouble. Or even been so injured. 

I remember seeing Sinanima at the back of the house, but the rest from there was more fuzzy like it was a dream, and some moments were completely missing from my memory. And somehow I wasn’t sure some of it were real. I knew she had been fast. Inhumanly fast. And the bright light I had seen between her and Jake, I wasn’t sure that was real. But Jake had the same four claw-like tears across his chest as Bill has had. Or was it just a coincidence? 

I finally drifted in and out of a restless sleep around 3 a.m.


	2. Chapter 2

Around 6 a.m. the headache was so prominent, I hurried to the bathroom and emptied the hospital dinner into the toilet. The convulsions from my stomach didn’t work well with my broken rib, and I almost strangled myself trying to hurl my stomach’s contents out, sucking in useless gasps, and crying in pain. With my head resting on my forearm still bent over the toilet in case any more came up, I pulled the red cord to call a nurse. I was glad I had kept my panties and tank top on for the night, otherwise, this would be one hell of a predicament. 

A few minutes later I heard the door open. “Don’t turn on the lights,” I begged. It would be too bright, I was sure my head couldn’t handle it. 

“What do you need, Miss Moore?” A male voice asked. 

I didn’t even look up from the toilet. “Morphine, pills, a shot, whatever, anything to make this go away,” I demanded and held out my right hand waiting. 

“On a scale from one-ten, how’s your pain?” He asked patiently. 

“To hell and back, what the fuck do you think?” I snapped but then sighed. He was just doing his job. “Eight.” 

“I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He told me politely, I couldn’t see him as I had closed my eyes. It helped with the dizziness. But he didn’t sound affected by my snappy comment. 

A few minutes later, he came back, and I held out my hand. I felt him place a pill in my hand. Tryingly I lifted my head a couple of inches, but the queasiness returned before I had barely lifted it half an inch. “Can you please get me a glass with a straw? I can’t lift my head without getting nauseous.” I asked in a small voice. I felt pathetic. 

“Of course, I’ll be back in a minute.” He was so polite. 

He came back shortly after, and I got the pill swallowed without lifting my head. 

“I’ve put a nutritional drink at the side of your bed for when you feel better. Is there anything else I can do for you?” 

“Thanks. No, I don’t think so, thank you.” 

It took almost two hours before I was able to pull my head out of the toilet and brush my teeth. I was putting on my clothes when someone knocked on the door. “Come in,” I called as I zipped and buttoned my jeans. 

Two police officers stepped inside. “Valery Moore?” One of them asked. Both men had short brown hair, but one was taller than the other and had a beard. 

“Yes,” I answered and sat down on the bed as they introduced themselves as Officer Meyer and Russel. 

Here we go. 

“911 was called after hearing several shots. Can you explain what happened?” The tall one named Russel asked. 

“The details are a bit fuzzy. I hit my head pretty hard.” I explained and smiled apologetically. “But me and my boyfriend were practicing shooting at that abandoned place. We didn’t fire any shots, but he taught me the correct position, and how to aim, and stuff. Then three men approached us, I think they got their attention to us when the practicing had evolved into a make-out session. You know bodies standing close to each other, his hands correcting my posture, and stuff. We haven’t been together that long, you know? Anyway, they interrupted, started playing smartasses, and we thought they were harmless, so my boyfriend told them off, but then they started pushing us. I got a particularly hard push and hit my head. I think I was only out shortly, but when I woke up again they were fighting. And they had tried to take the gun. I tried to push them away, but then one of them just kept hitting and hitting me in the face, as you can see. I didn’t see much of it, but the gun went off a few times while they struggled with it. I don’t think anyone was shot. But when they heard the sirens they ran off and left us lying on the ground.” I really played the innocent and confused card. But put a little extra charm on, along with totally playing the victim, which was easy as I already felt pathetic. I knew there were a couple of holes in my story, but I told the story so convincingly they seemed to believe me. 

They asked for a description of the three men, and I gave them one I had already made up in my head. 

“Do you and your boyfriend have permits to carry a gun?” Meyer, the short one asked. 

“Yes, we do. But I don’t have them here. They’re in our car.” I explained. 

They told me they had confiscated the gun. The _gun_. Not guns. I wondered where the other one was. They told me that when I was discharged, I could come down at the station with the permits and get the confiscated gun back. They planned to interrogate Jake as well when he was in the condition to go through an interrogation. 

When they left, I eyed the nutritional drink at the bedside. I screwed off the cap and smelled it. It smelled like vanilla, and I tried taking a sip. It was just like drinking yogurt. I waited a few moments to see if it provoked my stomach and the queasiness, but it didn’t so I finished it and went out to see how Jake was doing. 

Violet was again at work. She told me there had been no changes since yesterday, but that a doctor would come by soon to check on him. 

I sat down in the chair next to the bed and took his right hand in both of mine. “Morning.” My voice was low, I felt slightly silly like I was talking to myself. Though it didn’t prevent me from doing it anyway, but my voice stayed low instead of normal conversation level. “The police have been by, but don’t worry. I’ll tell all of it when you wake. I had a rough night. What about you? You just slept peacefully. I actually envy you. I could use a little of that. I hope you don’t have any nightmares. Do people in a coma dream? I don’t’ know. You’ll have to tell me when you wake up. You finally got the stitches on your cheekbone out, and you’re not even awake to enjoy it. But it’ll probably be healed completely when you wake up.” I knew I often said ‘when you wake up,’ I needed to say it. I know they said he was going to wake up, but I had a small nagging uncertainty. I wasn’t a doctor, I didn’t understand this fully. I know there was a scale for comatose states, how deep people were ‘asleep,’ but there was still much even the doctors didn’t know. We didn’t know everything about the human body, especially not the brain. 

But he wasn’t in a real coma, it was a fake coma. They forced him into it with medication, it wasn’t the body that had said ‘I can’t take this, I’m gonna shut down. Goodbye, world, hello sleep.’ They thought this was the best for him. 

But I felt like he was so far away from me. His body was here, but he wasn’t. Was he dreaming? Did he know what was going on around him? Or was it just lights out? 

After half an hour, David Greer, the same doctor that visited and examined me yesterday came in. “The nurses said you were here, so I thought I’d check you both now.” He stated with a smile. 

First, he examined me, I knew the routine now because they did it so many times yesterday. 

“It looks fine, Miss Moore. I’ll sign your discharge papers and get a nurse to give you some morphine and inflammatory suppressors for the next couple of days. You’ll have to come back in nine days to get your stitches out and receive a follow-up. If you experience any worsening of your symptoms, then you need to come back. Understand?” He tilted his head down, and the way he looked at me made me think of my math teacher in high school. He also had that look when he had just explained something and wanted to see if we understood him or if he had to explain it again. 

“I understand.” I nodded. I could better do that today. The morphine helped too of course, but I still felt nauseous. Though it wasn’t in the puking-danger-zone anymore. 

“I’m going to take a look at Mr. Devanney now. You can stay and watch if you want. I’ll check his numbers, bloodwork, do an EEG–” He stopped when I frowned at the last he mentioned. “…EEG stands for Electroencephalography. It records his brain activity.” 

“Oh, like that,” I responded. 

“Yes. As I said, you can stay and watch.” He sent me a friendly smile before he turned his attention towards Jake. 

I kept my hand for myself while he checked him, but as soon as he was done, I took his hand in mine again. 

Dr. Greer said that everything looked fine, it all looked like it should. It comforted me, but I still couldn’t get rid of that nagging uncertainty. I didn’t think I would until Jake opened his eyes.

Shortly after Violet came with a little brown bag containing the pills I was supposed to take for the next couple of days along with a piece of paper that said when I should take what. Inflammatory suppressants two times a day. Painkillers three-four times a day. 

Now I was officially discharged and had to get the rest of my stuff from the room. Violet also let me know they wanted to see me in the accounting department, and also handed me a note with the directions. 

I knew what this was about. They have seen we didn’t have any health insurance, and I hadn’t heard from Kevin. Or well I couldn’t because my phone was dead and I didn’t have a charger here. 

I told Violet I would afterward go home and change, I still wore my dirty blood-filled clothes, and then come back later, but her shift ended at 3 p.m., so I probably wouldn’t see her before tomorrow. I said goodbye to Jake, kissed his knuckles and his forehead before I headed for the accounting department. 

It was easier to walk today, though I didn’t walk as fast as usual, but at least I only had to seek support from the wall three times instead of all the time. The queasiness hadn’t risen to puking-level again either. The pain in my head wasn’t as sharp anymore, more a dull, but continuous pain. 

I found the office with the name Audrey Crawford and knocked. “Come in.” It sounded from the other side of the door. 

When I opened the door, the woman I suppose was Audrey looked up. She looked like a stereotypical accountant. Shirt and pencil skirt, both in subdued colors. Her reddish hair in a tight bun and reading glasses at the tip of her nose. I guess she was in her late thirties. 

“Um, I was told you wanted to see me. I’m Valery Moore.” I explained. 

“Yes, that’s right.” She gestured towards the chair in front of the desk while she looked for some papers. I felt like I was at the principal’s office. 

“I couldn’t find any health insurance on you and Mr. Jackson Devanney. I have the bills so far here, but I just wanted to be sure I wasn’t making a mistake or have overlooked something.” She pushed the papers across the table to me, her tone indicated she was pretty sure she hadn’t made a mistake, but I had a story ready. At least until I heard back from Kevin. I really hoped he could fix this for us. 

I looked through the papers, pretending to understand what I read, but really I was just looking for a total. My jaw dropped when I found it. Over $25,000. So far. I knew the ICU was expensive, but it cost $10,794 just for the first 24 hours. I could see the amount decreased for every day, this be the third day. “I don’t understand. We have insurance… oh, maybe you have trouble finding it because my dad’s paying for it, and technically he’s the insurance holder, but we should be covered. I don’t know why it doesn’t show up.” I shrugged like the amount didn’t affect me like I was innocent and had no problem paying this at all. 

She looked thoughtfully at me, she had taken off her reading glasses and was now biting the temple arm. “I’ll need a policy number on the insurance.” She informed me, I wasn’t sure she believed me. 

“My dad has it,” I told her firmly. 

“Then give him a call and get the police number on your insurance.” She made it sound like a challenge. 

“Well, I would if I could. He’s on vacation in Spain. I think he’ll be home in about a week or so. Every time he goes on vacation he shuts off everything because he thinks modern technology intrudes everyday life. So when he’s on vacation his cell’s off, he doesn’t check his mail and doesn’t tell us which hotel he’s staying at, so we can’t contact him. Why do you think no one’s visited us?” The last was a rhetorical question as I knew she hadn’t been near the part of the hospital where we were staying. “Maybe I don’t look like much, but I have $9,000 you can have until I can get a hold of my dad. Just give me a payment slip, and I’ll pay today.” I shrugged like it was no big deal. 

At the last sentence, it seemed like I had her convinced, though she gave me one more scrutinizing look, but then shrugged like she was saying ‘who could’ve known.’ 

I didn’t want to give up the money we found at the permanent nest, that was why I didn’t just offer them up at first, but it looked like I had to, I needed the time. At least it looked like she believed me, and I hoped a week was enough for Kevin to figure something out. 

“I’ll look forward to that policy number in a week.” She noted as she handed me the payment slip. 

Now I also had to find a bank. 

“I’ll let you know as soon as I get a hold of him.” I smiled as sweetly as I could. “Can I perhaps get you to call a cab for me? My phone is dead.” I added. 

“Of course, I’ll call it to the main entrance.” She picked up the phone and entered a number. 

It looked better for me to get her to call a cab than ask for nearest public transport. I had to look like money wasn’t a problem. And to be honest, I wasn’t sure how well I could endure public transport right now.

Crap, I thought to myself as I walked towards the main entrance. It was all just crap right now. 

 

I only had to wait for five minutes or so before a cab pulled up, and the driver asked, “Miss Moore?” I verified it and got in. 

It was only a twenty-minute drive, but I had to make him pull over because the queasiness reached puking-level around halfway. 

I paid $36.74 when we reached the bottle green Chevrolet Monte Carlo. Luckily it had been left in peace though it had been parked here for three days. I had taken all of Jake’s clothes with me so it could get washed, except for his t-shirt which was torn to shreds. First from Sinanima, and then they had cut it up at the ER. 

The keys to the car and motel were in the pocket of his jacket. I got in and started driving back to the motel. 

I barely made it back before the puking-levels rose again, and had to throw myself at the toilet as soon as I stepped inside our room. I let out a groan for every time my stomach convulsed as I had emptied its contents earlier. It made my rib hurt so much I got tears in my eyes and my breathing turned into shallow gasps. 

When I could breathe normally again, I put my phone in the charger, undressed and for the first time really took a look at my body in the mirror. 

On my left side, a couple of inches under my breast was a hematoma around the size of my palm caused by the kick she gave me. It was mostly dark red. I turned to take a look at my back, on the upper part were bruises scattered from shoulder blade to shoulder blade. Worst where the bones were closest to the skin. The vampire bite on my shoulder hadn’t healed yet, but there wasn’t really any change. The bite mark Jake made next to it was almost gone. 

I took a look at my face that had suffered the worst damage. Four stitches on my chin, six on my cheekbone, and four on my eyebrow, all on the left side. It was slightly swollen, and a bit bruising covered the skin too. I let my tongue run over the hole where I was missing a tooth now. I smiled to the mirror, to see if you noticed the missing tooth, it pulled in the stitches, but luckily you couldn’t. We couldn’t afford to get a fake tooth anyway. I felt with my fingers at the back of my head, it was utterly sore, and I could clearly feel it was swollen. Sharp pains weren’t shooting through my body anymore, it had all quieted down to that dull, but always present thumping pain. 

I turned on the water and stepped under it. “Ouch, ouch, ouch!” Jumping out of the water again, I had to lean against the cold tiles as it stung. After a few moments, I leaned forward and turned the water down, so it was only a light stream that flowed from the showerhead. Carefully I washed and conditioned my hair, and then washed my body in the tiny flow of water, but at least the pain was bearable now. There practically wasn’t a place where either my skin, muscles, or joints didn’t hurt. Even my breasts still hurt. I felt like minced meat. 

After finishing up, I found some clothes. Oh, it was good to get some clean clothes on. I checked the milk in the refrigerator, it was still drinkable, so I poured a bowl of cereal. The food stuck in the hole from the missing tooth and made it sting, and when I was done my tongue was tired of constantly removing what clustered in the hole. 

I took my birth control and was about to comb my hair when a sharp pain shot through me as I lifted the brush. 

Of course, the broken rib. I sighed and started to comb the hair from my shoulders and down. It didn’t hurt then. But it hurt when I tried to reach the top of my head. Instead, I leaned forward and combed the rest like that. I braided it very loosely because if I tightened the braid, it hurt at the back of my head. But I decided for the loose braid to prevent it from getting tangled, minimizing the combing tomorrow. 

As the last thing, I only put on mascara before I took all our dirty clothes and handed them over for laundry. I was so thankful that they had a laundry service here. Though people turned their heads wherever I walked. 

When I got back to the room, I turned on my phone, but Kevin still hadn’t contacted me. I dug out the money and put it with the payment slip in a bag. On the laptop, I found the nearest bank and the address to the police station. 

It took close to ten minutes to find our firearms permits. Turned out they were at the back of the glove department. 

To hopefully make the trip less insufferable I took some painkillers before I started the car and drove first to the bank, and then to the police station to get the confiscated gun, only with two stops because of near-puking. 

It was my gun they had found. Which was lucky because as far as I knew mine was the only one that had been fired. It would definitely cause suspicion if they were called because of gunshots and then only found a gun that hadn’t been fired. 

Back in the car, I decided to drive to the yellow house to see if I could find Jakes gun as well somewhere. Convinced that Sinanima wouldn’t be there, I parked in front of the house but kept my gun ready. Even though it was a short distance from the tiny rest stop, I wasn’t too fond of walking that long in this condition. 

I tried not to look too much at all the dried blood on the concrete wall and ground, but before I got my eyes torn away from it, I eyed the broken tooth. To calm down, I took a deep breath that stung and started looking for Jake’s gun. 

I couldn’t immediately spot it anywhere on the ground, and I didn’t count on it either as if it had been visible the cops would have taken it. There wasn’t anything shiny in the different unmaintained bushes I searched close to the house. 

At the smallest sound, my head flew up, causing a sharp pain to shoot through my skull, and the puking-levels to rise, but there was never anything besides the wind or some birds. 

It must be here somewhere. I doubted Sinanima had taken it, she would have no use for a gun. Or did she? Closing my eyes, I struggled to remember some details from that day. The last time I saw Jake with his gun was before she attacked us. After that, I couldn’t remember seeing it. 

Instead, I tried standing where we stood when we saw her. Trying to recreate the course of events in my head to figure out where it could possibly be. 

I looked over my shoulder at the concrete wall I had flown back into, carefully not to look at the pool of blood at the foot of it. Then I looked to my left where Jake had been standing, he must have been pushed to the left into the outer wall of the house. That explained the scratches on the left side of his head. But I had already looked for his gun there. Unaware of what had happened from he hit the wall until I saw Sinanima standing with him in his hands, I was out of logical reasons for where the gun could be. 

Where could it possibly be? The question echoed in my mind, but no answer came to me. I turned around myself two times in hopes of the surroundings would pique my memory, but instead, I stumbled three steps to the right as the dizziness overpowered me. 

When I found my foothold again, I looked at the clock on my phone. Okay, half an hour of search and I would give up. It wasn’t a disaster if we couldn’t find it as we still had Bills old .45 Sig Sauer P245 in the trunk, but I knew Jake preferred his own .45 Novak Colt. Even over my .45 Smith & Wesson SW1911. 

Methodical and systematically I searched the ground, the high grass, and the bushes. Every thinkable and unthinkable place it could be. 

Twenty minutes later, my eye caught something shiny in the bushes a couple of yards behind, but to the right of the concrete wall. How the hell did it end up all the way over here? I tried to solve the question but quickly decided that it didn’t matter. What mattered was that I had found it. 

My body already felt worn out, but I wanted to get back to the hospital to see how Jake was doing, though I knew there wasn’t any change. I had given them my phone number and specifically told them to call no matter how small the change. 

 

I didn’t know if there were any visiting hours I had to comply, but no one told me I had to go or anything. Maybe still a little careful after I went crazy. 

Around nine Ashley came in and very diplomatically told me I looked tired, and suggested I should go home and get some sleep, and promised to call if there was any change. 

I reluctantly kissed his forehead goodbye and whispered, “I love you.” 

 

I was positive I would go out as a light when I got back to the motel and laid down on the bed after taking the pills I was supposed to, but I didn’t. I was tired. So tired in my body and in my head, but the sleep just wouldn’t come. No matter how I positioned myself in the bed it stung, or it was uncomfortable. Mostly I wanted to lie up against the head of the bed in a sitting position because it would alleviate the broken rib and ease my breathing, it was harder to breathe when I was lying horizontally. But the back of my head hurt so much it rang before my ears and spots came to my vision when I lied that way, my back also stung. Sleeping on my back was not an option. I couldn’t lie on my left side either, as it bothered the stitches, and the pain in my cheekbone radiated down to my jaw and teeth and up to my temple. 

The king-sized bed also felt too big and empty without Jake here. And the thoughts and worry did theirs to keep me awake too. I had actively tried not to think about my ‘discovery’ of my feelings for Jake. How deep they were. Our situation and the pain was an obvious distraction, so it wasn’t hard to not think about it right now. 

After two hours of turning and tossing, I fell asleep on my right side, partially leaned up against the headboard while hugging Jake’s blanket. His smell still lingered in it along with washing powder.


	3. Chapter 3

The last three hours I had just stared at the clock, waiting until it was a decent time to get out of bed. The clock shifted from 5:59 to 6:00 a.m. and I sat up. I had frequently been awake, if it wasn’t my head, then it was my rib, or I couldn’t breathe properly, or I was close to reaching puking-alarm. 

Hoping it would alleviate the pain just a notch I started filling the tub. While it slowly filled I took the pills, I got from the hospital. There was one birth control pill left after I took the one I was supposed to this morning. But I got one at the hospital, so I threw it out in the trash and put my hair in a bun on top of my head. Lying down in the tub, I clearly felt how exhausted I was. I leaned my head back against the edge but quickly found out just how bad an idea that was. 

After removing the most of the water from my body with the towel as I got up, I came back with my pillow and placed it on the edge for my head to lean on. That helped, but the pressure made me feel the blood pounding profoundly under my skin. 

Though I laid in the tub for close to an hour, it didn’t help much. I dried myself and got dressed very carefully, the slightest wrong movement bent me over, seeking support on my knees or the sink and groaning. I had to be careful not to straighten up too quickly either because of the dizziness. 

There was just enough milk for my breakfast, but as soon as I had finished it, I emptied it down the toilet. I made a cup of coffee instead – that I could keep down. So I drank another cup while waiting. I had decided to drive to the hospital at 8. Though they hadn’t said anything about visiting hours, there were no need to push it. Knowing it did no good just to sit and stare at him, I did it anyway. I didn’t want him to be alone with strangers longer than necessary. And besides, I didn’t know what to do besides spend my time at the hospital. I wasn’t allowed to read, or watch TV. I wasn’t in any condition to search for leads, and I doubted that there would be any in this town anyway, which I couldn’t leave because of Jake. So working would be pointless, and I refused to sit and stare at the wall at the motel all day. 

 

Before noon I had already drunk six cups of coffee, it was the only thing I could keep down, and it removed the worst of the hunger. I had tried buying a bagel at the cafeteria, but it went the same way as my breakfast. 

I had trouble keeping myself awake, but Violet had said Dr. Greer would come by soon. My eyes had just closed when the door opened, and they flew up again. 

“You look tired, Miss Moore.” He noted. 

“I am.” I sighed. He nodded as a response with an extra examining look at me before he turned his attention to Jake. Probably trying to determine if my tiredness was normal or not, I guess it was when he didn’t say anything. 

Today, I could recognize more of the things he did from the other days and didn’t follow his every movement as closely as I had done previously. The pen scribbled a lot down on the paper on the clipboard he was holding. He checked the EEG and the numbers an extra time and looked down at the paper again with his reading glasses on, and let out a, “Hmm,” while staring at the paper. 

“What?” I asked. He hadn’t checked that two times yesterday.

He held up a finger telling me to give him a moment. “I’ll have to consult one of my colleagues, but it looks like he’s improving faster than we first anticipated. He’s been stable, but his numbers and EEG are looking exceptionally good.” He sounded slightly absentminded as his eyes flickered from the papers to the patient monitor, to the EEG print. 

“Meaning?” I asked, as I wanted to be sure I understood what that meant instead of assuming anything. As I waited for his answer, I tried to suppress the bubbling hope I felt in my chest. 

“Meaning we might begin to wake him up already.” For the first time since he started checking Jake, he looked at me and flashed a smile. 

Wake him up? “Really?” The relief was easy to trace in my voice and a smile spread on my lips, pulling my stitches. 

“Yes, really,” He confirmed. “But as I said I have to consult a colleague first. I’ll probably be back in one or two hours.” 

For the first time, in what felt like a really long time, I relaxed. I had been so worried, and still was. The nagging uncertainty was still at the back of my thoughts, but it wasn’t dominating. Now where Dr. Greer was gone, I took Jake’s hand again. As warm as always. “Did you hear that? They’re talking about waking you up already. You’re gonna come back to me.” My low voice got even lower, and I bit my lower lip to make it stop quivering. To calm down, I took a few deep breaths. I was so relieved. Though I had tried not to think about it, I had felt so utterly lost and alone the past few days that felt so longer than just a few days. Jake was the only one I got. Though I tried, I couldn’t prevent the tears from silently running down my cheeks. They made the wounds on my cheekbone and chin sting. Everything I had tried to hold back escaped me a little now. 

Walking to the left side of the bed, I sat down at the edge of it. I laid down with my head on his shoulder, carefully not to get tangled in all the wires. My feet were still on the floor, but my upper body was on the bed. The fingers of my right hand intertwined with his motionless and limp fingers. 

It was better now where the tears only ran to my right side, avoiding my wounds. But they dripped down and wetted his hospital gown. “Sorry,” I whispered though I knew he couldn’t hear me. My left arm clutched around his and held it to my chest. “I can’t wait till you wake up. I love you.” I whispered, my voice broke, and I sobbed, but only one time as a sharp pain shot through my rib. Biting hard down on my lip, I managed to prevent more sobs from coming. Focused on my breathing, the machines beeping, dripping and all the other sounds and noises they were making instead. Moving my head, my ear laid against the side of his chest where I could hear his breathing, I tried to tune out the ventilators sound. And I could hear his heartbeat, I tried to tune out the heart rate beeping from the patient monitor. 

It helped, after a while, I could stop biting my lip and breathed deeply in through my parted lips. 

Calm down, the doctors were probably soon gonna come back, and I didn’t want them to see me like this, like a mess. I got the tears under control too, made them stop, and opened my eyes. My eyelashes were still wet. 

I stopped clutching onto his arm, but I didn’t let his hand go. The fingertips of my left hand started tracing light patterns on his arm. “Can you feel this?” I wondered out loud. “Probably not,” I answered my own question and sighed. “I could really use some sleep right now. Would you lend me some? Or are you stingy? No, you’re not. It’s good at least one of us can get some sleep.” I leaned my head back, so I was able to look at his face. “And you really need it. All those nights with nightmares, you have had… I hope you don’t have any now. Or are you having good dreams? I guess not, you’re so deep asleep a nuclear bomb could go off next to you, and you wouldn’t even blink. But they’re gonna wake you up soon. Or I hope they will. The doctor said you have improved fast. I should probably call Kevin and tell him. No, I think I’ll wait and see what the doctors say. I don’t wanna miss them when they come back, so I’ll just wait here.” I felt good to talk to him like this. Though I still felt slightly silly. 

Closing my eyes for a few moments, I took a deep breath and assembled myself, and sat up instead. My fingertips caressed his cheek with the stubbles before they resumed drawing patterns on his arm. My right hand was still intertwined with his. I missed seeing his hazel eyes, they had been brighter lately because he had become more relaxed and less pissed off. His eyes always seemed darker when he was angry because he narrowed his eyes, pulled his eyebrows together, and tilted his head slightly downwards. I really hoped to see those bright hazel eyes soon again. I missed his smile, his laugh, his touch, his kisses– 

My head snapped towards the door when I heard it open, and then instantly flinched as it hurt. Fast movements weren’t a good idea yet. But it was just Violet who came in with a tray with… shaving crème? 

“He needs a shave. Normally the family finds it most comfortable if they do it themselves?” She talked in a soft voice like she always did, but it was clearly a question or asking for permission. 

Me? Shaving him? I couldn’t. I had no idea how to. What if I cut him? 

“I’m afraid I’ll cut him.” I finally got over my lips in a bewildered tone. 

“Okay.” She smiled. 

“But I would like to stay. If I may?” I asked, I still didn’t felt comfortable leaving unless it was necessary, but I didn’t know if this was some kind of patient privacy situation, like when they gave him sponge baths. 

“Of course. Can I sit there?” She asked, and I immediately got up and sat down on his right side instead. She was probably left handed since she wanted my seat, though I hadn’t noticed. But I didn’t mind, and she was right, he needed a shave. 

It was clear she had done it countless times before. Her hand movements were firm and precise. She didn’t cut him, not even once. And I was right, she was left-handed. 

I absentminded wondered how it was like to be left-handed. Most things were made for right-handed people. Like scissors. And what when they wrote? Didn’t they smudge the ink? 

“All done, now you can have your seat back.” She said and winked at me. I couldn’t help but smile back at her. All the nurses here were so nice, but Violet was clearly my favorite. 

“There. Now you look nice again.” I told him as the back of my hand ran over his now smooth cheek. “I really hope Dr. Greer is right. That you have improved so much, they can wake you up already. I can’t stand looking at your closed eyes.” My thumb traced over his eyelid. As I felt another round of tears coming, I clenched my jaw and ignored the pain. To distract myself I found the pills in the pocket of my jacket hanging over the backrest of the chair. I had a little coffee left, it had gotten cold, but I didn’t care. It was fine for washing down the pills. 

I had barely swallowed when the door opened and in came Dr. Greer, and a woman I hadn’t seen before. She introduced herself as Dr. Frances Williams. 

Waiting in the chair, I listened to the two doctors as they checked the numbers and discussed everything in what sounded like a foreign language to me. After a couple of minutes, I stopped paying attention to them, as I didn’t even understand a third of what they were saying anyway. I only looked up when I saw Dr. Greer approach me. Dr. Williams was fiddling with one of Jakes IV’s. 

“We’ve looked his numbers, bloodwork, and EEG over again, and we both agree it’s time to take him off the anesthetic agents.” 

I sighed with relief. “Good. Good, that’s good.” I nodded and bit my lip to get myself under control as my voice broke, I could feel the tears pressing in my eyes. 

“It’s hard to say how long the arousal process takes as it’s different from patient to patient. It can take time, but we’ll frequently check on him.” 

All I could do was nod. I didn’t know if he could see I was fighting the tears, though they were tears of relief, but he told me that if I had any question, I could ask the nurses, and if they couldn’t answer my questions they would find a doctor for me. He went back to the left side of the bed and looked over Dr. Williams shoulder as she still fiddled with some of the equipment. 

I remember Violet telling me some of it controlled his medication, so I guess she was removing the anesthetic agents. 

After they left my eyes inescapably stared at Jake’s face, especially his eyes while my head kept chiming ‘when is he gonna wake up? When is he gonna wake up? When is he gonna wake up?’ It was tiring to stay so utterly alert, and after an hour, I allowed myself to slack on the alertness and anticipation and leaned back in the chair. He said it could take some time. I guess being that deep asleep takes a while to come back to awareness. 

I started growing impatient. My fingernails, that didn’t have any nail polish left, tapped on the wooden armrest. At last, I decided he wasn’t going to wake in the few minutes it took to get another cup of coffee. I should probably call Kevin as well. 

In the parking lot found the same stone as last time and dialed Kevin’s number. I told him I was discharged and that Jake was off the anesthetic agents now. He asked a few questions. And then I talked to Tina who also asked some questions. Mostly about how I was doing. She didn’t say it directly, but I think she was measuring my mental health during all this. 

It had helped to cry a little earlier. It had been a pressure valve, preventing the dam from collapsing completely. So I didn’t break into tears when I talked to them. I told them I had to go when I finished my coffee. Ten minutes on the phone should be enough. Quickly I got to talk to Kevin before we hung up, telling me he hadn’t figured anything out yet, but he was working on it. 

 

“Do you have a pillow I can borrow?” I asked Violet when I walked past the nurse’s station, I had made a pit stop at the coffee machine on the way back from the parking lot. 

“I’ll find one for you in a minute.” She promised, and I headed back to Jake’s room. 

While I waited for the coffee to cool down to drinking temperature, I inhaled the smell, like I could get a pre-taste of the caffeine just by sniffing the steam. I wished I were allowed to read. It would be a great time killer, but on the other hand, I was sure my headache would increase for every word I read, one more reason that kept me away from it. 

I had taken a couple of sips of my coffee when Violet returned with a pillow. After putting the pillow against the backrest and pulling the handle that laid the backrest down, I realized I couldn’t lie on my left side, and I didn’t want to have my back turned towards Jake. So I moved the chair to his left side and laid down on my right side facing him. When I finished my coffee, I kicked off my boots, pulled my legs up under me, and closed my eyes. 

 

I slept just as bad as I had done this night. Frequently interrupted, but some of the interruptions were caused by my alertness. My subconscious knew something important was about to happen, so my eyes would regularly fly open as I sat up, assessing if I missed something for then to close my eyes again and go back to sleep. 

“Miss Moore?” Someone laid a hand on my shoulder. 

“Hmm?”

“Miss Moore? It’s getting late. Maybe you should come back tomorrow. It can take from a day to a couple of days to wake up. You’re not missing anything by going home and sleep in your own bed.” 

Easy girl, I had barely opened my eyes before she started babbling in a whisper, and I didn’t catch half of it. 

At some point, I had moved the chair closer so I could continue to hold his hand. “How long did you say it could take to wake up?” I asked when I had rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. 

“From 24 hours to a couple of days.” The nurse informed me in a normal conversation voice. 

A glance at the white round wall clock above the door told me it hadn’t even been 12 hours since they took him off the anesthetic agents. I guess she was right. “I’m just gonna say goodbye.” I nodded towards Jake, and she left the room. “It’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna wake up soon. I don’t wanna leave you, but I’ll be back first thing tomorrow morning, I promise.” I kissed his knuckles and gave his hand one last squeeze before I put on my jacket and boots and headed down to the car. 

The laundry had been returned to our room while I had been at the hospital. I took my pills, undressed, and crawled under the covers. I hadn’t even bothered to make the bed this morning, so Jake’s blanket was still on my side of the bed. My pillow was still in the bathroom, it had gotten wet, so I took Jake’s pillow. I could faintly trace his smell on it. I laid on my right side, I still couldn’t lie on my left or on my back because of the back of my head, it was still swollen. 

Hugging his blanket under my own I tried to sleep, but it just wouldn’t come. All the coffee was probably to blame. And I was impatient. Impatient to go to sleep so the hours could pass by faster, and sooner get back to Jake. 

But it took a couple of hours before I could finally drift into another interrupted sleep.


	4. His side of things

It was like waking up slowly in the morning by yourself. You’re awake but haven’t opened your eyes yet. You snuggle deeper under the covers and sigh. You have nothing to do right away, you can just lie here as long as you like. Then you stretch and finally open your eyes well rested. 

Except this time, I couldn’t really seem to find my body. I couldn’t open my eyes or move at all. There was a lot of noises I couldn’t place. At first, I felt deafened by them, but as time passed I could hear the different sounds, distinguish them from each other. 

There was a beeping. Beep, beep, beep. There was about a second between them, it almost sounded like a heartbeat. But it was too slow to be Val’s. 

I felt like I was in some weird floating dream. It was dark, but there were all these sounds. I could also hear a dripping. Drip, drip, drip. It was slower than the heartbeat. 

I think someone was breathing right next to me. But it sounded mechanic. Like it was a machine breathing. Deep and heavily, like those perverts who call young girls on the phone and breathe into the mouthpiece. I have a creepy robot telephone breather. 

“How long did you say it could take to wake up?” It was Val’s voice, she startled me. If I could find my body, I would’ve jumped by the sound of her voice. It came so suddenly. But I could clearly recognize it. 

But I am awake! Aren’t I? 

“From 24 hours to a couple of days.” An unknown voice responded. 

What could take from 24 hours to a couple of days? They couldn’t be talking about me, I was awake, it must be something else. Something I missed or didn’t hear. What were they talking about? 

“I’m just gonna say goodbye,” Val said. 

Goodbye? Who’re you saying goodbye to? 

“It’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna wake up soon. I don’t wanna leave you, but I’ll be back first thing tomorrow morning, I promise.” It sounded like she was closer now, but her words confused me. 

I am awake, I just can’t find my body. And don’t leave, I don’t even know where I am? But she said she‘d come back. 

I felt her squeeze my hand. It was weird I couldn’t find my body, but that squeeze made me able to feel it, but only for a fraction of a second. As long as the squeeze lasted. My hand was there for a second, and now it was gone again! 

This is fucking frustrating. I tried to find my hand again by sheer willpower, but no matter how hard I tried to squeeze her back I didn’t even provoke a twitch. I don’t even know if she’s still holding my hand. I couldn’t feel it. 

This is fucking frustrating and kinda scary.


	5. Chapter 5

I was awake shortly before 6. But this time, I decided to stay in bed until 7. I still wouldn’t go back to the hospital before 8. 

Slowly, I got dressed, took my pills, did my morning routine, but only put on mascara. I had to go out and buy some milk for my breakfast, but it didn’t seem to work with my stomach anyway, so why bother? Now where I had to go out anyway, I decided to find a diner instead. 

It wasn’t far from the motel, but I still wasn’t able to walk normal speed. To cover the wounds on my chin and cheekbone, I pulled my scarf up over my nose. People didn’t stare as much now where they could only see the stitches on my eyebrow. 

At the diner, I ordered pancakes and sat in the most isolated corner facing the wall to avoid people’s gawking. It seemed like the pancakes would stay down. Right now, I didn’t care how unhealthy it was with all that syrup I poured on. I was feeling like crap, I deserved to be spoiled a little. 

The drive to the hospital was too much for my head and the puking-alarm rose, I barely made it to the trashcan on the hospital parking lot. Yesterday had taught me to carry my toothbrush and toothpaste in my pocket, and I brushed my teeth at the nearest bathroom in the hospital. 

On the way to Jake’s room, I grabbed a cup of coffee from the machine. “How is he today?” I asked Violet as I passed the nurse’s station. 

“No change yet.” She told me, and I gave her a nod in response. I hadn’t stopped walking, only slowed down as I walked past her to the room. 

I took his hand when sat down in the chair to his left. “Morning, handsome. Did you sleep well? Of course, you did. I wish I could say the same. Maybe I should exaggerate and get the doctor to describe me some sleeping pills. I am actually considering doing it. You’d shake your head at me, I know that. And don’t try to deny it.” For every day I felt less silly for talking to him like this, but I hoped it would soon come to an end. That he would wake up and respond to my questions, look at me, smile at me, kiss me. 

Over the past couple of days I had grown used to all the different sounds from the machines in his room, they didn’t terrify me anymore. Now they were an indicator of him being alive. I could recognize the different sounds and knew what they meant. The IV alarm didn’t make me jump into the ceiling anymore either. And by all the sounds and looks of the machines, I could see and hear that nothing had changed. He could be about to wake up, or he could be days from it. 

_Or he could never wake up at all._

No. No, no, no, no, no, no. You don’t get to talk, you don’t get to plant doubt in my mind. 

I clung onto what the doctors had said. He was improving faster than they had expected, it can take 24 hours to a couple of days to wake up. He was going to wake up. Of course, he was. 

Quickly, I got the nagging uncertainty pushed aside. I still wished I was allowed to read because the time went by too slowly. When I thought half an hour had passed, I looked at the clock and saw it had only been a few minutes. It was unbearable. 

I talked to Jake. Came with indifferent comments. Like if I heard someone run by in the hallways, I would say, “Hmm, looks like someone’s busy.” “Whoops, someone dropped something. Clumsy, huh?” “Oh look, now it’s cloudy. Oh, there’s the sun. Nope, gone again.” 

And I took frequent trips to the coffee machine, it was just down the hall. Now and then I bought hot cocoa just to mix it up. The cocoa helped better on the hunger than the coffee actually. And to be honest, I didn’t want to leave him for a trip to the cafeteria that would result in a trip to the bathroom anyway. 

Now I was down to get my eighth cup today. As the machine poured the coffee, some activity caught the corner of my eye, and I turned my head. A nurse, Dr. Greer and a couple of interns hurried to Jake’s room. 

Oh no, something was up. What was wrong? I left the machine without a thought for the coffee and ran as fast as my body allowed me, though it wasn’t faster than a light jog. 

Just before I reached the door, I screeched to a stop when Violet obstructed my path and gently, but firmly put her hands on my shoulders. “Miss Moore, easy,” I remembered last time I just pushed past her, and therefore let her speak out. “Nothing’s wrong. He’s fighting the ventilator. That means he’s ready to breathe on his own. Right now, he feels a choking sensation because of the tube down his throat, so they want to remove it as fast as possible, and they can’t have you standing in the way. But there’s nothing to worry about. This is a good sign. Just relax, you can see him in a couple of minutes.”

My eyes flickered to her, over her shoulder and back again. Trying to get a glimpse of what they were doing. I could hear her words, and I understood them, but on the other hand, I couldn’t really comprehend them. But her hands on my shoulders kept me back, though she was several inches shorter than me. 

I think only a couple of minutes passed by, maybe ten, tops. But it felt like hours before Violet removed her hands from my shoulders and put a hand on my back to guide me into the room with her by my side. 

Right outside the open door I stopped and hesitated for a couple of seconds, biting the nail of my thumb. Violet waited patiently and didn’t push me. I could hear the now familiar noises, but one was missing. The ventilator of course. It had been responsible for a lot of the noise, so it now sounded too quiet in there. 

Then I leaned forward and took a peek around the corner of the doorframe. The ventilator was gone, the right side next to his bed looked too empty. And then my eyes looked at him for the first time since last time I was in here. Now where the big tubes from the ventilator were gone, he didn’t seem so small. It made a huge difference. He didn’t look as weak either. Maybe because I knew he was strong enough, or awake enough to breathe on his own now. 

Taking it all in for a minute or two was good as I now, without hesitation, walked in and sat in the chair like I use to. It had been pushed back up against the wall, probably because it was in the way, but now I moved it closer. “I’m okay,” I said and nodded towards Violet who stood just inside the doorway. She smiled at me before she walked out and closed the door behind her. 

“You look better. Much better.” I told Jake. 

I spend a long time just staring at him, and came with indifferent comments like earlier. After a while, I had gotten used to the missing sound and view of the ventilator. 

I had stared almost as intently as yesterday at his face, waiting for him to open his eyes, but I guess it didn’t make a difference in the time it took to wake up. It could still take 24 hours to a couple of days. Otherwise, Violet would have said something. I was sure of that. Slowly I relaxed, and my alertness decreased until I decided it was safe to take a nap.


	6. His side of things

At first, I wasn’t sure if it was real, but it was like my body slowly woke up. I started to feel my fingers and toes, but still couldn’t move them, but I could clearly feel them. Though I had the beeping indicating the time as it approximately beeped every second, I still felt like I completely lost track of time. Sometimes it passed by slowly, then it felt like it sped by. But all in all, I couldn’t tell how long it had been since I ‘woke.’ If that was even what I did. It could be an hour, or it could be a week. I don’t know.

Val was back at some point. She talked to me. Sometimes when she hadn’t talked for a while, I thought she was gone, but then she started talking again. I could feel her holding my hand now though I still couldn’t move it. 

It slowly spread up my arms and legs, to my stomach, then my chest. And I started to feel pain too. My ribs, my chest, they hurt. They hurt _a lot._

Then I got an overwhelming feeling of getting strangled. Like something was stuck in my throat, and I couldn’t get it away. But it quickly disappeared again, to my relief. The creepy robot telephone breather disappeared around the same time. 

I felt my neck, then a strong headache that hurt my teeth as I could feel my head and face.

And finally, I could open my eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

“Miss Moore, he’s waking up.” My eyes flew open, and I almost jumped straight out of the chair. 

“What?” I looked at the nurse in front of me, it was Ashley. 

“He’s waking up now.” She repeated slowly with a smile like I was mentally handicapped. I got up from the chair, looked past her, but then stopped. There were a doctor and two residents, I think. They were checking some numbers on the screen and writing them down. Used a small flashlight to check his pupil response, making him squeeze their hands, asked him questions where he either nodded or shook his head. They made him answer a few questions, and his speech was slightly slurred, hoarse, and confused. He looked confused too. 

I had just frozen. I didn’t want to get in the way, but I couldn’t stop staring at his open eyes. I know they said they expected a full recovery, but from hearing it to just see him wake up… 

His hazel eyes found mine and an almost unnoticeable smile of recognition pulled up the corner of his mouth. Finally, I regained my mobility, walked in between the doctors, sat down at the edge of his bed and took his hand. He gave me a tiny squeeze, he was weak, I could barely feel it. I let the doctors run their tests and ask the questions they needed, I only moved or let go of his hand if it was necessary. I couldn’t stop looking at him, and he only looked away when the doctors wanted his attention, which was quite a lot. 

At some point, Jake asked what had happened, and the doctors gave him a short version of the last five days, from when they got us in at the ER to now. 

God, had it only been five days? It felt like five weeks. I suddenly felt so tired and… relieved. 

“What happens now?” I turned around and asked the doctors. 

“Well, Jake your numbers look fine, your reflexes and responses are good too, but you’re gonna need some physical therapy to get back on your feet. A physical therapist will check in with you tomorrow after you have been transferred from the ICU. I don’t think it’ll take too long as you have recovered so fast already. In the beginning, we were sure you should have stayed in the induced coma for at least a week, but you surprised us. I would say you’d be out of here within a week, but let’s see what the therapist says tomorrow, shall we?” The doctor smiled at us, he sounded very competent. It wasn’t Dr. Greer, I guess his shift had ended by now. Usually, he was here at the same time as Violet. The prognosis the unfamiliar doctor told us sounded good too. “Do you have any other questions?” He looked awaiting at us. 

I shook my head and looked at Jake, he shook his head too. “Not right now,” I said. 

“Don’t hesitate to ask the nurses and if they can’t answer your question, they’ll find me.” He told us before he and the two residents walked out the door. Ashley stayed and checked some of the tubes for a couple of minutes. 

She left the room, and it all suddenly came crashing down on me. All the worry and tension the last few days. Everything I had stuffed behind that dam because I had to. Because I had been alone and had to take care of things. I had felt so alone, and so lost. That dam just brimmed over and crumbled, and I couldn’t hold it back any longer. Leaning forward, without letting go of his hand, I hid my face in my arms and started sobbing like I was being paid for it. 

“Sweetheart?” Jake whispered confusedly. He still couldn’t talk normally, he sounded like he was drunk and had a stutter. But then his free hand lightly stroked my hair while he hushed soothingly. I didn’t know if it was because he was tired or because he could see it was a lost cause to try to get an explanation out of me, but he kept comforting me until it passed. 

The pain from every sob made my breathing strained and shallow, and it only seemed to prolong the state of hysteria I was in. 

Finally, I composed myself the best I could. Sniffling I wiped the snot off in my top and sat up. “I’ve been so worried.” The first part of the sentence was normal, but then it morphed into a mousy whine as I started sobbing all over again, hid my face in my arms on the mattress next to him where I had just straightened up from. 

I didn’t know how long it took until I had cried myself dry from tears, but in the end, I felt empty. And now with a pronounced headache, and it hurt every time I moved my eyes. 

“Come here. Let me see you.” He whispered and waved me forward with his hand. I scooted closer, his left hand laid under my chin and raised my head. “Come here.” He begged and pulled me closer, by my chin. 

I leaned forward and met his lips softly. The warmth spread throughout my body, it was like it filled me with life. I felt like clutching on to him, cling to him, and never let go again, but I restrained myself and only laid my right hand around his neck. 

Oh, I had missed those lips. I had missed him. 

The kiss felt fragile like we were both afraid to touch each other too harshly. It wasn’t how we usually kissed, but I didn’t care, it was still good. His lips were dry, I hadn’t noticed that until now actually. Our lips parted. He hadn’t let go of my chin and now pulled down so he could kiss the tip of my nose. “What did she do to you?” He pondered as he studied my face, but I heard the underlying question of what happened. 

“You had it worse than me though she left your pretty face alone.” My comment made us both chuckle, Jake’s morphed into a weak cough and in the end, a groan as his hand fell from my face, and his arm laid over his chest. 

“What a bitch, huh?” He noted when he could talk again. 

“You don’t say. How’re you feeling?” My right hand stroked his cheek. 

“I’m tired. I feel like I’ve been run over by an elephant. And… disoriented. I’d like to know what really happened?” The last sentence was without a doubt a question. 

“I’ll tell you when we’re both out of this hospital,” I promised but then told not very detailed what had happened when we got to the ER. Though I left out the part where I actually saw them try to revive him, and that I had been sedated. I just said I was unconscious. Then told him about my injuries, when I had been discharged, what I had been doing the last couple of days. Which was fairly quickly told as I had mostly been here. 

I told him about the police, and that they had interrogated me, but that I would tell him the story I told them when we were back at the motel as well. 

He was worried about how we were going to pay for the medical bills, but I just told him Kevin was working on it. I didn’t want him to worry about anything else than getting better.

Sometimes he asked the same questions twice, and he still sounded like he was drunk and had a stutter. 

One of the residents came by two times to check on him, but it only took a couple of minutes each time. 

It was clear to see that he was tired, and sometimes slightly confused. His eyes sometimes closed, but only a few seconds went by before I asked if he was awake. I was afraid if he closed his eyes he wouldn’t open them again. But I also knew he needed to rest. So after an hour, I said I would go talk to a nurse and find some coffee for myself. 

Ashley was still here, so I preferred to ask her instead of some of the other nurses. I knew it sounded silly, but I just wanted to make sure he would just sleep normally and not coma-sleep. Luckily, she could calm me. She wasn’t as good as Violet, but I still liked her. 

I checked in on Jake before I got coffee. It looked like he was asleep. So I decided to call Kevin. On my way to the parking lot, I told Ashley where I would be if Jake asked for me. Before I headed towards the exit, I grabbed another cup of coffee from the machine. 

Kevin and Tina were glad to hear he had woken up and that he was improving. Kevin was still trying to figure something out. He didn’t have it ready yet, but he had an idea of how he was going to pull it off. He asked if I could get my hands on a couple of thousand bucks. I was just about to tell him yes because we had found those ten grand when I remembered I had used almost everything to get that accountant off my ass. I said that I would try tomorrow if Jake were feeling okay. Though I didn’t tell them how I was going to try and get them. I was thinking of breaking in some places. Before I found Bill and Jake or they found me actually, I had done a lot of break-ins as I didn’t have badges and stuff, they had provided me with that. So before I met them, I broke in to get money, broke into morgues, broke into crime scenes I suspected of being caused by vampires. Just breaking in. So I knew what I was doing. 

Though Jake was awake and everything was much better than just a little over a day ago this wasn’t over yet, there were still a lot of things to take care of. Things that needed to happen before we were back on our feet, literally and figuratively. 

On my way back to Jake’s room I grabbed yet another cup of coffee, he was still asleep. Out of the pocket of my jacket, I fished the bag with pills I had gotten here from the hospital when I was discharged. I located the painkillers and took a double dose. After crying that much my always present, since the fight, headache had become almost unbearable. I almost flinched at every beep or drip in his room. I hoped they would kick in soon. 

As I watched him sleep, I remembered the times I had caught him watching me sleep. Creepy stalker, that was what I called him. 

My thoughts wandered. Thought how different this was from what we were used to. During the six years, I had spent with Bill and Jake there had only been very few times where we actually had to go to the hospital. We did most of it ourselves. Stitches, putting dislocated joints back into place. Hell, even pulled two hundred shards of glass out of my arm, shoulder, and head after I went through a window. My whole left arm and shoulder were still covered with scars from that. The back of my head too, but my hair disguised that. Only when we had broken something we went to the hospital to get a cast on, I couldn’t think of any other injuries where we had to go to the hospital. 

There was only the time where Bill had been admitted after finding Sinanima. Now we were in the hospital because of her. She was deadly. I had tried not to think of it… God, there were a lot of things I had tried not to think about lately. But what happened back there was surreal. It wasn’t possible. Nobody was that strong or that fast. But our injuries were living proof that that was actually what had happened. 

I decided to push it aside and discuss it with Jake when we were back at the motel as I refused to believe it 100% before I had ruled out that it wasn’t just my concussion and cranial fractures playing tricks on me. All these thoughts just seemed to hurt my head even more. I kicked off my boots, and pulled my legs up under me, and tried to get some sleep. I was sure I could sleep through the people coming in to check on Jake regularly.

 

It was late in the evening when I woke up again. As Jake still was asleep, or perhaps asleep again, I didn’t know if he had been awake while I slept, I decided to get a cup of coffee. 

“Miss Moore?” A nurse I couldn’t remember the name of called when I walked past the nurse’s station. 

“Hmm?” I stopped to hear what she had to say. 

“It’s getting late. Visiting hours are already over actually. Maybe you should come back tomorrow.” She sent me what I think was supposed to be a soothing smile, but her tone pissed me off. She was talking to me like I was a child. 

I took the two steps to the desk. That was not gonna happen. “I’m not going anywhere now where he’s finally awake. And if you want me to go you’ll have to fucking drag me out of here kicking and screaming.” It wasn’t my intention, but I raised my voice for every word, and I barely noticed. I wasn’t going to leave him now. She was crazy if she thought that was going to happen. He was finally awake, and I wanted to make sure he was okay. I was spending the night here whether she liked it or not. 

“Hannah,” I heard Ashley, who had just walked into my sight, call the nurse I was talking to, right at the moment where she was about to answer. And from her face, I guess the answer wasn’t pleasant, but that was just too bad. I was going to stand my ground on this. 

She went over to Ashley while I still waited. Ashley whispered something to her. I couldn’t really hear it, but I caught a few words. “…handle with delicacy… code white patient a few days ago… sensitive…” Ashley got her guided away and then came back to talk to me. 

“Is there no way I can convince you to go home for the night?” She asked sweetly. 

Maybe if I had talked to her first, I would have considered it. But that Hannah-girl had just ruined my mood and my patience. Which was really at a low point these days. The pain and stress of this had really shortened my fuse several inches, if not yards. 

“No way.” I spat at her, but I immediately felt bad when I saw her shocked face, and that she tensed up. She looked afraid. 

I loosened up a little, it wasn’t her fault that Hannah got in my way. “Sorry about that. Um, can I have a pillow, please?” I tried to smile, it felt strained, but she seemed to breathe a sigh of relief and said she would get me one as soon as she could. 

Maybe it was a good thing I went psycho-bitch, at least they practically let me do whatever I wanted. Now that I got reminded of it I faintly remembered someone saying ‘code white’ that day. I had to google to see what it actually meant. 

Finally, I got my coffee, and when I got back to the room, I googled ‘code white hospital.’ The first result was from a medical dictionary. There were listed five reasons for calling a code white, usually, over the hospitals P.A., I guess it might depend on what state you were in. But out of the five reasons I was pretty sure they meant number three when they talked about me. 

_3\. A violent or combative patient._

That sounded about right… 

 

Jake and I were awake a few times at the same time. We didn’t talk much, more like asking how each other were doing. I asked for a kiss and got one alike the one earlier. Another time he asked if I wanted to join him in the bed. I laid down with my head on his shoulder just like the day where he had still been in the induced coma. 

I realized I didn’t feel as restless, though there was still a fair share of restlessness, but it wasn’t as prominent. But the night was just as interrupted as if I had slept at the motel. Some of it was also caused by the activity in the room, doctors, or I think it was residents. The real doctors were probably at home. But residents and nurses frequently checked in on Jake.


	8. His side of things

Though I could open my eyes, I felt like my body wasn’t entirely my own. It didn’t respond as fast as I was used to. It was slow and clumsy. But this time, I was awake. Really awake. 

And seeing Val here, waiting for me, made the demon named abandoned wither and lose its grip. It disappeared. 

Though I couldn’t feel any demons, monsters or anything really at this point, so I wasn’t sure if they were still there, but they must be because I felt that one let go.


	9. Chapter 9

“Please don’t wake her.” Jake’s voice whispered, it still sounded a bit slurred, but no longer like he had a stutter. “She’s exhausted.”

I opened my eyes and squinted instantly because of the bright light. It nearly hurt my eyes. My headache was worse than the other days, and my neck was stiff. Probably because of the uncomfortable position first in the chair and now in Jake’s bed, lying at the edge with my head on his shoulder. “It’s okay. I’m awake.” I mumbled, slowly sat up, and found that there were four people in the room beside us. “What’s happening?” I asked confusedly. 

“I’m being transferred to a normal room,” Jake explained and stroked my back. He did it so gently it didn’t hurt. 

“Oh,” Why would they do that this early in the morning? I swung my legs out of bed and stood up, but had to seek support on the backrest of the chair in front of me because of the dizziness. 

“You okay?” Jake asked worried behind me. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m just dizzy.” When I found the balance again, I looked up at the clock. It was over 10 already. Wow, I had slept longer than I thought. It made me feel slightly confused. I put on my jacket and my boots as the people unhooked all sorts of wires and stuff from Jake so they could roll him to the other room. Until they were done I just sat in the chair, paying no attention to who they were or what they specifically did, I was too drained of energy. When they were done, at last, I blindly followed them to the new room. 

At the new room, I noticed that a lot of the wires and tubes were gone, though he still had a few left to monitor his heart and stuff. But they had taken out the NG tube. They said he should try and see if he could eat. Otherwise, they would put it back in again. 

In the corner, there was a chair where I lounged myself. It was completely identical to the one in the old room. “You look better today,” I told him when I found the most painless position and looked up at him. 

“I feel better too. Come here.” He clapped his hand on the bed. I let out a sigh before I heaved myself up from the chair again. I took his outstretched hand, and I sat down on the edge. “How’re you doing, sweetheart?” 

“I have a headache,” I stated, “I feel dizzy, I’m queasy, and I’m tired,” I answered honestly. 

“Maybe you should get something to eat too. Nausea comes with hunger, you know.” He suggested. 

“Maybe you’re right.” I sighed. I wish I could take him home. Or by home I meant back to the motel. ‘Home’ had a broad meaning to us. 

I was sick and tired of this hospital. I told him I would go find something to eat in the cafeteria, but really I just bought a cup of coffee and patiently drank it before heading back. On the way, I found a bathroom where I brushed my teeth and took my pills. 

When I was done, I took a look at myself in the mirror. There was no mascara left. Black circles were starting to appear under my eyes. But the wounds on my face looked fine. I let my tongue run over the whole from the missing tooth. It didn’t sting now, it had practically healed already. But wounds in the mouth always healed faster. I lifted my top up to take a look at the bruise where my broken rib was. It looked better. I had gotten used to the pain from every breath, after all, this wasn’t the first time I have had a broken rib. But these days I was in a lot of pain, my whole body was in pain, so it just floated together. 

When I came back, a person I hadn’t seen before was talking to Jake. I noticed the empty bowl at the bedside, it looked like there had been yogurt in it. Well, at least one of us got something to eat. 

“Oh hello, I’m Rufus Powell, physical therapist. Just call me Rufus. You must be Val?” He held out his hand. 

“Um, yeah,” I confirmed and shook his hand a little overwhelmed by his energetic appearance. He had short light hair, though he had a beginning bald spot at the top of his head. He wore glasses, but his blue eyes really stood out. Besides the energetic appearance, he sounded very enthusiastic and friendly. You could just feel he was the type of person who would look positively at anything. A real optimist.

“We were just talking about how Jake was doing, and where he feels his body’s a little behind. But so far it looks good. Motor functions and reflexes are really good at this point.” He gladly told me, he sounded really thrilled about this. 

I wasn’t sure I was ready for this level of energy so shortly after waking up. “Uh, that sounds good.” As Rufus turned his attention to the papers, I leaned to the side to catch Jake’s gaze and sent him a ‘what the fuck’ look, but he just smiled back with his charming smile, though it wasn’t as powerful as the previous times I had seen it. It made it pull up in the corner of my mouth. Maybe he was already ready for this level of energy. 

“You know what, I’m just gonna go grab a cup of coffee, and leave you two to do physical… stuff… alright? Good.” I didn’t wait for an answer before I turned around, but I saw Jake’s amused face. He was definitely feeling better than yesterday, and I felt relieved by that. 

I didn’t feel like drinking another cup already, so I went to the cafeteria to try and find something to eat after all. The pancakes I got at the diner hadn’t returned until I had to drive, so maybe I could hold something down today. 

I got some yogurt with fruit and found a quiet corner to sit and eat. After a couple of spoonful’s, I waited a few moments to see if it provoked the queasiness further, but it didn’t so I continued to eat but ate it slowly. 

As I walked back to Jake’s room, I crossed my fingers and hoped Rufus was gone. It was quiet in the room, but I peeked around the corner first to be sure before I walked through the door. “Hi.” 

“Hi.” He gave me a coy smile as he leaned forward and kissed me softly when I sat down on the bed. 

“So what did he say?” 

“Well, you heard it looked fine, he has shown me some exercises I have to do, and then he’s gonna come back with a walker for me. Yay, huh?” His pretend enthusiasm was contagious. 

“Are you really that old? Am I dating such an old man?” I pressed my lips together to contain a grin I knew would hurt. 

“Shut your mouth,” he put his index finger against my lips and pretended to look offended, “No really, it’s just so I don’t fall on my face. He said I might have some balance issues. So he’s gonna come back with it and then show me some more exercises. In a few days, I’ll be brand new.” He explained, he had removed his finger from my lips and now stroked the right side of my face. 

“Sounds good.” My right hand laid on top of his stroking my cheek, and turned my head to place a kiss in his palm. 

“Why don’t you go back to the motel and get some sleep?” He suggested. When he saw my reluctant face, he continued, “I’ll be fine here. And it would be nice with a book to read if you don’t mind?” 

I thought about it for a couple of seconds, and in the end, that last comment had me convinced. “Okay,” I surrendered, “but don’t you get used to ordering me around. This isn’t gonna last forever.” I warned and looked strictly at him. 

“You sure about that? Because I remember plenty of times where I’ve ordered you around. Though mostly you aren’t wearing any clothes when it happens.” He said with a dirty smile and a wink. 

“Jackass.” I chuckled but tried to keep it back when I felt it sting in my ribcage. “I’ll be back later,” I promised and leaned forward to kiss him. 

“I was thinking if I could borrow your Harry Potter book?” He asked as our lips parted. 

“Of course.” I gave him another quick kiss before I gathered my things and waved goodbye as I went out the door. As I approached the parking lot, I imprinted the path to his new room. 

 

Halfway back to the motel, the queasiness arose, and I rolled down the window. The weather was slowly getting warmer. I think the temperature had risen a couple of degrees in the last few days actually. The light breeze on my face helped, and I made it back without any puke-stops. But I sat in the car with the door open for a few minutes before I walked to our room to make sure the nausea was on retreat. 

As the first thing, I found the Harry Potter book and laid it on the floor in front of the door so I wouldn’t forget it. Sitting on the bed gathering energy to undress I realized I wasn’t tired. So I quickly decided to take a bath instead. 

When the tub was full, I leaned my head back on the pillow that was still in here after last time. The swelling at the back of my head had gone down, but it was still sore. 

Vainly, I tried not to think, but now where I was alone here in the silence with nothing to distract me the thoughts just went through my head like a seven-lane highway. 

The thoughts about Sinanima I could push aside when I promised myself I would talk with Jake about it when he was out of the hospital. That thought had a solution, though it wasn’t one that would get me any tangible answers, but at least I could get confirmed if what I saw was imaginary or real. 

Then there was the money problem, I could stop thinking about it when I decided to do something about it tonight. 

But the last… I loved him. I didn’t know why I didn’t have the courage to say it aloud to him now where he was awake. Maybe because this was different. I had loved my boyfriend back in high school and told him. Or at least I thought that was love until now. This love I felt for Jake was different. Stronger. Irrevocably, unconditional. I knew deep in my heart that I would love him for the rest of my life, even if he wouldn’t be there one way or another. Like he almost left me a couple of days ago, I would still love him until my heart stopped beating. And that frightened me like hell. It scared the crap out of me. And what if he didn’t feel the same way? I knew he cared about me, but I didn’t know more than that. I think it would be harder to know he didn’t than just staying in uncertainty. 

So that was what I decided to do. But it was still at the back of my head. Every time I looked at him. I was a coward. I could say it to him when he was deep asleep in the coma, so it was ridiculous that I didn’t dare to tell him now. But the uncertainty, the possible rejection, on something I felt so deeply, effectively kept me from doing it. 

After an hour, I stood up and very carefully washed and conditioned my hair, and washed my body. I took ten deep breaths, as deep as I could not caring that it hurt, and then got out and dried myself. 

Naked and with wet hair I laid down in bed, set the alarm for two hours later, and tried to get some sleep. As usual I had trouble lying comfortably, but in the end, fell asleep lapped in both me and Jake’s blankets. 

 

The alarm sounded like an explosion in my poor head. “Shh,” I told it as I turned it off. “Why do you have to be so loud? What’s the point?” I muttered. I looked forward to the time where this headache would subside. As quickly as I could, I got dressed, picked up the book for Jake and headed to the hospital. 

In the just few hours I had been gone his speech had improved, he talked close to normal now. He was glad to see me and seemed pretty high-spirited. Told me about and showed me the exercises he had gotten from Rufus, and how good he already mastered some of them. But it sounded like he did the exercises more frequently than what Rufus had ordered. Though the injuries to his chest, the broken ribs among others, prohibited him in some way, but not more than those injuries should. So it was fine. But it would take some time to heal as he had five broken ribs. 

I stayed for a couple of hours, waiting for it to get dark. We talked a little, then Jake read, and I laid on the bed with him, he did some exercises and went back to bed. He got something to eat, soup, and I went to the cafeteria to get a sandwich. I dared to eat more, my stomach seemed to improve too along with the queasiness. 

I stayed until it was over 9 p.m. Kissed him goodnight and went out to the car. I wouldn’t dig out the stuff I needed right here in the middle of the parking lot, so I drove to a rest stop where I could be in peace. 

 

First, I found a flashlight and started meticulously and systematically to go through the car until I had what I needed. The gloves I found in the trunk along with the duffle bag which I emptied. I wanted to take it with me. It took a while longer to locate my little purse with the picking tools, but in the end, I found it under the front seat. 

I had decided to pay Boise a visit. It was half an hour’s drive from the hospital if I took I-84 East. Right outside Boise, I stopped to take off the license plate and put it in the trunk. Wrapping the scarf around my hair I made sure it was completely covered, and then pulled it up, so it covered my mouth and nose and secured it. The cold steel from the gun gave me goosebumps as I tucked it down behind my back, you never know. I put on the gloves, the flashlight and the purse with the picking tools in my pockets and the duffle bag on the passenger’s seat. 

It was Friday night. Yes, I knew as I had checked the day on the calendar on my phone, though half of the screen was hard to see because of the big crack it had gotten. But Friday night was perfect, there were definitely gonna be some empty houses. 

Driving a little around I tried to spot some good targets that had all three criteria: no one home, no alarm system, and looked like there were something to get. 

After twenty minutes, I spotted a house that looked promising, parked the car around the corner, and walked back with the duffle bag over my shoulder. I sneaked to the back, while also peeking in the windows I passed to make sure they really weren’t home. 

I reached the back door and found the picking tools. It wasn’t like in the movies where you just pick it up in a matter of seconds, it actually took a couple of minutes. I could feel it was a long time since I had done this besides that one time at Sinanima’s yellow house, so I was still rusty, and it took almost ten minutes, but I got it open. 

Inside I closed the door as silently as I could. As the ground outside was dry, I didn’t take my boots off. I didn’t use the flashlight because neighbors could spot it and then call the cops, but I had it with me if I for some reason needed it. 

I walked through the hall into their kitchen. I didn’t pay much attention to the details while I walked through the house and found the living room where I looked in different drawers and cabinets to see if they had any silverware or any other valuable things. 

In the living room, I didn’t find anything of value besides a Blu-ray player. TV’s and DVD players and stuff were so cheap these days it wasn’t worth the effort to steal them. 

Though I knew they would find out eventually, I did my best not to leave any immediate evidence that someone had been here. Just tossing everything around, emptying the drawers, closets and cabinets weren’t really my style. It was rude and too messy. I saw those thieves as clumsy and unorganized. I was more adroit, silent, and meticulous. They were bulky inelegant dogs, knocking everything over; I was an agile cat, hind paws walking in the prints of the front paws to minimalize noise and tracks. I liked to sneak around only be known to have been there because of the things I had stolen, nothing more. It was also very rare that I broke windows, it left an obvious trail. I didn’t know why, but this approach appealed to me when it was necessary to break in. 

In the dining room, there was a chest of drawers and the bottom drawer contained silverware. Bingo. I emptied the drawer’s content into the duffle bag. Thereafter I went upstairs to locate the master bedroom. There I found a couple of watches and some jewelry. 

Now where I was in here anyway I took a look into the bathroom, I could as well save the money. So I took a mascara, found a black eyeliner, and a deodorant. A quick look at the books on the bookshelves where nothing caught my interest, and I went downstairs, through the kitchen, and out the backdoor where walked casually back to the car. 

When I was inside, I emptied the bag and shoved it under the seat, and started the engine. I drove to another part of town and found a promising house there as well. This time, I picked the door slightly faster, but only by a minute. I wasn’t as fast as in the old days where I was on my own and did this frequently. 

This time, I didn’t find any silverware but found an old safe in the closet in the bedroom. Luckily, it was a Sentry, so I was able to pick it open. There were some documents, birth certificates, and stuff, their passports, and some money. There were $1,500, which I put in my pocket. Carefully I put all the documents, and passports back as they were, closed the safe and pulled the clothes hanging on hangers in front of it again. 

I had just closed the closet when a sound made me freeze. Tires in the gravel at the front of the one-story house. It could be the driveway of the next house, but I waited patiently, and surely a minute after I heard the lock click and the front door opened. 

Crap, crap, crap! I swung the duffle bag over my shoulder and tiptoed to the window. Please don’t bind or creak, I begged and unlocked the hasp. It opened without any problem and to my relief, silently. My rib protested as I crawled out the windowsill and into the bushes, but I clenched my teeth and pressed my lips together to contain it. 

I had just closed the window shut and ducked as the light went on in the bedroom. The adrenaline pumped thickly through my veins, and my breath was panting, which my rib wasn’t very fond of. Slowly I laid down on my side on the ground under the bushes as close to the outer wall of the house as possible and waited with the duffle bag in front of me. I heard some low talking, but couldn’t make out the words. 

After a couple of minutes, they closed the curtains, but I still didn’t think it was safe to get up. 

 

I don’t know for how long I laid there, maybe half an hour, forty minutes before I dared to get up. The lights had been out for a while, but I had waited and hoped they would be asleep by now. Crawling slowly and silently to the corner of the house, I then stood up, brushed the dirt off my clothes, and walked back to the car. 

Driving a couple of miles to be on the safe side before I pulled over, and pulled the scarf down. I took a couple of deep breaths to shake it off me. The tiredness crept in on me, but I had to keep going. The nausea was at a constant level as I drove around, but I didn’t reach puking-alarm. I rolled down the window. It was significantly colder tonight, I think it was down to 40 F, where it had been close to 65 F during the day. The cold fresh air helped on the queasiness. 

I allowed myself to sit for five more minutes before I pulled up the scarf around my hair and face again and continued to drive, though still with the window down.

 

I broke into two more places before I called it a night. Luckily, there was no repeat of the second place, I got to work in peace. Halfway back to Meridian I pulled over and put the license plate back on, and collected all the stolen goods from the floor of the car in the duffle bag, besides the bouquet of flowers I stole from the third place. I threw the duffle bag in the trunk and the flowers on the passenger’s seat. 

I drove back to the motel to catch a couple of hours of sleep before I would go back to the hospital. To my relief, I fell asleep in a matter of minutes.


	10. His side of things

As the other days, I got woken by interns that wanted to read my numbers, ask how I felt and take some blood samples. They always came so early, and I felt so tired. I didn’t sleep properly, but to my relief, I hadn’t had any nightmares since before I ended up here, I just slept heavily and dreamlessly. 

Actually, some of the things that had happened lately just felt like one big dream. I knew we found Sinanima, but the things that happened there were unclear, some of it was completely gone, but the remaining things I remembered was so surrealistic I was convinced they were a dream. 

The demons and monsters felt like they were somehow unreal too. Though I clearly remembered them. Actually remembered them too clearly. But it was like they were gone. Not like they have never been there, but there was just a black hole where they used to be. I think they took a serious hit too. Because I remembered the one that let go when I woke up. So they must still be there. I reached the conclusion that they were asleep. 

My back was starting to get sore, it craved to lie horizontally, but my chest and broken ribs wouldn’t let me. 

Rufus came by, some time after the interns had left. He checked that I did the exercises properly, and corrected me if I did something wrong, which wasn’t often. Though he had told me how many times a day and for how long I was supposed to do them, I cheated. I did them longer and more frequently, but I would stop if it started to hurt too badly. These exercises weren’t different from when I worked out. You push your body, but stop before you hurt it, so that’s what I did with these exercises. Pushed myself, but listened to my body to make sure I didn’t do more harm than good. 

I couldn’t wait to get out of here. I got a bad taste in my mouth when I wondered how much all of this would cost. And I really don’t like hospitals. But lucky the interior distinguished from the one I was in when I was 10. So it helped a lot. 

When dad got into the hospital, it looked so much alike, that my head would snap up every time someone walked by the room, afraid I would see the wolves come barging in, or hear the dragon smash up the place from a distance. 

I repressed the memories and found the Harry Potter book I borrowed from Val. Like I have done since she brought me the book, I read out loud in a whisper to practice as my tongue still felt clumsy, and my lips wouldn’t form the words as I wanted them too. But it was still a lot better than the other days, and the soreness in my throat was gone along with the hoarseness. 

Half an hour later, someone opened the door, and I dreaded to see more interns, but it was Val with a big smile on her face as she looked at me.


	11. Chapter 11

The alarm blared too loudly, and I hushed as I turned it off. It was 7 in the morning, and I was exhausted both physically and mentally. I really hoped Jake would be out of the hospital soon, I didn’t know how much longer I could go on like this. 

With fingers crossed, I hoped that, by the end of the day, I would at least have one less worry – the medical bills. I really hoped Kevin could solve this after giving him the money for the stuff I would pawn later today. While I got dressed and did my morning routine, the laptop hissed to life, and I tried to see if I could find some good pawnshops. It would be safest to cross the Stateline to Oregon. But the nearest was in Baker City which was close to two hours drive from here. I couldn’t pawn it all in one shop, that would be too suspicious. The next was in La Grande. Which were forty minutes north of Baker City. Well, then I could just as well drive up to Washington where I knew there were a couple of decent pawnshops in Walla Walla. That was only one and a half hours from La Grande. 

I wrote it all down, turned off the laptop, and went to the diner to get pancakes as I knew they would stay down, and I needed the extra strength with the trip that lied ahead of me today. With my pancakes, I got an extra strong coffee, and again I poured a little too much syrup on them. But for once, I didn’t care. I didn’t eat much these days, so some extra calories and sugar weren’t gonna hurt. I sat at the same spot as last time, away from the other people in here and facing the wall. I still looked like Frankenstein’s monster with all the stitches on my face. 

 

I arrived at the hospital at 8. 

“Morning.” I greeted when I opened the door and saw he was awake, actually, I hadn’t expected it. But it was hard to lie comfortably with broken ribs, especially so many. He had sat up and slept since he woke from the coma. 

“Morning.” He smiled. 

“I brought flowers.” I cheered and held them in front of me, I had hidden them behind my back until now. 

“Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?” He joked and gave me a kiss as I sat down on the edge of the bed. He could finally talk normally now. 

“I don’t mind. And you’re the one in the hospital.” I pointed out. 

“Good point. Did you get some sleep? You look tired.” 

“I got a few hours,” I answered a bit avoiding. “What about you? Are they treating you well?” I asked to distract him. I knew he didn’t like stealing, so I hoped I didn’t have to tell him about my nightly excursion. 

“Yeah, it’s fine. But I hope I can get out of here soon enough.” I could hear the underlying worry. 

“Don’t worry about it. Kevin and I got it.” I reassured him. “Actually, I have to run some errands today, but I’ll be back tonight. Okay?” I told him as casually as I could. 

“Where’re you going?” He asked though I had hoped he wouldn’t. 

“Just some practical stuff for Kevin. Don’t worry about it.” I kissed his forehead and stroked his cheek. “Just get better, okay?” I could see he wasn’t completely satisfied with my answer, but he didn’t ask any more questions. “I gotta go. See you later.” 

“Okay. See you later. Goodbye-kiss.” He demanded. “When I get out of here we’re gonna have a talk about all this.” He stated when our lips parted, it sounded like a warning. His hazel eyes burned into mine. 

I could hear the irritation in his voice, and I felt like a child that had done something wrong and was going to get a moral lesson from a parent. “Yeah.” I nodded and bit my lip as I stood up. “See you tonight,” I promised as I walked to the door. 

On my way to the car, I grabbed a cup of coffee. I felt guilty. I hadn’t directly lied to him, but we both knew that I had decided not to tell him certain aspects of this. We also both knew we couldn’t talk about some things inside the hospital walls. But when we were back at the motel I had a feeling I was gonna get it. And he would be pissed, not so much because I had stolen, but that I had decided not to tell him. I was sure of it.


	12. His side of things

“Yeah. See you tonight.” She said with her I-don’t-know-what-to-reply-face when she got up and walked out the door. I had noticed she actually looked worse than when she left last night. She looked like she hasn’t slept for three weeks and had a massive hangover.

It annoyed me that I didn’t even know exactly what had happened with Sinanima, and I was curious as hell to know. And for every day, it bothered me more and more that I didn’t know what happened. Also because for every day the memories I was sure were real, faded and blended with the unclear and the dream memories. I couldn’t keep track of them, and they were just one big mess. 

Of course, I knew there were some things we couldn’t talk about in here, but the way she had dismissed me started to piss me off. Why wouldn’t she tell me? Her dismissive attitude and secretive tone made me feel like she treated me like a child that couldn’t understand what the grownups were doing. That’s why I demanded that we should talk about this when I was outta here. Then she couldn’t use the excuse about hospital staff eavesdropping on us and had to tell me what she’s been up to. I didn’t like being kept in the dark like this, and I let her know. She wasn’t getting off that easy.

And what was it she should do for Kevin? What could possibly take a whole day? I felt outside, excluded from whatever they were doing and planning together. What’s going on? Why’s she so damn enigmatic about all this? 

 

As the day passed, the frustration of being left out continued to bubble and rise inside of me. She knew everything, and she wouldn’t tell me. I actually felt pissed at her, because I didn’t know what else to do. And it was easy as she wasn’t here. If I didn’t think of how exhausted and worn out she looked along with all the injuries to her face, it was easy to direct all this on her. 

But as the anger and frustration grew bigger, I felt the demons live up, slowly but certainly. This was their wake-up call. I tried to oppress my anger and frustration. The anger and blaming Val I could control. It wasn’t her fault. But I couldn’t keep the frustration tamed, it had just built up. 

As the demons became more prominent from simmering for hours, I actually stopped for a second. 

Something was wrong. Or definitely different. My frustration quieted down, but it had already kick-started them, there was no turning back now. I had at the back of my head knew they would come back at some point, I could just as well deal with them now than later. 

I was just glad Val wasn’t here right now. I took advantage of the fact that I knew it would be hours before she came back, besides it might get boring to read all day anyway, I thought the last thing sarcastically. 

So I did something I don’t usually do. I closed my eyes and tried to fumble and feel what I was actually feeling. Exploring my feelings, how I felt inside. Mostly, I tried to escape it, and when I felt something it was pushed over my head. Or it was only the negative feelings. I didn’t want them, but they were there anyway. I didn’t mind the positive feelings or even the neutral ones. Just not the negative. And they always came knocking on my door, or it was my head. I was so used to it, used to the demons and all they stand for, used to the monsters, and how they forced themselves on me. But now I indulged in them, actively sought them to get a clear picture of why it felt so different than what I remember from before our meeting with Sinanima. 

Something was wrong, but it was wrong in a good way. I closed my eyes and felt inside myself. 

Some of the demons were missing, and some were different. I hadn’t noticed how it happened, perhaps because ‘abandoned,’ the one that let go when I saw Val when I woke up, was so big it gave me great relief. So great, it had overshadowed the others along with giving them a punch in the face. ‘Abandoned’ was one of the most tangible ones of them. 

I tried to find heads and tails in what was going on inside of me, tried to separate everything and feel one thing at a time. It took some time as I wasn’t used to it, I wasn’t good at it. 

‘Missing dad,’ it was like it was transforming, crumbling, but not disappearing. Crumbling and spreading in me. I think it was turning into something healthier. I still missed dad so much. The loss and absence of him were there, and the grief. But losing a parent or a family member shouldn’t be something that dragged you down. The demons dragged me down. Grieving is normal. 

‘Revenge dad’ and ‘finding Sinanima’ have merged. They were so weak they had to seek support on each other, and eventually, they merged to just ‘finding Sinanima.’ Part of the reason was also that a part of me didn’t want to find Sinanima again. She was fatal. But on the other hand, I had an inescapable commitment. I had a commitment together with Val, we had to find her. 

Today, I had kept my anger under control, and that had weakened ‘losing control,’ and ‘losing control when the rage takes over’ had practically disappeared. The only thing left was the scab. Like the one on a wound that has healed, but only needs to shed the last scab. 

They had all really taken a hit when Sinanima beat the shit out of me, I think that’s why so much has changed. They needed a big blow that I couldn’t give them, but she did. 

I still felt something was wrong with me, ‘infected’ and ‘inadequate,’ but it had crumbled too and felt more like the kind of insecurity you had when you were an awkward teenager. 

I can’t remember how it feels to be whole. I wanted to, but it was so far away I couldn’t pull it forward from my memories and compare to see how close I was. 

But I would get there eventually. I believed in that, Val made me believe. She’s so good for me. When she isn’t annoying the shit out of me like she is right now where she doesn’t tell me anything. 

Okay, easy. Don’t get out on a sidetrack. Control it. 

‘Powerlessness’ had remained. It had been weakened too, but it was the strongest of all. 

‘Despair,’ ‘helplessness,’ and ‘desperation’ had grown so weak they had to find support. They had sought support in ‘powerlessness’ and had merged, they were so weak they couldn’t exist on their own. So ‘powerlessness’ was just as big as it had always been. I think that was the only one that kind of hadn’t changed. It had been weakened, but it found the necessary strength in the three others it absorbed. 

‘Anger’ and ‘rage’ that were two sides of the same coin seemed to be gone, but I knew they were ready to take a hold on me at the right excuse. Just like the guilt-demon – it came and went as it pleased. 

So, all in all, I actually only had three real demons left. As they now were so few, they were – of course – fewer to cheer on each other. They’re losing their fighting spirit. They got strength from each other, helped each other, but they grew weaker. 

But ‘powerlessness’ was big and pulsating. It didn’t need the other ones to cheer on it, it was strong enough by itself. It had so many things it fed on. It would take time to find Sinanima, and it could be years from now, and I couldn’t do anything about it. If what I think I saw wasn’t a dream then I felt really weak and helpless compared to her. How could I beat her? 

Val could frustrate me so much I felt powerless too. Right now she made me feel powerless by not telling me anything at all. I don’t know anything about what’s going on right now. What she’s up to with Kevin, why she’s gone a whole day. I know something was going on and I couldn’t help or do anything because she wouldn’t tell me anything. 

Being weak and injured also added to it, but it was far from the worst, it was actually one of the smallest things. I was improving every day, so it helped a lot. 

‘Powerlessness’ didn’t need more power. 

That… that was it. I haven’t searched and explored my darkest places like that in a long time. The fear and what happened when I was bitten was the darkest place I had ever explored inside myself. But it was still so different from all this. 

They were both dark, but the fear was dark like the night when it’s clouded, the other was as dark as a room completely deprived of any light. In the night when it’s clouded, you can hold a hand up in front of you and see it. In the darkroom you could hold it up right in front of your eyes, and even then you couldn’t see it. 

All that searching, and speculating, and exploring had exhausted me. I wanted to take a nap, but something inside me was apprehensive towards that. All this I had just been through inside myself, it could provoke something in my sleep. 

I don’t’ know how I reached that conclusion that if I went to sleep now, I would have nightmares, but I was sure of it. So I found the Harry Potter book and started to read out loud in a whisper. 

When the vulnerability from the ‘soul searching’ had subsided I did my exercises and took a much-needed nap. 

 

They woke me at noon again, though I had only dozed for half an hour. They did a checkup, asked a couple of questions and then let me be. After I had eaten, I tried to sleep again. But the worry for how much this expensive care would cost in the end kept me awake. I really don’t like hospitals. And every minute the parking meter ticked. I felt parked in this bed, so a parking meter was a great metaphor actually.

In the afternoon, I read and at last, I was satisfied with how my tongue and lips worked by my commands, so I stopped reading out loud and just read in my head.


	13. The worst road trip of my life

Leaning against the Chevy in the parking lot I finished my coffee, trying to shake his warning words off me. I threw out the plastic cup and started driving towards Baker City, Oregon. 

Soon, I realized my head wasn’t ready for such a long drive. After half an hour, I had to pull over and had barely opened the door before I emptied my breakfast on the pavement. 

Fuck, this was going to be one hell of a drive. 

I rolled down the window, but in the next twenty minutes, I had made two puking-stops already. My broken rib really didn’t like that. I still had a fucking long way to go, I couldn’t pull over every tenth minute. Driving into the first store I passed I bought a 1.5 l cola and several plastic bags, so I didn’t have to pull over every time. 

 

Another dreadful hour and I arrived in Baker City. I gathered one set of silverware and some jewelry in one of the plastic bags I hadn’t used and went inside where I told the shop owner I had inherited my grandma’s silverware and some of her jewelry. Made up some story about I didn’t want them because she was a mean old hag, and my relationship with her had been bad, but I was the only heir. 

The forty minutes to La Grande wasn’t better, in fact, they were worse. The queasiness, dizziness, and headache had reached a whole new level. I had even received a couple of honks because I lurched and accidentally drove onto the bicycle path and back on the road again, almost reeling to the opposite lane. 

A plastic bag was permanently attached in my lap, but in the end, I had to pull over a couple of miles before I reached the town because the convulsions from my stomach made my rib hurt so badly I could hardly breathe. Tumbling out of the car on all fours, I gasped and groaned as I tried to catch my breath. 

After a couple of minutes, I was able to sit up and lean against the car. “Fuck my life.” I groaned, I felt so bad I was ready to just keep sitting here for the rest of my life. And I didn’t give a rat’s ass that people were looking at me. 

The queasiness rose again, and I leaned to the side while my stomach cramped, protesting over the fact that it had nothing to throw up. “Fuck…” I sobbed, but it only made the pain in my ribcage worse, and again I gasped for air, fighting to get a hold of myself. 

I composed myself after another couple of minutes and panting sat up against the car again as I wiped the tears away. “Okay, ten minutes, and you have to get up and keep going,” I told myself firmly. Forcing myself to take deep breaths and focused on that. Deep in, fill your lungs, relax, exhale fully. It helped. I was still queasy as hell, but nothing came up. 

The pain in my head and rib slowly cooled down. Finally, I managed to get myself off the asphalt and into the car where I rolled the window all the way down and took a couple of sips of cola before I checked how I looked in the rearview mirror. I wiped the smeared mascara off and drove the last way to the pawnshop. 

I gathered all the men’s watches and went inside with the same excuse, except I said my granddad had passed away. 

“That’s a lot of watches.” The cashier noted dryly. 

“He was a watchmaker and a collector,” I stated just as dryly, I was definitely not up for snarky comments and crap right now, I still felt terrible. 

 

The one and a half hours drive to Walla Walla, Washington was unbearable. If the trip to La Grande had been hell, this had to be purgatory. 

There were three decent pawnshops in Walla Walla, I divided the last stuff and went to all three with different variations of the story I told the other places. 

When I got back to the car, I counted the money. With the 1,500 I had found in the safe I had $4,638 in total. I really hoped that that was enough. Fishing the phone out from my pocket, I called Kevin. 

“Hi Val, how are you guys?” 

“Hi, Kevin. Uh, Jake is better, much better actually. He has gotten some exercises or something from a physical therapist, that’s really helping. So that’s good.” 

“That’s good to hear. Can he go home soon? And what about you? How’re you feeling?” 

“I hope so. Um, it could be better, to be honest. This concussion has me throwing up like I was being paid for it.” I admitted. 

“I hope you’re feeling better soon.” 

“I hope so too. Look, the reason why I called is that I’ve gotten my hands on some money. $4,600. Is that enough?” I asked, while I silently begged that it was. 

“Um, wait a second…” 

Crap, I had hoped he would just say it was plenty, but it sounded more like it was far from. 

“For starters, then yes. I can pay the difference for now. Then you can pay me back when Jake’s out of the hospital. Deal?”

“Deal.” I sighed relieved. “Text me your account information, and I’ll put it in as soon as I find a bank. And also how much we owe, and we’ll pay it back as soon as possible.” I promised.

“Sure, you’ll have it in a couple of minutes. And I think I’ll have everything ready for you by tomorrow.” 

“Kevin… _thank you_ , for everything. I don’t know what we’d do without out you.” My voice was close to breaking, but I made it through the whole sentence without it happening. My tone was earnest and grateful. 

“Don’t worry about it. We help where we can. You’d done the same for us if you could.” 

“Yeah. We would.” 

“I’ll text you in a couple of minutes.” 

“Cool. Say hi to Tina. Talk to you soon.” 

I sat in the car and googled the nearest bank while I waited for Kevin to text me back. Any excuse for postponing the four-hour drive back to the hospital, but I had only just found the address for the nearest bank when the message ticked in. “And off we go,” I muttered to myself. I was definitely not looking forward to the trip back. 

I deposited all the money into Kevin’s bank account, stopped to get gas and another 1.5 l cola before I turned the car towards Nampa, Idaho. 

Now that the ‘job’ was done I wasn’t in such a hurry to get back. I mean, of course, I would love to see Jake longer than the short visit this morning, but the most important thing was now taken care of, and I could relax a little. I couldn’t do any more right now, and that was satisfying because now I didn’t have that sword of responsibilities hanging over my head. Now the ball was passed on for a while, out of my hands. Just for a little bit. 

There had just been so much the last… what was it? A week? I tried counting in my head. Six days. God, had it only been six days? It felt like six months. I felt worn out. Like I had aged a decade for each day that had passed. It was pathetic. I felt pathetic, and for some time I allowed myself to dwell on it. Dwelled in self-pity. Used it as a pressure valve to get it out of my system so I could function normally when I got back. It was kind of a productive way to use the time while driving. 

I had long ago turned off the CD player as my head couldn’t take it. The roar of the engine and the wind rushing in the open window was enough, more than enough actually. 

When I was tired of pitying myself, I thought about that ‘talk’ Jake wanted to have. Now it didn’t seem so grave or serious. I just did what I had to do, there was nothing more to say. It was either that or getting stuck with medical bills we couldn’t pay back in a lifetime. But a lot of it was frustration. He hated to be kept out of things, he wanted to know what was going on, and since he woke, I had practically told him nothing. I hoped, no actually, I convinced myself he would cool down and understand as soon as I was able to explain. After that, I didn’t feel so worried about it. Because I would just tell him everything when we were both back at the motel. 

_Oh, sweetheart, you don’t mean that._

Stop it. I tried to block it out, but it just continued. 

_You won’t tell him that you saw when they revived him, you won’t tell him that you went berserk and got sedated, you won’t tell him that you love him._

Okay, you’re right, now shut up. Maybe Jake was right, perhaps I was slightly crazy after all. 

 

I had to pull over a few times, and a plastic bag was still glued to my lap, but 6:08 p.m. I parked at the hospital’s parking lot. I went into the first bathroom I found to brush my teeth. As I looked in the mirror, I shook my head; I looked too pale, and my eyes were red, I barely had any mascara left. Again. 

Before I found Jakes room I swallowed some pills, as I hadn’t taken any pills all day, it would just be a waste as I would throw them up again so I, once again, took a double dose.


	14. His side of things

While doing my exercises in the evening, I heard some slightly uneven steps in the hallway I only noticed because I knew them so well. I don’t even think Val knows her steps are uneven after her knee injury. 

A moment after she appeared in the door. “Hi.” She said with a smile. 

“Hi. Just a minute and I’m done.” I greeted her. Actually, I had missed her today. I felt kind of clingy, but on the other hand, we were approximately together 23 hours out of 24, so one whole day apart was actually a lot. 

Though I was awake sometimes at night, it was different than during the day. I knew she slept anyway, here I didn’t know where she had been. The frustration started to smolder in me. “So, did you get your _errands_ done?” Escaped me as I finished my exercises before I got it under control. 

“Jake, stop it. I’ll tell you everything when we’re back at the motel so get off my back about it.” She snapped back. Her forehead rested in her palm, and she rubbed her temples with her thumb and middle finger. She had sat down in the chair. 

Now that I really looked at her, I noticed she looked a lot worse than this morning though she had looked like hell even then. Now that I really looked at her, I saw that her eyes were red and glazed. I was sure she had makeup on when she was here this morning, but now she didn’t have any. And her face had a sallow color. 

What the hell has she been doing?

“Okay,” I let her be. She looked like she had a rough day, and she said she’d tell me everything back at the motel. That promise calmed me, but I also felt a twinge of guilt over my snarky comment. 

Well, I didn’t get a proper look at her to begin with if I had seen how worn out she looked I wouldn’t have said it. Or at least that’s what I convinced myself. 

“Sorry, it’s just… it’s been a really rough day for me.” She confessed with a sigh. She still rested her head in her hand, now her index and middle finger rubbed her right temple. 

“You look like you had a rough day too.” An unnoticeable smile pulled up the corner of her lips, and mine mimicked hers before I could stop it. 

“Do I really look that bad?” She asked, the smile grew bigger but had a tired hint to it as the rest of her face had. 

No baby, you look beautiful as always. But I was sure she would call me a liar if I told her that, so I just kept my mouth shut with a secretive smile as I went under the blanket. 

“Have the doctors told you anything new today?” She asked after a few moments of silence. 

“Not really. They said I should take one day at a time, but it all looks like it should.” 

“Good.” She said with a big yawn. 

“Come here, you look like you could use a nap.” You look like you could use three days of sleep, but I kept it to myself. 

She nestled herself in my bed after kicking off her boots, I wrapped my arm around her. 

“Goodnight-kiss.” She tilted her head back and whispered close to inaudible. As I kissed her, I noticed she tasted of toothpaste and that puzzled me a bit, but I pushed it aside and took a whiff of her hair without touching her. I think she was asleep even before I picked up the Harry Potter book. 

Her exhausted and worn out look had diminished the frustration towards her. That she promised to tell everything had also helped, and the tired tone in her voice… poor thing. I kissed the top of her head.


	15. Chapter 15

Two hours later, Jake woke me and suggested I went back to the motel instead. That actually sounded tempting, just to sleep and forget how dreadful this day had been, and wake up to a new fresh day. I was glad this day was soon over. Now I only had the drive back to the motel to worry about, and that twenty minutes would feel like twenty seconds compared to how much I had been driving around today. 

So I did as he said and went back. To my disappointment, the drive to the motel took twice as long as it should, as I hadn’t recovered from the road trip earlier. I decided to take a quick shower before I went to bed where I had trouble finding a comfortable position, and now, here in the dark, quiet room, I noticed how much my head hurt, how badly my rib stung for every breath especially after all the extra stress from the puking. The stitches pulled on my skin, and I felt the blood pounding underneath the wounds. My back was sore. My whole body felt weak and beaten.


	16. His side of things

Again, they woke me too early. It was still dark outside. Just like the other days. 

What’s wrong with waiting for a more decent time? Like 7? Why do you have to come between 4 and 5? What’s wrong with you? Don’t you like to sleep? I felt like asking the interns all those questions. 

I could get up early a couple of days in a row, but I couldn’t make it a habit. The fact that the interns always looked like dogs who know they’re about to get a shower and have realized there’s no way around it, made me abstain from asking these questions as well. 

They already apologized a hundred times for waking me his early, asked if I slept well. They were really polite, and they were just doing their job. Though I leaned back against the head of the bed and closed my eyes again after they left. 

They woke me again at 8 because of breakfast. 

The other days she had been here early. I wondered where she was. She was probably sleeping. On one hand, I wanted to let her sleep, on the other, I would like to get out of here. And I still felt like every minute ticked on the parking meter. Again I got that bad taste in my mouth when I thought about how much this was gonna cost, so I quickly shied away from it again. 

I decided to read. The Harry Potter book didn’t catch me completely, but it was better than nothing. 

Shortly after Dr. Greer came by along with Rufus. I liked Rufus, his positive attitude was highly contagious. Dr. Greer was quieter, and I couldn’t figure out his facial expressions. 

I wondered why they were both here, they usually didn’t visit me together. 

“Mr. Devanney, Rufus here tells me he’s very satisfied with you.” Dr. Greer said. Apparently, everybody called Rufus by his first name. Rufus sent me an encouraging smile behind Dr. Greer’s back. 

“That’s good to hear, can I go home soon?” 

“That’s actually why I’m here. I’ll have to check your vitals, go over your numbers before I can decide whether it’s time to send you home or not.” 

“That sounds good.” 

Dr. Greer’s examination didn’t last long. Patiently, I waited while he scribbled some notes on a notepad. “So, what’s the verdict?” I joked when he was done scribbling. 

“I’ll say you’re ready for discharge, Mr. Devanney.” And for the first time, he sent me a real smile. 

“Awesome.” 

“I’ll just have to fill the papers, it’ll take an hour perhaps two, tops. Do you know when Miss Moore will be here?” 

“No,” It was actually weird she hasn’t come by yet. But she could be sleeping, she really had a rough day yesterday. She needed it.


	17. Chapter 17

A buzzing sound woke me. I lifted my head and looked confused around until I saw the light on my phone. It was ringing. As I reached out for it, I squinted at the screen. 

An unknown number, I saw between the cracks. I pressed answer. “Hmm?” 

“Is this Miss Valery Moore I’m speaking with?” A female voice asked. 

“Depends on who’s calling?” I retorted, but my voice was too groggy to sound anywhere near threatening. To see what time it was, I turned around. It was already over 10. 

Didn’t I set the alarm when I went to bed last night?

“This is April Marsh. I’m a nurse at the Saint Alphonsus Medical Center. Is this Miss Valery Moore?” 

Oh, it was just the hospital. At the last question, she started to sound annoyed. 

“Yes, this is she,” I confirmed. But then I got worried. At first, I relaxed when it was just the hospital, now I was wondering exactly why they were calling me.

“Mr. Devanney asked me to call you to tell you that he’s being discharged today, and if you would bring some of his clothes?” 

Internally, I breathed a sigh of relief. “Yes, of course. I’ll be there in thirty minutes.” I promised. 

“Good, I’ll tell him that. Have a nice day. Bye.” 

“Thanks, bye.” My head fell down onto the pillow after I ended the call. I was so tired. This night I had been awake a million times and had been up two times to take painkillers, and one time because the queasiness evolved to puking-level, but nothing came up though I sat with my head in the toilet for at least fifteen minutes before it passed. 

With a groan, I sat up and checked my phone. And surely, I had set the alarm for 7 a.m. I must have slept through it. 

There was also a text from Kevin, asking if I could give him the number of the accounting department, or if I could get the accounting department to call him and then he would sort it out. Perfect timing. I texted him back that I would get the accounting department to call him, and quickly explained what I had told to stall the lady down there. That he was my dad and had been on vacation in Spain where he didn’t use any technology as he found it intruding when he was trying to relax. 

Groggy and a little befuddled I got up and started to get dressed. In the meantime, a message ticked in from Kevin simply saying ‘ok.’ I found a clean set of clothes for Jake, and took it along with his boots and jacket to the car, and drove to the hospital. 

Halfway, I ripped the car door open. Skipping breakfast had been a bad idea. A, really fucking bad, idea. My stomach convulsed and cramped as it had nothing to throw up beside gastric acid. I didn’t even have a cup of coffee this morning. I gasped for air as my rib protested. 

Please God, let this be over soon.


	18. His side of things

At 10, I asked one of the nurses to call Val as my phone battery was dead. I could be discharged any minute now. 

A couple of minutes later, the nurse came back and told me Val was on her way along with some clothes I had asked the nurse to ask her to bring. She said Val had said she would be here in thirty minutes. 

Good. Again, I missed her. I hadn’t seen much of her yesterday. 

I couldn’t wait to get out of here for two reasons. One, the medical bills meter would stop ticking. Two, Val would finally tell everything that had happened. It was odd not to know what had actually happened when we found Sinanima. I could only remember glimpses, and they seemed unreal somehow. 

I listened to every pair of footsteps in the hall while reading until I heard what I was listening for. A moment later Val walked through the door. “Hi,” She looked a lot better today. 

“Hi. I had expected to see you earlier.” I said, inviting her to tell why, instead of demanding to know why she wasn’t here earlier. I wouldn’t sound needy. 

“Yeah. Well, I overslept. I had set the alarm at seven, but I just slept through it. Sorry. But I brought your clothes.” She explained and gave me my clothes. 

“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart.” I grabbed her hand and dragged her closer, she got the hint and bowed down to kiss me. “Thanks for bringing my clothes.”

“You’re welcome. Can I take you home already or aren’t you officially discharged yet?” 

“They just have to sign the papers,” I told her as I started to change into my normal clothes. It would be nice to finally wear something normal. In this hospital clothes, I looked like a 90-year-old dying lady. “God, I’m glad I can get rid of this ugly thing,” I said while wrinkling my nose. 

“I know what you mean. Um, while you get dressed I just have to talk to someone in the accounting department, okay? I’ll be back in five.” She darted out of the room after kissing my cheek like something was chasing her. 

Again, I got that bad taste in my mouth. How much was this gonna cost? I didn’t know what such kind of care could cost. 

After a couple of minutes of struggling to get my t-shirt on, I called a nurse to help me, Val still wasn’t back yet. I had trouble raising my arms enough to get it on even when the nurse helped. 

While I waited for Val to get back, I could feel the impatience crawling in on me. There was so much I didn’t know, and Val promised to tell me everything when I was out of here. And it was like the closer I got to being discharged the bigger the impatience grew. 

What happened, what had she and Kevin going on? Where was she yesterday? What was she doing in the accounting department? I really didn’t like to be left out of everything like this. The frustration fumed inside of me. 

I looked up as I heard Val’s steps just a second before she walked through the door. 

“We’re gonna be back at the motel in half an hour, and I’ll explain everything.” She said immediately as I was about to open my mouth and ask why she had to go to the accounting department. 

Why couldn’t she just tell me that? Why was that a secret too? 

I abstained from asking the question and just said, “Okay.”

“Have they signed your discharge papers yet?” She leaned against the wall and asked. 

“No, I’m still waiting for them.” Actually, they could hurry up just a bit so I could finally figure out what was going on. 

Back when dad had sold the house and told me only to pack what I liked the most, and then put me in the car and drove for a long time, I had asked questions too, and he had answered what I, now, as an adult could see had been pretty avoiding. Back then, I just thought I didn’t understand but was still annoyed about the fact that I couldn’t understand what was going on. But I knew when the adults said that that’s the way it was, I had to stop asking questions. Because dad was an adult and I was a child. 

I felt the same… ‘wronged’ feeling now as dad had made me feel a lot in the beginning after selling the house and going on a ‘road trip’ as he called it for a long time at first. 

But I wasn’t a child anymore, and Val wasn’t a parent of me. I crossed my arms, but even before I had crossed them completely, I regretted it. It hurt like hell in my chest, and I had to seek support on the bed while leaning slightly forward until the pain subsided a couple of seconds after. 

“Does it hurt?” Val asked worriedly. 

“Yeah, but it’s better than just a few days ago.” When I woke, it was like an elephant had walked around on my chest, and still am actually. Every movement, every breath hurts like a bitch. But it was already much better, though it still hurt like hell. 

A nurse came a few minutes later where the pain had subsided to the ‘normal.’ She had a wheelchair, which I couldn’t figure out why and some brown paper bags containing pills for the next couple of days. “Mr. Devanney, you’re officially discharged.” She said like she was glad to give me the good news. And I was glad to hear her say it. 

“Great. What’s the wheelchair for?” I asked curiously.

“It’s for you.” 

“You gotta be kidding me?” Now I finally felt a little normal, and then you come with this? I had just escaped the feeling of feeling like a 90-year-old dying lady, and now you brought it back. I could walk by myself. 

“I’m sorry, hospital policy.” The nurse’s voice was stern. Something about her face withheld me from objecting. It reminded me of Val’s stubborn face, and I just had a feeling that I wasn’t getting around this. 

I obviously rolled my eyes at her, but sat down in it, and sighed loudly, letting her know I wasn’t doing it of free will. 

I didn’t realize how far my room had been from the front doors, and against my will, I appreciated the wheelchair, but not much. It still felt kinda degrading sitting in this thing. As soon as the wheelchair stopped, I got up from it. But my body instantly protested over the quick movement, and I let out a groan. 

Val was immediately by my side with a hand on my shoulder. “You okay? Should I get the car?” she asked, again her tone was filled with worry. 

Relax, I just stood up too quickly. Behind me, I heard the nurse say, “Get well soon, Mr. Devanney. Have a nice day.” And then her footsteps faded. Perhaps she thought Val looked capable enough to take it from here or maybe it was because we were now outside the hospital building. 

“I’m okay. Where is it?” The pain had quieted down enough for me to stand up straight again. I searched the parking lot to see if I could spot the green Chevy. 

“Over there. 20 yards from here. You want me to get it?” She pointed to the right, and I found it. 

“No, it’s okay. It’s not that far.” There was no need to make me feel more handicapped than I already did. 

I noticed how her watchful gaze followed me as we walked to the car. When we were almost at the car, she ran forward and opened the door for me. I shook my head at her when she didn’t look. There was no need for her jumping around like that. I wasn’t sick, I just had a couple of broken ribs. 

I let out a grunt as I noticed how low the car was when I got in. Had it always been this low? 

“So tell me everything,” I said when she had closed the door and started the car. 

“Can we please get back to the motel first?” She asked resignedly as she backed out of the parking spot. 

“Why?” 

What’s wrong with telling me now? Are you enjoying keeping all this from me?

“Because I’m fucking nauseous, and probably have to pull over every other minute to puke my guts out.” She snapped back and shifted to a forward gear a little too violently. 

“Is it that bad?” 

Why hasn’t she said anything if she was feeling this bad? 

“Remember the last time I had a concussion?” She said with a sigh, but a tiny smile was to trace on her lips. 

“Seattle, me and dad had to get another room because you occupied the bathroom 24-7.” I chuckled as I thought back on the memory. It wasn’t that bad, but she still spent a lot of time in the bathroom. A vampire had gotten a hold of her gun and had hit her in the head until she passed out. 

“Yup, exactly.” She agreed. 

“I forgot. I’m sorry,” 

How could I forget that? What was wrong with me? I knew she had it like that when she had a concussion, why didn’t I think of that? Because I’m a selfish asshole, that’s why. I have been so wound up in what she’s not telling me that I couldn’t see anything besides that. “It’s just so frustrating not knowing what happened or what’s going on or why you run off for an entire day,” I admitted, hoping she would bear with me. 

I sighed at myself but pushed out the air too quickly through my nose, and a stinging ran through my chest. 

“I know. It’s only a twenty-minute ride.” She said consolingly with a hand on my thigh. 

I could wait twenty minutes, couldn’t I? Of course, I could if I just stopped being such a self-centered asshole. 

“Plus puking-stops,” She suddenly added as she pulled over and kicked the door open. 

Oh, you poor thing. If I could, I would have leaned over and rubbed her back, but it hurt when I tried, so I had to stay in my seat. “You okay?” I looked searchingly at her, now it was my turn to stroke her thigh. 

“Yeah, it’ll pass in a couple of days. You should’ve seen me yesterday.” She joked. When I looked more wondering than questioning at her, or at least I tried not to look too demanding for information, she continued, “It was pathetic. I was rolling around in the dirt, and people stared like I was a mental case that had escaped the psyche ward.” 

“Wow.” I chuckled low, I tried to suppress it so it wouldn’t hurt. 

“Yeah, I told you it was pathetic.” She said with a raised eyebrow. 

The rest of the drive I let her be. The last couple of days must’ve been difficult for her, even though I didn’t know half of it. I tried to stop my frustration at that thought. Though we had both had it hard something told me she’d had it harder than me. I remembered how she looked yesterday. How tired, pale, and worn out, and it helped to keep the frustration in check. 

We couldn’t just talk about vampires and our lives in such a place as a hospital. You don’t know who could be listening, and especially in a hospital, they would put you in a mental institution if they found out you ‘believed’ in vampires. 

The more I walked, the more grateful I became for that short wheelchair ride. I had to take a break from the car to the motel room. Walking with a walker and walking normally was more different than I thought. Already, I think I’ve walked longer today than all the days together at the hospital. 

It was annoying that your body didn’t listen and worked against you like this. Val was overly helpful. It was sweet of her, but it didn’t make me feel better, it made it worse actually. But I didn’t snap at her or anything, just said, “no, thank you,” or, “no, it’s okay.” She didn’t mean any harm, she just wanted to help.

Grateful, I sat down on the bed, I was already tired. I shrugged out of my jacket and took off my boots, but couldn’t overcome putting them in their rightful place, so I just dumped them by the bed. 

I tried to grab the pillow and place it up against the headboard, so I could lean against it now that I was missing the adjustable bed from the hospital. And just exactly realized I had to get up to place it right, as my movements in my upper body were prohibited when Val said, “I got it.” She walked over, grabbed the pillow, and placed it right. I noticed she had only taken off one of her boots. 

This time, I was actually grateful for her help. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” She said as she proceeded to take off her other boot.

After hanging up her jacket, she grabbed a chair and sat down next to the bed, facing me. “Where should I begin? What’s the last thing you remember?”

I breathed a sigh of relief, now I’ll finally get some answers. Closing my eyes I tried to focus on the memories, the ones I was pretty sure were real, the unclear, and the dream-like ones. But I couldn’t find heads or tails in it. 

I began with what I knew was real, finding Sinanima. “Um, I remember finding Sinanima at the back of the house…” I hadn’t even noticed my index finger, and thumb was pinching the bridge of my nose. The memories fluttered around in my head, I couldn’t decide what to tell her or not. 

Finding Sinanima at the house was actually the only memory I was sure was 100% real. In the end, I gave up trying to find any meaning in it and just decided to tell her everything. If she said I was crazy, I’d blame it on the coma or something, but I warned her by starting with, “This is gonna sound crazy, but…” 

She stared intently at me, but her face was open and waiting. Often when you say ‘this is gonna sound crazy’ some people instantly distrusted what you were about to say and distanced themselves in some kind of attempt to brace themselves from whatever you’re about to say. But not Val, she was almost the opposite. Almost affable, but though her appearance was positive I still stuttered a bit in the beginning, “I-I blinked my eyes and she was there. She pushed me, and I hit my head on the wall of the house, and the next thing I know, she’s beating the shit out of you. But I wasn’t anywhere near the wall when I woke, and my chest was bloody, I don’t know how that happened. It’s just gone.” I made a gesture with my arm and hand that showed the memory had gone up in smoke. 

Her face remained unchanged as I spoke, and I wasn’t sure if she believed me at all, her face seemed unreadable. 

“I tried to get her away from you, but she was strong. I mean – and this is gonna sound crazy – but stronger than she should be. I mean she’s just a little girl… and–”

“And then she threw you over her head, and stepped so hard on your chest that you broke five ribs and your heart stopped.” Val interrupted me matter-of-factly in a calm voice. 

The small doubt about sounding crazy vanished. It actually felt nice to get confirmation that something so unrealistic had happened. Then the unreal and dream-like memories were real after all. 

But the powerlessness-demon gained a little more power when that realization made me feel utterly weak and helpless. 

How’s it possible? That question ringed and echoed in my head, and I felt a déjà vu, but then Val interrupted my train of thoughts. “You know where we were standing at first, right?” She paused to see if I was following, I nodded, curiously encouraging her to go on. “I think she pushed you to the left into the wall of the house. But I… I flew fucking all the way to that concrete wall and broke my skull. That’s fucking insane. That’s not possible. And when I could see something again, she held you up, so your chest was in line with her face. And what are you? Like 200 pounds? I can’t even lift you an inch off the ground, and I’m bigger than her! But no, no, no, that’s not crazy enough. I can’t remember exactly what she said, but it was something about your soul, and that you were gonna taste better than your dad, while this yellow light shone between you. I don’t know what the fuck that was or what to make of it.” Her voice got higher and higher, she sounded angry, she sounded aggrieved. 

“What?” I asked astounded. 

She said what about my dad? Did she mean blood? I couldn’t make it fit because she has tasted my blood. A shudder ran through me just because of the memory. 

“You heard me. And I’m not done yet. Then I find my gun and shoot at her. From the time I pulled the trigger to it hit she was able to react, so it went into her shoulder instead. I had a clean shot! It should’ve been right through her heart!” Val almost yelled the last sentences at me. This really upset her, this whole situation with Sinanima. And I could understand her because it was preposterous. “Then she turns around and runs towards me, I fire– I don’t know two or three bullets, and she avoided _all_ of them. Then she beat the crap out of me, and you got her away, the rest you know. 

After she threw you over her heard, I shot at her again, and again she avoids, and I hit her side. She attacks me again, and just to do something I just kept shooting her in the head because I wasn’t able to aim at her heart, until she yelled something Spanish into my face and ran off, and then I was out too.” When she was done talking, it was like she relaxed. She leaned back in the chair and her shoulders slumped. Or did she look resigned? 

But it was nice to get the whole course of events in the correct order, to get the details filled in. Even though I couldn’t wrap my head around it. It was like I knew she told the truth, but my mind wouldn’t believe it was anything else than a fairytale like the ones mom read to me. “Shit… so basically she’s stronger and faster than humanly and… vampirely possible. How is that even possible?” Even after I said it, the question kept echoing in my head, and the déjà vu feeling returned. 

I felt the demon named powerlessness pulsating, increasing the feeling of feeling helpless and weak against Sinanima. It rose up like a bad taste in my throat, and I couldn’t breathe. It strangled me. 

“I don’t know…” Now she definitely looked resigned as she helplessly gestures with her hands in the air before she continued, “But she is… we know what we saw. We don’t know how or why, but it happened. Big time. I mean look at us, remember how Bill looked? Remember what they said when they called from the ER? They said he had been mauled by a bear. Not assaulted, not attacked, but mauled –”

“How is it even possible!?” I interrupted her in a shout. I couldn’t help it. It was just too much. The thought of Sinanima made a fear creep in on me. But I had never felt fear for Sinanima before. 

“I don’t know, Jake!” She yelled back as loudly as I had yelled at her. But then it was like she composed herself and continued normally, “I know just as much as you, but it happened.”

“Yeah, it did,” I said with a sigh. 

It did, and what could I do about it? It wasn’t just a dream I could deny anymore. But how was it possible she was that strong and fast? The heavy déjà vu feeling didn’t exactly help. 

Déjà vu from when I was bitten, from when I was only 10 years old. How the wolves and the dragon were possible, and then how vampires were possible. 

But a child’s mind has an easier time wrapping around something like that than an adult mind has. Something so impossible like that, of course, the wolves and the dragon had a ‘rational’ explanation, but the vampires still existed. 

I think I have used up all my ‘wrapping-mind-around’ cards I had in my entire lifetime. I was glad Val had seen it too as I couldn’t really grasp it after seeing it myself. What if she hadn’t seen it? Then she wouldn’t believe me. She would’ve sent me to a mental institution. For a brief moment, I felt relieved by that thought. At least we were together in this. 

But what would other hunters think? Would they believe us? “You know, no one’s gonna believe us if we tell this.” I lifted my gaze to look at her but saw she was looking at the laptop. “What’re you doing?”

“I know. I’m finding Bill’s document.” She explained. 

“Why?” What does that have to do with anything?

“I can’t remember what it says.” 

Well, who cares? We know she’s a psycho bitch with supernatural speed and strength what else do you wanna know? 

Suddenly I remembered… _she might be faster than the average._ I remember that sentence from the document, I remember thinking what the fuck that meant. Guess I know now. How consoling. 

“Okay, now we both know we’re not crazy. You wanna hear the rest?” Val interrupted my thoughts again as she turned towards me and left the laptop be while it started up. 

In all this mess, I had forgotten there even was a rest. I listened closely when she started explaining everything that has happened since. “When I woke up in the hospital you were in the medically induced coma. I called Kevin and told that she kicked our asses, and that we were in the hospital, and that we needed help. Because I didn’t know what the fuck to do. I was discharged after two days. And then… then everything was just crap. The police came by to interrogate me, and I had to make up a story, which I’ll tell you afterward as they’re calling you in for interrogation too, probably one of the next couple of days. Shortly I just said some guys were trying to mug us. 

Anyway, and then they had found my gun at the yellow house and had confiscated it. So I had to dig out my permit, and then go to the house to find your gun as well. Don’t worry, I found it.” She added when I looked upset back at her. I would really hate to lose my Novak Colt, it had a comfortable grip, and I was so used to its recoil. 

When she saw I had relaxed again she continued, “And then the accounting department wanted to see me, and in just those three days our treatments cost over twenty-five grand! So to stall and buy Kevin some time, I had to give them nine out of the ten grand we found. And then Kevin needed some money to pull whatever he had going on, I think some insurance fraud, but I don’t know. I didn’t ask. So I was out all night to break into houses in the next town over, and yesterday I drove to Oregon and Washington to pawn all that crap I stole so I could give Kevin some money. That’s a fucking four-hour drive each way. And in my condition! And it wasn’t enough, so Kevin was kind enough to lend us the rest. We owe him a couple of grand. And… and that’s it I guess.”

“Holy shit…” What a shitload. 

“Yeah, you don’t say.” She stated and rubbed her eyes like she was completely deflated after letting all this out. 

While she told me everything, I felt guiltier and guiltier. She had been through so much in so few days, and all I’ve done is just being a self-centered jackass pushing her. Pushing her for information and acting like a child when she didn’t tell me right away. 

Why was I always an asshole to her? 

“God… I’m sorry I pushed you about all of this…” I started apologizing, my hand ran through my hair in feebleness. I would tell her how truly sorry I was for being the way I was, and that I should have thought of her as well. 

But she stopped me before I even finished the first sentence, “It’s okay, forget it. You didn’t know.” She sounded sincere, and the smile she sent me told me it really was okay.


	19. Chapter 19

He held out his hand, silently asking for me to join him. I sat down at the edge of the bed instead. Now completely forgotten everything about the laptop and the document.

“I’m sorry,” he said again as he took my hand and kissed the back of it. 

“Well, it wasn’t your fault.” I let my hand he had just kissed stroke his cheek, and farther up into his hair. He didn’t have any wax in it right now. It felt soft in a different way than it used to. It was good to see him in his normal clothes again. Honestly, it suited him, and he didn’t look nearly as sick as when he had been in hospital clothes.

Closing his eyes, he leaned towards my touch. “You look tired. You wanna watch a movie?” He asked, and opened his eyes to look at me. 

For a second, I thought about it. I wasn’t allowed to watch TV or read for at least a week, and today it had been… 1, 2, 3… 7 days. So technically, I was allowed to try. “Okay, but shouldn’t I go get us some lunch first?” I suggested. If my head couldn’t endure a movie I would take a nap, so better get lunch now. Otherwise, it would be too late. 

“Okay.” He agreed and leaned forward. 

I understood his intention and met him halfway in a kiss. “I’ll be back in five,” I promised and headed for my boots and jacket. 

While I walked, I quickly let the events of today run through my head. Several things had worked out and it felt like the burden on my shoulder was much smaller than just a few days ago. 

First of all, Jake was finally out of the hospital. Second, the medical bill problem had been taken care of. When I had entered Audrey Crawford’s office was it clear she hadn’t expected to see me again. She thought I was lying. 

Well, technically I was. But she wouldn’t know that. Hopefully. I had just given her Kevin’s number and hurried out of there, though she threatened with having my number in the system if she needed to clear up anything else. But I trusted Kevin. 

And finally, it was nice to be able to tell Jake everything, so I didn’t have to endure his pissed off attitude. But I was the only one to take it out on. I had been the bad guy withholding information because we couldn’t talk about it inside the hospital. It must have been hard for him to be practically in the dark about what was going on, and what happened back at the yellow house. To some extent, I could understand his frustration, the last few days I just haven’t had the strength to deal with him being like that. 

At first, when I asked what he could remember I had silently prayed that he was able to remember just some of it. Because it would be impossible to convince him of what I had seen if he couldn’t remember any of it. Because what had happened was impossible. And I would sound like a crazy person. Though our injuries spoke for themselves, they didn’t say supernatural. Didn’t say more supernatural than what we were used to. Didn’t say more supernatural than possible. But I was quickly spared from trying to convince him when he continued telling the bits and pieces he remembered. And the longer he had gone on the faster he had talked, and he had started stumbling over the words too along with having a hard time looking at me for more than a few seconds at a time. 

It was clear he knew just how crazy it sounded, but I was grateful that he remembered. Grateful that I didn’t have to explain everything to him, and make me look like I was completely out of my mind. He would have said I had hit my head too heard. 

But right at that moment, it had looked like he felt exactly what I had feared I would, so I had quickly interrupted him in a calm voice, and finished his sentence.

Afterward, I had felt so relieved. 

_Though you very elegantly jumped over the fact that you saw them reviving him and went nuts._

Shut up!

It had felt so good to finally be able to talk about this, to have cleared up that I wasn’t the only one who saw it. It had just built and built up inside of me. 

It had felt like he still seemed to have a hard time believing it even after I had finished telling. I did too, but I know what I saw, I know what I felt. Somehow, it just was, and we had to accept that so we could be better prepared for next time. But she was too fast for us to shoot her, too strong for us to do anything else. And why hadn’t we heard about this before? The same fragment of a memory intruded my mind as it had done when I had discussed this with Jake. Bill’s document. I had forgotten all about it. Well, I could always look at it tomorrow. 

My gloomy thoughts went away when I suddenly remembered his pouting when the nurse came with the wheelchair for him. He had pouted the best I had ever seen when he sat in it. But to be honest, I think the wheelchair had been a good idea because he really seemed wobbly and unsteady. Pretty much like I was a few days ago. 

 

I found a sandwich bar and got one with chicken and bacon for myself, and one with ham and cheese for Jake. 

When I came back, he had put on the DVD, but had paused it, so it was ready. 

“You shouldn’t– I could’ve done that.” I chided him gently. 

“I was just lying here anyway.” He shrugged, but a smile played on his lips. 

I just shook my head at him. He had put on a horror movie called The Cabin in the Woods. It wasn’t really scary, but a bit odd. It was the usual, college students going on a trip to a cabin. In the woods obviously, but there was something with an office, or control room, or surveillance. But I never found out how it ended because halfway through my head hurt so I closed my eyes and fell asleep. 

 

I woke by myself a couple of hours later, only to find Jake asleep. Suddenly I remembered the document on the laptop again. It had gone into sleep mode, so it came to life fairly quickly, but the battery was drained, and I put in the charger before I found the document. Quickly seeping through it until I found what I was looking for. 

_Suspects she might be faster than the average._

Indeed she was. I changed it to _Is stronger and faster than average._

And then there was the fiddling around with her name.   
_*anima, latin f_  
 _\- Soul_  
 _\- Breath of life, life (different from animus: mind, thought)_

He might have been on to something, but why not tell us? It was important information, and we got our asses kicked because we didn’t understand his document properly. I actually felt a spark of the anger Jake had felt the day we discovered it. Always had I been grateful to Bill, and had been grateful for this document. I still was of course, but also… annoyed that he didn’t tell us, he suspected it. 

I made one last change to the document before I closed it. Under _known whereabouts_ , I typed Meridian, Idaho 12th April 2015. 

After turning off the laptop, I decided to try to read a couple of pages in my book. I laid down on the bed and opened the book. 

Already after half a page, I felt my headache increase, but it wasn’t unbearable. A couple of pages later, Jake woke up. And then we decided to eat dinner though it was only 6 p.m. and after that, we would take a shower together, and go to bed early. 

While we ate our pizzas, I told Jake about the cover story I had told the police. I had memorized it as good as I could so our stories would be alike. 

I was actually surprised that I had been able to keep both a sandwich and a pizza down today. Probably because I hadn’t been out driving. To be honest, I had also actively avoided it; I had walked to the sandwich bar, and we had ordered the pizzas over the phone. 

We finished eating and went to the bathroom, I offered Jake a hand for support, but he stubbornly refused. I had taken off my top and was taking off my jeans as he came into the bathroom. When I straightened up, he took a step closer, his eyes, filled with worry, ran over my body. His fingertips gently swiped over the bruise where my broken rib was, his light touch almost tickled. 

“Let me see your back,” he said quietly as his hand on my shoulder gently turned me around. With one hand, he removed my hair I had just released from the ponytail, and again his fingertips ran along my skin where it was bruised, though they had gotten a yellowish color by now. When his fingertips reached my bra, he deftly unclasped it. I let the straps slide over my arms, and it fell to the floor. 

After bending over to take off my panties, I straightened up again and found Jake looking at his gray t-shirt with a frown, unsure on how to get it off. “Let me help you with that,” I insisted. My fingers found the edge of it and slowly pulled it up. When I had pulled it over his stomach, he lifted his arms, but let out a groan as it hurt. 

A gasp nearly escaped me as I pulled his chest free of the fabric, but with clenched teeth, I contained it before it could get over my lips. He had bruises covering his entire chest, just like me where I had broken my rib, but his… it was close to ten times as big. And then there were the four wounds across his chest, just like Bill has had. Each over five inches long. He must have close to forty stitches. I pulled his arms free of the t-shirt with a frown as it stung in my own rib. 

When he let his arms fall down his sides, he found me still staring at his chest. He looked down at himself and let out a sigh along with a shrug, almost like he was saying ‘yeah, this is how I look now, I can’t really do anything about it.’ 

I let the tips of my fingers run along the wounds just as tenderly as he had done to me a minute ago. Now I realized this was the first time we both really got a look at each other’s injuries. Over half of mine were just in my face, so they were easy to see. Leaning forward, I placed a kiss that barely touched his skin on his chest and then kissed his lips. “Let’s get the rest of your clothes off,” I said as I unbuckled his belt, and started undoing his jeans. 

“You’re straight forward, huh?” He joked.

“Jackass,” I pressed my lips together to hide a smile as I bent down and pulled his jeans and boxers down. “In the shower with you,” I ordered when I straightened up after taking off his socks. 

“Yes, ma’am,” he saluted with his hand before he pulled the shower curtain aside and turned on the water. 

With a smile, I joined him. I poured some shampoo into my hand and began washing my hair. It stung just as I lifted my arm above my shoulder, but as I kept it there, the stinging subsided. After the shampoo was washed out, I started washing his body with a sponge. 

“I can do it –” 

“Just let me do it.” I interrupted him softly. 

He surrendered with an, “Okay,” and a shrug.

When I reached his chest, I dapped his skin with the sponge instead of the circular strokes I had used on his arms and shoulders. “Almost like roles are reversed,” I commented. 

“What do you mean?” He asked with a frown when he couldn’t figure out what I meant. 

“When I was bitten,” I elaborated but didn’t meet his eyes as I still concentrated on dapping his chest. Making sure I wouldn’t hurt him. 

He clenched his jaw, but only for a second and then the corner of his lips pointed upwards, “Yeah, I let her beat the shit out of me just so you could return the favor.”

“Of course, you did,” I played along, but shook my head. “Turn around, so I can wash your back.” 

Afterward, I washed his hair as it would be too much a strain for him to do it himself. After that I put the conditioner in my hair, while I waited for it to work, I shaved my armpits, but no more than that. To be honest, I didn’t care right now, and I was sure Jake didn’t mind some body hair for a short period. I washed my body, Jake helped with washing my back so I could avoid twisting my upper body and moving my arms too much. 

His hands left my skin, “Thanks,” I turned around to face him and backed so we could both be under the water. “You wanna get out?” 

“Can’t we just stand here for a minute?” He sounded tired.

“Of course,” I wrapped my arms around him and carefully leaned against his chest. He didn’t say anything about it hurting him and then wrapped his arms around me too. 

I loved him. My ear laid against his chest, I could hear his heartbeat. He could have been dead, but instead, he stood here with his arms around me. A couple of tears left my eyes, and I was thankful we were in the shower where the water would just wash them away. 

Since Bill died, I had cried more than I think I had in my entire life. Though I missed Bill, I wouldn’t want it any different actually. The thought surprised me. Somehow, it was a horrible and selfish way of thinking. But if Bill hadn’t died we wouldn’t have started this relationship, and now I wouldn’t be without it. I wouldn’t be without him. Another couple of tears left my eyes, and I involuntarily sniffled. 

“We’re both alive,” he stated quietly, “We just took a hit,” he hushed. 

“Yeah, big time,” I mumbled, and sniffled again before I tilted my head back to look at him.

He leaned forward and met my lips. “I need you, sweetheart.” 

“I need you too,” _I love you._

“You know, we should get something for surviving this, a mark or a tattoo or something.” He said with overacted seriousness after I leaned my head against his chest again. 

It was clear to hear he was razzing me, and a chuckle escaped me through the tears. But after a couple of seconds, the idea appealed to me, more than I would have thought actually. “That’s actually a good idea,” I said soberly as I lifted my head and looked back up at him. 

“It was a joke, baby.” He chuckled with raised eyebrows. 

“I think we should do it.” I continued in the same tone as before. 

“You really think that?” I could hear he started to consider it. 

“How often do we run into something like this? How many people have survived her before us? Bill didn’t, and I doubt other people have when we haven’t heard about what she’s capable of before we found out ourselves.” My tone got an insisting hint. 

The playful smile faded as he thought about my words, his jaw had momentarily clenched when I mentioned Bill. “You know what? You’re right, let’s do it.” A new determination saturated his voice. “Now we just need to find a motive.” He added a second later. 

“And where we want it, but we’ll look at that tomorrow,” I promised and our lips met as a seal to the commitment. 

I helped Jake dry his hair and upper body and again dapped his chest carefully. The rest he could dry himself. For once, we were done around the same time. Unable to wrap a towel around my head as the hairs pulled and bothered the back of my head, I just dried it as much as I could, though the tips at my lower back continued dripping on my skin. 

Lying down under the covers, I took my phone. I had just unlocked the screen when I decided not to set an alarm for tomorrow as there wasn’t anything we had to do but saw I had a missed call. Through the crack, I saw it was Kevin. “Kevin has called while we were in the shower,” I informed Jake as my phone redialed and I waited for him to pick up. “Hi, Kevin. What’s up? Everything alright?” I asked a little concerned when he answered the call. 

“Hi. Uh, I just wanted to hear you about something… did you already pay $9,000 of the medical bills?” He asked like he didn’t really believe it. 

“Um, yeah. We found some money at the permanent residence, and that accountant wouldn’t get off my back so I said she could have them until I could get a hold of my ‘dad.’”

“Ah, okay. I just wanted to be sure. But anyway, it’s all taken care of now. How’re you?”

“Thank you, Kevin,” I couldn’t say that enough. Quickly I told him Jake was finally out of the hospital, and that I was feeling better. I said hi from Jake, and Kevin said hi from Tina before we hung up and I laid down on my right side, pushing my wet hair over the edge of the bed. 

“I’d like to spoon with you, but I can’t breathe when I lie horizontally.” It almost sounded like he was apologizing. 

“I know how it is to have broken ribs,” I reassured him, “I would like to sit up too and sleep, but I can’t yet,” I remember Dr. Greer said the pain in my head would subside after five to ten days. So it should be on retreat, though my road trip could have prolonged the recovering of that. “Goodnight-kiss,” I demanded for a change, rested on my elbow as I leaned forward and met his lips. 

“Goodnight, beautiful,” He stroked my cheek, and I laid down with a “goodnight,” as well.


	20. His side of things

What had she done to her? When that fucking vamp had bitten her, I was only filled with rage and vengeance. But Sinanima… what she was capable of, that scared me. I wanted her dead. I wanted her out of this world, but I didn’t feel the need to do it myself. I just wished I could wish her away without ever coming near her again. I wanted to be as far away from her as possible and I wanted Val even farther away from her. 

As she stood up straight after taking off her jeans, I stepped closer. What had she done to her? The tips of my fingers brushed over the horrendously looking bruise on her ribcage. It had a scary dark red and purple-blue color. 

“Let me see your back,” I said lowly, my right hand laid on her shoulder and gently turned her around. With the same hand, I swung her hair to her front side, exposing her back. It was one big bruise. It looked like someone had spray-painted her with yellow, green, and brown, and there were still some purple spots where her bones were closest to the skin. 

What on earth had she done to her? To beautiful, strong, stubborn Val? To my girl? My fingers ran over her backside as they had run over her ribcage. 

She just stood patiently and waited while I examined her body. She didn’t look uncomfortable at all. 

When my fingers reached the hook of her bra, I unhooked it. She took it off and then her panties, which reminded me that I still had all my clothes on. Looking down at my t-shirt, I wondered how the hell I could get it off. I couldn’t even put it on by myself earlier. 

“Let me help you with that,” She murmured as her fingers grabbed the edge and carefully pulled it up. 

I raised my arms, but a sharp pain ran through my chest. She deftly pulled the shirt the rest of the way off me, and my arms could fall down again though the pain didn’t go away at first. 

When I looked up, I saw she stared at my chest with big eyes, which made my eyes drop down to the wounds and bruises as well. I sighed, I looked like shit. The wounds were deep, when they healed up the scars would never disappear. I’ve always had a good relationship with my body, but I couldn’t do anything about this. It was gonna be there probably for the rest of my life. I hoped she could accept that. I couldn’t do anything about it. 

She laid her fingertips on my chest and let them trace down with the wounds very carefully. It didn’t hurt. Then she kissed gently where her fingers had just been before her lips found mine. 

I think she accepted it. It wasn’t really my fault, and I couldn’t change it. 

Her lips left mine, and she started to unbuckle my belt. “Let’s get the rest of your clothes off,” She said. 

“You’re straight forward, huh?” I said sarcastically. But a smile pulled up in the corner of my mouth. She took care of me. 

“Jackass,” She said before she ducked down to pull off my jeans and boxers. 

Another time and place this would have been naughty as hell, but I didn’t really feel any lust or need run through me. I think it had taken a vacation for now, and I don’t think I would be able to go through with it as it was right now anyway. 

“In the shower with you,” She demanded after undressing me completely. 

“Yes ma’am,” 

The water felt good, but it stung in the wounds on my chest at first. Val washed her hair while I stood under the water, pondering how I would pull that off. I stepped aside for her to wash it out. She poured some soap on a sponge I supposed was for herself, but then she started to wash my shoulders. “I can do it –”

“Just let me do it.” She said, her voice was soft, and she didn’t seem to mind at all. 

On the other hand, I wasn’t even sure how much of it I could do myself. “Okay,” I just let her do it. At first, I found it… not degrading… but unfamiliar, but she was so gentle. On my chest, she washed me with the utmost care, it didn’t even hurt. And I actually started to enjoy her taking care of me like this. I appreciated her doing this for me, she just took it as a given that of course, she took care of me instead of I had to ask for it. 

“Almost like roles are reversed,” She said quietly. 

“What do you mean?” I asked confusedly, I wasn’t following.

“When I was bitten,” She simply stated. 

My eyes involuntarily dropped to her left shoulder, it hadn’t healed completely yet. But she was right, it was almost like roles reversed. “Yeah, I let her beat the shit out of me just so you could return the favor.” I joked. 

Joking just came more naturally to me now. I didn’t have to think about it, it just came. I again felt a dash of how I was, though it was vague, but they came more frequently than just three weeks – no, I’m a week behind in my head because of the coma – four weeks ago. 

“Of course you did,” She pretended like it was obvious. “Turn around, so I can wash your back.” She ordered, and I did as she said. 

What would I do without her? I gave her a kiss as she washed my hair before she proceeded to put conditioner in her own. The lavender smell filled the bathroom. 

She washed her body, but I saw she had some trouble washing her back properly. I put some soap on my hands, pulled her a step back by her waist, and let my hands glide gently over her bruised back. 

“Thanks. You wanna get out?” She asked. 

“Can’t we just stand here for a minute?” I felt tired just by the thought of having to dry my entire body. Most of all I just wanted to go straight from here and to bed. No, actually I just wanted to fast-forward the next couple of weeks until the pain in my chest had subsided to a bearable level. 

“Of course,” She said, her arms carefully embraced me, and she leaned her head gently against my chest, so gently it didn’t even hurt. 

I put my arms around her too. It was actually nice standing like this. I had missed it. It was nice being out of that hospital and in a familiar environment again. Everything was almost back to normal, we just had to heal now. 

A sniffling sound interrupted my thoughts. Was she crying? 

No, no, no, don’t cry, sweetheart. You have nothing to cry about. I’m right here, we’re out of the hospital, everything’s gonna be alright. We’ll get back on our feet again soon. “We’re both alive, we just took a hit,” I soothed. 

“Yeah, big time,” she said with another sniff, leaned her head back and looked up at me. 

I pressed my lips against hers, hoping it would comfort her. “I need you, sweetheart.”

“I need you too,” Her voice still sounded slightly husky and then leaned her head on my chest again.

“You know, we should get something for surviving this, a mark or a tattoo or something.” I joked to cheer her up and again reminding her we made it to the other side of this. And I think it worked because I heard a soft chuckle. 

She lifted her head and looked up at me, “That’s actually a good idea.” Her voice was serious. 

“It was a joke, baby.” It was just to cheer you up, I didn’t mean anything serious with it. 

“I think we should do it.” She pushed, her voice hadn’t changed. I saw a hint of that stubborn look on her face. 

I considered it for a moment, “You really think that?” I asked slightly unsure. 

“How often do we run into something like this? How many people have survived her before us? Bill didn’t, and I doubt other people have when we haven’t heard about what she’s capable of before we found out ourselves.” Now the stubborn expression was clear on her face. 

She’s got a point. Dad didn’t survive her. I involuntarily clenched my jaw as she mentioned his name. We survived her, and that was an achievement in itself. Perhaps it could help on the fear for her to have something to remind me that we have survived her once. Though barely, but we did it. We did it together, why not get something to remind us of that fact? Maybe I could come to terms with facing her again someday if I was mentally prepared for it somehow. “You know what? You’re right, let’s do it.” Though I didn’t think I would get any more tattoos, but this was a good reason to get just one more. My mind already started pondering what motive could stand for this, perhaps we should figure that out together now that we were both getting it. “Now we just need to find a motive.”

“And where we want it, but we’ll look at that tomorrow.” She said and closed the subject by pressing her lips against mine.


	21. Chapter 21

The next three days kind of floated together in some way. Taking care of Jake, feeling tired, nauseous, pain, pills… 

At least my headache seemed to decrease for every day, to my relief. I still couldn’t sit up and sleep as it hurt as soon as there was any pressure at the back of my head, so I slept as bad as ever. My sleep pattern became more and more irregular, and I slept during the day too. 

I was allowed to watch TV and read now, but I couldn’t do it for longer periods of time. So to pass the time I listened to a lot of music instead. 

I was tempted to take a swim in the pool, but I was pretty sure chlorine wasn’t healthy for my wounds along with the fact that people would stare. 

Half of what I ate got returned down the toilet, especially if I had to drive. As far as possible, I avoided driving around, and walked instead when I had to buy food and stuff. Luckily, we had around a thousand bucks to live for these days from the permanent residence, plus what we had in our wallets. So at least we didn’t have to worry about that, and didn’t had to ask Kevin for more help. 

Jake slept better than me and seemed to get better too. He didn’t have any nightmares after he was injured. I didn’t know if it was just temporarily because he was tired and in pain, or if it was permanent. But nonetheless, he hadn’t woke me one single time because of that. Yet. 

He did his exercises more than he should, but it didn’t seem to strain him, so I let him. But decided I would ask him to take it down a notch if he, in his eagerness to get better, made it worse. He even suggested that we at least once a day took a long walk. It was usually around dinnertime we did that and in the end, found something to eat on the way home. The walking tempo was at least three times slower than if I had walked by myself, but I didn’t mind, I was glad he took the initiative instead of I had to push him to do something. At least his wobbling and unsteadiness improved fairly fast. 

He still had a hard time lifting his arms and moving his upper body because of the broken ribs, so I still helped him getting his t-shirt on and off, but he insisted on doing the rest of the clothes himself. But though he did his exercises and was more active than at the hospital, I could see he was beginning to lose muscle mass. Actually, he had recently lost what he had gained before we found Sinanima. 

Obviously, because of our injuries, our intimacy level was contained to gentle kisses. Sex hadn’t even been insinuated or discussed, it just wasn’t possible right now. We took one day at a time. Or more like the times, we were awake one at a time as we slept so irregularly. 

One of the days it hit me that it had been almost a week since I took my last birth control and I hadn’t gotten my period yet. I knew one’s period could suddenly stop for some reasons. If you were too thin or too fat, but I was neither. Though I seriously doubted that I was pregnant, as I had taken my pills approximately as I should. But I knew that if you were pregnant, you could spontaneously abort in a stressful situation like if you had been through a trauma or gotten a big shock, so I wondered if your period could stop for the same reasons. So when Jake took a nap during one of the days, I sat down in front of the laptop and googled ‘shock stop period.’ The first result had the title ‘Can shock stop periods?’ I clicked on it. It was a fairly short article from the daily mail. 

 

**Can shock stop periods?**   
_To have regular periods relies upon an egg being released each month. When this happens, the hormones that accompany egg growth and release also prepare the uterus for pregnancy - building up the lining for implantation, and then shedding it if pregnancy doesn't occur._

_The drive for regular ovulation comes from a small gland in the brain, called the pituitary. This releases pulses of a hormone that stimulates an egg to grow._

_Many factors can affect regular ovulation, including hormonal imbalances, drug intake, weight loss, exercise, and even a sudden shock or very stressful situation. It is not surprising that emotions have an input into the workings of the pituitary, hence affecting ovulation. From a biological viewpoint, this would ensure that a woman would not become pregnant if she were not able to cope with rearing her offspring._

_Once things have settled down, regular ovulation and periods can be expected to return once again. If you have no periods for more than six months, it would be advisable to see your GP for advice, in case there is something else involved._

_Remember that the most common cause of no periods is pregnancy - a pregnancy test might be worthwhile, even if you think you have been very careful!_

 

I hadn’t been worried, to begin with, and this seemed like a logical explanation for my missing period instead of pregnancy. The last many days I had been under a lot of stress and through a major trauma. But I better take a pregnancy test just to be sure. During the years I had taken a few, and they had never been positive. 

I read some other sites to be sure they said about the same as the first I found. 

On Everyday health, it said, _stress may play a role in causing irregular or missed periods. As stress levels rise, there’s a chance that your menstrual period will temporarily stop, a condition known as secondary amenorrhea._

After that, I went to Wikipedia and typed ‘secondary amenorrhea,’ but it basically said the same thing as I had already read on the other two sites. 

If I remembered correctly, you were supposed to take a pregnancy test when your period had been absent for two weeks or so. There was no rush anyway, it was just to be on the safe side. 

Now where I was on the laptop anyway, I decided to try to look for something that could be a motive for our tattoo, but I didn’t find anything that appealed to me. 

 

The third day Jake was called for interrogation. I drove him to the police station and waited until they were done, as I didn’t expect it to take particularly long. The last days I had gone through our cover story a couple of times to make sure it all fitted together, and surely, there was nothing to worry about. Jake was just an excellent liar as I was in situations like these. 

When he was back in the car again, he told me they believed everything he said in there. They probably wouldn’t bother us again. And as nobody was killed and nothing was stolen, it was probably limited what they would do to investigate this. Our fake description of the supposed three guys wasn’t going to be seen through. 

Now that we were in a car anyway we decided to swing by another place for lunch in town that offered something different than what was in walking proximity of the motel, just to get a change.

We got the Chinese food in bags and took it with us to the motel because I would surely throw it up again if we ate there and then had to drive back. 

We sat at the table and ate the china takeout. It was a long time since we had gotten noodles actually. 

After we finished eating, Jake suggested that we saw a movie. It was some X-Men movie, though I wasn’t sure what number it was. But it was the last DVD from the pile we found at the house in Pipe Creek actually. I had to find a thrift store soon to give them the DVDs, some other people might as well enjoy them as we probably weren’t going to see them again anytime soon. And we couldn’t afford them taking up the limited space in the Chevy. 

Ten minutes into the movie, Jake turned his head and placed a kiss on my cheek, it made me smile. The index and middle finger of his right hand laid lightly on the part of my left cheek that wasn’t covered in stitches, to turn my head and our lips met. 

Though he kissed me longer than he had for days, it was still soft. But there was an insisting hint to the kiss that made me suspicious. As he scooted closer and moaned into the kiss, I knew what he was up to. 

Gently, I laid my hand on his shoulder and pulled away. “Are you ready for this?” I asked with a frown and looked him in the eyes. 

“I don’t know, but I’m fucking horny.” He simply said with a crooked smile and a raised eyebrow. His hand ran over my cheek to the back of my neck, pulled me closer, and started kissing me again, obviously insisting this time. 

Again, I pulled away from him and sighed. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to, but our injuries hadn’t healed properly yet. “I’m serious,” I looked at him with concern, he was after all the one that had it worst. 

“I am too. We’ll see. Otherwise, we can always stop. Okay?” His fingers caressed my right cheek, and I leaned against his hand. Closing my eyes for a moment as I thought about it. 

If he was up for it already, it couldn’t hurt to try. We could always stop as he said. “Okay.” I surrendered and met his lips. That didn’t take much to persuade me, I couldn’t say no to him. My lips kissed him back as insisting as he kissed me, but still gentle. 

A couple of deep kisses later, I turned to lay on my right side, facing him, leaning halfway up against the headboard of the bed with my shoulder. He scooted closer and turned his body towards me as well. The fingers of my left hand ran over his shoulder, up his neck, and into his hair as I moaned lowly into the kiss with him. 

Now that he was sure I wasn’t going to pull away from him his right hand moved from my neck to my shoulder, ran along my side until it settled at my lower back. I intertwined my top leg with his, as I wasn’t sure my body would allow me to be flexible enough to put it around his waist. 

His hand on my lower back moved down and squeezed my ass that caused me to moan louder into the kiss. It was clear we were taking this very slowly and unhurriedly. Even more slowly than the first time we had sex after ‘the thing,’ and that should tell you something. 

For a long time, we just laid there and sluggishly kissed each other. My lips deviated from his to his jawline and kissed along it. His stubbles both tickled and stung against my lips. I reached his neck and moved up behind his right ear, eliciting a feeble moan from him as he firmly squeezed my ass. Gently I nipped on his skin, I could hear his breathing became more uneven. 

Slowly, I rubbed myself against his thigh as I felt my panties becoming damp. I worked my way down his neck, around the collar of his t-shirt and up to his lips again. With my left hand on his shoulder, I gently pushed him down to lie on his back up against the headboard. Carefully I sat astride him, made sure I didn’t make a movement that would make my rib protest, and that I didn’t put any pressure or weight on his chest either, I rested my weight on my right arm, my hand placed on the bed. 

He caressed my body up my sides to my breasts. As I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his, his hands moved to my back. When I rubbed against him, my lips parted in moans, and his tongue found mine and lazily played. 

His hands wandered over my body, my sides, my thighs, ass, up my sides again to my breasts, my collarbone and to my neck, cupped my face and let his thumbs stroke my cheeks. He made sure he didn’t get near the stitches on the left side of my face and kept away from the back of my head. 

My left hand mostly caressed his neck and his hair as I rubbed against him. But now and then it would wander down to his shoulder and the upper part of his chest. 

He treated me like I was made of glass and would break if he grabbed onto me too hard, and I treated him the same way, if not more gingerly. 

I found the edge of his shirt and gently pulled it over his head, but he still frowned and groaned when he had to lift his arms. My eyes looked down at the stitches on his chest. They didn’t bother me. He was still my Jake. They were battle wounds. We both had that. “You okay?” I asked concerned. 

He nodded and leaned forward to place a quick kiss on my lips. I leaned back, so I didn’t have to support my weight on the bed and pulled the top over my head, my rib stung when I lifted my arms over my head too. 

“Are you okay?” He asked with a wry smile. 

“Yeah.” I smiled back as I threw my top aside.

His right hand moved to my back and unhooked my bra. I let the straps slide down my arms, and before I had tossed it to the floor, his hands had cupped my breasts. My back curved slightly to push them farther into his hands. 

Leaning forward, I pressed my lips onto his, but quickly pulled back again. “Can you sit more upright?” As he began scooting closer to the head of the bed, I lifted my weight, so I was on my knees while he moved farther up. 

“Like this?” He asked, but before I had even opened my mouth to answer his warm hands laid on my waist and pulled me down to sit on him, I could feel his hardness through the fabric of our jeans. 

“Yeah,” I pressed my lips against his once again. Now I had both my hands free. My left resumed to intertwine in his hair, the fingertips of my right glided down and over his chest in a feather-light touch. He detached his lips from mine and looked down at my fingers. 

I continued to gaze at his face to see if I was causing him any discomfort, but it didn’t seem like he was in pain and I followed his eyes down to my fingers that just lied still on top of his stitches now. 

“It doesn’t bother you?” He asked, there was an underlying uncertainty in his voice. He didn’t meet my eyes again but kept staring at my fingers on his chest. 

“Does my wounds and scars bother you?” I asked in return with a raised eyebrow, though he couldn’t see it.

“Not at all.” He responded confidently without any hesitation and finally looked up at me again. 

“Then there you have your answer,” I told him earnestly. 

He breathed an imperceptible sigh of relief as he nodded just as unnoticeable. I just knew him so well that I noticed. 

We resumed the kissing, without grabbing each other like we normally did. I don’t think we had ever been this gentle with each other. Our hands just rested tenderly on the other’s body, avoiding the injuries. 

My panties were close to soaking my jeans, so I crawled off him and started to undo the button and zipper. Not so elegantly he got his jeans and boxers off too, and I straddled him again when we were both naked. 

After a few minutes of tender kissing, my hand closed around his hardness, but before I could guide him into me, he whispered against my lips, “I wanna be on top.” He didn’t have the strength to just toss me around, and we would only hurt each other if we tried.

“Okay,” I whispered back, dismounted him and laid down on my back next to him, where he with a little strain laid on top of me shortly after. 

“I need you,” He whispered.

“I need you too,” I whispered back. _I love you._

He leaned forward, and I met his lips halfway. I moaned when he rubbed against my wetness, and his tongue found mine. Carefully I laid my legs around his waist, and he kissed down the right side of my neck. With a moan, I leaned my head back to give him better access. He rested his weight on his left forearm, his right hand laid around my neck. My hands stroked his back, my nails grazing his skin. 

Very carefully and slowly, he guided himself into me. I parted my lips in a moan from deep within me as everything inside me cringed together, and my skin prickled all over my body. 

He had shifted his weight, so he rested most of it on his right lower arm now next to my head. His left hand rested against my right injure-free cheek, as he looked me in the eyes. Involuntarily I dug my nails into his back.

Now he very tenderly started moving in and out of me. It was so slow I could count to seven for every single thrust, in and out, but I loved it, and it was wonderful to have him fill me again, to be so close to him again. 

My breathing was slow, deep, and moan-full, matching his slow thrusts. And for once he moaned with me instead of his usual grunts of exertion. Though his moans sounded frail somehow, or perhaps it was because I wasn’t used to hearing it from him. His breathing was more rapid than mine. We broke the stare with soft kisses now and then. 

After some time, he rested his forehead against mine with a frown and closed eyes. 

“You okay?” I asked concerned and stroked his cheek. 

“Yeah, I just need a break,” His voice was slightly strained. 

My hands ran in circles caressing his neck, shoulders, the upper uninjured part of his chest and played with his hair or the silver chain around his neck while we waited. I didn’t mind, I would rather take a hundred breaks than him being in pain. When he was ready, he picked up the same rhythm as before. 

At some point, my back writhed involuntarily in pleasure and made my rib protest. “Stop.” I managed to push out through my teeth and inhaled sharply. He stopped immediately and looked at me, silently asking if I was okay. I nodded, but held up a finger, telling him I needed a minute. The grimace of pain made it pull in my stitches. 

“I’m good now,” I said when my rib stopped hurting. He kissed me and started to move again. His warm heavy breath brushed over my heated skin. 

We had never treated each other this tenderly and gently before, but God, I still loved it. He could be gentle, and he could be rough, and I would happily take it all. I wouldn’t be without him. 

Now and then, one of us needed a break, we took the time we needed, we weren’t in a hurry. The back of my head stung slightly as I rested my head on a pillow for so long, but it was bearable. I could feel Jake was damp, I could see it on his forehead, and feel it the places where our skin was connected. 

At last, Jake stopped moving and rested his forehead against the back of his right hand next to my head with a strained expression and closed eyes. “We have to stop.” He sighed, he was panting slightly, I could hear he was disappointed. He wanted to continue, but his injuries wouldn’t let him. 

“Or I could finish for you?” I offered as an idea struck down in me. Maybe it could help on his disappointment if he didn’t felt unfulfilled too. 

He lifted his head to look down at me, “What do you mean?” He asked uncertainly. 

My hand found his left that rested at my neck and led it to my mouth. I started sucking on his index finger, and as he realized what I meant he started biting his lower lip with a hungry gleam in his eyes. 

“We can try,” He smiled, and I let my teeth run against his finger when he pulled it out of my mouth. Slowly and strained he got off me, more strained than when he crawled on top of me. Clearly, he was exhausted. He laid down on his back, with his shoulders up against the head of the bed. 

I gathered some saliva in my mouth, placed my knees in line with his and slowly took him in my mouth, I could taste myself on him. My hand closed around what I couldn’t handle in my mouth. A moan escaped his lips, and in the corner of my eye, I saw his fingers clutching onto the sheets. 

I worked up and down him, shifted the pressure, tempo and how hard I sucked, but it didn’t take long until I got breathless and my rib protested heavily over my panting breath. There was enough saliva on him for me to continue with just my hand. This would have to do for now. “Tell me when you’re close,” I told him. 

“Okay,” He nodded, and he leaned his head back again. Compared to the other times, he didn’t move much, but I guess he controlled himself, or maybe he was too exhausted. But he didn’t tell me to stop. 

When my rib stopped hurting my lips closed around the tip of him, and I sucked, but not as firm as my hand moved on him. Just before my breathing became labored, my lips left him, and my hand worked over his whole length again. My breathing quieted down, and I took him in my mouth again, continuing this pattern. 

“I’m close.” He moaned after a couple of minutes. 

My lips closed around his head again, and I started to suck, while I tightened my grip on him, moving faster up and down him. 

He moaned loudly as I felt his warm load pulsing into my mouth. I saw he was about to grab my hair at the back of my head as he came, but in time remembered it would hurt me and clutched onto my neck instead while pushing his hips up. I waited until he had emptied himself completely and then swallowed everything. 

“Oh, God.” He sighed when my lips left him. I crept up to lie beside him where he put his hand around my neck and dragged my lips to his. “You’re wonderful,” he whispered. 

“You are too,” I whispered back against his lips. 

“I need you.” He said earnestly. 

“And I need you too.” I started to smile, and he kissed me again. 

_I love you._ I had grown oddly used to thinking it, but not saying it. 

“So, what were we doing before you interrupted?” 

“Me? As far as I remember, you started.” I tried to look offended, but a smile ruined it.


	22. Research

“What’re you doing?” Jake asked when I sat in front of the laptop after we had eaten breakfast in bed. So far, I hadn’t returned it down the toilet, to my relief. 

“I was thinking about searching for some succubus legends. You know, Bill wrote something about that in his document. Maybe we’ll find something.” I explained with a shrug. It couldn’t hurt to try. Besides, I really didn’t have anything better to do. There was no point in searching for vampires in this town, and Jake wasn’t exactly up for a road trip yet though he was improving every day. 

My headache was gone, and the queasiness had taken it down a notch as well. Both mine and Jakes stitches were healing nicely, tomorrow we would go back to the hospital for a follow-up. Jake had subtly asked if I could just take them out, but I insisted he at least went to the hospital for a checkup and as he couldn’t drive by himself, or well he could, but there was no need to push it. Anyway, I was driving him, and when I was there, I could as well receive a follow-up too. 

The most obvious place to start was Wikipedia, so I found the page and entered ‘succubus’ and started to read. I already had a pen and paper ready by my side. 

“Sounds reasonable, anything I can do to help?” He offered.

“Well, we only have one laptop,” I noted the obvious sarcastically, but then softened up, “No, just relax, baby.” At the last second, I stopped my hand from flying to my mouth but pressed my lips together instead. 

Did I just call him that? 

I surprised myself by saying it like that without thinking about it. But well, the last few days he had called me that more and more frequently as well. Though before these past few days I couldn’t remember him calling me that outside of bed. It was apparently contagious. 

“Well, if you remember how a phone works it has internet access too,” he joked. I rarely used my phone for anything other than checking the clock and occasionally calls and messages, not much besides that really. Luckily, he didn’t seem affected by what I just called him. There was a smile to trace on his face, but I didn’t know if it was that, that caused it, or if it was because he was mocking me because I didn’t take the phones into account when discussing internet-search. 

“Fine, just let me read this page, and I’ll let you know what to do.” If I knew Wikipedia, it would probably have some references or something like that. And that was a good place to start, we could always google around afterward. 

The article didn’t provide me with much information other than they were demonic creatures in the form of beautiful women that seduced men. I simply believed it was an excuse to be unfaithful. Accusing the woman of being a demonic creature that seduced them with supernatural powers sounded like an excuse someone in the medieval ages would come up with. 

At the end of the article, there were references to similar creatures in folklore as I had hoped. There were over thirty references actually.

“Okay, go to Wikipedia and search ‘succubus.’ At the bottom, there’s a ‘see also’ section. I’m starting at A, you can start at the other end.” I told him as I threw a pen and some paper to him on the bed, which was Jakes primary spot these days, though the bed was made and he was fully dressed. 

“Okay. What’re we looking for exactly?” He inquired.

“Taking life-force or soul. Or eating or whatever.” My voice became slightly uncertain, it sounded mad when I said it out loud. He just nodded and started tapping on his phone.

I took them one by one from the top. There had to be something somewhere when she was this old.

The _Al Basty_ was said to be a female spirit, but she wasn’t in the sexual area like the succubus. It said, _she rather visits those ‘who have guilty souls’ and ‘come from families that have committed bloody crimes that have gone unpunished.’_

_According to scholar Özhan Öztürk who Al Basti visited was said to wake up in ‘an intense fever’ ... She is also known to steal horses, who are found sweating and exhausted in the morning, and unable to provide a full day's work. Due to her torments, she is also known as the 'red mother.'_

Though it mentioned souls, it wasn’t exactly like Sinanima. I was looking for more like ‘extracting the soul,’ ’taking the soul,’ ’eating the soul,’ though I knew it sounded insane, but I moved on to the next. 

Clíodna sent me to Banshees as Clíodna was the queen of Banshees, but it was a dead end as that was a female spirit in Irish mythology. Something about warning people that someone had died. 

Empusa was based on vampires as she feasted on blood, usually by seducing young men when they were asleep. Read: an excuse for adultery. But nothing about souls. 

“Yuki-onna is a snow woman who simply kills people in snowstorms, what does that have to do with anything?” Jake asked. 

“There’s some weird crap in these lore’s,” I commented. 

“You don’t say,” Jake answered with raised eyebrows. 

The Hone-onna sounded promising. _In some version, it is thought to be a female yōkai who kills men by extracting their life-force or by grabbing their hands and holding them until the victim becomes a skeleton._

There was apparently a wide variety of yōkais in Japanese folklore. So yōkai was a broad term. There was nothing to do other than reading it from top to bottom. 

As I read, I found out that yōkai actually just meant ‘supernatural thing,’ like spirit, monster, or ghost. Or basically something strange, which explained why there were so many yōkais. 

Though nothing more about this kind that extracted the life-force to my disappointment and it just continued like that. One lame story after the other that had nothing to do with what we were looking for. 

Kitsune was just shapeshifting yokai, but it actually said, _Other Kitsune have characteristics reminiscent of vampires or succubi and feed on the life or spirit of human beings, generally through sexual contact._ And then again nothing more than that. It was like every time I found something about it, it was just mentioned and not explained at all. The one thing that I needed to know anything about was always just mentioned.

Jake would shortly tell me what each myth said about each creature he read about, and I did the same. He had read about Xana, Vandella, Tunda, and Trauco, but they didn’t say anything about taking life-force or soul. 

When it said something crazy, he would read it out loud in a snicker. I think he read them more thoroughly than I did as he found such tales interesting. Deftly I skimmed the pages until my eyes locked on something interesting I would then read thoroughly, and then resume the skimming.

Reading about the Lamia from Basque mythology made me chuckle, it was a siren with duck feet. 

Leanan Sídhe was a muse that gave inspiration to artists, but also made them go insane and die prematurely. Though they were said to have vampiric tendencies. On the page, they didn’t specify what ‘vampiric tendencies’ were, but I guess it was drinking blood. 

“There’s a lot about sex in these myths.” He noted. 

“Yeah well, they needed an excuse for adultery, bastard children, deformed children, and abortions, and such,” I explained absentminded while my eyes skimmed one sentence after another.

“You’re right.” He admitted with a headshake and a scoff that was meant for the absurd myths.

There were three varieties of the Lidérc, none of them related to what I was looking for, but the third variety was said to leave the houses with a splash of flames after bringing sickness and doom to the household. Maybe that was where the vamps have gotten the ‘burn the crime scene’-idea. 

The next several creatures were a waste of reading.

“Check this out, in ‘see also’ in ‘spirit spouse’ there’s something called ‘sex magic,’” Jake looked at me with raised eyebrows when he said it.

“What the fuck?” What does that have to do with anything?

“I think I’ll read this, maybe pick up a trick or two,” he said thoughtfully, a smile played on his lips. 

“Believe me, you have enough ‘tricks’ as it is, you don’t need anymore,” I joked. 

“Well, there’s a difference between tricks and magic, you know.” He said, pretending to be utterly serious. 

“You don’t need any magic either,” I answered in the same tone he had just used. In the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of him only to see that he had a too self-satisfied expression after my opinion. He was good, and he knew it. It tickled in my stomach when my thoughts flickered through my memories. To push the distracting and tempting memories aside I continued to the next page. 

“Listen here. Um, _Samodiva, a woodland fairy who would seduce a man, commonly a shepherd or a trespasser in her forest, and take him as her lover. However, in doing so, she would take all of his life energy, his essence. The man would then become obsessed with the Samodiva and chase her relentlessly, unable to think about anything else including his own nourishment. The Samodiva, fueled by the energy stolen from her admirer, would then proceed to torture the man until he dies of exhaustion.”_

“Well, I got some things mentioning it like that, but then there’s nothing more about it. Write it down, and keep reading.” I encouraged. 

“You’re right, it doesn’t say any more than that.” He stated after ten minutes of silence. 

“That’s what I thought.”

The Rusalka almost became Jakes death as he laughed so hard his ribs hurt and he could hardly breathe because of the Rusalka would on some occasions, tickle her victims to death, as she laughed. I must admit I chuckled too when he read it out loud. 

The Soucouyant was a blood-sucking hag, that was literally what it said, but that was the only useful thing it said. And Patasola was just a female monster with a vampire-like lust for human flesh and blood in the jungle that took hunters.

“How far are you?” I asked. 

“Pontianak,”

“Me too actually. I just started,”

“I’m almost finished, it’s a vampiric ghost, or it’s spirits of women who died during childbirth.” He looked exhausted so I suggested he took a nap and then I would go through the rest. 

My head felt heavy, and my eyes weary, but this was important. I took a couple of painkillers and continued. We had been through all the ‘similar creatures in folklore,’ there was a ‘general’ section too, starting with ‘demonology.’ 

I found a page with classifications of demons, opened it in a new tab and continued reading about demonology. 

At some point, it said under _Judaism_ that vampires were a kind of demon, or maybe I understood it wrong. 

When demonology didn’t enlighten me further, I proceeded to the site ‘Classifications of demons.’

Under _Spina’s classification of demons_ succubus and incubus was listed, but it just led back to the succubus page where I started. 

_Dictionnaire Infernal_ listed Lilith as the princess of succubi, but the only thing I found on the page about Lilith was under _In modern occultism: Lilith appears as a succubus in Aleister Crowley’s_ De Arte Magica. 

The next category was _Enchantress,_ but when I opened the page, the title was _Magician (Paranormal)_ , and just at that title, I knew I wouldn’t find anything, but I dutifully read the whole thing only to conclude there was nothing as first assumed. 

The third was Energy Vampire that actually sounded promising. When I opened it, the title was _Psychic Vampire_ and my optimism instantly decreased a couple of degrees. Though I had only read one sentence before my interest piqued again. 

_A psychic vampire is a mythological creature said to feed off the ‘life force’ of other living creatures._

Sadly this sentence on the disappointingly short page basically summed up everything: _‘The term ‘energy vampire’ is also used metaphorically to refer to people whose influence leaves a person feeling exhausted, unfocused, and depressed, without ascribing the phenomenon to psychic interference._

And that succubus and incubus were sexual vampires that fed off sexual energy. 

I was actually surprised when the last ‘see also’ named _The Succubus (South Park series)_ actually had something. At first, I didn’t want to read it, but I thought it couldn’t hurt to be thorough now where I had been through everything else. 

It said that this character Veronica was a succubus, or actually, a demoness sent from Hell to prey on and suck the life out of men. It said how they killed it. Singing the song she used to control the men backward, it was complete bullshit. 

Now we had been through it all and we weren’t really wiser on this subject. I leaned back, relaxed my shoulders, and rubbed my temples. The painkillers had helped a little, but my head still felt heavy and pounding. 

Thirty-second break with closed eyes, and I opened a new window where I typed ‘soul eating monsters.’ The first page was again from Wikipedia, _Soul eater (folklore)_. It just confirmed the existence of them in folklore and myths. 

I surfed around different pages in the search results. For example, _10 terrifying mythical creatures you didn’t know to be afraid of_ (and a crap-load of varieties of this), _The list of mythical creatures, Soul-eating monster (Divinipedia)_ , and Yahoo answers, yes, I know that was low, but I was desperate for information.

Most of the creatures were ones we had already read about so far or were very similar. The description of demons in _The list of mythical creatures_ said _malevolent spirits of Hell who try to take people’s souls_ , so of course, I read that part, the only thing that resembled what we were looking for was that they possessed people in order to claim their soul. Sinanima didn’t exactly possess people, so again a waste of time. I couldn’t help but read the linked site named _How to get rid of demons_. It talked about demons feeding of spiritual energy, and there was a guide on how to control your own spiritual energy. Rolling my eyes, I went back to searching other sites. 

“Are you still reading about succubuses?” 

“I think it’s actually ‘succubi’ in plural, but yeah.” 

I saw him glance at the clock, he had been asleep for at least three hours, “Sweetheart, take a break. Your eyes are almost square.” He mildly chided. 

With a sigh, I closed the windows and stretched my back, shoulders, and neck that were actually stiff. I glanced towards the clock as well and saw it was almost 4 p.m. Was it already that late? Apparently. 

“You hungry?” I asked. 

“Yeah, actually. You?” 

“Not really,” I admitted, along with the headache the queasiness had arisen in me. “But I’ll go get you something,” I got up from the chair and headed towards my boots and jacket. 

“I can get it myself, just sit down and relax, baby.” He protested and slowly stood up from the bed. 

I turned on my heels, kissed him shortly when we passed each other with a, “thanks,” and laid down on the bed. I fell asleep before he got back. 

 

The next morning, we had the appointment at the hospital for our checkups and to take out our stitches. It wasn’t Dr. Greer that examined us, but this doctor seemed capable enough along with the resident that was following on her heels. 

She took Jake first. It all looked as it should, his recovery didn’t go too slow. The wounds and his ribs were healing fine. He had lost a few pounds, but nothing unhealthy though mostly it was muscles, but that was to be expected of someone who had been in a coma.

The resident began taking out his stitches as the doctor proceeded with me. She asked about my headache that was actually gone until yesterday where I read that much, she suggested I took it slow with the reading. 

I told about the queasiness, she asked if I have had concussions before, and then Jake started telling about that time in Seattle, so she considered my levels of nausea normal when she took my previous history into account. She poked the back of my head and on my left cheekbone and noticed when it hurt, but that was normal as well. 

I had gained two pounds, probably because of the inactivity, but half of the food I had eaten had gone down the toilet, but now that I remembered, I had eaten all those pancakes with too much syrup, so it made sense. I should probably start running, though my knee would protest and require extensive warm up and stretch afterward. 

It felt good to get the stitches out, I didn’t feel as much as Frankenstein’s monster anymore, and they had started to itch though I had tried to ignore it as much as possible.

 

“What do you say to a trip to the library?” I asked Jake when we were back in the car. 

“Right now?” 

“Yeah, maybe we’ll find something, besides we don’t have anything else to do so we could just as well use the time productively.” I elaborated, I hadn’t started the car yet. 

He looked hesitantly at me, “You think we’ll find anything?” 

I actually doubted we would find anything concrete, but then we could say we had tried instead of just giving up and staying in uncertainty. 

“Honestly?” He inquired when I didn’t answer immediately. 

“I, uh… I think we should at least try. Don’t you think that sounds reasonable?” I tried.

He sighed, but then smiled, “Okay, baby, let’s find a library,” he surrendered and put his hand on my knee. I had gotten used to him calling me that by now. 

On my phone, I searched for the nearest library. I found three in Meridian, one of them was called ‘the main library’ so I guess that was the one where we would find the most. 

“What day’s it today?” I asked absentminded as I found the hours. 

“Friday,”

“It’s open from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m.,” I informed him as I checked the address and then started driving. It was close to our motel. It was only 11 p.m. now. 

The parking lot was fairly big, but I parked close to the entrance in consideration of Jake, so he didn’t have to walk too long a distance, though his walking speed was back to normal. 

The red brick library building looked pretty modern and maintained, though the big stone outside saying _Library_ told that it was originally from 1626. It had probably been reconstructed countless times since. The huge glass entrance had a new architecture column pediment. 

“I think we need to find a librarian,” Jake noted as we walked towards the entrance. 

“Yeah,” I didn’t know where to start looking, and I was pretty sure he didn’t either. “When was the last time you visited a library?”

“I don’t think I’ve been to one since I was in school,” He admitted. 

“Me neither,” I scoffed. I never had a reason to. We weren’t long enough in a town for me to get a librarian card, borrow a book, read it, and return it before we were gone again. 

The library wasn’t so different from other libraries I had been to. Books, books, lots of books, a couple of computers, and a librarian desk which we walked up to. The librarian didn’t look like a typical librarian. She was in her fifties I guess, with black jeans, and an open beige cardigan over a white top. Her gray hair was shoulder length, but it wasn’t completely gray. You could still see she had been a brunette. 

I explained we were researching succubus legends and myths for an article I was writing for some blog and that Jake helped me. She suggested we split up and one of us searched the libraries e-books, and the other searched the paper books. Before we had decided who did what she seemed to have already decided that I was on e-book-duty and therefore guided me to the nearest computer and placed me on the chair in front of it. 

I looked bewildered at Jake, but he just headed for the shelf the librarian had pointed out with a smile, probably caused by my facial expression. She quickly got me logged in and showed me how to search through the endless online books. 

This was actually easier than to go through paper books. Here I just had to enter ‘succubus,’ and it would find all the books that had that word written somewhere in the text. Technology at its best. I had on some level dreaded going through one book after another hoping to find something, the internet, or in this case, the libraries online database made it so much easier. 

I entered ‘succubus’ into the search bar and got over two hundred results. I did as yesterday, just started from the top. 

Fifteen minutes later, Jake came carrying a couple of books.

“That’s all you found?” I asked, and looked at the four books he placed on the table next to the computer. 

“No, I just couldn’t carry more than that,” he rolled his eyes to display his dissatisfaction with that fact. But the ones he came with were actually thick. I think they were all well over 500 pages. 

“I’ll help get the rest,” I promised as I stood up and let him lead the way. I let him take what he could carry, and then I took the rest. My arms were close to aching when we reached the computer. Though it was only twenty yards. 

Jake dragged a chair from one of the other computers to the side of the table I was sitting at so we could sit together. He started reading through the index of a book, I continued to the next online book. 

It soon appeared that the different books didn’t provide anything more useful than what we found yesterday. Though it said something different some places, and it was more informative actually. 

A lot of places they strongly warned against having intercourse with succubi. In one book I found that the witch trials in 1660-1670 were connected with succubi. 

Jake found out that mountain and water spirits could also be a succubus. I faintly remember reading something similar yesterday. 

In a book named _Unsuspecting Souls_ , I found something interesting in chapter two called _Death died_. The longer I read, the more on the edge of the chair I sat. 

_McMurtry reflects on such condition in the most profound way: Does my personality after the operation exactly match my personality before the operation?_

_What happens next may be even more extraordinary. McMurtry, historian of every mote that ever swirled in a Texas dust devil, goes horror on us, as he slides into the passive voice and the past tense: A huge succubus has sucked out his very soul._

I read, and I read, and I read, and there was no fucking more. No explanation or how it happened. Nothing. Only that he suddenly couldn’t read or write, literacy had abandoned him. 

I was ready to give up right then and there. Why wouldn’t they elaborate? Why only mention it? But dutifully I kept reading. 

 

After two disappointing hours, we had found that in several places a succubus wasn’t a vampire, but a demon. Only one place succubus was linked to vampires. And when talking about souls, we only found examples of people selling their souls to demons, or that demons possessed people, nothing about taking it against people’s will. Some places they were even referred to as ‘succubus demons.’ 

Again, a book claimed this Lilith to be a succubus and that her offspring were witches and demons.

The different folklores really couldn’t seem to agree on what witches, demons, and succubi were, what they did, and where they came from exactly. 

We would comment or read interesting parts out loud to each other. We could work practically undisturbed as we were almost the only ones here. 

Like yesterday, I just skimmed the parts and only read more thoroughly when I found something interesting, like _Unsuspecting Souls_. But now and then Jake was completely engrossed in some of the books. 

“It’s just the same as what we’ve already read online,” he commented after closing the book he had gone through. 

“We didn’t know that before we came here, there could just as well have been something. There could still be something we haven’t seen yet.” I tried to encourage him. Though I could see he was tired of reading about the same thing in different variations. 

“But there’s nothing to find here, Val!” He exclaimed. I saw the librarian turned her head towards us in surprise over his sudden raised voice. 

“Stop that negative attitude, you agreed to go here,” I hissed back so low the librarian wouldn’t hear me. There was no reason to snap at me. 

“I just don’t want this to evolve into a wild goose chase,” He leaned back in the chair, he seemed calmer now. No, actually he seemed resigned as he rubbed his eyes with his thumb and index finger of his right hand. 

“And that should come from you? Remember Grand View?” I noted dryly, but I couldn’t hide the accusation though I tried. 

“That was different. We had a lead on her. This is lore’s and tales, nothing concrete.” He defended himself. 

“But it could provide us with some information,” I stubbornly persisted. 

“What’s to know besides what we learned the hard way when she kicked our asses?” He leaned forward and hissed under his breath. 

“You didn’t see what I saw.” I narrowed my eyes as we kept glowering at each other. Too clearly, I remembered when she held him up in line with her head, and that light between them. I wanted to find a connection between that and why she was so strong and fast. Deep inside, I had a feeling those were connected, but I didn’t have any proof. 

“You know what? Call when you want me to pick you up, I’m going back to the motel,” He held his hands up in front of him, distancing himself from me as he resignedly spoke the words and got up. 

“Fine,” I fished the keys out of my pocket and threw it to him, but he dropped them on the floor. I was pissed at him, but not unfair, so I arose from the chair and picked them up before he could bend down. 

We locked gazes when I handed him the keys. His bright hazel eyes laid in the shadows of his eyebrows. Probably pissed that he couldn’t talk ‘sense’ into me. His sense, not mine. 

“Drive safely,” I mumbled before I turned around and headed back to the computer. I don’t think he answered. 

We have had it so good in the last couple of weeks. At the back of my head, I promised myself I would apologize when I got back.


	23. His side of things

“Drive safely,” She mumbled before she headed back to the computer without deigning me another look. 

She was so unbelievably stubborn. The last two days everything had evolved around those myths and legends. Though it could be interesting to read those things, Val’s obsession just neared the unhealthy, and she wouldn’t listen to me when I tried to tell her. 

And comparing this to when we were in Grand View had nothing to do with each other besides the main topic Sinanima. 

Sometimes she wasn’t completely logical when that stubbornness got the upper hand. Perhaps it was good to let her be alone for a few hours. I wasn’t gonna sit on the sideline and cheer for her and her unhealthy obsession when I was convinced we wouldn’t find anything new or useful even if we searched and read nonstop for the next week. So I hoped she would soon drop the whole subject. 

Oh God, I was glad the Chevy had power steering. I wasn’t sure I would have made the ride home if it hadn’t. 

Back at the motel, I turned on the TV and watched it while I ate the ham and cheese sandwich I had bought on the way. After I finished, my thoughts again revolved around Val and the succubus research, and what to do if she wouldn’t let it go soon. 

In continuation of those thoughts, I thought of the tattoo, we agreed to get the other day in the shower. I tried to remember some sort of symbol of survival, but couldn’t come up with anything off the top of my head. So I turned on the laptop and sat with it on my lap on the bed, it was a good distraction from not thinking too much about the research obsession. 

I couldn’t find anything useful of just googling ‘survival symbols,’ so I looked through different pages and images for different types of symbolic meanings. The Celtic ones I found too trivial. And everybody had them. 

I, personally, was looking for something more original, I didn’t know what Val would prefer, though. Her plain tribal dragon on her chest told me that she was more to the unoriginal stuff actually. Though we both had a dragon tattoo, there was a world of difference between them. But I could show her what I find if I find something, and if she doesn’t like it, we’ll just find something else. 

After some time, I ended up looking at a page explaining what the different runes meant. The one named Uruz caught my attention, it stood amongst other things for strength. It looked like an ‘n.’ I liked the simplicity of it, liked that something so simple could stand for so much. It stood for strength, but for us, it would stand for so much more than that. I picked up my sketchbook and began playing around with different variations of it. 

After drawing five different types of the Uruz runes, I looked up at the clock and realized it was already 6:10 p.m., but the library closed at 6. 

Why hasn’t she called for me to come pick her up? I found my phone and tried calling her.  
After several rings, it just went to voicemail. I tried a couple more times, but it resulted in the same.

Why hasn’t she called? And why can’t I reach her?


	24. Chapter 24

While reading in different books in the libraries database, I thought about how much Jake and I had actually fought over the past weeks. I didn’t think we had ever fought as much as we had lately. Actually, since Bill died. 

The complication of engaging in a relationship was clearly a factor. But even then… it suddenly appeared to me. 

Bill. He had worked as a buffer between us. Every time we began discussing or arguing too wildly, he would stop us and tell us what to do or who was right. He had kept things in balance between us, separated us if needed when our tempers were about to crash. But he had done it so cleverly, I hadn’t really noticed how big a difference he actually made, not until he was gone. 

Maybe I should pay more attention to that fact. That it might be needed. Maybe take a walk, but without slamming the door and a promise to be back, so we didn’t worry unnecessarily. The last time I walked out the door, Jake had been worried. But then I didn’t even know myself if I was going to go back. But when he had left, I had been worried too and wondered if he would be back as well, which was clearly not a viable solution in the long run. So yeah, that plan was good to keep at the back of my head, especially with the promise to be back. Just in case it was needed. So I knew what to do. Getting some distance when things got too heated between us, without parting as enemies. Or that was probably too strong a word, but you get the point. 

Now that Bill wasn’t here as a buffer between us, I had to come up with substitute buffers. I would never forget that night where we screamed at each other, or after he had told me ‘the thing.’ 

The most exhilarating I read since Jake left was that succubi slept with men to make them their undead servants, yes, that’s right, zombies. 

I had been so consumed in going through every search result I had found that I didn’t look at the clock until it was 5:50 p.m. 

I decided to sprint through the last couple of results, meaning by 6 p.m. where the library closed, I had been through all of the over 200 results. 

I took my phone out from my pocket when I stepped outside and was about to call Jake when I remembered the library was close to our motel. So instead, I found maps and entered the motel’s address. By now, I had gotten used to the broken screen. It was only 2.5 miles, so I decided to walk. Jake was already feeling better, but he had already driven once today, I wouldn’t have him straining himself. 

As I started to walk, I noticed I once again had a heavy headache. I hoped the walk and fresh air would help. 

On the fifty-minute walk, I thought about how to apologize to Jake, thought more about buffer solutions, but didn’t come up with anything concrete. But most of the way I just hummed some different songs to myself. 

 

“The library closed an hour ago, where’ve you been? I tried calling you.” Jake immediately said when I walked through the door. 

His sudden outburst made me stop in the doorway for a second. I clapped on my pockets, feeling the phone in the pocket of my jacket. That was probably why I didn’t feel it when it vibrated. “I’m sorry. I didn’t hear it,” I apologized, and closed the door behind me. “I didn’t mean to worry you,” I hung my jacket in its place, and kicked off my boots. 

Jake was in bed with the Harry Potter book in his lap. “Why didn’t you call so I could pick you up?” He inquired. 

“I didn’t want you to strain yourself, you already drove back from the library,” I elaborated as I sat down on the edge of the bed. 

He looked back at me with a resigned gesture and rolled his eyes. “I could easily have picked you up,” 

With a shrug, I said, “I’m sorry I hissed at you at the library, you were right. I didn’t find anything anyway,” I avoided his eyes, almost expecting him to lecture me with an ‘I told you so.’ 

“No worries, baby.” With a finger under my chin, he raised my head to look at him. He leaned forward, and I met his lips halfway. “I’m sorry too. I know how stubborn you are.” He smiled. 

“No worries, baby,” I repeated his words. It still felt odd to call him that, but I convinced myself it was all just in my head. Me and new things, changes. I almost rolled my eyes at myself. 

That argument was actually settled easily. Much easier than I had expected. Maybe we were getting better at this relationship thing. 

“Hey, what’s that?” I asked as I eyed the sketchbook beside him on the bed. It looked like runes or something he had drawn. 

“Oh, I’m glad you asked, I actually wanted your opinion about it.” He took the sketchbook and handed it to me. I couldn’t read runes or anything, but I was pretty sure it was a rune, it looked like a lowercase n. He had drawn five different variations of it, from harsh and rough at the edges to curving and soft round. 

“Why do you want my opinion about it?” I asked curiously. He never asked my opinion about his drawings. 

At the corner of my eye, I noticed he bit his lower lip before he answered, “I was thinking that it could be our tattoo?” A hint of shyness colored his tone. 

“It looks good,” I said earnestly. It was simple, and I didn’t want anything too ostentatious, it wasn’t me. “But what does it mean exactly?”

“Strength, amongst others,” He simply answered. 

“I like it,” I admitted. The longer I looked at it, the more it appealed to me. 

“If you wanna read more about it there’s a page open on the laptop about it.” He said and nodded towards the table where the laptop was placed. 

I handed the sketchbook back to him and sat down in front of the laptop. It had gone into hibernation mode, so it didn’t take long for it to fire up again. The page that was open was called _rune meanings_ , and I could see the rune Jake had drawn was called Uruz. Quickly, I read the whole page. The key concept of it was life force, courage, and endurance amongst others. Under its energy was listed survival, and under divinations was strength listed as the first one. Further down on the page it said _Life’s persistence and its endless resourcefulness in the task of survival are all implicit within the rune meaning of Uruz, thus it is a rune of manifestation, regeneration, and endurance._ It was perfect. Jake had really done a good job finding this. “It’s perfect,” I stated quietly. 

“I’m glad you like it.” He answered earnestly. “Now we just need to find out where we want it,”

“Where do you think it should be?” I asked, he had come up with all this, he might have a good suggestion. 

“I don’t know, upper arm?” He shrugged and, probably involuntarily, looked at his wolf tattoo that was placed at his left. 

“That’s too masculine. Hmm, what about the shoulder blade?” I suggested instead after thinking about it for a few seconds. 

“Deal.” He said with a crooked smile. 

 

We went out to get something to eat. Jake made me promise to call or just send a text next time I decided to walk home from somewhere. 

When we came back, we took a look at the drawings Jake had made of the Uruz rune. After talking back and forth for some time, we both decided to get the one with the soft curves and edges resembling musical note heads. It actually looked like two softly modulated and distorted eighth notes. 

After that, I found my phone and listened to some music while Jake read. Later, we watched some TV and went to bed. My headache still hadn’t subsided, but I managed to fall asleep anyway.


	25. Chapter 25

“Val? Wake up.” Jake’s voice pulled me out of the light sleep. 

“Hmm?” I lifted my head and noticed it was dark, and with a glance at the clock, I found that it was only three in the morning. “What’s wrong?” I mumbled and looked up at him. He still slept sitting up against the head of the bed, though not as upright as in the beginning. 

“I… I had a nightmare,” He confessed in a low voice. 

I moved closer, crawled under his blanket, and tucked myself close to him. Wrapping my left arm around his waist, I hid my face under his arm at his side. “I’m right here, baby,” I mumbled soothingly. 

“I know,” He whispered back and gave me a light squeeze. 

“You wanna talk about it?” I offered. 

“No, it’s okay. It wasn’t that bad,” 

“Okay, good.” I murmured before I fell asleep again. 

 

“Morning, sweetheart,” Jake greeted when I turned to my back and stretched. 

“Morning,” I yawned back and received a gentle good morning kiss. Slowly, I had more and more mobility as my rib hurt less and less, but I still hadn’t slept through a whole night since we left the hospital. 

I remembered fragments of this night, and that Jake had woken me because of a nightmare. That was actually the first time since we found Sinanima that he has had one. “What did you dream about last night?” I asked. 

“That you never came back from the library,” He said matter-of-factly. 

“Oh,” I didn’t know he had been that worried. He really had some kind of abandonment issues after Bill died. Well, no wonder. Both his parents had been ripped away from him. “I’ll remember to let you know next time,” I promised again like I did yesterday. He nodded thoughtfully, or was he ashamed? 

As I sat up, I glanced at the clock, it was already over 10 in the morning. I got up and got dressed, Jake did the same. He had done some of his exercises sitting in only boxers at the edge of the bed. Luckily, he had healed so much I didn’t have to help him with his t-shirt anymore. Now he also stood up and generally moved quicker now. Also washed his hair and stuff by himself now. Not that I minded taking care of him, but it was nice to see he was getting better. 

At the table, I poured two bowls of cereal. I had just started to eat when Jake sat down. He dragged the laptop in front of him before he started eating. The last two days, he had checked the news as we both thought that we were soon ready to move on, but we hadn’t found any leads yet.

Though we had that little leftover money, we would soon need some more again. We had to calculate at least a couple of days’ food and motel along with gas before we would find a vamp and get some money. 

Jake leaned forward and read something more closely on the screen with a frown on his forehead. 

“You found anything?” 

“Maybe,” He said but didn’t take his eyes off the screen. I just waited for him to read what I suppose was an article. 

“A car burned down in Ogden, Utah. Looks like it could be a vampire. They suspect the fire was started inside the car, the victim’s completely fried.” He gazed at me over the top of the laptop. 

“Let’s go check it out. How long’s the drive from here?” I think it would actually be nice to work again. It felt like we had stayed here for months. 

“Four and a half hours,” He informed me a minute later. 

Goddammit, I had just finished my breakfast. If I had known the drive was so long, I wouldn’t have eaten anything before we arrived. I sighed just with the thought of it. 

“We can take breaks on our way down there, you know,” He gently suggested. 

“I can’t decide if I prefer breaks, or I just want to get it over with as fast as possible.” I shrugged and got up to clean our bowls. 

 

Forty minutes later, we were in the car. I had offered to take the first driving shift and had provided the car with plastic bags and cola if it was necessary. 

Jake sat with his sketchbook, continuing a drawing of an owl I hadn’t seen he had started on. I guess he started it yesterday while I was at the library or when I was asleep later yesterday evening. Though he drew, we still talked and played games. 

The queasiness slowly rose in me, but much slower than other days I had been out driving. I took that as a good sign. Actually, I drove for over one hour before I had to pull over. I opened the door and sat with my head between my knees for a couple of minutes. 

“You okay, baby?” Jake stroked my back.

“In a minute,” I promised, I could feel the light breeze on my face helped the queasiness retreat. The temperature was close to 65 F today. 

“You wanna drive for a while?” I asked a couple of minutes after I stood up. 

“Sure,” 

We switched places. I put a plastic bag ready between my legs if the queasiness should return. I took a couple of sips of the cola, and offered Jake some too, which he took. 

 

An hour later, Jake warily suggested that we got something to eat. Surely, I wasn’t too fond of that idea, so we found a compromise, we would wait half an hour. I couldn’t cope with two and a half hours’ of driving after eating something, but two hours was more bearable. Or at least that was what I convinced myself, probably because I knew we were over halfway there by then.

We stopped in Delco, bought some bread and cold cuts, and found a dirt road that ran along a field where we decided to eat. It was a great view actually with the greenish fields and the East Hills Mountains on the horizon. To my surprise, the food actually helped on the queasiness. 

“How’re you feeling?” 

“It’s better. It’s good to get something to eat actually. How’re you so far with all that driving?” 

“It doesn’t bother me actually, it’s nice to be back at work,” 

“Back at work?” I almost choked on a piece of bread. 

Seriously?

“Yeah,” He looked at me like I was ridiculous to think other than he was ready to work. 

I decided to be diplomatic instead of insisting, “You think you’re ready for that already?” 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” He shrugged like it was obvious, but his tone revealed that he tried to argue and defend himself. 

“Because you have five broken ribs,” I told him the obvious. 

“You have a broken rib too,” He narrowed his eyes as he spoke his excuse.

“One, you have five, Jake,” I told him softly, but with an underlining definitiveness. I didn’t want to fight, I just wanted to make sure he recovered before engaging in possible fights and other stuff we could run into while searching or finding that vampire in Ogden. 

“Your skull is fractured.” He said like it settled the argument.

“I wasn’t in a coma,” I said in the same tone as before and got up before he could respond to that. I had to pee before we started driving again. 

When I came back from the bushes, Jake sat in the driver’s seat. His eyes stared in the opposite direction of me, over the fields with a pout on his face. 

I internally rolled my eyes. He didn’t say anything when I closed the car door, or when he started to drive. 

“I care about you. I’m just trying to take care of you.” I told him in a reasonable tone after half an hour where his pouting hadn’t decreased. And to be honest, I was tired of looking at it. It reminded me too much of the angry Jake. And I knew how small the line was back to that. 

He sighed, “I know, but I can judge for myself,” 

“Okay,” I let that settle the argument, for now. 

Though he felt stronger, was more mobile, and could put his clothes on, and shower by himself, he wasn’t 100% recovered yet no matter what he might say or think. He had it so much worse than me, and I wasn’t completely recovered either, but still more than him. Maybe if he thought about it for a few hours, I could talk some sense into him. 

I suggested we played some games, I hoped it could distract me from the queasiness and keep the lunch in my stomach. And his slight hostility slowly diminished while we played until it disappeared. 

Though I tried with everything in me, I had to ask him to pull over after twenty minutes. But oddly enough, the queasiness completely disappeared after I had puked. 

An hour before we hit Ogden, I offered to drive the rest of the way, as I still felt fine. Jake didn’t object. 

We found a good-looking motel made of yellow bricks and with a green roof. Jake checked us in, while I found a parking spot. I took more from the car than I normally carried to spare Jake a bit, but when he returned with the key to our new room, he took the laptop out of my hands. As I didn’t want to argue, I didn’t protest. 

The walls were olive green. The carpet was speckled in reddish-brown nuances. The bedsheets a couple of nuances lighter than the walls. On the wall behind the bed hang two mass printed greenish paintings. 

Wow, they really liked green here. The bedside tables along with the table and chairs were in a darker fake wood. The chairs were of course upholstered in a dark green fabric. The bathroom was white with a combined shower and tub, but the shower curtain was light crème. I almost got surprised when I couldn’t spot any green in there.

“Should we change and get to the morgue?” Jake asked and was already taking off his t-shirt. 

I hesitated, he saw that when he had gotten the shirt over his head. The wounds on his chest were actually healed, they were only pink now, and they didn’t spring to my eyes like in the beginning though they didn’t bother me. They were just a reminder of what we had been through. 

“What is it?” He asked, his voice was a couple of tones gentler. 

“It’s just… I’m so tired. Can it wait till tomorrow? I don’t think the body will go anywhere, anyway.” My head felt heavy, and I felt more mentally tired than physically actually. 

“I don’t mind going alone if you wanna stay here,” He suggested a little too quickly. 

“I’d like to come with you if you don’t mind?” At least it gave me some time to find an excuse to get him to stay home. And I certainly didn’t feel comfortable with letting him go alone, so if he insisted, I would suck it up and go with him. But I really hoped to find a waterproof excuse before tomorrow. 

He looked like he thought about it for a couple of seconds. 

“I’d like to get back to work too, you know. And I’d feel better if we went together,” I tried using his own words about going back to work to get him to take a break and think things through. It wasn’t directly lying, I just left out the part that I would try to convince him to stay home tomorrow. 

“Okay, we’ll go together tomorrow,” He surrendered, “I’m gonna take a shower,” He added after throwing the t-shirt on the bed, and walked to the bathroom. 

When I heard the water starting to run, I decided to join him. After throwing off all my clothes, I walked into the bathroom. I leaned forward to kiss him as I stepped through the shower curtain. 

 

We found someplace to eat dinner, it was a nice change of scenery after staying so long in Meridian. I vaguely speculated if I would ever be able to live the same place for longer periods of time, like an apartment or something, or if I had just become a true nomad who could never settle down. 

“Hey, you wanna do this now?” Jake interrupted my wandering thoughts. We were on our way home from the diner, but now he had stopped in his tracks and looked expectantly at me and something to our left. I followed his gaze to a small shop in white bricks and with a baby blue sloping roof. It was a tattoo shop. 

Well, tomorrow I would start working – I still hoped I could convince Jake to stay at the motel – and didn’t know what the course of action was just yet. It was impossible to predict when we would have time to do it. Though I was tired, a tattoo that small wouldn’t take long to make. 

“Yeah, let’s do it.” I finally said with a lopsided smile and let him drag me into the shop by our intertwined hands. 

Luckily, they were open late and weren’t busy. Jake explained what we wanted and quickly got a sketchpad where he regenerated the drawing of the Uruz rune he had made in his sketchbook back at the motel. The tattoo artist, his name was Chris, prepared it, and then called the other guy, named Roy, over. As they weren’t busy, they could do us both at the same time. 

Because of Jake’s dragon tattoo, his Uruz would be on the left shoulder blade, I decided to go with that as well. 

They disinfected and cleaned the to-be-tattooed area on my shoulder blade. I was sitting in my bra with the left strap pulled down, Jake was shirtless. After preparing everything, the buzzing sound of the tattoo machine started. It was actually quite cozy, but I was also excited. This tattoo meant something, like my dragon tattoo. It stood for something important, but it was also a seal to our commitment to kill Sinanima together. And finally, Jake would have a tattoo that actually meant something instead of just looking cool. 

The pain from the needle quieted down after some minutes as my skin gradually became numb. Though I felt a burning sensation when he got close to where the bones were closest to the skin, but it was bearable. 

While they tattooed us the subject obviously fell on Jakes many tattoos, they also asked about mine. 

About 40 minutes later, Chris finally cleaned my new tattoo, I stood up to take a look at it in the mirror. It was about half the size of my palm and ebony black as a fresh tattoo always was. It would fade to a more bluish-greenish-black with time. 

Jake was finished just as Chris was putting a bandage over mine. It was an exact copy of mine. We got dressed and paid $150. 

“We did it.” I rejoiced as we stepped outside the shop. 

“Indeed we did.” He smiled a ludic smile, dragged me into his embrace, and kissed me deeply. 

 

Back at the motel, I watched crappy TV shows while Jake finished his owl drawing and started on an eagle. 

After we kissed goodnight and turned off the lights, I laid awake for some time trying to figure out an excuse to keep Jake at the motel. Right, when I felt I was on to something I fell asleep.


	26. Chapter 26

My alarm blared already at 7. Confused for a moment over all that noise I sat up too fast, and my rib stung. I cursed the alarm and turned it off. It had been so many days since we last had to set the alarm. 

As usual, I had been awake a lot of times during the night, though none of them were caused by the newly acquired tattoo, which was sore, but I barely noticed it. 

Impressively, Jake had slept through the noise. As I looked at him, I noticed he was lying flat on his back instead of up against the head of the bed. I stroked his cheek until he inhaled deeply and squinted up at me. 

“Morning, sweetheart,” he mumbled and started to stretch. 

“Morning, baby,” a smile pulled up in the corner of my mouth. I leaned forward, he met my lips halfway in our usual good morning kiss. “Should we find something to eat?” I asked while I started to get dressed in my normal clothes, as I preferred eating first and then change into our ‘FBI’-clothes. 

“Breakfast’s included in this place,” Jake sounded way too enthusiastic and fresh compared to the fact that he had just woken up. 

I suspected him of playing too well and energetic just so I wouldn’t protest on him going with me to the morgue. 

“Sounds good,” Well, at least we didn’t have to go fetch breakfast, plus we would save that money. 

 

They had everything you could wish for breakfast. Cereal, fruit, yogurt, omelet, bacon, waffles, pancakes, and coffee, tea, juice, and milk to drink. Heeling mostly towards the pancakes, but then I remembered I had gained two pounds, so I selected a non-fat yogurt instead and a cup of coffee. I would rather try to lose those pounds again by dieting than having to exercise. At all cost, I would avoid running. Jake got an omelet, and a coffee too. 

We ate in silence beside the comments on the food, our newly acquired tattoos, or some strange people or poorly behaved children. 

As we got back to the room Jake started to throw off his clothes way too energetically. 

“I can’t convince you to stay home?” I asked, though I already knew the answer, and I couldn’t remember what I had thought of right before I fell asleep. And now I was out of time. 

He shook his head with a smile playing on his lips. I sighed demonstrating, but that didn’t affect him. Quickly, he captured my chin between his index finger and thumb and placed a quick kiss on my lips as he walked past me. 

We took off the bandages covering our tattoos and put aloe vera lotion on each other. The simplicity of the Uruz rune was really highlighted next to the big and detailed dragon on Jakes back. 

I arranged my hair in a neat bun at the nape of my neck, only put on mascara to go with my black two-piece suit. Jake looked utterly handsome as always in his charcoal gray suit with cobalt blue tie. When I wore this, I always felt like I looked like a stranger when I looked myself in the mirror. I found myself looking grown and formal. Though this time the formal look was ruined by the still pink scars on my chin, cheekbone, and eyebrow. My tongue ran over the hole of the missing tooth like it always did every time I thought of Sinanima. 

“Let’s get going, baby,” Jake cheered, and lightly smacked my ass when he walked towards the door. I just shook my head over his overplayed enthusiasm and followed. 

Jake drove the short ride to the morgue, I found my knife buried in all of our crap on the back seat and tucked it down behind my back. 

When we arrived, we introduced ourselves as FBI agents Rose Steele and Martin Weber as our badges said, and the young woman at the counter led us to the body. 

As soon as I entered the room, the faint smell of something burned hit my nostrils and made the queasiness arise in me, causing me to wrinkle my nose. 

“You okay?” Jake asked and stroked my arm. 

“Yeah, it’s just that smell–” I made a gagging sound. 

He nodded understandingly before he started to read the inquest report. 

The woman showing us to the body had pulled the white sheet down to reveal the victims head, I pulled it further down, exposing its chest. I couldn’t see if it was a male or female. I carefully pried one of its eyes open. 

Phew, what a smell. I pressed my lips together to contain the need to gag. Not that I normally had a problem with this, it was just work, but that godawful smell really triggered that nausea I still had after my concussion. Normally, the queasiness from a concussion didn’t last this long, but on the other hand, I had a cranial fracture and that– what was it called? Zygo… zygo-something-fracture. Anyway, that hairline fracture to my cheekbone. Though it only hurt if I pressed hard on the back of my head or on my cheekbone now. “You ready?” I asked as Jake put down the inquest rapport, and walked to the opposite side of the victim. 

He gave me a firm nod, and I pressed the knife through the burned crust and into the heart. 

“Vampire,”

“Vamp,” we both stated in unison when the eyes turned bluish-black. I pulled out my knife and wiped it off before I tucked it back in its sheath behind my back. “What do you think we have here?” I asked him. Usually, bar-type vamps didn’t hitch rides like this. It was easier to lure a human in the bars or drug environment. And besides those drugs-alcohol vamps weren’t exactly clean or looking presentable. Most people probably wouldn’t give them a ride even if they tried. 

“A hippie?” He suggested with puckered lips. 

“A hippie?” I doubtfully repeated. 

“You know, there’s the nature park, waterfall canyon, the botanical garden, and so on.” He put his hands in his pockets while he talked, and gave me a small shrug as he finished speaking like it was every man’s knowledge. 

“How do you know all this crap?” I asked incredulously over his random trivia knowledge, but I couldn’t help but smile when he responded with his charming smile. “But you might be on to something,” I added after suppressing a grin. 

“The only problem is that we don’t know what we’re looking for. It’s not that easy when it isn’t the typical drugs and booze type.” He slightly resigned pointed out. 

“Police station, ask if there were any eyewitnesses,” I told him immediately. After that, we could start feeling lost in this case. 

“Yes, ma’am.” Jake straightened up and clicked his heels together. 

“Jackass,” I retorted as I headed for the door. As soon as I got away from that burned flesh smell, I instantly felt the queasiness retreat. 

 

We arrived at the police station, presented ourselves at the counter, and were asked to wait a few moments while they found the officer handling the case. 

A man a couple of years older than us appeared and led us to his office. “I didn’t think this would require federal agents,” He commented, he seemed slightly nervous. I noticed he kept staring at my face. He didn’t look me in the eyes, but clearly at the scars. 

“We’ve actually had a couple of cases like this in the past two months, so it’s just to find out if there’s any connection or if it’s just a coincidence.” Jake had found the authority mask and put it on, it had a resemblance to angry Jake actually. 

“Oh, I see,” The officer, named Colin Mack, began going through some papers in a drawer, probably looking for the ongoing casefile. He finally pulled out a folder and leafed through it. His eyes constantly flickered to my face, again not my eyes. It was starting to piss me off.

The next time he looked up, I opened my mouth, “I was recently in a car accident, and I just got back to work, in case you were wondering.” My voice was stern, but I couldn’t keep the annoyance completely out of it. 

“Oh, no, uh… I wasn’t… it’s just…” he stumbled through the excuses until he finally pulled himself together and handed me the papers, “um, here’s the case file. As you can see the fire was supposedly started at the dashboard at the driver’s seat where the victim was. She had died of severe blood loss before the fire was started though they couldn’t find any immediate injuries, presuming it was one or more flesh wounds.”

“Any eyewitnesses? Or a description of the offender?” I threw a glance at him over the papers I was looking through. 

“The person who saw the fire and called 911 saw a man in that area, that seemed to be just a little too busy with walking the opposite direction, a couple of minutes before she arrived at the crime scene and then called us. You’ll find the description here.” He leaned forward and turned a couple of pages while I still held the case file. 

I read the description, _Caucasian male, approximately 40-45 years old, 5’11”-6.’ Bold with a reddish beard. Wearing a loose black shell jacket, blue denim jeans, brown boots. Large brown backpack._ I handed it to Jake so he could read it as well before we thanked him and left. 

“So, where should we start?” Jake asked, a little too enthusiastically, when we were back in the car. 

This time, I was in the driver’s seat. “You look tired,” I just cut straight to the case. 

“I can go on fine,” He objected, but he looked slightly offended as he straightened his tie and sat more upright. Like he could somehow shake off his tiredness I was sure was more prominent than what he showed me. 

“Jake, I can take this. There’s no shame in needing some rest. Especially not after what you’ve been through.”

“Oh, and what about you then? Hmm?” He instantly retorted, still comparing our injuries. He really looked and sounded like someone who’s been wronged. 

I thought about my words for a second, weighing them carefully before I spoke in a calm voice, “I didn’t have it as rough as you, so of course, your recovery is slower than mine. But perhaps we can find a compromise?” I looked encouraging at him before I continued, “I’ll drive you back to the motel– ah–ah!” I held up my finger to stop whatever it was that he was about to say. “Hear me out. I’ll drive you back to the motel, and I’ll search for the vamp, and if I find him I’ll come get you, and we take him down together. Okay?” I hoped it could keep him home the next few days it nevertheless would take to find the vamp, and it meant a few more days of resting, which he really needed. 

I saw him clenching his jaw like he was swallowing a nasty comment but then sighed. “Promise me that you’ll get me as soon as you find him.” His hazel eyes were piercing into mine. Clearly, he wasn’t satisfied but accepted my compromise. 

“I promise,” I said quietly.

“Good,” he muttered, and his shoulders slumped, accepting his defeat. 

 

I started out with the Botanical Garden, asking different people if they had seen a man fitting that description, while also looking for him in the crowd. Then the Nature Center followed by the Pond Park, Lewis Park, Liberty Park, Ford Buenaventura, even the Trout Farm, and Dinosaur Park. 

Last, I took the Canyon Trail and Skyline Trail, but no one had seen a man fitting that description and I didn’t see anyone resembling him either. 

On the drive between the different places, I thought about our compromise. With the way Jake was feeling, he wouldn’t be up for a fight if it came to that. He would be prohibited by his injuries. Really, I was afraid he would only hurt himself more if he came with me. I mean one blow to his chest and he would be done, an easy target. I would have to protect him. Of course, we had each other’s back and looked out for each other on the job, but if I had to protect him, be a buffer between him and the vamp then my focus would be scattered. I couldn’t focus on the vamp, and on Jake, and what he might try to do to take him down. 

I reached the conclusion that it would be too dangerous to bring him along, not only for himself but for me as well. 

And who says I would even have the time to come get him if I find the vampire? 

But I knew he would be pissed if I found the vamp and didn’t get him. But it was for his own good. I hoped he would see that in the end. The only thing I was trying to do was to protect him, and I could better do that by letting him stay at home instead of bringing him with me. 

He couldn’t be pissed at me forever. If it was the other way around, I was sure he would have done the same. He just couldn’t look objectively at it as it was right now. I would have to ask for his forgiveness, and I could live with that. I didn’t like the fact that I had decided to lie to him, but it was necessary. He made it necessary. 

After the canyon trail and skyline trail, I decided to drive back to the motel and get an early dinner with Jake, and hear his thoughts on the course of action from here. I had a feeling that this might actually be a bar-type vamp after all, but perhaps well-groomed with other interests besides drugs and alcohol. Part ‘hippie’ as Jake called it. 

“You found it?” Jake almost jumped up from the bed when I walked through the door. 

“Nope,” I shook my head and instantly kicked off my three-inch heels. The blisters I always got from them, because they were a cheap piece of crap pair, were worse than last time because it had been so hot today. It had actually been hot enough to leave my trench coat in the car all day. But the hot weather was also equal to sweat. I hadn’t been sweating like a pig, but I had been damp, and that just made the blisters so much worse. “I just thought I would come home so we could eat dinner together, and then I’ll go search a couple of bars,” I left the sentence open, meaning I didn’t say it in a definitive tone and indicated that I was open to suggestions. 

“You want me to stay home when you’re going to the bars as well?” Though it was a question, it was clear that he had accepted his fate, and that it was more like a statement, but with an underlining tone of defiance. Clearly telling me how unhappy he was with this arrangement.

Well, at least he seemed to agree with the course of actions, as he didn’t object to my plans about searching bars. “I’ll still come and get you when I find him,” I promised. Though now the promise was hollow, and I felt guilty about that fact, but it was for his own good. I was protecting him. “These heels are killing me,” I groaned as I found the medical bag and searched for some Band-Aids to put on them. 

I counted on going to the bars as FBI agent as well as I was too lazy to change, and I wasn’t in the mood for games. And people rarely made snarky replies when I had the FBI badge. 

“Come here,” He beckoned as he sat on the edge of the bed, but spread his legs and clapped for me to sit between them. I didn’t know what he was up to, but I did as I was told. His arms slipped between my sides and my arms, and opened the single button on my long-sleeved black jacket and pulled it off me. He grabbed the edge of my top and pulled it over my head. 

“What’re you doing?” I had to admit that I actually wanted to. We’d had too little sex the last couple of weeks, but I could also feel the long workday that wasn’t finished, was taking a toll on me. 

He put his warm arms around my stomach and held me close as he placed a couple of soft kisses on my neck. “I’m giving you a backrub,” He mumbled against the skin on my neck. 

“Sure feels like something else,” I chuckled. 

“Will you find that aloe vera lotion for me?” 

“Sure,” I stood up and rummaged around in my backpack until I found it. Handing it to him when I sat down between his legs again. He unhooked my bra, I let the straps slide down my arms, and it fell to the floor. I heard him squeeze some lotion into his hands and rubbed them together before he placed his warm hands on my lower back and started. 

I let out a satisfied sigh. “How come you got that idea?”

“I know your back gets sore after walking in those heels a whole day,” he simply answered, and then added with a chuckle, “Though your ass still looks delicious in them,” 

“Oh, is that so?” I chuckled, but it ended in another sigh as his fingers continued to work on my sore back. This was just what I needed actually. Especially as my workday wasn’t over yet. 

He worked all the way from my lower back all the way up to my neck and shoulders. Carefully avoided the Uruz tattoo on my shoulder blade when he massaged me, but rubbed some aloe vera lotion on it. As he finished up, his arms sneaked between my arms and sides again and firmly grabbed my breasts. His teeth ran along my neck and placed a firm kiss with tongue under my jawline ending with a gentle bite that gave me goosebumps and I had to suppress a moan. 

“Mm, let’s get something to eat,” he ordered and let me loose. 

I reluctantly got on my feet and started to put my clothes back on. 

 

We found a diner where we got grilled sandwiches. They were good, and I was actually starving. We had walked to the diner, I had put on my boots though it looked a little odd together with the fine two-piece suit, but I didn’t care. I walked back to the motel with Jake and got a quick kiss before I headed to the car, back in the heels. Though the Band-Aids didn’t take away all the pain. 

While I searched the different bars and found nothing, I heeled more towards the theory that it might just be someone passing through. Meaning he would be long gone already. Or I could be lucky that he might be visiting some friends, but I wouldn’t depend on it.


	27. Chapter 27

I woke with a jolt with the feeling of having overslept, but then remembered I was back to the old search bars routine. Glancing at the clock, it told me it was only 10 a.m. It had been close to two in the morning before I got back to the motel. Before my head hit the pillow, I was asleep again. 

 

The feeling of not being able to breathe woke me. 

It wasn’t just a dream, I really had trouble breathing. Under the covers, Jake’s arm was wrapped like a snare around my ribs. 

“Jesus fucking Christ,” I cursed as I fought to free myself. After a few seconds of struggling, I sat up on the edge of the bed and took a couple of deep breaths that hurt, but it felt good to breathe again. “Jackass,” I muttered, though I knew he hadn’t done it on purpose, and looked at the clock. It was over 1 p.m. now. 

Jake almost gave me a shock when he answered in a low mumble, “What did I do?” and rolled to his back. I wasn’t sure if he was awake or not actually, but then he peeked up at me. 

“Suffocating me in my sleep,” I tried to look utterly serious, but the smile broke through, and I quickly turned away and started to get dressed. I was starving. 

“What?” He mumbled. Clearly, he wasn’t completely awake. 

Glancing at him over my shoulder, I saw that he was propped up on his elbow now. His hair was messy, and his head was leaned back with a sleepy smirk. I just rolled my eyes at him. I had to go find some breakfast now as it was hours since we could have gotten some here at the motel. 

 

When I came back with cereal and milk, Jake was dressed and sat at the table with the laptop in front of him. 

“You got anything?” I nodded towards the laptop.

“Easy, I’ve barely gotten dressed,” He mumbled and rubbed his eyes. Today he wasn’t pretending to be super-duper enthusiastic and fresh. 

I poured cereal and milk for us both and started to eat. Though I had put new Band-Aids on my heels before I left, my blisters still hurt. 

“So, am I supposed to stay home again today?” He looked at me over the top of the screen with narrowed eyes. 

“Yes,” my firm tone made his narrowed eyes narrower and sent me a dissatisfied glare, “Please,” I added sweetly, and he stopped glaring at me and sighed instead while he muttered something intelligible. 

“What was that?” I strictly inquired. He was seriously behaving like a child who was denied a trip to Disneyland. 

“What? Nothing.” He quickly responded, but I heard him suppress a chuckle. 

 

While waiting for the bars to open, I decided to go find a thrift store to give them all those DVDs we had from that nest in Pipe Creek. I quickly found the nearest on the laptop before I headed out the door. Jake never really found it that interesting to visit thrift stores. I had always liked them, they had a kind of coziness you couldn’t find in normal stores. 

“Hi, what can I help you with today?” The girl behind the counter asked cheerfully. We were approximately the same age, but we couldn’t be more different. Her dreadlocks were long and bright red, a really unnatural color, with a green flower-patterned bandana that matched her floor-length skirt. She had an oversized brown knitted cardigan on, and her lip and nose were pierced. And what I could see of her ears under the bandana she had two big wooden stretches. 

“Ah, yeah, I have these DVDs. I thought you’d like them.” I handed her the plastic bag.

“Thank you so much,” She looked like I had just given her a treasure. 

I headed for the bookshelves to see if I could find anything interesting, I was especially on the lookout for a Harry Potter book. But after meticulously searching the shelves, which categorization I couldn’t figure out, I found that there weren’t any books that caught my interest. 

On my way to the door, a green color caught my eyes, and I changed course. The color was so familiar, that was why it caught my attention, to begin with. It was the same color as the green in Jake’s eyes. He could probably use another t-shirt. We didn’t have much clothing either of us and the one he wore when we found Sinanima got torn to shreds. 

To try to determine if it would fit him, I tried to compare it to a mental picture. Actually, I think it would. I took the t-shirt off the hanger and with me to the counter. 

“Anything else?” The redheaded dreadlocks girl asked. 

“No, just this one, please.” I paid, watched her fold it neatly, and put it in a bag without even asking if I wanted a bag to go with it. 

When I first got used to her alternative look, I noticed that she was actually quite pretty. She had freckles and beautiful amber eyes. She wished me a good day just as cheerfully as she had greeted me. As I drove back to the motel, I wondered what Jake would say to it. 

“I got you something,” I said as I closed the door and threw the bag at him. 

He dropped the pencil as he caught the bag, but instantly frowned. It probably hurt his ribs. 

“Sorry,” 

But the frown had only been on his face for a second before his expression turned curious when he opened the bag and pulled out the t-shirt, now with a crooked smile, “Thanks,”

“Put it on.” I encouraged. 

“Now?” He asked. 

“I wanna see it on,” I demanded. 

He sighed, but then smiled before he dragged the gray shirt over his head. I involuntarily bit my lip at the sight of his naked upper body. Swiftly he put his arms into the sleeves and pulled the green shirt over his head. 

Wow! It really complimented his greenish eyes and made them stand out. It fitted him perfectly. 

“How does it look?” He smirked. Once again, he had caught me drooling over him. 

Inwardly, I rolled my eyes at myself. “Delicious.” I winked at him, and if I wasn’t mistaken, I think his cheeks turned to light pink. 

He scratched the back of his head, and his eyes dropped down to the floor. Quickly, he composed himself, closed the distance between us and kissed me deeply. “Thanks. I love it.” He said when our lips parted.


	28. His side of things

“You know, I can quickly change and come with you,” I suggested when she put on the leather jacket. 

“Remember the compromise?” She asked with a tiny smile as she reminded me of it. She tucked the gun down in her jeans behind her back and put the badge in her pocket along with the handcuffs.

I sighed, “Yes, I remember it. But I’m bored as fuck here.” Staying at the motel all day, as we had done the first week after I was discharged, was more bearable when we were two. Then we could always talk, take a walk, or watch lame TV shows together. It just sucked to stay all day in a motel room by yourself. 

“Why don’t you practice drawing something you’re not good at? Or find an online game or something perhaps, there’s loads of that crap.” She proposed with one hand on the door handle, the other holding the car keys. 

“Val, you know I’m not the gaming type,” I said in a resigned voice. 

“Maybe you could try it out, just for a couple of days. That’s all.” She really tried to encourage me, but most of all, I just wanted to get back to work, it made the time go by faster. 

And I was curious. Curious about what she would find, how close she was, the different places she would look for him, the thrill of the hunt. 

“Okay, I’ll figure something out.” I finally surrendered. 

“Sounds good. Goodbye-kiss.” It was easy to see she breathed a sigh of relief when I surrendered to her demand. I arose from the bed and met her halfway through the room.

“Still promise to get me if you find him?” I asked as our lips parted. 

“I promise.” She answered earnestly, keeping our eye contact a couple of seconds longer before she headed out the door with a, “See you later, handsome.” 

Great, what am I supposed to do now? I refused to try and find some online game. It wasn’t me, I couldn’t see why it was so interesting to play a made-up game in a fictive world. 

Immediately, I decided to take a long walk. If I could, I would have gone running, but that wasn’t an option yet. A quick check on the laptop told me that Golden Spike Park was only a twenty-minute walk from the motel, so I decided to go there. 

It had a playground at the parking lot and a tennis or volleyball court. Val used to play volleyball. It didn’t look so hard to do. The players mostly seemed to stay on their spots, it wasn’t like football or basketball with all that running around and jumping. I know because I’ve played both in school. But Val got a knee injury from playing volleyball, so it must be harder than it looks. 

Behind the playground and court, there was a big open lawn, and behind that, there were trees. To the left was a cozy pavilion. I was the only one here. 

I sat down in the open pavilion with my sketchbook I had brought with me and looked up at the trees above my head. Trying to see if I could spot any birds. Normally, I just drew freehand from my mind, but I had nothing better to do. So instead of sitting back in that green motel room, I would find a model to draw from. 

I could clearly hear there were several birds, but I couldn’t see them. Most of them were probably brown, well camouflaged in the treetops. So while I waited, I actually took Val’s advice and started to draw the trees around me. 

While doodling the structure of the wood in the pavilion, a couple of sparrows landed on the ground only a few yards from me. They were brown and maroon with a little white on the belly. I think it was fox sparrows. 

Carefully, so I wouldn’t scare them away, I turned to a blank page in my sketchbook and started drawing the outline for the head. They were picking on the ground for food, sometimes kicking some leaves aside as well. 

It was actually rare I drew small birds. Mostly I drew eagles and owls. I liked the majestic look of them and the fact that they were predators. These kind of birds were so fragile and prey. 

It was a little difficult to capture the splotchy-ness they had in their feathers, but I think I did pretty well after switching between a couple of pencils. 

I was only missing part of the legs and the tail when they decided they didn’t want my company anymore. Before I walked back to the motel, I finished the drawing. On the way, I found something to eat. 

When I got back, I wondered how the job was going. I thought about texting her, but I wouldn’t come off as an attention-whore that couldn’t occupy myself. She’ll tell me how it went when she gets back, or if she found him, I think she’d call or text that I should be ready for her to pick me up. At least I made her promise to come and get me both yesterday and today. 

I turned on the TV and tried to find something worth watching. Later, I picked up the Harry Potter book because I was tired of watching lame crime series. 

When it was over midnight, I vaguely wondered how the job was going and if she’d be home soon.


	29. A broken promise

I decided to keep my normal clothes on, as I wouldn’t survive another day in heels. 

When I had been about to leave, Jake had again brought up that he was dissatisfied with staying home, and I had to remind him of the compromise, though I felt bad because I knew I was lying to him. But I was just trying to do what I thought was best for him. 

I clearly felt the lack of respect compared to when I was wearing the FBI outfit, but I got my answers, but no one still hadn’t noticed a guy fitting the description. While visiting the different bars, I also searched the crowd for him, but I didn’t have any luck. I decided to take one last bar before I called it a night. 

I walked up to the desk and got the bartenders attention. She was at least fifty. Skinny, but wrinkly, indicating she'd had just a bit too many cigarettes and too much alcohol. I got my cigarette-suspicion confirmed when she smiled at me and flashed her yellow teeth. Her brown hair with gray stains was in a messy bun. A lot like mine, after a whole night’s sleep, that is. In a hoarse voice that was more proper for a man, she asked what she could help with. 

I showed her my badge and introduced myself, followed by the description of the guy I was looking for. 

“That sounds like Allen,” She said with a look over her half-moon glasses that told me she wasn’t surprised that law enforcement was looking for him. 

“Do you know where he’s staying perhaps?” 

“His brother’s apartment down at 25th Street,”

“When was the last time you saw him?”

“He was here last night, but I haven’t seen him today. He comes around with a few months apart. Sometimes he only stays for a couple of days, sometimes a couple of weeks.” 

She didn’t know the full address, but she could tell me what the apartment complex was called and that he lived in apartment 13 because he had complained several times before about rats and blamed it on the unlucky apartment number. 

On the way, I crossed my fingers and hoped it was him, and that he hadn’t left town yet. A twinge of guilt settled in my stomach as I right now was breaking my promise to Jake. I hoped he would forgive me. 

I found a parking spot close to the door in case I needed a quick escape. Before I left the car, I strapped my knife to my right thigh. Fairly quickly, I located the correct apartment number and rang the doorbell. To conceal my knife, I stood with my left side turned towards the door.

As expected, no one answered at first, so I rang the doorbell again. It was late, and nobody would expect anyone to come over at this hour. 

I rang once again, and while I waited, I thought of different excuses to come here tomorrow morning without Jake would suspect anything. Maybe I could say I was going to the laundromat, that was a good excu–, my train of thoughts stopped there as I heard a sound from the other side of the door. 

I rang the doorbell for the fourth time, and shortly after, I saw someone looking through the peephole, and then the person fumbled with the lock. A bold man with a reddish beard opened. He was fully dressed, which was odd considering the time but hid most of his body behind the door, I couldn’t determine if he had a shadow or not. 

“How much do you want, hot stuff?” He smirked and obviously eyed me from head to boots. 

I abstained from rolling my eyes at him and drew the badge. “Can I come in for a moment?” 

Instantly, the smirk faded, and with bowed head, he opened the door wide open and gestured for me to come in, but still, he hid his body behind the door. The two-bedroom apartment was sparsely, but decent furnished. More decent than I would have expected from a drug dealer or vampire.

“What can I help you with?” 

I turned around to look at him, he had already leaned against the door, but I spotted the missing shadow. “There was a car that burned down the other day,” I started and casually approached him. “And,” I reached behind my back, “someone accidentally saw you,” In one motion I pulled the gun out of my jeans, but as I was about to aim he had launched himself towards me. 

His left hand knocked my right out of the aiming line, and his right fist hit my jaw. I lost balance, and before I could regain it, he hit me again, this time on my cheekbone. His punch sent me to the floor, and I whined in pain as I felt the hit radiate through my skull. I could even feel it in my teeth. 

Stupid cheekbone fracture that hadn’t healed yet! 

I partially took off the worst of the fall with my right forearm, but the force knocked the gun out of my hand. Standing to my right, he ripped me around by my left shoulder with his left hand and held my gun to my forehead. 

Fear slithered down my spine as both my hands flew, palms up, up in a surrendering gesture on both sides of my head. I was breathing heavily out my nose, the pain in my skull hadn’t subsided yet. My eyes flickered from the barrel of the gun to his face. 

His hesitation in pulling the trigger was my rescue. 

Only a few seconds had passed, and I only had one option for escaping this predicament. I kicked him as hard as I could directly in the balls. With a yelp, he keeled forward and fell on top of me where I quickly pushed him to the right off of me and to his back. 

He pulled his left arm free from his crotch and hit me on the jaw with his elbow. Before he could withdraw it, I grabbed his arm and held it to the floor. Swiftly, I got his left wrist, I had held on to, twisted in a solid grasp and brought my left shin to his throat and pushed down. I had him locked in my grip. 

In an attempt to spot my gun, I looked up, but it was out of reach. He had dropped it when I kicked him in the balls. And my knife was strapped to my right thigh I was lying on. I didn’t know if I could hold his left hand down with only one hand long enough to get the knife free from underneath me. Or we could lie like this for a long time, he wasn’t going anywhere when I had him like this. 

“Don’t,” I warned as I pressed harder down on his throat, making him cough when I saw him moving his right hand. 

Fuck, I sighed to myself. If Jake had been here, he could just shoot him while I held him in place. But Jake wasn’t here. I had to figure this out myself. 

I saw the vamp had extended his fangs, but I was safely out of reach as my shin laid right under his jaw, not only pushing down on his throat but also tilting his head slightly backward. 

I had to try to get my knife somehow, but as we were just lying here, I could as well ask him a couple of questions. “You know what? While we’re lying here anyway, I have a couple of questions for you.” 

“Fuck off, you fucking bitch.” He spat angrily. 

“Yeah, people call me that a lot,” I noted dryly. “So listen, you know someone named Sinanima?” I continued. 

“Fuck you, you slut!” He burst out and struggled vaguely underneath me. 

“I actually prefer ‘whore’ if you don’t mind.” Sarcasm marring my tone. “Do you know her?” I asked more harshly while I put more pressure on his throat with my shin. 

“No.” He spluttered, I removed the pressure, and he coughed. 

“That wasn’t so hard. Now, did you know about hunters?” I inquired next. 

“What?” 

I didn’t know if it was an act, or if he really was befuddled over my questions. “Hunters. They track down and kill unnatural bastards like you.” I elaborated. 

“No, I didn’t.” I felt him trying to shake his head. 

“Okay, you have any vampire friends I should know about?” 

“No.” The answer came promptly, and it made me suspicious.

“You sure?” I asked as I again applied pressure on his throat with my shin.

“Yes!” He coughed, and he moved under me again. 

Okay, now I just needed to get this over with. While asking him the questions I had thought of a plan to get my knife. I grabbed his thumb on the hand I was holding and bent it back and down against his own wrist. He hissed and moved underneath me. 

“Stay still!” I demanded and applied once again more pressure on his throat, causing him to cough again. His thumb and wrist didn’t touch, but I got it bent so much I was able to hold him with one hand. My thumb at his and the rest of my fingers clasped around his wrist. 

I reached down with my right hand to try to wiggle the knife out. But after a few moments, I realized I couldn’t reach it like this. Slowly, I shifted my weight, making sure I still held him in place. And my fingers finally closed around the handle after some struggle. I let go of his hand, turned my upper body while still keeping my shin to his throat, and stabbed him in the heart. The twist in my upper body put a strain on my broken rib and made me groan. 

His faint attempt to diverge the knife with his hands withered along with the rest of him, and my left leg fell to the floor with the dust. 

Irk! Now I got vamp-dust all over my jeans. I rolled onto my back and laid still for just a minute. Exhausted by the fight, trying to catch my breath while my rib stung, I felt like I had a ringing in my entire skull after that hit to my cheekbone. I felt the blood pound under my skin where the Uruz tattoo was as well. 

With a little wobbling, I got on my feet and put the knife in its sheath. Several tendrils of my hair had escaped the bun, I tucked them as good as I could behind my ears. My jaw stung, I had gotten some scrapes from his first hit, he had worn a couple of rings, none of them worth anything I concluded after taking a closer look at them and therefore threw them back in the dust pile. I had a few abrasions on my knuckles too, though I hadn’t noticed when I acquired them. 

Oh, Jake was gonna be so pissed when I came back looking like this, and the fact that I had broken my promise. Well, there was no way to undo what had been done. I just had to face him and get it over with. 

With my hands, I clapped on my jeans to try to get as much as the dust off as possible before I grabbed my gun off the floor and searched the apartment for money. I found a lot of coke, but luckily also 1,000 bucks lying with one of the stashes of coke hidden all over the apartment. 

After sweeping the dust up into a dustpan, I threw it out of the window before I headed back to the car. I had to open the window on the way back. The stench of abandoned attic and burned smell hung in the air from my jeans and made me nauseous. 

On the way back, I wondered exactly how pissed Jake was gonna be at me. I parked in the parking lot, locked the car, and walked up to our room. Before I opened the door, I took a deep breath.


	30. His side of things

At the sound of the door opening, I looked up. Val stepped inside. Her hair hung in tangled tufts around her face and shoulders, her jaw was scratched, her clothes were dirty, and she also had some dirt on her face. 

“What happened to you?” I asked concerned and sat up. 

Did she get into a fight? And with who? Drug dealers? A drunk at a bar? 

“Vampire.” She said with a shrug like she couldn’t care less. 

What!? 

“A vampire? I thought we agreed that you’d come back here and get me if you found it?” I inquired acerbically. 

“I lied.” She stated in the same way as when she said ‘vampire.’ She put the gun and her knife on the table, and I noticed the knuckles of her right hand were scratched and bloody too. 

She _lied_? How could she just make this decision behind my back? Seriously? We were together in this. And taking him down alone? Idiotic! And… reckless! “You lied? Why didn’t you come and get me? I should’ve gone with you and helped! Do you know how wrong this could’ve gone?” I yelled more brusquely than intended, but I couldn’t control my tone. 

She was so infuriating! She promised, but then she just went ahead and broke her promise and did whatever the fuck she wanted. 

“No, you couldn’t have gone with me. Because you are still recovering! You would’ve endangered us both. It was safer for me to do it alone. I know I lied, and I’m sorry about that, but it was the right thing to do! I was just protecting you.” She said calmly almost all the way through, though it was forced, as she sat down on the bed. A whiff of vamp dust came from her.

At least she did seem sorry about the fact that she lied. _I was just protecting you._ But I don’t need your protection, I can take care of myself. But she thought it was the right thing to do. Though I far from agreed with her. 

Her, just doing things like this, deciding what’s best for me, made the powerlessness-demon tighten its grip. I had felt the black monster lure at the edges, but until now, I’ve kept it at bay, though she really seriously provokes it sometimes. Especially right now.

Before I had thought it through she continued, “If I told you, there was no way in hell, you would’ve let me go alone.” At the end of the sentence, her eyes dropped to the sheets instead. 

“You’re right. I wouldn’t have let you go alone because that was a fucking stupid idea!” I spat half icily, half sarcastically. 

She endangered herself taking him down alone, and it looked like he gave her a serious beating compared to her current condition. “Look at you!” Be a little repentant for putting yourself in danger instead of only the lying part. I internally shook my head at her. 

“It’s just a couple of scratches.” She contended after looking down at herself. 

It might well be only a couple of scratches, but no matter what she said, she wasn’t back on her feet either. I don’t need her to take a bullet for me like that. But what’s done is done now. She thought it was the right thing, I doubt I’ll get her to admit that she was wrong. If I had gone with her, we could at least have protected each other. “You haven’t recovered 100% either. And I don’t need you to protect me.” I snapped, stating the obvious. 

“I don’t wanna fight, but I am more recovered than you. And this is what I thought was best.” She said coolly, stood up, and rummaged around for something in her backpack. A second after she drew out a plastic bag and started to take her jeans off. 

If this really was what she thought was best then why didn’t she discuss it with me? Why did she make that promise when she knew she would just cast it aside? The black monster gained more strength, and for a second it got the upper hand before I could expel it, and I yelled, “If you did as you were told, there was nothing to fight about!”

“I’m not a child, I’m a legal adult. And I have apologized for lying. And I don’t wanna discuss this anymore.” She said in a low and tired tone. Then she tied a knot on the bag she had just put her jeans in before she walked to the bathroom and closed the door after her. 

Goddammit. Redheads…. 

I used the first couple of minutes after she was gone on expelling the black monster completely from my mind. I hate when it jumps forward like that and makes me an asshole towards Val. By that thought, the gray monster moved and tried to wake up, but I didn’t let it. It was easier without the countless demons. Now there were so few I could easily count them. Though the powerlessness-demons still pulsated, it was still easier. 

I closed my eyes and took ten deep breaths that hurt my ribs, then I tried to think about this whole situation again. She thought this was the best. She thought this was the right thing to do. But the goal doesn’t justify the means, she still lied to me and went behind my back like I was a child who couldn’t decide for myself. 

I tried to imagine if it was the other way around. Tried to justify her means and actions that way. If she, with her indomitable stubbornness, had insisted on going with me out on the job, and I assessed she wasn’t ready, would I have done the same thing? I pondered over that the next couple of minutes until I reached the conclusion that I probably would have. And then I wondered if I seemed just as stubborn to her as she did to me. 

Could I be mad at her for doing what she did, when in reality she was just trying to do what she thought was best? Trying to protect me? Though I didn’t think I needed it? 

I guess not, but she’s still infuriating. Redheads… 

Maybe I should apologize, and show her I could be more amenable so she wouldn’t feel the need to lie to me another time. I don’t want her to feel forced to lie to me like that. Maybe I am as stubborn as her without noticing. 

Wrapped up in all these thoughts, I didn’t notice until now that it was an unusually long shower she was taking. She’s been in there for almost forty-five minutes. 

A couple of minutes later, I heard the water stopped running. I took a deep breath and was ready to swallow my pride. She just did what she thought was best, she didn’t mean any harm.


	31. Chapter 31

“I’m not a child, I’m a legal adult. And I have apologized for lying. And I don’t wanna discuss this anymore.” I said as I walked into the bathroom and closed the door before he could come with a response. My voice was monotone and sounded as tired as I felt. His yelling certainly didn’t do any good for my pounding headache that still hurt my teeth. 

I took the rest of my clothes off and stepped into the hot water. Still, I could sense the burned vampire dust smell, it was like the smell hung permanently in my nostrils, and I had to suppress the need to gag. As I grabbed the shampoo bottle, I poured twice as much as I used to into my palm and rubbed it into my hair. 

While I waited for the conditioner to work, I also poured twice as much soap into my palm and washed my body extra thoroughly. Especially on my legs where I knew my skin had been in contact with the dust. As soon as all the soap, conditioner, and crap was washed off, I turned the heat up a notch, sat down on the floor, leaned my head against the wall with closed eyes, and just let the water pour down over me. 

I let our fight run through my mind. As I had walked in the door and admitted to my broken promise, I had instantly felt the heavy guilt of not doing as we agreed, I even think it shined through in my face and voice at the time. But I was just trying to protect him. Of course, I could have fabricated another lie about I didn’t have the time to get him, but it would only make me feel worse. I didn’t like lying to him. Though I didn’t want to be wound up in a fight with him, I had felt the need to defend myself as I only did what I thought was the right thing in the long run. That was the only reason why I engaged further in it in the first place after apologizing. And then he had just freaked out over my superficial injuries. I mean, calm down for God’s sake. I didn’t look that bad. It was only a couple of scratches. 

But though he was pissed, and stubborn, and offended I think he realized the logic in what I was saying as his fury had turned more into defiance at the end of the fight. I really hoped he could see why I hadn’t gotten him, and why I had handled it by myself, for his own good, when he’d had some time to cool off. 

At last, I decided to push it aside. I tried to relax and clear my mind. 

When I finally felt calm and serene, I had become completely unaware of the time that had flown by while I had sat here, it could easily have been half an hour. 

I decided I didn’t want to fight anymore with Jake about this. Whatever he said, I would just remain passive. As it was right now, I didn’t have any more energy left. Maybe tomorrow. A new fresh day. 

When I finally pulled myself together and got up, I noticed that the hot water had unknotted the tension in my shoulders and my headache was close to gone. The blood-pounding under the skin of my Uruz tattoo had stopped as well, and with a look in the mirror, I could see that it hadn’t suffered any damage from today’s fight. The scratches on my jaw didn’t bother me, but it still stung on my cheekbone. But apart from that, I actually felt good now. 

I slowly dried myself before I went to the other room. 

“I’m sorry,” Jake said when I was halfway to my backpack. Though it didn’t sound like he really meant it, it felt like it was more a reconciliatory offer. 

“It’s fine,” I told him. His anger seemed to have vanished, but he still looked dissatisfied. I put on my panties and a top before I found some new Band-Aids in the medical bag for the blisters on my heels. 

When I was on my way back to the bathroom to hang the towels out to dry, he sat up and caught my wrist. “I mean it,” He said softly, but firm when we locked gazes. “Come,” He beckoned before I could respond and pulled me closer by my wrist, I dropped the towels on the floor. When I was in range, his left hand laid on my waist. In one motion, he guided me on top of him as he leaned back against the head of the bed. My hands rested on his shoulders, both of his hands now on my waist. 

“Don’t lie to me like that,” He urged in a low voice. 

“I won’t if you’d listen to me and stopped being so stubborn,” I answered resignedly.

“I’m listening,” He whispered with an underlying dirty tone. 

“Oh, really?” I made myself more comfortable on his lap. This quickly headed down a whole different direction. But I was just glad the argument was settled this fast. It seemed like we were getting better at this relationship thing. 

“Mh-hmm,” He licked his lower lip before he dug his teeth into it. 

I let my eyes run over his features with an indecisive expression and puckered lips. After a couple of seconds, I leaned forward and whispered into his right ear, “Kiss my neck.”

His lips instantly closed around the skin of my neck. He kissed a trail up to my jaw and down to my collarbone while satisfied sighs leaked from my lips. When he removed his lips from my skin, he leaned his head slightly back, leaving his ear close to my mouth again and waited. 

In the silence, I noticed my breathing had become deep and heavy as well had his. “Caress me with your hands.” 

“Where?” His voice was low and resonant, I could hear the lust in it. 

“Everywhere,” I whispered under my breath.

He leaned back to look me in the eyes, “You have to be a little more specific, baby,” he told me with a smirk. 

I bit my lip as I thought where to begin. Usually, he just took charge and did whatever he wanted. Perhaps this was just a way to mix up the gentle sex. I was sure we weren’t, or he wasn’t, well enough to do it as roughly as we used to. He knew I wasn’t as aggressive as him perhaps that was why he thought of this. 

“Up my sides,” I ordered gently. 

His hands moved lightly up and down my sides, it almost tickled. 

“My back,” 

His hands changed course and stroked up and down my back. 

“My breasts,” A moan spilled from my lips when his hands both gently and firmly massaged my breasts. 

“Stomach,” I managed to breathe, shortly followed by, “Thighs,” 

His hands swiped over my thighs down to my knees and then continued up the outer side. 

“Ass,” I whispered almost erratic, and his hands continued from the outer side of my thighs to my ass. A higher moan escaped me as he grabbed it more firmly than the rest of my body. “Smack my ass.” 

His right hand left my skin and then smacked my lace-covered ass with a faint grunt I accompanied with a whining, “Oh.” 

“Again,” I demanded, and he accommodated my demand, it left my skin all tingly. “Kiss me,” My breathing was close to hectic now. 

“Where?” His voice was thick with want, but he restrained himself and prolonged the arousing tension.

I didn’t have patience for his games, I closed the distance between us. That should be answer enough for him. I slung my arms around his neck and started to rub against him, his hands were still on my ass, and firmly squeezed it without I had to tell him to. The denim felt rough through my lace panties when I rubbed against him. The longer I waited for his tongue to enter my mouth, I realized he wouldn’t, and he didn’t part his lips either to give me access. 

“Tongue,” I moaned against his lips, and finally he parted his lips, and our tongues found each other. As I pressed myself harder down on him, the friction of the denim almost hurt me. Releasing my arms from around his neck, I found the edge of his shirt, pulling it up over his stomach, but he didn’t lift his arms so I could pull it over his head. I detached our lips and looked questioning at him, but he just raised an eyebrow with a look that clearly said ‘you know what to do.’ 

Was he still playing that game? Fine. 

I inaudible scoffed before I said, “Take off your shirt,” in a slightly harder tone than intended. He wasn’t making it easy for me. His hands replaced mine and pulled the shirt over his head, and again he sat waiting. 

I decided to see how far he was going with this, so instead of ordering anything, I let my hands run over his chest as I leaned forward and began kissing the left side of his neck. He leaned his head back to give me better access. My hands ran over his shoulders, to his biceps and back, up his neck and ended intertwined in his hair as I worked my way up and down his neck with my lips. His breathing got deeper as I kissed my way over his collarbone to the right side of his neck. I felt him clench his jaw, probably trying to contain his moans as I slowly and teasingly kissed my way up, nearing his ear. 

When I reached behind it, he couldn’t hold it back any longer. His lips parted in a loud moan, I felt his fingers clutch onto the sheets, and he moved underneath me, pressed his crotch up to rub against me. 

But no matter what I did, he didn’t touch me. I kissed, I licked, I nipped, I moaned into his ear, nipped on his earlobe, let my teeth run along his skin, but he held out. 

I tried to take his hands and guide them to my body, but he held on to the sheets too tightly for me to be able to move them. He was going to force me to instruct him every little step of the way. 

Slightly frustrated, I sighed. I liked when he took the steering, I liked when he took me the way he wanted. But this was different, and it was on some level kind of a power play. I straightened up and looked into his eyes. 

He leveled his head, and then tilted it slightly down, making him look up at me. Through his parted lips he was pulling in deep breaths, his eyes were darkened with lust, but looked awaiting and challenging up at me. 

Well, two can play that game. 

“Take off my top,” I ordered. 

His hands stopped grabbing the sheets he had held on to so hard his knuckles had turned white and pulled the top over my head. I started to unbuckle his belt and then undid the button and zipper of his jeans while he passively watched. “Help me take off your jeans,” 

His thumbs slipped under the waistband and started to pull them down, but only his jeans, not his boxers. 

“Boxers too, baby,” I purred, and his thumbs captured the waistband of them as well and pulled them down. I followed his jeans down and pulled them the last way off him before I placed myself on his lap again with my arms around his neck. His hands were back on the bed, still refusing to touch me without me telling him to. 

“Get on top of me,” It was almost like a challenge. 

His arms grabbed my upper body, he scooted down and then rolled us around. More rough than last time, but not as rough as he used too. Now his lips were only an inch from mine, and he looked expectantly down on me. 

I unwrapped my arms from his neck and let my fingers trace from his shoulder, down over the tattoo of the claws ripping his skin, the scars on his chest from Sinanima were almost as a continuation of the tattoo. My fingers were gentler when they ran over the still pink scars. His head dropped to my chest, and I got a glimpse of the gray dragon and the Uruz tattoo on his back as my index finger played with the piercing in his right nipple. I felt his breathing accelerate against my skin, and again, he grabbed the sheets to resist the urge of kissing me, touching me and fucking me. 

Thereafter, my hands continued up to the gray wolf tattoo on his upper left arm. My fingers traveled to his back and stroked him lightly, I felt the elevation from the Uruz tattoo that hadn’t healed yet. Tilting my head down, I whispered into his ear, “Take off my panties.” 

Quicker than I thought he was able to, he freed himself from my arms, sat up and slowly pulled my panties down and tossed them to the floor. He crawled on top of me again and looked down at me with the same expectant look as before, our noses almost touched. 

“Grab my hair,” I said as I took his right hand and led it to the back of my head. His hand closed blandly around a fistful of my hair. 

“Tell me you wanna fuck me.” I almost moaned.

“I wanna fuck you.” He instantly told me breathlessly. 

“Then fuck me,” I begged. 

He guided himself into me and slowly filled me with his whole length. Both our lips parted, his moan was inaudible, mine certainly wasn’t. My nails dug deep into his back. 

He glided slowly out of me, and then pushed hard into me again. The second time he pushed just an ounce harder, and the third time even harder accompanied with a grunt. 

It felt good to have him take me harder, it was almost like normal, though there was a fragility that hadn’t disappeared since last time. As I wrapped my legs around his waist, his left hand grabbed my ass and lifted it an inch, giving him a different angle that hit such a sweet spot and made my moans turn into cries. “Kiss me.” I insisted, released my nails from his back, and pulled him closer by the neck. This time, I didn’t have to instruct him on using his tongue, he did it all by himself. 

Yes, this was what I wanted, I wanted him to take me. 

I bucked my hips up to meet him every time. The movement and my panting breath made my broken rib sore, but I barely noticed. The only thing I noticed was his body against mine, how I felt the muscles on his back work as the movement from his hips rippled up his spine. His warm skin against mine that slowly made us both damp. His hand in my hair that gradually tightened its grip, his lips against mine, his tongue against mine, muffling my cries and his grunts, and how his hard length was now thrusting in and out of me. 

I suddenly got an idea, I wanted it rougher. Tearing my lips from his, I set my demand, “Cuff me up.” 

“Where're the cuffs?” He stopped the thrusting and asked. 

“My jacket, right pocket.” I breathlessly explained. 

He pulled out of me and gave me a quick, but deep kiss before he lifted himself off me and stood up. Leaving me horny, anticipating, and waiting on the bed. Propped up on my elbow I watched him fetch the cuffs, took a good look at his ass, it was delicious to look at, and he was even more delicious when he turned around. I bit my lower lip as I hungrily eyed him and his well-endowed length. 

He deftly climbed on top of me again. “How do you want me to cuff you up?” He asked with a mischievous smirk. The cuffs dangled promising from his index finger between us. 

“No, now it’s your turn. How do you wanna cuff me up?” I asked with a raised eyebrow. 

He bit his lower lip as he thought about it for a couple of seconds. “Behind your back,” He said almost threatening before he sat up on his knees, “Turn around,” he demanded. 

I turned to lay on my stomach. When he grabbed my hips and with a yank raised my ass, I uttered a surprised, “Oh.” 

“Can you lie like this without your rib hurting?” He asked, his hand gently stroked my ribs. 

I tried moving around a little and stopped supporting any weight on my hands, and felt how my weight was distributed on my shoulders and knees. It was slightly uncomfortable. Before I could answer, his right arm wrapped around my waist, and he placed a pillow beneath my hips, but it didn’t really help. 

“Add another one,” I told him. 

He grabbed the other pillow and placed it under me as well. “Better?” He asked. 

I made myself more comfortable, “better,” I confirmed. 

His hands that had laid on my waist now ran up my back, all the way up to my shoulders and down my back and over my ass. Again, they ran up my back, but when they reached my shoulders, they ran down over my arms. He wrapped his hands around my wrists and led them to my lower back. He gathered both my wrists in one of his hands, while the other took the cuffs from the bed and cuffed my hands one by one. 

Out of nowhere, his open palm smacked my ass, and in surprise, I cried even higher than the other times. He did it one more time, and this time, I moaned in satisfaction as I felt my skin prickle. With his right hand, he took a firm grip on my hip as the left guided him into me, and thereafter grabbed my other hip as well. Slowly he pressed fully into me with a deep moan I joined in on and held still for a couple of seconds. Then he gave me a hard thrust that tore my lips apart in a high cry as I felt everything cringe together inside me. 

This angle was amazing! 

“Yes, fuck me!” I cried as he continued in a slow, but hard and powerful rhythm into me. My cries and his grunts mingled together. Though I noticed his grunts seemed more strained as he went on in the same tempo. 

His hands released their tight grip on my hips and again ran up along my back. His right arm wrapped around my chest and pulled me up in a straight position with my back against his chest, my thighs and ass basically rested on his thighs, and held still inside me. With his left hand, he pushed the pillows aside and wrapped his left arm around my stomach. “I need a break,” He panted against the skin on my neck and started kissing it. 

“Okay,” I breathed. My panting breath had caused some discomfort but now decreased as I caught my breath. 

His right hand removed my still moist hair, and he continued kissing the back of my neck, down the top of my spine until his damp forehead rested against the upper part of my back. I got goosebumps and shuddered as I felt his panting breath on my back. His hands started caressing the front of my body. In circles, he let them glide over my collarbone, breasts, stomach, waist, and thighs, and then all over again. Now and then he placed a kiss between my shoulder blades. 

“You okay?” I asked after a minute or two.

“Yeah, it just… stings.” He explained, his breathing had quieted down, and now kissed a path up to my neck again. I heeled towards his touch, and small moans began to spill from my lips. 

His teeth captured my skin and gave a little tug before he resumed kissing. He did it a couple more times before his lips moved to my ear. “I have an idea,” He whispered. 

“I’m listening,” Repeating his words from earlier made him chuckle as he pulled himself out of me. 

“Move closer to the wall, sweetheart,” He instructed, but it wasn’t really necessary as his arms wrapped around my chest and waist and lifted me the three feet forward. With his chest against my back, and his hips at my ass, he pushed me forward, making my chest lean against the cold wall, again I got goosebumps. His right hand found a fistful of my hair and tilted my head back as his left, once again, guided him into me and then laid around my waist. 

This angle made him hit such a sweet spot inside me. 

He started kissing my neck while he slowly moved in and out of me, his arm around my waist pushed me back for every time he went into me, releasing deep moans from me. 

This slow tempo was almost rhythmic. I felt his whole body working against mine. His hips pressed him into me, it rippled up through his spine, and his chest rubbed against my upper back. Every time his hips moved, almost in a vertical circle going in and out of me, his arm around my waist made counter movements to make sure he went as deep as possible into me in this position. He kissed my neck without a stop, my skin muffling his moans that were probably replaced by grunts because of the slowness of this. 

Soon the cold wall felt good against the heated skin of my chest as his movements made my chest rub against the wall. He sank his teeth into the skin on my neck, and I inhaled sharply. I wasn’t sure if it was hard enough to leave a mark. His lips left my neck as his right hand released my hair and loosely wrapped around my throat, not applying any pressure at first. But then his index finger and thumb pressed hard on each side, right under my jaw. I quickly realized he closed the blood-flow, but not my airways. 

“Just say stop, sweetheart,” He whispered into my ear. 

This was very different. I felt the dizziness, my breathing became deeper, heavier, and my moans more long-drawn. The dizziness increased, and my sight started to blur, but it wasn’t like I was used to when he cut off my breathing as well. “Stop,” I moaned as the room practically started to spin. I was surprised to find that my speech was kind of slurred or perhaps drowsy described it better. 

He removed his hand, my sight turned almost completely black, a sensation of heavy vertigo filled me. The cuffs clattered as I pulled in them, my head dropped against my will and my forehead hit the wall. 

Ouch. But the dizziness, tingly feeling, and shiver down my spine quickly distracted me. When the dizziness quieted down, I raised my head. “Again,” I begged, “But keep my head up,” I added a second before his index finger, and thumb closed the blood-flow. 

This time, I knew what to expect, and said, “Stop,” just a few seconds earlier this time. 

He kept his hand loosely around my throat, which prevented my forehead from impacting with the wall again. Before my sight cleared up completely, I begged him to do it again. 

He pressed, and then whispered, “Spread your legs, baby,” as his left hand around my waist moved down between my legs as I spread them a couple of inches and he found my most sensitive spot, which elicited a higher moan from me as his fingers started working. 

Now that I lost his support and guidance on my waist, I pushed back to meet him. I quickly fell into his continuous, unchanging rhythm.

“Stop,” This time it was a cry, and I threw my head back on his shoulder as he let go and the blackness, tingling, and prickling set in. And it just added to the work his fingers did between my legs and his slow thrusting into me. “Oh God, again, again,” I begged vaguely. 

As his fingers once again closed around my throat, he worked faster and harder between my legs. It built up in me so fast. I didn’t know if it was because of the lack of sex lately, the way he cut off my blood flow or his mesmerizing rhythm with a perfect angle into me. This time, I didn’t say stop until my eyelids fluttered, and my breathing stopped for a second only to erupt in a high distorted cry as I threw my head back as the orgasm thundered through me. My back had barely arched before his right arm laid as a snare around my waist and kept me close to him. The cuffs clattered when I involuntarily fought against them. I tried to close my legs, but it was difficult as my thighs and ass rested on his thighs, and his legs were between mine. 

“Oh God,” He cried followed by a guttural moan as he suddenly upped his tempo into me, which just added to my orgasm. 

As it slowly ebbed off, his fingers stopped and his left arm wrapped around my waist too. With his chest against my back, he pushed my upper body forward, making my chest and right side of my face against lean against the wall again as he was now thrusting even harder into me and his moans turned into grunts. He unwrapped his arms and clutched onto my hips instead when he gave me three powerful thrusts as he came with a satisfied grunt. He leaned his forehead on my back, and as earlier, I felt his panting breath on my damp skin. His arms were loosely wrapped around my waist once again. 

 

We stayed like that for a couple of minutes while our breathing returned to normal, only interrupted by him pulling out of me with a weak moan. I felt him straighten up, and then he opened the cuffs and threw them to the floor. I slid down to lie sideways on my back across the bed, a moment later he laid down on his back next to me. 

“People usually say shower sex is complicated. It isn’t. Not at all,” He sighed, “Now, injured sex – that’s complicated. Making injured sex kinky is complicated.” He stated. 

“Oh, you’re so right,” I chuckled, and then closed my eyes with a tired, but satisfied sigh. A few minutes later, I started to feel slightly cold but realized as we were across the bed we laid on both blankets. I was too tired to move too much, so I got the blanket under my torso out from under me, though Jake also laid on it. It didn’t give me much to work with, but I got enough to cover me from my upper thighs to my breasts. 

Jake followed my example, took the blanket our legs were on and crept under it covering him from his thigh and most of his stomach. 

I turned to my side, rested my head in my palm propped up on my elbow and looked down at him. My left hand began tracing invisible patterns on his chest. 

Both his hands had laid behind his head, but now his right hand tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. His thumb caressed my cheek as he studied my face with a small frown. “You are sometimes infuriating,” He said thoughtfully. I knew he was talking about how I lied and took down that vampire by myself. But he didn’t seem angry about it anymore, just frustrated. 

“As infuriating as I’ve always been or less than usual?” I dared to ask.

“Why do you ask that?” His frown deepened, and his thumb stopped stroking me, but he kept his hand on my cheek. 

“It’s just…” I didn’t know if I should say it or not. I didn’t want to provoke the angry Jake now when I hadn’t seen it full on for so long. But after a second or two, I decided to say it anyway. “… just two months ago you would’ve yelled… or punched the wall.” The way he had yelled today wasn’t what I meant about ‘yelling,’ I meant the kind where his eyes got so dark with anger it seemed like it consumed him, and that scared me. The way he yelled at me today didn’t scare me. But my voice grew smaller and smaller as I spoke and at the end of the sentence, my eyes dropped from his. 

He didn’t say anything at first. When I looked at him he looked guilty, his eyes avoiding mine, and he removed his hand from my cheek. “I…” He trailed off, and I saw him clench his jaw before he continued, “I try my best.” He looked troubled and pained. 

I had seen that look before. “I know,” I whispered. He had told me that before as well. And I had seen the struggle he sometimes has, but I also see how much he has improved. 

Neither of us said anything after that. I continued to trace patterns on his chest and the upper part of his stomach. He got goosebumps every time I circled his pierced nipple, but other than that he didn’t seem affected by it. He just stared at the ceiling with a frown, I could see a hundred thoughts were going through his head, though I didn’t know which ones. 

“I miss dad so much,” Jake broke the silence. He didn’t look at me when he said it. 

This was the first time I had heard him say that out loud, though he didn’t have to tell me that, I knew it already. “I miss him too, you know,” I said softly. 

He sighed, then clenched his jaw and swallowed visibly. Then it looked like he kind of ‘shook it off,’ turned to his side, propped up on his elbow just like me, and finally looked at me. His thumb and index finger captured my chin and dragged my lips to his. He kissed me softly for a few seconds. “I need you,” He whispered against my lips. 

“I need you too,” _I love you._

A small smile pulled up at the corner of his mouth as he placed another soft kiss on my lips. He leaned back down on his back, and I lounged myself across his chest. One of his hands began nuzzling around in my hair, which was almost dry by now. 

My ear was pressed against his chest, and I could hear his heartbeat, his hand expanded its nuzzling to my neck and down my shoulder blade, where I felt him trace the edges of my tattoo. 

This was relaxing. I traced patterns on his arm and noticed how much muscles he had lost. He was still muscular, big. With clear contours, even now where he relaxed. I would guess he had lost close to an inch in circumference around his biceps. But if I knew him he would gain it right back as soon as he was fit enough to work out. I extended my tracing pattern over his shoulder, down to his side. My eyes caught the bottom of his fire and water yin and yang on his outer left thigh at the edge of the blanket. I crawled halfway over him, leaving my lower abdomen across his stomach, and pulled the blanket up to take a closer look. 

“What’re you doing?” He asked with a chuckle. 

I threw a glance at him over my shoulder, “Looking at your tattoo.” It was so rare I looked at this one. Before we were in a relationship, I didn’t have much reason to look at his thigh, and now it was mostly ‘out of reach’ compared to his other tattoos. My fingertips ran over it. It was beautiful. The colors were so vibrant and strong compared to the rest of his tattoos. And there was a lot of details in it too. Different nuances of the fire, spindrift on the water. Actually, it looked like a fireball and a water-ball dancing and forming the yin and yang. The water and fire weren’t touching, there was some space between them, and then I noticed something. It was almost invisible. 

I leaned closer to try and see what it was supposed to be, and then it appeared to me. Between the fireball and the water-ball, halfway into each of them were a gray silhouette. A little person who seemed to be trapped between the two elements. It was so vague I could only see it now when I was this close. “Why’s there a person in the middle of this?” I tapped on the person in the tattoo. 

“Just thought it looked cool,” I felt him shrug underneath me. 

Of course. His standard answer to everything related to his body art. But I also remember him telling me he helped the tattoo artists draw and design most of his tattoos. 

My scrutinizing was abruptly interrupted when Jake smacked my ass. I squealed and twitched because it came so unexpected, which just made him laugh. 

“Jackass!” I whined and slapped his thigh. 

“I might well be, baby, but have you looked at the clock recently?” 

Quickly, I directed my glance at the clock. “It’s four? In the morning?” I burst out. I had completely lost track of time. 

“Exactly.” He stated and gave me a gentler smack on my ass. 

I tried to get up, but that wasn’t as easy as it sounded as we were completely tangled into both each other and the sheets. 

After a little struggling, we were both lying right in the bed under the covers. Jake sneaked under my blanket and wrapped an arm around me. “Goodnight, beautiful,”

“Goodnight, baby,” This was the first time since before the hospital we fell asleep like this.


	32. His side of things

“I’m sorry,” I said when she came out of the bathroom, though I didn’t think I infused my tone with the proper amount of remorse. 

“It’s fine,” she just dismissively mumbled as she got dressed in panties and top. 

After putting Band-Aids on her blistered heels, I captured her wrists on her way to the bathroom. “I mean it,” I told her with as much conviction as I could muster when her green eyes looked into mine. “Come,” Still with a hold of her wrist, I encouraged and dragged her closer. In the corner of my eye, I saw she dropped the towels on the floor. Capturing her waist, I pulled her on top of me while I laid right on the bed and leaned my back against the headboard, now both my hands held onto her waist. Her hands sought support on my shoulders. 

“Don’t lie to me like that,” I pleaded her. 

See, I can be amenable.

“I won’t if you’d listen to me, and stopped being so stubborn,” She said meekly, but it also looked like she thought it was a lost cause. 

“I’m listening,” I encouraged, now in a low voice that made it sound way dirtier than I had intended. 

“Oh, really?” She asked with an eyebrow flash and wiggled her ass, probably to sit more comfortably, but she ground against my groin. 

Apparently, she was onboard with the dirty side of this right away. Well, why not? Why not show her exactly how ‘amenable’ I can be?

My tongue ran over my lower lip and then bit it as I mumbled, “Mh-hmm,” 

She scrutinized my face with a tentative look and pouted lips for several seconds before she leaned closer and whispered, “Kiss my neck,” into my ear. 

I immediately accommodated her wish, and she sighed contentedly as I kissed a path from her neck to her jaw and back down to her collarbone. Her skin tasted fresh and like flowers after the shower. When her breathing was affected, I leaned back, my ear right next to her mouth, and awaited her next command. This is exactly how amenable I can be. 

“Caress me with your hands.” She said in a low voice after a couple of seconds. 

“Where?” I asked in the same tone. I wanted her to guide me through every little step of the way here. 

“Everywhere.” She demanded in a sotto voice. 

No, that’s not the game we’re playing here, sweetheart. A smirk dawned on my face as I said, “You have to be a little more specific, baby,”

Unsure she bit her lower lip, her eyes bashfully flickered between my eyes and my hands. Then it was like she straightened her back imperceptibly and the bashfulness left her eyes as she said, “Up my sides,” 

I obeyed, and my hands ran gently from her waist and up, settling close to her breasts, but they only stayed there for a second before she ordered, “My back,” and they continued to run up and down her back. 

“My breasts,”

My hands changed course to her front side, and she moaned when they cupped her breasts. I noticed her voice became more confident giving me orders. She continued to designate the path she wanted, including her stomach, thighs, and ass. Her voice and breathing became more hectic and moan-full the longer I caressed her body. She asked me to smack her ass, and when I did with a grunt as I felt the lust pumping in me. Last time it had only run slumbering and drowsily through my veins, but now it was fully awake. Though it was no way near a frenzy, and the beast still seemed to be dormant. 

 

It irritated me that I again had to take a break during the act and the fact that my body limited me. This time, it had been easier, but we weren’t back to normal. I didn’t know for how long we would have to continue to be this gentle. It was easier if I just took her missionary style, though I liked being close, it was easier to mix it and make it more interesting when you could also be rough. Missionary and gentle became pretty boring in the long run. Though I think if we had continued just in the missionary, I wouldn’t have needed a break. 

But again – boring, as we did that last time. So I tried to mix it up with the way I cuffed her and took her from behind, but it certainly didn’t make it easier as I also had to make sure she was comfortable with her injuries. “People usually say shower sex is complicated. It isn’t. Not at all,” I told Val who was lying next to me across the bed, with a sigh, I then continued, “Now, injured sex – that’s complicated. Making injured sex kinky is complicated.”

“Oh, you’re so right,” She said with a snicker and then sighed as well. 

Well, at least she agreed with me, so I guess I succeeded in making the boring injured sex a little more fun for her. 

Some minutes later, I felt her move around next to me and then realized she was struggling to get a blanket over her. Now I actually noticed I was cold as well. My body had cooled down, but I was still damp from the sweat. I pulled the blanket under our legs out and put it over me. As I had thought about how long this ‘injured sex’-phase was gonna last, I wondered how long it would take before we could go back to completely normal. 

Then my thoughts led me to the beast. Again, it had stayed absent, but it gotta show itself at some point, but I knew she would say no if it were too much, so I wasn’t worried about that. Then in continuation of the beast, I thought of the monsters and demons. The black monster was still in its exile from when Val was in the shower. The powerlessness-demon’s pulsating had stopped, and it was asleep along with the two others. It was so odd there were so few, but I was grateful. It was thanks to Val. I didn’t know what I would do without her. Right now, her fingers ran over my chest, drawing lazy paths. 

But I also thought of how many times she provoked the bad in me. The darkness. But she did more good than harm, though she could be so infuriating sometimes. Like today. I felt her eyes on me and turned my head to look at her. A tuft of hair was hanging down in her face, I tucked it behind her ear and continued to stroke her cheek with my thumb. I already urged her not to lie and showed her how amenable I could be. Maybe I should tell her the other thing too so she could stop provoking the demons, but I didn’t want to tell her about the demons. 

For another couple of seconds, I pondered about it before I ended up saying, “You are sometimes infuriating,”

“As infuriating as I’ve always been or less than usual?” She asked to my surprise. I couldn’t figure out what she meant by that. 

“Why do you ask that?”

“It’s just…” she bit her lip like she was trying physically to withhold the words, her eyes avoided mine. But then it looked like she decided to say them anyway, “… just two months ago you would’ve yelled… or punched the wall.” Her voice was only a whisper at the end of the sentence as her eyes dropped from mine and I looked down too. 

I felt the guilt flush up in me as she mentioned that night where it was only inches from being her face I had punched. And again, I didn’t feel good enough for her. I’ve been so horrible to her. 

I withdrew my hand from her cheek. “I…” the words got stuck in my throat in a way they haven’t done for some time now. Thickly, I swallowed before I established the words, “I try my best.”

I really do. I want to be better, but it’s far from as easy as it sounds. As I had wondered so many times, I still didn’t know what kept her staying. I would have run away from myself a long time ago. And by that, I felt the gray monster beginning to move. 

“I know.” She whispered, it almost sounded soothing. 

Good. Good, she knows I’m trying. In the silence that followed, I tried to put the gray monster back to sleep. Her fingers resumed running over my chest in lazy patterns while my thoughts wandered. I have been an asshole to her, but it’s a lot better than just two months ago as Val had subtly pointed out. 

When I looked back, I could see the change, but it just happened so slowly. Too slowly actually. I couldn’t figure out how she could tolerate me, but nevertheless, she did. Involuntarily, I thought back to how it all started. “I miss dad so much,” I stated. I quickly blinked a couple of times when I felt my eyes sting. Just saying it made me miss him even more. 

“I miss him too, you know.” She whispered gently, but also with a hint of that soothing tone she had just used. 

The stinging in my eyes had subsided, but I still felt the lump in my throat. I swallowed to get rid of it and then tried to push it all aside. I didn’t know what I would have done or what I would be if she hadn’t been here during it all. Turning to face her, I rested my head in my palm as I gingerly grabbed her jaw and pulled her lips to mine. “I need you,” I mumbled against her lips as they parted with mine. 

“I need you too,” She whispered, and it made me smile despite all the gloomy thoughts. Her green eyes gazed intently into mine. I was almost lost in the depths of them, and I already felt better. Just the feeling of her lips, hearing her say she needs me too. 

I laid back down on the bed, and she nestled herself against my chest, her fingers now nuzzling my left arm. My right hand began roaming around in her almost dry hair and then included her neck and shoulders as well. My fingers felt the elevation caused by her tattoo, then followed the lines. I liked the fact that we had matching tattoos. I felt… connected to her somehow, and that fact hadn’t appeared to me before we had them done. 

This was actually relaxing. We laid like this for, I don’t know how long, and I didn’t care. It felt like the time sped by, but also like it had stopped completely. 

Without any apparent reason, she wiggled forward over me, it was so inviting to smack her ass that was now on my stomach. I felt her pull up the blanket I had over me. “What’re you doing?” I chuckled. 

“Looking at your tattoo.” She said nonchalantly as she looked at me over her shoulder with a raised eyebrow. I felt her fingertips on my thigh where my fire and water tattoo was. “Why’s there a person in the middle of this?” She asked curiously after a couple of minutes as she poked on it. 

“Just thought it looked cool,” The standard answer was always ready on my tongue for these kinds of questions. The truth was that it was me. Me in the middle of the water that filled the room and drowned me, and the fire from the dragon that burned me. 

I shook my head to get rid of the images in my head and accidentally looked at the clock. Shit, was it already that late? Val was still studying the tattoo on my thigh. I gave her a smack on her ass to get her attention, it was just too tempting with the way it was sticking out on top of my stomach. Her surprised whine made me laugh. 

“Jackass!” She said as in continuation of her whine, it was just as high-pitched and she gave me a smack on my thigh as well. 

“I might well be, baby, but have you looked at the clock recently?” I asked, but chuckled halfway through it. 

“It’s four? In the morning?” She exclaimed astounded. 

“Exactly,” I told her with a lighter smack on her ass.


	33. Chapter 33

With a gasp, my eyes flew open. Staring at the ceiling, I lay panting and realized I was covered in sweat. The wicked ghost of myself had filled my dreams along with the manipulated Jake with the black hue in his eyes. “Jake?” I reached out and shook his shoulder. 

“What?” He mumbled confusedly and then focused on me. “Nightmare?” He asked, but his face revealed he already knew that. I nodded and crawled under his blanket when he lifted it. 

He turned to his side and wrapped his arms around me. “You’re all sweaty.” He noticed, but it sounded soothing, more like he was comforting me than making an accusation. His hands moved up my body, cupped my face, and tilted my head back to look at him. “Why don’t you get some cold water on your face? You’re like 200 degrees.” He looked worried down on me. 

“Okay,” I untangled myself from him, and the covers, and walked to the bathroom. I didn’t have to turn on the lights, as it was already light outside, though the curtains shielded some of it. I splashed some water on my face and drank some of it too before I returned to the bed. I glanced at the clock, it was only 8 in the morning. 

“Better?” He asked as I snuck close to him. 

“Better,” I confirmed and nestled myself against his chest, his arms back around me. But I still felt anxious somehow. Or more restless. I moved to lie better, but a couple of minutes later, I moved again. 

Jake’s hand began stroking my hair. “Shh. I’ll protect you.” He promised. 

“I know,” I whispered back. The continuous rhythm of his hand stroking my hair calmed my nerves and my anxiousness, and soon I fell asleep again. 

“It’s almost two o’clock.” Someone whispered close to my ear and stroked my cheek. 

I slowly opened my eyes and looked up at Jake. “Morning,” I mumbled and started to stretch. 

“Good afternoon,” He chuckled and placed a quick kiss on my lips. 

As I finished stretching, I sat up on the edge of the bed. “Have you been out running?” I asked as I noticed Jake was wearing sweatpants. He had already thrown off his t-shirt. 

“Yeah,” He said as he kicked off the sweatpants too. 

“Don’t strain yourself,” I chided softly. 

“I was only out for half an hour, and I didn’t run the whole time,” He tried to look offended as he entered the bathroom. A minute later, I heard the water starting to run. I found my underwear and a top and got up to make a cup of coffee. The scratches and abrasions on my jaw and knuckles were sore, but they didn’t bother me much. 

Before I had finished my coffee, Jake came back from the bathroom. He quickly got dressed and sat down across from me at the table. I had put jeans on as well. 

“So, where should we go?” He asked. “I checked the news earlier, but there wasn’t anything.” He added before I could swallow the mouthful of coffee and answer. 

“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “We could keep heading west until we hit the coast and then back east? Or try out Denton, Maryland? You know that place the couple from Pipe Creek talked about?” I suggested. 

“I was actually thinking we could visit Kevin and Tina? It’s a thirteen-hour drive from here.” He looked awaiting at me. 

Well, that wasn’t much, and it has been so long since we had visited them. Over six months I think actually. “Let’s do that.” I agreed. “But if we take off now we’ll be there in the middle of the night, so let’s go tomorrow?” 

“I’ll call and hear if they’re home tomorrow.” Jake found his phone and dialed Kevin’s number. 

After a short conversation, it was settled that we would visit them tomorrow and stay with them for a day or two. Then we would save that money for a motel. Which reminded me, I didn’t even get to mention to Jake how much money I found last night because of our fight. I told him I had found 1,000 bucks. We agreed to give Kevin some of it when we arrived tomorrow. 

After eating, I decided to find a laundromat as I started to trace the faint smell of the vampire dust on my jeans that slowly seeped out of the plastic bag. 

I had to roll down the window in the car as I drove to the laundromat, just like last night.

It was liberating to get my jeans washed clean of the vamp dust. It was so disgusting, and somehow, I was always the one ending up getting it on my clothes. Jake rarely got anything on him. I wondered why, and during the day where we relaxed with some bad TV and took a two-hour walk at night, I reached the answer. I often ended up on the floor after a punch or two. Jake weighed almost twice as much as me and could take a lot more punches than I could. I often ended on the floor rolling around with the vamps, where he would stay on his feet. It was actually annoying now that I was aware of it. 

But my annoyance got pushed aside when we walked by a grill and the smell of frying oil reached my nose and made me nauseous. I knew you could grow sensitive to light and sounds after a serious concussion, but I had never heard anything about smells, but that could be the reason why I was so intolerant of strong smells. I just hoped it would pass soon.

The rest of the night went by with me reading and Jake drawing. 

I set the alarm for 6 the next morning. Planning to drive at 7, then we would arrive at dinnertime at 8 at Kevin and Tina’s place. 

But when the alarm blared, and I was still trying to blink the sleep out of my eyes, I realized the bed was empty next to me. “Jake?” I called confusedly. His head peeked up from the edge of the bed. “What’re you doing on the floor?” I asked with a chuckle. 

“Trying to work out,” He sat up, I noticed he was panting. 

“How’s that going?” 

“Complicated,” He chuckled, referring to when he talked about how complicated injured sex was. 

It hit me how early it actually was, though I didn’t feel tired. Probably because of how long I slept yesterday. “How long have you been up?”

“Only half an hour,” He assured me.


	34. His side of things

I had started to work out and run again, though quickly, I felt a tightness in my chest as soon as my breath became slightly panting. The same tightness that made it feel like I was having a heart attack during sex. But the more I tried, the easier it got, though the process was still slow. Slower than I liked. It frustrated me that my body couldn’t do what I wanted it to do, but I kept the frustration in check. Perhaps I had a better time doing it because I knew we were going to relax for the next couple of days at Kevin and Tina’s place. So I didn’t have the ‘get ready for work’-pressure on my shoulders, which I forgot to mention – a pressure I unconsciously had put on myself. We could just take it easy for a couple of days, and I couldn’t wait to get some of Tina’s food. She was such a good cook, and it just tasted so much better after all that diner food. Like a piece of heaven. Or it probably just felt that way because we so rarely got ‘normal’ or ‘proper-home-cooked’ food. It reminded me of the time before I was bitten. Before mom killed herself and before dad sold the house and shit.


	35. Off we go

At exactly 7 we drove out of the parking lot. I took the first driving shift and suggested that Jake got some sleep, though he was feeling better. Plus we already had to get up early, but he just made it earlier when he decided to work out before the alarm rang. He assured me it wasn’t necessary, but after half an hour in silence and an instrumental track, he was sound asleep. 

 

Halfway we made a stop for some lunch and to switch driving shift. I caught a couple of hours of sleep during the afternoon. 

 

At 8 p.m. we arrived at the two-story gray house in San Louis Obispo, California with windows rolled down to enjoy the warm evening breeze. Jake pulled up behind their red SUV in the driveway. We grabbed our backpacks and walked up the small stone path to the house. At Kevin and Tina’s place you just walked in, they were like family. So Jake, who reached the door first, opened it and yelled, “Hey!”


	36. His side of things

“Hey!” I greeted loudly as I opened the front door of the gray house, it smelled like dinner was almost on the table. Two responding, “Hey,” came from inside the house. A few seconds later, Tina stormed through the hall and embraced Val in a bear hug. I could see she made a grimace over Tina’s shoulder. I was just about to remind Tina of her broken rib when she squealed, “Oh, it’s so good to see you guys!” And did the same to me. I let out a pained groan as her tiny arms squeezed around me, pressing on my chest. 

“Oh, sorry.” She quickly apologized when she removed her arms. 

“No worries.” I quickly said, she didn’t do it on purpose, she was just glad to see us. I was happy to see them as well. It had been too long since last time. 

“It’s good to see you up and about,” Kevin told me after a less enthusiastic hug. He wasn’t much taller than Tina. He was probably as tall as Val, actually. “You too,” Kevin turned around and said to Val before he added, “Dinner’s on the table in ten minutes,”

“Awesome!” I exclaimed. I was starving, and the fabulous smell didn’t exactly help on that. 

“You can just put your backpacks in your usual rooms, you know where everything is,” Kevin instructed as soon as we had gotten our boots and jackets off and stepped into the living room with our stuff. 

I think it’s time to reveal the ‘news.’ On the way here, I had speculated on how and when to tell them, and this was the perfect opportunity, much easier than I had expected. I wrapped my arm around Val’s waist as I stepped up beside her. “Um, actually I think we only need one room.” I felt my cheeks burn halfway through the sentence. 

Why was I so shy all of a sudden? But I wasn’t afraid to show her off as my girlfriend. But this… it felt like it made it truly official somehow. These people were the closest thing we got to a family as it was right now. 

“You’re a couple?” Tina squealed with the too-girly-enthusiasm only she could pull off without it being annoying. 

“That’s fantastic. Congrats.” Kevin said like a normal human being and gave me what felt like a fatherly pat on the back. “Well, would you give me a hand with moving one of the beds then?” He asked. 

“Sure.”

Kevin went to the first room to the right, the room where dad and I always slept when we were here. Him in the bed, me on the floor on a collapsible cot. Val always had a room for herself, the second on the right. 

For a moment, I hesitated with lifting the bed, wondering if it would hurt in my chest, but it was actually not that heavy, and it only stung faintly when we had gotten it in place. 

“How long have you two been ‘together’?” He asked as we found the pillows and duvets from the closets. 

How long has it actually been? On one hand, it felt like forever, on the other, it was like it had only lasted five minutes. Though the first feeling was the strongest. I tried counting in my head and reached two months. “Two months, though it feels longer actually,” I added the last part after a couple of seconds. 

He nodded like he knew what I meant, “Well, good catch, son.” He stated, and I couldn’t help but smile before Tina yelled that dinner was ready.


	37. Chapter 37

The smell of pork chops that had enveloped me as soon as we stepped inside made my stomach growl. Jake and Kevin had just disappeared upstairs to move one of the beds so we could sleep in the same room. 

It felt good to be back at Kevin and Tina’s place. It was so cozy, it was the closest thing we had to a home and a family. Besides my aunt, but she wasn’t a part of my life anymore. 

I looked around in the well-known house, two-thirds of the first floor was one open area with living room and kitchen at the far end. The remaining third was Kevin and Tina’s bedroom. They had a walk-in closet, a big bathroom, and everything. 

The second floor was split into four rooms and a bathroom. Two guestrooms, one office. But the last one of the rooms had remained untouched for over a decade. It was their boy’s room. He was killed by a vampire when he was 17. If I remember correctly, I think his name was Tom. He and his girlfriend had been home alone when a vampire decided to pay them a visit. They had pictures of him, but they never really talked about him, but on the other hand, it was many years ago as Tina got pregnant in her early twenties, though I didn’t think you would ever get over losing a child.

“Do you need help with anything?” I asked Tina as she went back to the kitchen to finish the mashed potatoes. 

“You can set the table,” She pointed to the cupboards, which wasn’t necessary, as I knew where everything was. “But you don’t get off that easy,” She warned with narrowed eyes before she let the questions rain down on me. “So how did it happen? And for how long? Give me all the details.” She smiled. 

Though Tina was in her late forties, she certainly didn’t act her age. And with her shoulder-length blonde hair, dark blue eyes, and up to date clothes, only the fine wrinkles around her eyes revealed her true age. She was a couple of years younger than Kevin who had entered his fifties a couple of years ago. 

Kevin was more laid back with his half long brown hair with gray stains here and there, though not as long as Tina’s, and the vest he always wore. And his blue eyes didn’t have the same childish charm as Tina’s. 

All of her questions actually made me feel a little uncomfortable. “Um, it just… happened.” I shrugged with an apologizing smile. There wasn’t really more to tell. She looked so searchingly at me as I found forks and knives in the drawer, and under her glance, I continued, “Since the beginning of March, approximately. So… two months.” 

She looked more satisfied with my second answer. “It’s good, it took you two long enough.” She sent me a pointed glance I wasn’t sure how to interpret. “But I’m so happy for you. It isn’t often that any hunters find someone to be with. I mean the genetic pool in this business is pretty limited… but you scored the grand prize.” She continued. 

Grand prize? What was she talking about? I had stopped with a hand inside the cupboard reaching for glasses, she saw my bewildered expression. 

“Jake. He’s quite a catch.” She stated like it was obvious and winked. “Not that you aren’t too.” She added and gave me a glance from head to toe. 

I blushed, and my eyes dropped to the floor. “Yeah, he’s handsome,” I said to the three glasses I had in my arms. From upstairs, I heard the scrambling of something heavy being pushed across the floor. I hoped Jake wouldn’t strain himself, but I abstained from yelling it to him. 

“Will you take this?” Tina asked as she handed me the mashed potatoes. “Dinner’s ready!” She yelled towards the stairs. 

As we all sat down at the table, they asked how we were doing after the hospital, which led to us telling the story from the beginning from when we got the tip on Sinanima, to finding her. Both Kevin and Tina dropped their jaws as I told what she was capable of and that she was the one that killed Bill as well. Though they looked like they had a hard time believing it at first, our injuries were a proof of a serious ass kicking, and as Jake added up to the story their faces changed from disbelieved to astounded. They hadn’t heard of anything like this before. 

Then the conversation obviously headed towards our stay at the hospital and recovery afterward. They told us what they had been up to since last time, how the other hunters they knew were doing.


	38. His side of things

“Have you talked to Nicole lately?” Tina asked me after practically going through how every person we knew was doing. I was just about to choke on a piece of pork chop but saved it at the last minute, so I only had to clear my throat after swallowing. “Um, no… Haven’t talked to her since dad was alive.” I threw a glance at Val, but she hadn’t noticed anything. Then my tone was as casual as I had hoped. 

Tina knew me and Nicole had fooled around, I didn’t know if Kevin did. But it was nothing more than that: fooling around. 

“It’s been a while since we talked to her too. Perhaps I should give her a call.” It sounded like the last sentence was more like a mental note to herself before she stood up and gathered the plates as we had all finished eating. Val went to the kitchen with Tina to help her. 

“How’re you holding up, son?” Kevin asked. It didn’t feel like he was prying or dying for information like Tina sometimes was. Just a caring question. 

“After dad or Sinanima?” I asked, as I really didn’t know which one he was referring to. 

“Both. You’ve been through a lot lately.” He stated. 

“Yeah, well…” I paused for a few seconds before I continued, “Val’s been great through all of this. I didn’t know what I’d do without her, honestly.” And it was honest, as honest as it gets. 

He nodded, but it looked like it was more to himself. “It’s good, the thing with you two.” He pointed first at me and then at Val in the kitchen. 

“Yeah.” I agreed, and I felt a stupid smile dawn on my face. At that moment, Tina and Val came back with clean dessert plates and a delicious looking apple pie. 

“So what made you kids decide to start this after all that time?” Kevin asked. Up until now, we had just small talked while eating the apple pie. 

I looked at Val to get some sort of help, but as we locked gazes, I saw she had the exact same look I imagined was also on my face. 

Um, okay, what to say? Yeah, we had a fight, and I almost punched her, and instead, I realized how beautiful she was, and suddenly I wanted her, and then we had rough sex? No, that’s just too bizarre. 

“Come on, spill it.” Tina fished and leaned closer over the table. 

Okay, think fast. My mind was blank for ideas but then decided to change the truth, as it was the only one I got in my head as it was right now. “Um, we were talking, and then…” _We were fighting, I was yelling,_ “And then I realized how much I had relied on Val after dad died, and…” _I suddenly got my eyes up to how beautiful she was and what she put up with,_ “…I kissed her.” That was technically the truth. I did kiss her first. 

“Took you long enough,” I heard Kevin mumble under his breath, and Tina nodded eagerly. At least they seemed to condone it. 

“You know, your dad always hoped for you two to get together,” Kevin continued and pointed at us both with his fork. 

What!? But… this time, I couldn’t save it at the last minute and was close to choking on a piece of pie and had to cough. 

“Excuse me, what?” Val exclaimed preposterously. 

Exactly what I would’ve said if I wasn’t choking on a piece of pie. 

“He always mentioned it when you guys visited,” Tina said, still nodding eagerly. 

“He would’ve been real happy to see you two now,” Kevin confirmed casually like it was the most natural thing. 

A lot of flashbacks flickered before my inner eye. Those looks he sent me the first couple of weeks after she joined us, how he always watched us in the beginning suddenly got a whole new meaning. I had always interpreted it like he wanted to keep an eye on me to make sure I didn’t try to get in her pants. But now it seemed to be the exact opposite. It was a little difficult to wrap my head around it. 

“Wow,” Val stated. And before I had regained the ability to talk, she turned towards me and said, “He never said anything… or hinted. Did you know?”

“No,” I quickly said. Apparently, I was just too thick headed to pick up on a hint, and then from my own dad. It was like an epiphany had hit me. 

“He probably wanted you to figure it out on your own. And you did, right?” Kevin said and rescued me. I did notice the unsure look Val sent me. 

“Yeah, but what took you so long?” Tina asked. Again, with all the nosey questions, was this the Spanish Inquisition?

Again, I turned to Val for help, but again she did the same thing. God, I hadn’t really expected so many questions about this. I pondered about the question for a second but didn’t come up with any immediate answers and just said, “I don’t know,” at exactly the same time as Val had reached the same conclusion apparently, and it almost seemed like our answers were planned. 

“You really keep the juicy details to yourself, huh?” Tina sounded disappointed. 

But to my relief, there weren’t any more questions about our relationship, though I didn’t think we would get off the hook that easily.


	39. Chapter 39

“You really keep the juicy details to yourself, huh?” Tina joked and started to gather our plates. Both Jake and I almost jumped from our chairs ready to help her clean up, and hoping to avoid more questions. Or that was why I did it, but I bet Jake had the same thought. 

It seemed like they let it go for now. Probably because of Jake’s seriously contorted version of the truth when he told them how all this started. But Tina almost got Christmas lights in her eyes every time Jake and I touched each other or called each other the nicknames we were so used to by now. 

After finding out Jake and I hadn’t watched The Hunger Games, Tina declared Hunger Games-Marathon, though I said we probably couldn’t watch three movies in a row without falling asleep. But she quickly told us off with we could watch as much as we could now, and the rest tomorrow. 

They had a pretty cozy TV setup, a couch with chaise up against the wall, a coffee table, and at each end of the coffee table were two comfy beige armchairs where Kevin and Tina were always sitting when we were all watching TV together. I sat down on the gray couch where Jake joined me a minute after. Kevin offered us a beer before taking his usual place in the armchair to the left. Tina put the first DVD on and sat down in the one to the right. 

“Go on, cuddle up on the couch if that’s what you want,” Kevin said as the movie started. Nothing really seemed to bother Kevin, he took everything with a laid back attitude. 

“God, it’s like having teenagers in the house again.” Tina joked, but I could see she was more than pleased. 

“But no dry humping, that’s just nasty,” Kevin told us with a raised finger as if we had actually been teenagers that had to listen to what the adults said. It made us both laugh, even Tina came with a snicker. 

We ended up spooning. My head on a pillow from the couch and Jake propped up by his left arm behind me, his right arm laid around my waist. My right laid on top of his, and our fingers were intertwined. A couple of times, he leaned down and placed a soft, silent kiss on my cheek, another couple of times, he lifted our hands to my left cheek to turn my head so he could kiss my lips instead. 

 

Halfway through the second movie, I declared I was going to bed, Jake said he would join me. We said goodnight and headed upstairs. I think I heard Tina whisper to Kevin, “They’re so in love,” as we walked up the stairs. 

A frown appeared on my forehead. I didn’t think we acted like love birds or were too clingy. And she said ‘they.’ Was Jake in love with me? I didn’t know. I didn’t think so. 

We reached the second room on the right. It looked just like I remembered it, besides the two one-person beds that stood next to each other to the right, so they basically formed a king-sized bed. The room was light purple, there were a small closet and a nightstand. Jake had put our backpacks on the bed. We both undressed and crawled under the covers. 

Oh, this bed was so much better than the motel beds. The mattress was so soft I think I sank two inches into it. The pillows were softer, and we had light, fluffy duvets instead of blankets. I almost felt like _The Princess and the Pea_. And it all smelled ‘normal,’ not like that industrial washing powder they always used at such places where they had a lot of laundries. “I could sleep in a bed like this forever.” I sighed. 

“I know what you mean.” He turned to his side, rested his head on his palm, and looked down on me. His right hand softly stroked my cheek. I lifted my hand and caressed his as well. My fingertips felt the two-day-old stubbles. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on my lips.

I remembered the conversation at the dinner table earlier. I didn’t quite believe him when he said he didn’t know about Bill’s secret agenda, though I let it slip at the table, but now he wasn’t going around it. “Did you know?” I asked.


	40. His side of things

“I could sleep in a bed like this forever,” Val said with a sigh when we were in bed. 

“I know what you mean,” I said as I turned to my side, propped up on my arm and looked at her. As I stroked her cheek, I noticed the scratches on her jaw were healing nicely. The ones on her knuckles were deeper so they would take a couple more days to look as nice as the ones on her jaw. Her hand copied mine and stroked me as well, I leaned forward and kissed her softly. 

“Did you know?” She suddenly asked.

“Did I know what?” I asked bewildered, but also curious about what she might think I knew. 

“Did you know that Bill hoped for us to be a couple?” She explained. 

I decided to tell her the truth, I couldn’t see any reason to hide it, but I thought for a couple of seconds on how to explain it to her while biting my lower lip as I stared at the purple wall. “You see, in the beginning, dad always gave me this… look when I was close to you or touching you. And I just always interpreted it as ‘hands off, I’m watching you, young man.’” I told her matter-of-factly because it was a matter of fact to me and had been for years, until today. 

“Oh, I didn’t notice.” She frowned, I saw she was trying to recall if she had seen it as well. 

“You didn’t know him very well back then,” I told her with a shrug. But the truth was, he only gave me that look or watched us when she wasn’t looking, so she wouldn’t have seen it anyway even if she had known him back then. 

“Did you want to? In the beginning?” She surprised me by asking and rested her head in her palm as I did. 

I didn’t know if I should lie about that or not, but she just sounded truly curious, so I decided to tell her the truth again. “Honestly? Yeah, I thought about fucking you.” But it only lasted two weeks, that’s when I got into my head that she was off limits as I thought dad wanted and was trying to tell me, though it turned out to be the complete opposite. But somehow, it pulled up in the corner of my mouth when I thought about him wanting us to be together. 

“Pervert!” She pretended to be offended and slapped my shoulder gently, but in the end, cracked up in a snicker as she laid down on her back again. 

But yeah I was, I had objectified her because she was a female that suddenly was always around. It was never more than that, but now it was so much different. It was much more than that now. 

“You didn’t think about it?” I asked curiously. 

“Shortly… but I never really considered it.” She admitted. 

I sent her an ‘are you sure you’re telling the whole dirty truth?’–look as a joke, and she continued, “Not because I’m not attracted to you, but we were working together.” 

But well, the two weeks I thought about it, I would also categorize that as short compared to the six or close to six and a half years we’ve known each other. “We’re still working together.” I enlightened her and punctured one of her arguments. 

“It would just be awkward with your dad around all the time.” She tried to defend herself. 

“If you say so.” I just said and kissed her, what happened six years ago didn’t matter anyway, this was what we were doing now. 

“I do say so.” Her tone was very sober. 

“Oh, really? And what else do you say?” I inquired with an underlying seductive tone as I leaned towards her until our lips were almost touching. 

“Oh, I say a lot of things, I wouldn’t even know where to begin.” Her tone was still sober, but now it sounded more overacted, and a lecherous smile started to pull up in the corner of her mouth. 

“I bet.” I caught her lower lip between my teeth and tugged lightly on it before I pressed my lips to hers. 

I bet you do, sweetheart, but in bed, I’m the one who’s having the last say. 

The more I kissed her, the more I wanted. My hand moved down her body, settled at her ass and turned her body towards mine, instantly she wrapped her top leg around my waist, and I pressed her harder against me. The lust for her pumped needy through me though I could feel it still wasn’t back on full power. I pushed her to her back and got on top of her. 

Oh, I liked seeing her underneath me. 

As I ground against her, I felt her nails on my back and on my scalp. I idly thought of the fresh tattoo, but her nails were grazing my right shoulder blade. I kissed her more voraciously, and she started to moan into the kiss, her hips bucking upwards matching my grinding against her and I felt the blood rush to my member. Detaching my lips from hers, I placed my index finger on her lips and shushed her. In response, she nodded with a smile. 

This is actually an interesting setup. I’m gonna have some fun with you, baby. 

I resumed the kissing that soon made a path along her jaw and neck and led me down to her breasts where I gave them some attention too, I was gonna warm her up thoroughly before I fucked her this time. To be honest, I had neglected her the last two times, but I just didn’t have the strength or energy to, but now it was better. I actually felt bad about the fact that I had ‘forgotten’ her pleasure since we got out of the hospital. 

First, her right breast, played a little with it before I reached her nipple that turned hard the more I nipped and kissed it, her chest shot forth as I attended to her nipple. Then I proceeded to her left I had up until now massaged with my hand. It received the same treatment as the right. When I had divided my attention equally between both her breasts, my lips returned to hers. As I once again rubbed against her, she nearly soaked my boxers. 

Okay, time to take the next step. My hand found the edge of her panties, promisingly tickled her skin for a few seconds before my fingers slid into them. I let my middle finger run all the way from her bottom to her sweet spot. With a gasp, she jolted, and I felt her nails on my shoulders. I removed my lips from hers, “I am not gonna make you come if you can’t keep quiet, sweetheart.” I teased her. 

“I’m gonna be quiet.” She instantly whispered assuring.

“Good.” 

Oh, this was gonna be so much fun, and another way to mix up the injured sex, but I felt like I was close to being back to normal regarding this. But the beast hadn’t announced its arrival yet. 

My middle finger copied its previous movement in her panties while I watched her expression. Her lips were about to part, but then she pressed them together and inhaled sharply through her nose instead. Her green eyes were so intense when she looked up at me. I think she found this fun too. 

“Good girl.” I praised her. At the same time, I pushed two fingers into her and attacked her lips to silence her. In response her teeth dug into my lower lip, I stifled a throaty gasp as it hurt. But I did notice that small moan she let out. No more for you, baby. “You know what? I’m gonna fuck you first and if you can keep quiet through that I’m gonna make you come.”

I liked teasing her like this. And as the good girl she was, she just nodded and accepted my decision. To give her a taste of what was to come, I circled my fingers inside of her, really caressing her inner walls. Her breathing clearly became affected, but she actually kept quiet to my surprise. I withdrew my fingers, but they had barely left her panties before her hand wrapped around my wrist and pulled my fingers into her mouth where she immediately started to suck. 

You just know what to do to turn me on, you dirty girl. 

She finished up, and my lips quickly found hers, I could still taste her wetness in her mouth. Fresh, utterly sweet, and slightly salty. “You taste so good,” I told her appreciatively between two kisses before I again found the edge of her panties, but this time, I pulled them down. Throwing them to the floor, my boxers joined her panties shortly after. I got in position, waited just outside her opening, but still touching, dragging out her anticipation. And surely a small moan came from her as I waited. Grabbing a fistful of her hair, I leaned closer and whispered teasingly into her ear, “I’m not gonna fuck you either if you can’t keep quiet.”

As she remained quiet, I accepted it as an answer, leaned my head back and slowly pushed into her warmth. She was so tight around me. 

Her lips parted, and she dragged in a deep breath lasting as long as it took to fill her. I was ready to shush on her, but it wasn’t necessary. This control of her really turned me on, and I felt the blood pound more profoundly in my member as I pulled out and repeated the slow advance into her. She kept quiet, but her legs wrapped around my waist, her hips bucked up to meet me the third time I entered her and continued in a slow rhythm, my free hand laid on her hip to help to tilt it upwards. 

It was nice mixing it up, and this setup made it agreeable to keep a slow pace at first without it being boring. Or I was more afraid she would find it boring. My breathing became deeper, but as we went slowly, it was no way near panting yet. 

After a couple of minutes, my member was close to throbbing, I was just about to let out a grunt when I remembered we had to be quiet and bit my lip. For a few moments, I had been lost in the green depths of her eyes, her lusty face, and her tightness. Instead, I changed the pace into her, slightly faster and pushed harder, her nails digging deeper into my shoulder blades. But as I did, a small sound came over her lips, and I stopped. “Quiet.” I reminded her with a smile.

“Sorry.” She instantly apologized.

I started moving in and out of her again, my throbbing member encouraging me to go faster. A moment after, I grabbed her ass and lifted it to make me go deeper into her. 

Oh, it felt so good. But a moan pulled me out of my contentment. 

Really, baby? I lifted my eyebrows as I looked pointedly at her. I didn’t have to say it, she was perfectly aware of what she had done wrong. She pressed her lips together as a promise to be quiet. 

Good girl. 

I picked up where I left off, dwelling in the feeling of her until my lust and pounding member urged me to fuck her harder. For every thrust, moans now spilled from her lips. I wanted to stop and reprimand her, but the need running thick through my veins urged me fervently to keep going into her. 

Compromise. I couldn’t stop now. I removed my hand from her hip and placed it over her mouth instead while I shushed on her, but she continued to moan under my hand. 

With this hard pace, I soon started to feel my heated skin becoming damp and felt a drop of sweat running down my temple from my steady and unbroken rhythm. My breathing became more labored until I pushed it out in small outbursts. In the end, it became too much, I had to go harder and faster the closer I got. But as I went faster, I started to feel the tightness in my chest. 

No, not now, I’m so fucking close. I can’t stop now. 

Against my will, moans of pleasure and groans of pain came over my lips. She put her index finger to my lips, telling me to be quiet. But I couldn’t. It was this or taking a break, and I was so close it was like I couldn’t stop even if I wanted too, though it tightened more and more in my chest. 

“I can’t.” I desperately confessed. 

I can’t stop, I can’t keep quiet.

To my relief, she wrapped her hand over my mouth. I happily accepted it, pushed forward to meet it to silence my mixed outbursts as I neared my release in a harder pace until I uncontrollably gave her three thrusts as I emptied myself inside her, which made her cry out. But I didn’t care right now. 

I withdrew my hand covering her mouth and removed hers from mine, captured her face and kissed her passionately. The tightness in my chest was already starting to decrease. 

“You think they heard us?” I chuckled under my breath. 

“I don’t know.” She whispered and bit her lower lip, though the ludic smile on her face was obvious. 

“I hope not.” My face matched hers. I kissed her again to silence us both as I pulled out of her. 

“My turn now?” She eagerly asked. 

“Technically you didn’t keep quiet.” I pointed out, narrowing my eyes. 

“Please.” Her face morphed into a puppy eye look as she begged. 

“Please, what?” I asked though I was perfectly aware of what she meant, but I wanted to drag it out. I liked to tease her. And I liked when I could make her beg for me. 

“Please make me come.” She pleaded impatiently. 

“I love when you beg for me.” Oh yes, I loved hearing those words. If I had been fully recovered, I would’ve been ready again just by those words coming from her. 

I kissed her roughly before I placed a path of kisses down her body. An inch from her sweet spot, I paused, again dragging it out. Surely, in anticipation, a small impatient sound leaked from her lips. I lifted my lips off her skin, and she looked down at me. Though the tightness in my chest had subsided, I felt tired and exhausted, but I really wanted to take care of her too. I liked dragging it out, but that kind of fun had to wait until another time where I didn’t get this exhausted this quickly. I took my pillow and handed it to her, “Bite in this.” I told her with an impish smile. She obediently bit into the pillow. It would muffle her just enough so we wouldn’t have to stop every time she made a sound. Picking up where I left off, only an inch from her sweetest spot, I sluggishly crossed the last distance. My lips had barely touched her before I heard her muffled moans under the pillow. 

Okay, time to set her on fire. Luckily, I knew her body well and knew just what to do to get her off in a matter of minutes. I pushed two fingers into her, my thumb continuing where my lips were just a second ago, and then placed the heel of my other hand on top of her lower abdomen and applied pressure. Her cries escalated, and her hips shot upwards, but she muffled herself as good as she could with the pillow. 

The strain of doing it so harshly quickly got me panting, and the tightness slowly crept into my chest. But I knew it would soon be over. Better hard and fast, than gentle and slow right now, I was really tired. 

Her legs trembled, a sure indication that her release wasn’t far away. 

Simultaneously her insides contracted, her back arched, a guttural and long-drawn moan came from underneath the pillow, and her legs clamped to my sides, pressing the remaining air out of my lungs, but I contained a groan.

As the contractions inside her quieted down her legs relaxed and she removed the pillow, releasing her panting breath. I began kissing the skin on her stomach and then worked my way up as I pulled my fingers out of her. 

God, I was exhausted now. But fucking yes, I did it. I made it through the whole thing without breaks.

My kisses ended at her lips. I switched my lips with my wet fingers I have just had inside her. She instantly started to suck and swallow the traces of my load on my fingers. As she slowly cleaned my fingers, I think she was tired too, I tenderly kissed her neck while I thought about how good this time went. I felt the need to take a break right before my climax, but I didn’t. I pushed through it. And somehow, I was proud that I was able to complete it. 

When my fingers were clean, she pulled them out of her mouth. I got off her and threw myself beside her. “Is it okay for me to be proud of the fact that I didn’t need one single break this time?” I asked her. Even I could hear how self-satisfied I sounded. 

“It’s very okay.” She responded in a snicker. 

I wrapped my arms around her and dragged her backward, leaving her back up against my chest. “Third time’s apparently a charm,” I stated and placed a kiss on her shoulder. 

“I need you.” She whispered, she already sounded sleepy. 

“I need you too,” I said and held her closer. In a matter of seconds, I fell asleep.


	41. Vacation

After breakfast, we decided to stay two more days. As Jake said: “I think we earned a vacation.” I actually agreed with him. We really needed this after what we had been through lately. And it was nice just to relax and almost feel like a normal for a couple of days, instead of the sleazy motel rooms, endless searching, and filthy bars. 

The first day, Kevin had some work to do, so Tina suggested we took a trip to the beach. It was only a ten-minute drive. It had been so long, I couldn’t even remember the last time we were on a beach. Jake pointed out how lucky it was that he had bought that dark red bikini for me back when we were at that motel with the indoor pool. 

On the way, I made Tina pull over at a small convenience store, so I could get a pair of sunglasses and a bottle of sunscreen with a higher SPF than the one Tina had. Always staying in the Californian sun caused her light skin to be darker and more resistant than mine. And I was still a couple of shades lighter than Jake, though we got the same amount of sun. And he didn’t get sunburns as easily as I did. 

 

“I’m gonna take a swim. You wanna come?” Jake asked and got up from the towel next to me. 

“Naah, I’ll try to get some sun on my pale skin.” I leaned back and closed my eyes. 

“Me too,” Tina said to my right. 

“Oh, come on. You’re twice as tan as I’ll ever be.” I complained. 

“Okay,” Jake said lightly and placed a kiss on my lips before he left. 

It was nice to see him so unperturbed though he had woken me last night because of a nightmare, but he had been sound asleep again after half an hour. He didn’t seem to mind being shirtless with the scars on his chest. But I saw Tina made big eyes when she first saw them.

“So, matching tattoos, huh?” Tina inquired when Jake was out of hearing range. When I gazed at her, I saw she looked pointedly at me over her designer sunglasses. 

“It’s not like that,” I assured her. 

“Right,” I could hear in her tone that she didn’t believe me, “So what’s it like then?” 

I explained the reason why we had gotten it along with what the rune itself meant. 

“But still, matching tattoos,” Tina mumbled dryly with raised eyebrows. Convinced that it wasn’t only because of Sinanima we had gotten it. I ignored her last comment and just let her believe what she wanted to believe. 

I closed my eyes and leaned back, felt how the sun warmed my skin. I reached under the towel to take a sip of water and again leaned my head back with a sigh. Suddenly, something blocked the sun. I opened my eyes only to see Jake throw himself on his knees between my legs, propped up by his hands on each side of my head and shook his wet hair that sent water flying in every direction, including me. He rubbed it on my face, throat, and breasts while I whined, “Ah, Jake! Stop! It’s cold!” 

Tina had sought cover behind another towel, while she laughed at the scenario in front of her. 

“Why should I?” He asked with a smirk and looked at me, but it did make him stop. Now he was only dripping at me. 

I lifted my cheap sunglasses up on top of my hair. “Because I say so.” I tried to look serious, but his boyish smile made my face fall into one as well. 

“Oh, really? You say an awful lot of things.” He challenged, then sighed, gave up and moved to his own towel, but kept sitting on his knees. I put my sunglasses back in place and leaned my head back. He suddenly scooped me up with an arm under my knees and the other on my back while I screamed of surprise. He stood up and took one step towards the waterline. 

Oh, I knew where this was going. I quickly threw my sunglasses over his shoulder, they landed on his towel, while I protested, “Jake, put me down! Now!” I got one last glimpse of Tina over his shoulder, still laughing. Jake just roared with laughter over my futile protests. It didn’t take him long to get out in waist-high water. 

Now I clutched my hands around his neck to stay above the water. “You don’t do it!” I warned. 

“You think?” He pretended to let go of me before he held onto me again. 

He did it one more time, and I whined, “Don’t!”

“Okay, I won’t drop you in the water.” He said consolingly. I looked up at him just to see his smirk before he let himself fall down on his knees, dragging us both under. 

I squealed in surprise but quickly stopped when I got salt water in my mouth. “You jackass!” I exclaimed after breaking through the surface and spitting out the water I had gotten in my mouth. 

“Shut up.” He demanded before he captured me in his arms and kissed me deeply. 

 

When my skin started to get a red nuance, I said I was going home and offered to pick up Tina and Jake later if they wanted to stay, but they wouldn’t. The saltwater had helped a lot with healing the scratches and abrasions on my jaw and knuckles. 

At home, I borrowed Kevin and Tina’s bathroom to lay in their gigantic tub with a beer, a book, and a serious amount of bubbles. Tina had found a body lotion for when I was done. It smelled fantastic and left my skin unbelievably soft. Even the hundreds of scars covering my left arm and shoulder didn’t feel as prominent. 

I realized the vampire bite had finally closed. But the scars were close to three times bigger than the rest covering my body. 

When Kevin got home, I gave him $600, I had forgotten to give it to him yesterday. Along with the money, I promised we would pay the rest back as fast as we could. 

In the afternoon, we all sat down to watch the rest of The Hunger Games. 

“So where were you on your first date?” Tina asked between the second and third movie. 

“Um, we haven’t been on a date yet.” Jake shrugged. He was sitting up with his right arm around me. I leaned against him with my feet up on the couch. 

“What?” She straightened up from the DVD player and looked strictly at us with her hands on her hips. I almost felt like a naughty child with the way she was looking at me. “We have to do something about that.” She said with a determined tone. Then she marched over to the couch, grabbed my hand, and started to drag me towards their bedroom. 

“Kevin, call that place, you know, the little, cozy one. Reservations in an hour.” She instructed halfway to the bedroom. 

I looked over my shoulder to see Jake sit with a baffled expression, and Kevin most of all looked resigned like he had been through this a million times before and knew the drill. 

“But… I only have jeans–” I panicky started. I was actually wearing a pair of blue shorts I had borrowed from Tina, but my own wardrobe only consisted of two pairs of worn black jeans and somewhere in the trunk I had a black skirt that was no way near fancy enough for a restaurant. Of course, I had the suits as well, but they wouldn’t work either. 

“Shush. I have a couple of dresses from when I was several pounds lighter.” She insisted, dragged a chair in front of the mirror in the big bathroom, and pushed me down into it. 

“But –”

“Wait here.” She instructed and walked out of the bathroom without acknowledging my protest. “Son, you get changed too.” I heard her order, and then a faint baffled, “Yes, ma’am.” 

“Okay, let’s get you ready.” She said with a smile as she came back. “Did you shave when you took a bath earlier?” She asked me, as she was head deep in one of the closets. 

“Uh, yeah?” 

“Good.” She stated as she held up what looked like a curling iron. I looked suspiciously at it. 

Though I made a few vague objections, Tina simply treated me like a dress-up doll. I only got to see how the hair turned out, the fact that I liked it surprised me. My mahogany red hair laid in soft ringlets from my jaw and down. But after doing my hair, she turned me away from the mirror and started to apply makeup. She decided to put foundation on my scars there were still prominent on my face and topped it off with some powder. 

I wasn’t allowed to look in the mirror before she was done. I wasn’t really comfortable with that. The only things I was comfortable with was mascara and eyeliner. 

“All done.” She declared. 

Anxiously, I turned to face the mirror. Wow. I could barely recognize myself. But in a good way. 

“I’ll just find a dress. I think I have one that’s perfect for you.” She said and hurried out of the bathroom, I didn’t know if it was to give me a few minutes to study myself.

My skin looked smooth and free of impurities. My emerald green eyes almost sparkled with the encircled brown eyeshadow, and liquid eyeliner with cattail, framed by full lashes. Clearly, my mascara was just a cheap one compared to this one. You could trace a rouge on my cheekbones, but it kept a natural look. And at last, my lips were covered in a rose red lipstick. 

I saw Tina return in the mirror, she was holding a red cocktail dress and a pair of simple black stilettos, though they were a lot higher than my own. “Put this on.” She held out the red dress for me when I turned around. The red color matched my lipstick to the point. I could now see it was a lace dress. 

I quickly stripped down to my black lace underwear without smudging my makeup. 

“Cute set, but you need to lose the bra,” Tina commented as she handed me the dress.

“Thanks. Jake actually bought it for me.” I told her with a coy smile. 

“He’s got good taste.” She nodded approvingly as I put on the dress. She handed me the stilettos as well. I didn’t need pantyhose here in California. 

When I was done, she led me to the full-length mirror in the bedroom. The dress had a bateau neckline. From the breast and up, it was see-through lace along with the sleeves. The back was low cut, really low cut actually, all the way down to my lower back, now I understood why I couldn’t wear a bra underneath, but it wasn’t exactly vulgar. The dress hugged and caressed my curves with its pencil skirt shape that ended right above my knees. “It’s beautiful,” I said stunned. 

“You’re beautiful.” She corrected, and I felt my cheeks flush. “Let’s see if Jake’s ready.” She pushed me towards the living room. “Boys,” Tina announced to get their attention and gestured overly dramatically at me, which made my cheeks flush again. 

I felt kinda like Cinderella. Tina had turned me into a princess in less than an hour. The flabbergasted look on Jake’s face as he stood up from the couch amplified that feeling. He let his eyes swipe hungrily over me from head to stilettoes, which made my flushed cheeks now burn. He was wearing the fine suit he normally used along with his FBI badge, but he still looked overly handsome in it. 

“What do you think?” Tina fished for an answer, probably some appreciation for her work. 

Jake blinked a couple of times before he astounded said, “You look _amazing_.” 

Kevin didn’t seem to be affected by it, he could as well have been staring at the wall, but he surprised me by saying, “Well, prince, there you have your princess.” He looked at Jake, which made a proud smile dawn on his face. 

“Now, get going you two.” Tina waved us away with her hands. 

I took one step towards Jake but then turned around to face her. “Tina… Thank you.” I said earnestly. It had all happened so quickly I barely had time to appreciate what she had done for us. 

“No problem,” She said as she gave me a hug. With these heels, I was several inches taller than her now and had to lean slightly forward. Normally, I was only under an inch taller than her. 

“I have a black coat on the rack. Now get going,” She pushed as we released each other. 

“Thank you,” I said again before I took Jakes outstretched hand. 

As we reached the hall, he quickly located the black coat along the rows of brown and beige. He held it up for me, and I put my arms in the sleeves. He had already opened the door before I had buttoned it. But when we reached the car, he walked to the passenger’s side. For a moment, I was unsure if he wanted me to drive, but then he opened the door and waited. 

Wow, what a gentleman. He was really taking this first date thing seriously. 

The drive was fairly short. Jake looked like he was away in his own thoughts. We arrived at the restaurant, the front indicated it was more to the cozy and romantic theme. As I walked around the car and headed towards the door, Jake offered me his arm in a typical gentleman gesture you mostly only see on TV. 

I took it with a, “thanks,” and had to look down to hide my blushing cheeks. I didn’t know why I blushed, I couldn’t explain it. He had never treated me like this before. Like a lady. Actually, no man had ever treated me like this before, I wasn’t used to it. 

He held the door for me, and I stepped inside the restaurant. It lived up to the expectation the front had given. Small private booths with candles filled most of the restaurant. The walls were red, and the dim lightening along the walls gave it a cozy, safe feeling. The candles added to the romance. On the walls between the booths were different green plants, the ones that had flowers were white or red. They added to the privacy, and especially the hanging plants gave the coziness a boost. Most of the hanging plants were tall and stood along the walls hiding the doors to the kitchen and bathroom. And as the icing on the cake, soft sensual tunes filled the air. The place was under half full, but it was, after all, a regular Thursday night. 

The waiter at the entrance was on the phone, he gave us a bright smile, and held up a finger, asking us to give him a moment. As we stood there and waited, I realized I was only half an inch shorter than Jake in these heels. 

He felt my eyes on him and turned to look at me. The corner of my lips pulled up in a shy smile, I think it was mostly because of the setup, and I leaned forward to kiss him, but he quickly evaded and kissed my cheek instead. 

Of course, the lipstick. I forgot that. 

But after kissing my cheek, he leaned further forward and whispered into my ear, “I wanna wait with ruining that lipstick till later,” it sounded like a promise that made my knees giddy. The waiter hung up and turned his attention to us. Jake quickly told he had a reservation, and the waiter led us to a booth on the right, up against the back wall. 

There weren’t two booths that faced each other, they were all misaligned, providing each booth with privacy. He gave us both a menu card and disappeared. 

My eyes ran over the menu and settled with a medium rare steak with baked sweet potatoes and a watercress-shallot salad with a sharp lime dressing on the side before I put the card down. 

“Have you already decided?” He peeked over the top of his card. We were sitting opposite of each other on the padded crescent bench, four people could easily fit here. 

I nodded and continued to tell him what I had chosen when he looked questioning at me. “You never go wrong with a steak,” I added afterward. 

“You know what? You’re right.” He put his card down too and gestures towards one of the waiters. He ordered two medium rare steaks with baked sweet potatoes and a watercress-shallot salad. 

The waiter asked what he would like to drink, Jake looked at me. “Wine, please,” I responded. 

“To be honest, I don’t know anything about wine, what do you suggest?” Jake asked the waiter. He knew that I didn’t know anything about wine either. Only that you drink red with steak and white with fish, but other than that, I was lost. We ended up with a Cabernet Sauvignon here from California. The waiter brought us the bottle and some water along with the appetizers Jake had ordered. It was breadsticks with three kinds of dip. 

The first I tried was Aioli – it tasted heavily of garlic, and had the same texture as mayonnaise. Second, was Greek tzatziki – a yogurt and cucumber sauce, definitely also with garlic, but it seemed fresher. Last, I tasted Hummus – which was also with garlic, but it had a slight pinkish color, paprika perhaps, but it was spicier than the other two. I stayed with the Aioli. 

Jake didn’t seem to have a favorite. He seemed to dip the breadsticks randomly. 

At first, we were quiet. Jake acted kind of nervous, and to be honest, it was contagious. But I also felt like the word ‘date’ hung over our heads and put some kind of pressure on us. ‘The first date.’ It was ridiculous. I took a big sip of my wine, leaving lipstick on the side of the glass, and jumped into it. “Have you ever been to a place like this before?” 

He had to admit that he hadn’t. I hadn’t either. I hadn’t dated in my adult years. It was only random one-night stands. And in high school, a date was equal to go to the movies or something like that. 

It took around twenty minutes for them to prepare our order, and in that time I had drunk one glass of wine. Jake had nipped to his, saving it as he was only going to have one as he was driving, where I had the rest of the bottle to myself. 

The first few minutes, I felt like the conversation was… awkward. But I shook off the pressure of our first date, and it seemed to be as contagious as the nervousness had been, and soon we were talking normally. I had breathed a sigh of relief. It would just be too weird if we couldn’t talk like we normally did because we were in a different environment. But on the other hand, this wasn’t an environment we were used to, we weren’t used to ‘dating.’ 

The steak was amazing. I almost forgot how nicely I was dressed up until I saw the lipstick on the glass or my red sleeves. Sometimes, if I had looked away from Jake for a couple of seconds and then unexpected looked up at him, I caught glimpses of him staring intently at me. I wasn’t sure if it was my imagination or not, but it looked almost fanciful. Before I finished eating the steak, I had emptied another glass of wine. Jake ordered us dessert. Brownie with vanilla ice-cream and berries for me, red velvet mousse with vanilla whipped cream for him. 

As we waited for the dessert, he took my hand on the table and looked deeply at me as he said, “You look really lovely tonight, Val.” 

The way he looked at me and the sincerity in his voice made my cheeks flush, and I had to look down. “You look quite handsome yourself, baby.” I smiled back at him, and now it was his turn to blush. Though he always seemed only to get a hint of pink to his cheeks where I felt my face sometimes burned bright red. 

“I need you.” He whispered, the sincerity shined out of him. 

“I need you too.” I had almost burst out with ‘I love you,’ but stopped myself at the last second. I didn’t think he noticed the undetectable pause between ‘I’ and ‘need.’ The wine had made me braver, but it wouldn’t be fair to say that to him here for the first time. That would put too much pressure on him. It was an intimate thing, not something you did in public, though you could easily forget where you were in these cozy booths. My cheeks flushed again, and I decided to take a trip to the ladies room, so I excused myself. 

The bathroom was in the back, the door and sign hidden under a wave of floor-to-ceiling plants. I was the only one in the bathroom. There was a subdued lighting in here as the rest of the restaurant, the walls were painted the same color. Three stalls on the left, a countertop in dark wood with three sinks to the right, a mirror adorned the whole left wall from the sinks and up. I started with a quick peek at myself in the mirror. My cheeks were burning under the rouge. I turned around and entered one of the stalls. 

As I came out again, I proceeded with washing my hands without looking into the mirror. Hoping that the extra seconds would have removed the redness. It had, but it was still visible under the rogue. I had to get used to my own reflection. I looked like a stranger. My green eyes seemed like smoldering poison under the brown eyeshadow and the characteristic long cattail eyeliner, which also made my eyes look bigger. The expensive mascara made my eyelashes look twice as long. I had doe eyes, with liquid green emerald. The rogue made my cheekbones look higher, and my filled in eyebrows were arched in close to a bitchy look, especially if I raised them. But those two things made my face look less round, more oval. The red color on my lips still looked perfect after eating. It made my lips appear bigger, fuller. My red hair still fell in beautiful ringlets over my shoulders and breasts like I had used the curling iron just moments ago. I did look good. Almost fairytale-like. I still felt like Cinderella. Though my stomach wasn’t completely flat, especially not after that meal, but on the other hand, I wasn’t model skinny or anorectic, but I was no way near fat or overweight. I would say I was pretty average. I didn’t have a bulging waistline, far from actually, my waist had a soft curve. You couldn’t even call it a muffin top. But it was clear those two pounds I had gained sat on the front. But if I swayed my back and stuck my ass out you practically couldn’t see it. 

Okay, enough exploration in the mirror. One last look to cheek that the redness had subsided under the rouge before I walked back. I had to get used to being a few inches taller. The doorknobs seemed lower, likewise did the chairs and tables. Towering like a skyscraper over all the booths as I walked back, I had a clear view of the whole restaurant from up here. I returned to the table just as our desserts arrived. 

God, it tasted like a piece of heaven, and after I had finished it, I had an overwhelming craving for another, or actually, just another brownie. 

After the waiter had taken our plates, Jake clapped his hand at the middle of the padded crescent bench. I scooted to the middle, where he met me. He leaned forward and kissed the hollow under my ear, his hand wandered up my inner thigh. “So tell me, are you the kind of girl who gives everything up on the first date?” He whispered into my ear as he leaned closer, his hand laid still on the upper part of my thigh. 

My legs spread in response to his touch. I leaned my head back, my nose in line with his and caught his gaze. I pouted my rose red lips and pretended to think. “Depends on the offer,” I flashed my eyebrows. He was really getting into this ‘first date’ thing. 

He leaned his lips close to my ear again. “The offer, baby, is...” His pinkie started to stroke me through the lace panties, his breath tickling my ear. My legs opened wider for him as his touch send waves throughout my body. “...my fingers finish their work on you, right here at the table. Then I’m gonna drag you to the bathroom, lock the door, and get that pretty red lipstick all over me.” 

I inhaled deeply just by the dirty and promising sound of his slow whispering words and felt how I started to get damp between my legs. He leaned his head back to observe my reaction to his words with a raised eyebrow, silently asking my thoughts on his tempting offer. But I was busy dragging in deep breaths through my lips as the lust and longing for him bubbled through my bloodstream, numbing my mind for a second.

“What’s it gonna be, baby?” 

I let my tongue run over my lower lip as he bit down on his, his eyes following the path of my tongue.

“Tell me more,” I invited as I leaned closer to him, our lips almost touching, but I held them out of reach for a kiss when he leaned slightly forward to try to meet them. 

He gave one last longing look at my lips before he turned his head and whispered in my ear. “First, I’m gonna pull this lace aside,” His pinkie was still stroking me, but now it bent around the edge of the lace and slowly pulled it aside. I felt my face redden and was grateful for the dull lighting the candles provided. His fingers now ran up through my wetness to my most sensitive area, causing me to breathe a pleasured sigh. 

“Mm, sweetheart, you’re all nice and wet for me already.” He moaned lowly in my ear. 

I begged the waiters passing by now and then just thought we were a couple cuddling innocently, enjoying the enveloping feeling the dull lighting provided, accompanied by the small and half-private booths with high protecting walls, and the hanging plants. 

“What do you say to drop those panties for me?” He purred. 

For a second, I pondered how we were going to pull it off without it being noticeable.

“What if I say please?” He lured when I didn’t respond immediately. 

It was like it was a magic word. I never thought I should see the day where _he_ begged for _me_ , and right now, he was more than willing to beg. I let my hand run up his thigh. “Beg,” I demanded, taking advantage of the situation and turned my head to watch his reaction. 

I could see the candle reflecting in his eyes, pupils wide, eyelids heavy with lust. He withdrew his hand from my panties, led it up to his mouth, and sucked his pinkie clean while eyeing me closely. 

My tongue involuntarily ran over my lips, my breathing heavy. 

Oh God, how could he be so sexy? Could I love him any more than I did right now? 

The aching arousal in my panties waited impatiently for him to reply on my demand. He deliberately kept me waiting. I ground my thighs together to get some friction. 

“Valery. Can I please have your panties, sweetheart?” I almost melted by those words spilling from his lips in the most seducing low and charming voice. 

I ground my thighs harder together, his words sending a rush in a direct line to my lower abdomen. “Of course,” I purred breathtakingly. 

He wrapped his arm around my waist, the left traveled up under the dress and started to gently pull my panties down. Unnoticeably, he lifted me an inch from the soft cushions to get them to my thighs and then withdrew his left hand from under my dress. Placing it on the table and obviously as a staged accident, he pushed the napkin to the floor. “I’ll get it.” He said in a normal conversation voice, but the smirk he had on his face when he let my waist go and bowed under the table revealed that the napkin wasn’t the only thing he was retrieving from under the table. 

I felt both his hands pulling the panties down over my knees, calves and at last my stilettoes. He came back up to the table like nothing had happened, deftly flashed my black lace panties between us, only for me to see, and put them in his right pocket. “Now where was I?” He pondered as his hand glided up my thigh again, my legs spreading wider in sync with the pace of his hand moving upwards. His pinkie stroked teasingly up and down my wetness. He pushed it into me and moved it in circles, and a gasp escaped me. 

“You like that, baby?” 

I turned my head, leaving my lips close to his ear. “Yes, I do.” I moaned quietly. 

He pulled his finger out, and again led it to his mouth where he appreciatively raised his eyebrows as he sucked on it, in the meantime, he let his left hand stroke up my thigh, stopped an inch from his destination. “Now can you be a good girl and keep that pretty mouth of yours quiet?” He whispered when he pulled his finger out of his mouth and placed his arm along the top of the backrest behind me. 

“Mm, yes.” I sighed, the wait for his touch was taking a toll on my aching body, it was ready to explode under his skilled hands. 

“Good girl.” He cooed, a smile played on his lips. He pushed his middle and ring finger into me, his thumb found my most sensitive spot and moved it in circles. 

My back straightened and my lips parted in a silent gasp.

“Shh.” He shushed, and wrapped his arm around my waist to camouflage my movement. His fingers worked in a waving rhythm that made it hard for me to keep quiet and still in my seat. 

I squirmed against him, my left hand grabbed his thigh and dug in my nails to abreact. 

“Be still, baby.” He warned when my squirming became more prominent as his fingers stimulated me more and more. His waving rhythm rippled through my body and compelled it to follow his lead. “I can’t wait to fuck you. You’re so tight and wet.” He whispered seductively into my ear. 

I wanted to moan just because of his words. “I can't wait to be fucked,” I retorted. “Hard.” I snarled under my breath through my teeth, my upper lip curling up in the aggressive lust that just wanted to be set free, but I had to compose myself in here. It was like it was building up inside of me. I also had to compose myself yesterday so Kevin and Tina wouldn’t hear us. 

“Mm, I’m gonna take you so hard you’ll be all giddy when I’m done with you.” He upped his tempo and rhythm when he said ‘giddy,’ I unwilling responded with a sharp intake of breath. “Shh.” He shushed again, and gently captured my earlobe between his teeth, giving me goosebumps. 

My breathing was accelerating by the second into an uneven series of silent gasps. As he upped his tempo again, giving me a hard time containing the moans, an idea struck me. I released my nails from his thigh and wandered up, palming his hardness. 

He inhaled sharply and then swallowed loudly. Then I began stroking him, and a silent moan left his lips.

“Shh baby, you gotta be quiet.” I purred with a mischievous smile. 

“You sure you wanna play that game, sweetheart?” He threatened, in response I grabbed around his member through the fabric and rubbed, making him jolt slightly. 

“Always,” I snarled under my breath as he really curled up his fingers inside me, his thumb rubbing me firmly making my sweet release approach steadily. “Tell me what you’re gonna do to me,” I demanded, knowing his dirty talk would get me closer faster.

“I’ll make you come for me right here in the middle of this restaurant,” His words sending waves of aching lust straight down between my legs, I rubbed him harder. “And when we’re in the bathroom, mmm... you’re gonna like it. I’m gonna grab that tight little ass of yours, lift you up on the sink, and kiss you until you’re dizzy. I’m gonna spread your legs for me and just enjoy the sight while I open my pants. Then I’m gonna fill you out slowly, put my hand over your mouth when you moan, and then fuck you so hard you’d wanna scream my name–” 

At the last second, I removed my hand from his hardness to his thigh and dug in my nails as I came. My thighs clasped together, but his hand fought to keep moving. His flow of words stopped as my head dropped to his shoulder and swallowed every single cry I would have exclaimed if we had been alone. As it ebbed off, I realized I had held my breath to suppress my gratification. I parted my lips and took a trembling short breath that continued in a deep panting. 

“Dirty girl.” He whispered amused. My thighs slowly relaxed, and he removed his hand.

“You should be the one to talk, mister.” I softly chuckled back. In my blinding arousal, I hadn’t given a fuck to my surroundings. But now my flushed cheeks blushed crimson as my head rose from his shoulder, my eyes roving the room. Luckily, no one was paying attention to us, just minding their own business in their cozy booths, waiters their trays.

“Bathroom?” He asked with a dirty gleam in his eyes.

“Bathroom,” I confirmed, he had barely spoken the word. 

He took my hand, our fingers twined together and got up from the table. He walked half a step ahead of me leading the way. The fact that the bathrooms were in the back, the door and sign hid under a wave of floor-to-ceiling plants, meant we could sneak in inconspicuously. He deftly dragged me in through the door, and let go of my hand. He closed the door behind him, our gazes locked at one another. Locking the door, he slowly approached me. 

I leaned against the countertop when he closed the distance between us. His hands found my waist, stroked down nearing my ass. He leaned forward to kiss me, but then I grabbed the fabric on his chest and switched places with him. Quickly, I kneeled, opened his pants, and pulled them down. My right hand wrapped around him and took his smooth hardness in my mouth. 

He threw his head back and his hands grabbed the edge of the counter, inhaling sharply and exhaled a small moan. 

I instantly started sucking, working my way up and down him. My lipstick getting smeared over him, twisted my mouth while looking up at him. 

He leveled his head and met my gaze, biting hard down on his lower lip, and releasing it again to intake a trembling breath. I worked fast and greedily on him. 

“Oh, shit.” He moaned lowly. His hips bucking forward as he threw his head back again, grasping harder onto the counter, turning his knuckles white. “Enough!” He suddenly said too loud, grabbed my upper arms and dragged me up in an upright position. Immediately, his hands latched onto my waist and hair and assaulted my lips. His tongue instantly pushing into my mouth when my lips parted in a moan. He swung me around, switching places with me. His hands moved down my body to my thighs, slipped under my dress, and pushed it up. He grabbed my ass, lifted me up, and put me hard down on the counter. His forceful kisses made my naked back lean against the cold mirror, sending chills through my boiling body. His hands, still with a steely grip on my ass, pushed it towards him to the edge of the counter, my hands left his shoulders, seeking support on the countertop instead. One of his hands left my skin to guide himself into me. 

I jolted when I felt the tip of him just at the entrance, gliding up and down instead of pushing into me, I wrapped my legs around his waist but wasn’t able to pull him inside me. His teeth dug into my lower lip and sternly broke off the kiss. My lipstick was smeared all over his lips and around his mouth down to his chin, I guessed I didn’t look any better, and neither of us cared. 

“Oh, you dirty girl. You aren’t even wearing any panties, and it’s only our first date.” He pursed his lips and shook his head disapprovingly. A smirk dawned on his face as he leaned his lips close to my ear. “You little whore.” He whispered derogatorily. 

“Yes, I’m a little whore!” I moaned instantly. 

“Yes, you are.” He growled and attacked my lips fiercely. He slowly filled me out, his lips releasing mine with a deep sigh I accompanied. Just as slowly, he pulled out, reached the apex and then smacked hard into me and made me moan as I felt it fluctuate through me. 

He put his hand that had just guided him into me, over my mouth and pushed down, leaned forward, his lips almost touching his hand. His head was slightly tilted back and looked at me with eyelids heavy of lust, a tigerish glint in his eyes. “Shh, baby.” And gave another thrust into me. “Shh.” He shushed again. Bit his lip as he hammered into me a third time, and continued at a hard pace, making my body bounce on the counter and against the mirror for every thrust, my ringlets danced around my shoulders. 

“You’re so fucking tight.” He whispered in a panting breath. “I love fucking your tight little pussy and that pretty little mouth of yours. Especially with that rose red color on them.” The more he talked, the more his upper lip curled up over his teeth as he demeaned me. “God, you make me so fucking horny. Just looking at that plump little ass in this dress is enough to get me off. And don’t get me started on those delicious tits…” He clenched his teeth as an animalistic grunt overwhelmed him. “I’m gonna come so fucking hard inside you. Yeah, you like that, huh? You like getting taken in the bathroom at the restaurant before I barely paid for our dinner, huh? Are you really that cheap, baby? Of course, you are, you aren’t even wearing any panties.” 

I don’t know what the fuck had gotten into him, but him talking down to me like that, dominating me, condescending me… oh God, that turned me on. It made me feel just as cheap as he had pointed out and I liked it. No one had ever talked to me like that during sex, and God, I fucking loved it! 

I struggled to keep the moans and cries back, though his hand muffled me, I was on the verge of being too loud. 

“Oh God, I’m gonna come inside you, you little whore.” He snarled out between clenched teeth before his head dropped, resting his forehead against his hand over my mouth as he gave me two hard, deep thrusts where he came and emptied himself inside me with a low grunt. His hand left my mouth, releasing my panting breath, and sought support on the counter. “Did I go too far?” He panted, leaned his head back and looked at me with an uncertain frown. 

“No, I _loved_ it.” I raised my eyebrows to emphasize, a wide smile spread on my face, and I bit my lip. 

“Good.” He breathed out, undoubtedly relieved. “I don’t know what got into me, I just got carried away.” He bit his lip too with a shy smile and a shrug. 

“I really liked the idea of this first date thing. Like we were total strangers when you asked if I was the kind of girl who gave it all up on the first date. It was almost like a roleplay.” 

“Yeah, you’re right.” He smirked with a raised eyebrow, placed a quick kiss on my lips, and pulled out of me with a sigh, I let out a small moan. He quickly pulled his pants up and closed them. He grabbed my waist and lifted me off the counter. 

I felt his load run out of me now when I stood up so shortly after and wasn’t wearing any panties. I quickly grabbed some of the paper towels from the automatic dispenser and wiped it away while Jake took some, wetted it under the tap and started removing the smeared lipstick from his face. 

I took a look at myself in the mirror and found that I looked exactly like him. The lipstick was everywhere! “God, what a mess!” I snickered and started removing it too. 

“You don’t say.” He chuckled softly. “But I won’t mind doing it again.” He added as he finished and threw the paper towels in the trash. 

I finished up, took one last look in the mirror. My chest and face were rosy, my eyes shiny, and my hair was slightly messy but other than that, I looked fine. I headed for the door. Jake smacked my ass as I walked by him. “Jackass.” I hissed under my breath. 

“Let’s pay and get outta here.” He said as he took my hand and led me back into the restaurant. 

Again, he held the coat out for me, held the door to the restaurant, and the car door as well. The short drive back to Kevin and Tina’s house was in silence, but his warm hand rested on my thigh. 

As I reached the door and was about to open it, Jake said, “Wait,” turned me towards him and pulled me into his embrace. I wrapped my arms around him too. His left hand gently grabbed my chin and tilted my head up to meet his gaze. “I had a good time tonight.” He told me softly. 

“I had a good time too,” I admitted. Not only the fantastic dirty sex part, but also the date-part where we dressed up only for each other, got something good to eat, and just enjoyed each other’s company in different surroundings than what we were used to. 

He bowed down and met my lips tenderly. His right hand moved to the back of my neck, grabbing a fistful of hair, pushing me harder against him. 

A deep moan left me, instantly his tongue took advantage of my parted lips. His left arm laid like a snare around my waist, pushing my whole body against his. But then the fierceness of it quieted down, and he just kissed me tenderly again without tongue. Our lips parted, but he kept his under an inch from mine, I could feel his panting breath on my skin. 

“You’re mine,” his lips brushed over mine, “and I need you, baby.” 

“I need you too,” I whispered back under my breath. _I do more than need you, I love you._

A smile pulled up in the corner of his mouth, “Let’s get inside.” He pressed his lips onto mine one more time before he released me and opened the door.


	42. His side of things

The beast woke up and was _full_ of ideas. I got carried away, tangled into its needing claws. Just like the demons and monsters, it apparently returned sevenfold after being dormant. But this time, it was almost as satisfied with degrading her like a filthy whore instead of hurting her physically. I was unsure if I had gone too far, been too carried away with the frenzy running like a fever through me. A doubt filled me, perhaps she didn’t stop me because of our surroundings, afraid people might hear it and risking a scene out in public. Only God knows what’s going on in her head. 

But all the doubt and uncertainty only appeared to me after the beast was satiated. I couldn’t think clearly before it had released me from its web. “Did I go too far?” I asked her, I was still panting. 

“No, I _loved_ it.” She said enthusiastically, a ludic smile dawned on her face as she bit her lower lip. 

I got so relieved by those words. Thank God. “Good.” 

I fucking loved it too. 

Maybe this was an alternative to making marks on her when the beast was this wild and uncontrollable. “I don’t know what got into me, I just got carried away,” I told her honestly. Or I did know what got into me – the beast. But I really did get carried away. 

“I really liked the idea of this first date thing. Like we were total strangers when you asked if I was the kind of girl who gave it all up on the first date. It was almost like a roleplay.” She pointed out with a dirty gleam in her eyes. If it weren’t for the tightening in my chest that had almost subsided, I would’ve fucked her again just because she sent me that look. Particularly in that dress that didn’t leave much to the imagination. At a closer look, I could see her erect nipples from the moment I started touching her between her legs at the table, and still could. “Yeah, you’re right.” I finally said with a grin and kissed her. 

Nice to know she might be into roleplaying. I’ll definitely keep that in mind. I’ve always wanted to fuck a whore, but could never get over my pride to actually pay one, perhaps Val could be up for that idea at some point. 

 

Besides the super-dirty-awesome-sex we had at the restaurant, I was over the moon by the fact that we have actually had a first date. A real first date, like it’s supposed to be with dressing up, getting nice food and all. And all that, hardly without any protests from Val. Tina must be a Val-whisperer or something like that when she could get her to agree to it so easily. I was happy she brought up the subject so it could actually happen. 

Perhaps I should ask her how she got Val to agree to it. I might learn a thing or two. Or perhaps it was some woman-thing, where they could easily talk and convince each other, where we guys had a harder time doing that.


	43. Chapter 43

Nausea was the first thing I noticed when I woke up. It was so prominent, I hurried to the bathroom because I was sure something would come up. With my head hanging in the toilet, I thought that those three glasses of wine last night might be to blame for this. Apparently, I was still affected by the concussion, or perhaps it was the fractures in my head that hadn’t healed yet though the pain had stopped. 

Fifteen minutes later, the queasiness had subsided enough for me to feel safe with pulling my head out of the toilet, nothing had come up. 

Jake was still asleep when I returned to our room, I got dressed and headed downstairs to find some breakfast. The house seemed quiet. Either Kevin and Tina had been up early and was out doing something, or they were still asleep. I leaned mostly towards the former when I saw it was actually over 10 already. A quick peek out the window showed that their red SUV was gone. I returned to the kitchen and looked in the fridge where I found some natural yogurt. Then I cut a green apple, some mango, and strawberries, and put it all in the bowl with yogurt. I hoped getting something to eat would help getting rid of the rest of the queasiness. I opened the patio door and sat down in a chair on the porch in the backyard enjoying the sun. I was wearing the blue shorts and white tank top I had borrowed from Tina. 

My tongue was now used to removing the food that stuck in the hole where I was missing a tooth. Mostly, I did it unconsciously by now. 

As I finished the last of my breakfast, I heard the rumbling of the SUV. A minute later, Kevin and Tina came around the corner of the house carrying some planks and paint. 

“Good morning.” They both greeted. 

“Morning. You need any help with that?” 

“Yes, please.” Tina thankfully said. 

They had been to a DIY store to buy the last things Kevin needed for a new shed in the backyard. Apparently, they have gotten a new string trimmer along with some other garden tools and now their old shed wasn’t big enough. 

“Is Jake up yet?” Kevin asked as I returned with the last boxes with nails and screws from the SUV. 

“He was asleep last time I checked,” I answered as I put down the boxes. 

“You mind waking him? I could use some help.” 

“Of course.” I headed back into the house and up the stairs. My feet had just left the top step when Jake barged out the door of our room and almost ran into me. 

“Goddammit, Valery.” He snarled before capturing me, meeting my lips so demandingly I got breathless. 

“Good morning to you too,” I said baffled an octave higher than normal as he let my lips go, but not his grasp on my waist and neck.

“I’m sorry,” He sighed, “I-I woke and you weren’t there. You can’t just run off like that.” At the end of the sentence, his soft voice had turned into a whisper, and the look in his eyes was heartbreaking. 

“I’m sorry. I was only downstairs to get some breakfast.” I said in what I hoped would be a calming voice. I was still thrown off balance by his outburst and rough kiss. He closed his eyes and nodded, it was clear he knew he was being silly. I remembered one morning before we found Sinanima, he’d had the same panicky expression as I walked through the door after getting breakfast. He had just woken from a nightmare, but as soon as he realized everything was okay, he had said, ‘I’m just being silly.’ Sometimes I wondered what he dreamed about. “By the way, Kevin wants your help. He’s apparently building a shed.” I added casually when he opened his eyes again.

“I’ll be down in five.” He promised, gave me a quick kiss before he released me, and walked back to our room again to get dressed. 

I took a deep breath to shake the surprise off of me and went downstairs again. 

 

Tina and I went to the beach while ‘the boys,’ as Tina always called them, were working on the shed. After lying in the sun for close to an hour, we decided to take a walk along the shoreline. On top of my bikini, I was wearing a long kimono in an airy, see-through fabric, protecting my skin from the sun, but not too hot to wear in the heat. The only thing we had brought along on the walk was our water bottles, the rest we had put in the car. 

“So, is the sex good?” Tina asked in continuation of a conversation about the details of our date last night. I had left out the sex part when I gave her the rendition. 

“It’s…” I paused for a second. Normally, I had no problem talking about sex with Tina, but this was different. There were so many aspects of it that she couldn’t understand. “It’s something else.” I ended up saying with what I hoped was a stupid smile. I knew it was avoiding, but still somehow in consistency with the truth. It _was_ something else, she would just never know how, and I would like to lead her on to think it was just because I was in love it felt like something else. 

“Ooh, is he _that_ good?” She asked with an eyebrow wiggle over the sunglasses. 

“You wouldn’t believe what he can do with his tongue and fingers, I tell ya.” I giggled. 

“Lucky you!” She joined in on my giggling. “Was it weird in the beginning? I mean, you’ve known each other for a long time.” She asked after our giggling had subsided. 

“The sex part wasn’t. We kissed and things just kinda escalated from that point. It was different with…” I thoughtfully bit the inside of my lip as I tried to find a way to explain it. “It was different with what was in between, you know?” 

“I can imagine.” She stated, but I really didn’t think she could, but from her frown, it was clear that she tried. 

“Things were… tense… and turbulent at first after Bill died. But this with us… it kinda helped him in some way.” I shrugged. It was actually liberating to tell someone about it, even though I didn’t go into details. 

“You moved the focus from something bad to something good.” She sounded matter-of-factly.

“I guess we did.” I shrugged again. 

“I can see he’s changed. Kevin can too, we talked about it the other night.” She told me quietly. 

Oh, you wouldn’t believe the change, you should have seen him the first couple of weeks after Bill died, I thought to myself but had no intention of telling Tina that. Then she would just begin to ask questions I would rather not answer. 

“How’s he changed?” I asked. I was actually curious to hear how he appeared to others. I couldn’t be properly objective on that subject as I was around him every day. 

“He seems more thoughtful and grown. Before he was more carefree and sometimes childish, but it’s like his expression and appearance have a more serious look to it.” She explained with hand gestures as she talked about expression and appearance. 

“I guess you’re right. But sometimes there are moments where that ‘seriousness’ goes away, and he seems more playful like he used to be. But it’s like it’s not permanent, it’s just bits and pieces now and then.” 

“You just have to be patient with him, it can take time to get over a loss like that.” Her gaze wandered over the water, away from me. It wasn’t hard to know what she was thinking about, she was talking from experience. 

A minute later, she cleared her throat, “Should we get back and see how far the boys are?” She asked in a slightly forced casual tone. 

Clearly, I could feel this subject was closed, so I agreed to go back. 

 

While we were away, Kevin and Jake had cut up the boards in the right lengths and were halfway through setting up the second wall. Before Jake and I arrived here, Kevin had already made the concrete floor. 

“Why don’t you take a break? Tina’s got a beer for you, I’ll help Kevin.” I offered. 

“Thanks, sweetheart.” Jake smiled as he wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. He was shirtless, the Californian sun baking down on us caused him to sweat. Even Kevin had, for a change, taken off his vest. He gave me a quick kiss before he joined Tina in the shadows on the porch. 

I picked up the hammer and some nails and started where he left off.


	44. His side of things

“God, it’s hot,” I exclaimed as I threw myself on the chair next to Tina in the cool shadows. But to my relief, the work hadn’t made my chest hurt so far. “Thanks,” I said when she handed me a cold beer, my fingers got moist from the condensate. 

“You get used to it in the long run.” She pointed at the sun.

“I guess so.” I took a big sip of the heavenly cold beer, smacked my lips together, and sighed as I sank deeper into the cool cushions. 

“They don’t bother you?” She asked carefully and gestured towards the scars on my chest. Maybe she thought it was a sensitive subject and didn’t want to offend me, but I didn’t know for sure. 

With a shrug, I calmly said, “I can’t really do anything about it.” I had come to terms with that fact. What I had been most worried about was if it bothered Val, but it didn’t at all, and that was fine by me. It was the only thing that mattered. In response, she simply nodded. There wasn’t really anything else to say, they were there, and they were permanent, end of story. 

I gazed at Val, she took off her top, so she was now only standing in shorts and bikini top. Her skin was already glistening with sweat. It hit me that she was well out of hearing range, so I turned to Tina and asked, “How did you convince Val to go on a date?” 

She looked surprised by my question. “Um, she hardly resisted. It seemed like she was excited to go. Why do you ask?”

I hesitated for a moment, deciding where to start. “When we were trying to figure out if it was just sex or if we were a couple I offered to take her on a date, but she refused. She didn’t want it. _At all_. You should’ve seen her face when I suggested we went to the cinema when we had a night off, she totally dug in her heels.” I explained. I clearly remember how pissed off she was in the car after our are-we-a-couple-or-not-conversation. 

Tina must have done something to convince Val. She can’t just go from being resistant to more than willing in that forty minutes she was alone with her getting her ready.

Tina was quiet for so long, I turned to her to see what was taking her so long or if she was ignoring me. Maybe it was some kind of female code not to talk about stuff like that or something. 

She caught my gaze, and she thoughtfully pressed her lips together. “Val can be…” She sighed, “I don’t know how to explain it without it sounds bad, but…”

Oh, is it that bad? I felt a little nervousness sneaking in on me. 

“Sometimes she can seem ‘unapproachable,’” She made quotation marks in the air with her fingers. I looked awaiting at her, as I didn’t immediately have any idea of where she was going with this, but the nervousness had already subsided, it wasn’t as bad as I had thought, to begin with. 

“You have to admit she’s not the most extroverted person. It takes some time to get to know her. And perhaps you just need some time to know ‘Val, the girlfriend.’” Again, she made quotation marks in the air. “You know, this is a new side of her you didn’t know much about before. Try to think back on how much you’ve learned about her in the last two months because I bet it’s a lot.”

What she said actually made sense. It made a lot of sense, I’ve just never looked at it like that before. I thought I knew Val, but Tina’s right, I don’t know how it is to be in a relationship with her. It’s a new unexplored territory. “Yeah, I think you’re right.” I nodded in agreement. How could Tina have so much insight? Maybe her age had a say, or perhaps it’s easier to stay objective when you’re standing on the sideline. Or perhaps she’s simply just a Val-whisperer. God, that would come in handy if I had that gift as well. 

“Give it time. Talk to her, make sure you’re on the same page.” 

“Thanks, Tina, I really appreciate your advice,” I told her with a smile. I really did. 

“You’re both new in this field, you need a little extra advice and time to figure things out. How it works and all, you know.” Her tone was lighter now, we were over the serious part. 

Talking about it like this, I felt like an 18-year-old with no experience. Of course, I had experience in bed as it was, but I was seriously lagging behind on the relationship part. But Val was too, perhaps that was best. Then we were at least equal. “You’re right. It isn’t always easy.” 

“Trust me, honey, no matter how long you’ve been in a relationship there’ll always be rough patches.” With that comment, she emptied the beer can. 

I thought about her last statement. I think that applies to everything. Nothing is just a straight line. There’ll be curves, and knots, and stuff. That’s just life. But I’ll definitely remember the other things Tina said about Val. _Make sure you’re on the same page._

I took Tina’s example and emptied my beer as well before I headed back to the half-finished shed to help out Kevin and Val. It didn’t take many minutes before Tina helped as well. With all four of us helping each other, we quickly finished the rest of the outer walls and most of the roof. 

“Put this on, your shoulders are getting red.” Val handed me the sunscreen, her fingertips ran lightly over my damp shoulders. She and Tina had left us to make dinner. 

“Thanks, baby.” I kissed her as I opened the bottle and started rubbing it on my shoulders. She went back to the house to make the salad, Tina was guarding the grill.


	45. Chapter 45

“Boys, dinner’s ready,” I called after setting the table outside. I had adopted Tina’s saying, it was contagious.

“Coming,” They yelled in unison. 

Tina took the last corncobs off the grill just as Kevin and Jake sat down. 

“This looks awesome.” He stated and hungrily stared at the chicken, corncobs, and salad. 

“Indeed it does.” I agreed. 

During dinner, we told Kevin and Tina that we would leave tomorrow. The last few days had been fantastic, Jake was right when he said we had earned this because we really needed this. Tina insisted we at least stayed for dinner tomorrow evening, she was so persistent we had to give in to her demand in the end. Kevin asked if we knew where we were going, but sadly there hadn’t been anything in the news, which was the only way we searched for leads while we were here. We had talked about Nevada or Arizona, but nothing was decided yet. 

After dinner, Tina conjured up some ice cream. There were pistachio, caramel, strawberry, and licorice. I choose pistachio and caramel. 

As I took the first spoonful of the caramel, I thought, fuck yes, this was just what I needed. The sweet taste almost made me drool. It even overshadowed the thought that perhaps I shouldn’t take seconds because of the two pounds I had gained. But what the hell, this was the closest thing we would ever get to a vacation, I could always diet after we left, or take up running if it was absolutely necessary. 

Kevin and Jake returned to work on the shed while Tina and I cleaned up after dinner. As we finished, Tina told me their SUV needed to be washed. Actually, our Chevy desperately needed a carwash as well. We drove both cars to a road behind their backyard, as their water hose wasn’t long enough to go all around the house, but long enough to reach through the gate at the far end of the yard, actually just next to where they were building the new shed. 

Tina found car shampoo and sponges for us both. I was amazed by exactly how dirty our Monte Carlo actually was. The bottle green color, of course, helped with masking the dirt, but still. Dark brown torrents flowed from it as I washed it. I sometimes caught a glimpse of Jake watching me over the waist high privet hedge, I was only wearing shorts and a bikini top. He clearly enjoyed the view of me half-wet, bending over as I scrubbed the car.

I was still cleaning the rims when Tina turned on the water hose to rinse the soap off the SUV. A jet of water suddenly hit me in the face as I was cleaning the left rear rim and I gasped for air. “Seriously, Tina?” I yelled and tried to look serious, but she was just the kind of person you couldn’t stay mad at. Especially not with that playful grin she had on her face lighting up her blue eyes. I grabbed the bucket next to me with car shampoo and dirty water and emptied it all over her before she could make an escape. 

She shrieked when the cold water soaked her hair and clothes. “Oh, that’s it!” She exclaimed, pointed the water nozzle at me like it was a gun. 

I held up my hands in surrender, but she mercilessly shot water at me. I started to run, jumped over the small gate into the yard and tried to seek cover behind Jake. 

“No, no, no, you don’t!” He warned, aimed at us both as he tried to push me away and held a hand up towards Tina to stop her. 

Kevin cleverly stepped out of the line of fire, or in this case, water, rolling his eyes at us, but it pulled up in the corner of his mouth. 

Several protests later Jake just accepted his defeat and stood passively until Tina didn’t find it interesting to shoot him down anymore, again aiming the nozzle at me. I took Jakes example and just accepted the cascades of water pouring down on me. “Are you done now?” I grinned when the stream of water stopped. 

In response, she gave me one last squirt. “Now I’m done.” She declared. 

“Good.” Now I could safely go back and finish washing the car. I finished up with the rims, but when I washed the soap off, I noticed a spot on the hood I had missed. Pouring the car shampoo directly on the sponge, I leaned over the hood, and started rubbing on it. 

A smack on my ass caused me to exclaim a surprised whine and straighten up. The same hand that smacked me now squeezed my ass. Jake captured my waist as I turned around, I dropped the sponge. “Mm, you’re so hot and wet. Raw.” He playfully growled, but low enough for only me to hear, pressed himself against me, and kissed me. His right hand moved down to my ass and squeezed it again, making me part my lips, his tongue found mine. I automatically slung my arms around his naked shoulders and neck. 

“Get a room.” 

“Easy you two, you have an audience.” Tina and Kevin complained. 

“Shut up and let me kiss my girlfriend in peace!” Jake detached his lips from mine and yelled back with a smug smile before continuing where he left off. 

“Kids will be kids.” I heard Tina sigh. 

“A couple of horny teenagers, that’s what they are,” Kevin responded in a mutter.

“You’re damn right!” Jake agreed as he released my lips, placed one last kiss on the tip of my nose before he unwrapped his arms from my body, and returned to help Kevin with the shed again. 

I picked up the sponge, cleaned it, and continued with removing the spot on the hood with a stupid smile on my face. 

Fifteen minutes later, I drove the car back to the driveway. Tina was already helping the boys with the shed, and now I joined them.

Before nightfall, we finished the roof, tomorrow we would paint the walls. 

When I laid in bed that night after kissing Jake good night, I thought about how unperturbed he had been the last few days while we were here. Angry Jake felt like a faint memory though it was under two months ago. But perhaps it was just good for us to get this break from work, especially after our fight about him being ready or not for work. And the extra few days also added to his recovery, he didn’t seem to have problems with helping to build the shed. Or lift me up on the countertop in the bathroom or sex–

Okay, back to the subject. He was clearly better, I decided I wouldn’t protest against him working again after we leave tomorrow. He seemed ready. Though I promised myself, I would keep an eye on him, just to be safe.


	46. Chapter 46

Again, I woke with heavy nausea, rushing to the bathroom. As I laid with my head in the toilet bowl, I wondered what could have provoked it this time. I got a beer at dinner, and one more while working on the shed. Okay, perhaps I should just stay away from alcohol for a while until I was sure my head had healed properly. As yesterday, nothing came up and after fifteen minutes, it had practically disappeared. 

This time, I woke Jake before I went downstairs to get myself some breakfast, the same as yesterday and the other days we had been here, natural yogurt with fruit. Tina and Kevin were already up and greeted me when I came downstairs. 

I had almost eaten all my breakfast before Jake finally came downstairs as well. As he finished his breakfast, we started painting the shed in the same shade of gray as the house. We had borrowed some old clothes so it wouldn’t matter if they got paint stains, which was impossible to avoid no matter how careful you were. 

As soon as Kevin opened the lid of the paint, the strong smell hit my nostrils, and the queasiness returned. It wasn’t in the puking-zone, it laid at the back of my throat to my discomfort. I dipped my paintbrush and started to paint the wood with long vertical strokes. I tried my best to breathe through my mouth, but to be safe, I pushed the back of my hand against my mouth every time I bent forward to dip the brush in the paint while also holding my breath. 

“Are you okay?” Tina asked. We had started on one side, the boys on another, as it would be too crowded with four people trying to paint the same wall. 

“Yeah, it’s just after the concussion I’ve been so sensitive to strong smells,” I explained. 

“You’re not pregnant, are you?” She asked with big eyes, her brush stopped in the middle of a stroke. 

“No, of course not,” I told her and rolled my eyes. That was ridiculous. I had taken my birth control as I should. And I wasn’t the type that easily got pregnant. Through the years, I had taken several pregnancy tests either because I fucked up my birth control or had unprotected sex before I got on the pill. 

“Okay.” She seemed to believe me as she shrugged her shoulders. 

“Do you have some cola?” I asked after a couple of minutes where the queasiness only seemed to get worse. 

“Uh, yeah. In the fridge.” She looked curiously at me. 

“It sometimes helps a little,” I explained, while I put the paintbrush down and went inside. As soon as I was away from the vapors of the paint, the queasiness took it down a notch. I found the half-full cola bottle in the fridge, poured a glass and slowly drank it. By the time I finished it, the nausea was gone. I returned to the shed, but as soon as I was in smelling range of the paint, it returned, though not as pronounced this time. 

After a while, I had to take a longer break as I felt a headache sneak in on me. I suspected the strong smells of paint was to blame for it. I found two aspirins, swallowed them along with a glass of water. But eventually, the painting part was over. The only thing missing now was hangers and hooks for different tools, which Kevin and Jake managed by themselves while Tina and I relaxed in the cool shadows provided by the house. 

“Are you feeling better?” Tina asked as she came out with a jug of water with lemon slices and ice cubes. 

She handed me a glass, “Thanks. Yeah, it’s gone now, I feel fine.” I sent her a reassuring smile. Both the queasiness and headache had retreated, and neither of them returned during the rest of the day where we relaxed and played cards before we had to make dinner; spaghetti and meatballs. Jake offered to help Tina in the kitchen, so I could relax. Normally, I was the one helping her out, it was sort of an unwritten rule. Like Jake, and, once Bill as well, helped with practical stuff like cutting the grass, trim the hedge or like this time – build a shed. 

Tina insisted on eating the rest of the ice cream as dessert, I knew I shouldn’t, but I promised myself to start dieting tomorrow. 

After cleaning the kitchen, Jake and I took a shower – separately. When we were both done, we started to gather our stuff. I dug out my black skirt from the trunk of the Chevy, it was too hot for jeans, and the shorts I was wearing were Tina’s. 

Gathering my things from the guest bathroom, I eyed a weight under the cabinet. I dragged it out, turned it on, and stepped up on it. 

146 pounds? I had gained another pound since the weighting at the hospital. 

Okay, that was it! Serious dieting from this moment. I decided if I hadn’t lost anything within the next week, I would go running. I couldn’t run around fighting vampires if I was fat. Okay, fat was a huge exaggeration, but still. I needed to do something about this. My weight had been stable for a couple of years, I only gained a few pounds during the first two years or so after finding Bill and Jake. And I was okay with that, but I had to draw the line somewhere. This was it, I wanted back to the 143 pounds I was before all this with Sinanima, hospitals, and crap. 

I stepped down from the weight, pushed it back under the cabinet, gathered the last of my stuff, and went downstairs. 

We said goodbye, Tina always seemed slightly more emotional when we left. Her bear hug was now a bone-crushing hug that made me feel my still healing rib as she made us promise to call now and then, we were always welcome, and shouldn’t let too much time pass before we saw each other again. Kevin’s goodbye was as subtle as his hello, he was calm enough for them both whereas Tina was enthusiastic enough for both of them. They were a perfect match. 

Jake and I had decided for Las Vegas, Nevada, it was a six and a half hour drive and there were almost always vampires there. I didn’t think I had ever heard of a hunter visiting Las Vegas and not killing at least one. Often when hunters were in the area, they always made a detour and stayed a couple of days in Las Vegas. 

“So, are you ready to go back to work tomorrow?” I asked cheerfully after twenty minutes. I deemed it safe for him to start working again, and I wanted him to know I wouldn’t object this time. Though we had forgiven each other, I felt like this put the last nail in the coffin of that fight we had after I lied and broke my promise. He forgave me, and even though it turned into something dirty, he seemed sincere when he said he would listen to me. Now I felt like I could give a little in return. 

“Do you really mean that or are you just asking so you can come up with some plan for me to stay at the motel?” He asked, there was a hard edge to his words, but he was also smiling. 

“I really mean it,” I said with a shrug, against my will, my voice was low. 

“Then, yes I am.” He stated. 

“Good,” I exhaled, I didn’t even notice I had held my breath for a second there. “It was getting kind of boring being out alone.” My voice had found that cheerful tone again. 

“It was boring staying at the motel all day long.” He chuckled. 

“I know,” I said compassionately and stroked his thigh. 

He wrapped his hand around mine and brought it to his lips where he placed a kiss on the back of my hand before he put it down on his thigh again. 

 

After three hours, Jake took the wheel, I leaned back and closed my eyes. It was getting dark, but the temperature was still high, meaning it wasn’t too cold to sit in a skirt and top with the windows slightly open. At some point, I slowly dozed off. 

 

“Shit!” Jake’s exclaim and a sudden decrease in speed woke me. 

“What?” I asked groggily and confused as I tried to orient myself. Then I looked ahead, but I couldn’t see a thing. White steam poured over the windshield and blocked our view. “Oh, crap,” I muttered annoyed. 

Jake pulled into the gravel at the side of the road. Now when we weren’t moving anymore, the steam rose like a big column from under the hood. 

“Turn off the engine and pop the hood,” I instructed as I opened the door and got out. As the latch opened, a thicker wave of steam rose into the air. “Great, that’s just great,” I said resignedly and looked strictly at the old Chevy like I could scowl it into working again while I thought about what could be wrong. I grabbed the hood and was about to open it, but immediately retreated, “Ouch! Jesus fucking Christ!” 

“What’s wrong? You okay?” Jake stepped out of the car and came over to me. 

“Nothing, I just burned my hand,” I mumbled. The metal of the hood had been burning hot. Instinctively, I had withdrawn my hand and held it to my body, I held it out and tried to see the damage in the dull moonlight. I let the fingers of my left hand swipe over the skin. It was sore and tender, but I didn’t feel any beginning blisters. 

Jake gently took my hand and examined it as well, I didn’t find it necessary, but he ignored my protests. 

As he gave me my hand back, I walked to the trunk where I dug out a pair of my jeans and walked back to the hood. I wrapped them around my hand so I could safely open the hood without getting burned again. I had to lean back as a whole cloud of white steam emitted from under the hood. I suspected there might be something wrong with the radiator. With my jeans, I fanned the steam away as good as I could and then took a look at the radiator. I knew it wasn’t because of low coolant levels because I had checked that along with oil, windshield washer fluid, brake fluid, and power steering oil when I washed the car. But as I looked at the radiator the coolant levels were way under _low_. There must be a leak of some kind. “It looks like something’s wrong with the radiator,” I told Jake as I straightened up. I wouldn’t touch anything right away and risk getting my hand burned again. 

“Great.” He sighed and let a hand run through his hair. He found his phone and started tapping on it. 

“What’re you doing?” I asked. 

“Seeing how far away the nearest town is.” 

“What’s the use? It’s 11:30 in the night. Nothing’s open until tomorrow morning.” I made a resigned gesture with my hands. We were in the middle of fucking nowhere. The I-15 that we were on was the only road within miles. Actually, it was the only thing within miles. The dirt looked sandy with small bushes scattered, farther away were some small mountains, but that was it. No houses, no roads, nothing. There weren’t even any cars on the road, besides us. 

“You’re right. The nearest town’s Baker, and it’s almost a two and a half hour walk.” He locked the screen and put his phone back in his pocket. 

“Well, when this son of a bitch is cooled down we can try and figure out what’s wrong and just order the parts tomorrow morning.” If it was fairly simple, I could fix it. Jake was of no use when it came to the car. He could drive it, sure, but he could barely refill the oil. Back before I met Bill and Jake, I had inherited my mother’s car. I couldn’t remember the model, but it was a red sedan. As I was on my own, I had to learn how to fix the basic things myself, as I couldn’t afford a mechanic. Bill had been the one taking care of the old Chevy, he could fix more than I could, but I learned a lot from him. Jake just didn’t seem to have the interest in being greased up in engine oil to his elbows and just let us do it. 

“Sleep in the car or put up a tent?” He asked.

“I vote tent.” Coming from the lovely soft mattresses and fluffy duvets at Kevin and Tina’s, even a normal bed in a motel room would feel crappy the first few days. The car was small, the seats uneven, it was better with sleeping pads though they were thin, but at least I wouldn’t get a crick in my back and neck like I would if I was crammed into a car seat. 

“Tent it is then.” He stated, walked to the trunk, and started to find the tent, our sleeping bags, and sleeping mats. I helped him put up the tent in the sandy dirt next to the car. 

After we were done, I walked back to the front of the car and carefully tried to put a finger on the metal, it was still hot, but I could easily touch it without getting burned. “Okay, let’s see what your problem is,” I said to the radiator and carefully examined it, twice actually, but I couldn’t find anything that looked out of the ordinary. 

Well, it leaked from somewhere. “Jake, would you start the car for me?” I asked. 

“Sure.” He found the keys and got in the driver’s seat. 

The engine roared to life, and a second later, I heard water spilling. I bent down to look underneath the car. Yup, it was definitely leaking coolant. Then I tried to find the source of the coolant and finally found it. I leaned to the side so Jake could see me and gestured for him to turn off the engine again. 

“Did you find out what’s wrong?” He asked as he stood next to me again. 

“Yeah,” I quickly removed the radiator hose and handed it to him. 

“It’s completely torn.” He said surprised and examined the busted radiator hose more closely. It was cracked almost as long as its own length. The rubber had simply become tender and had given in under the pressure. 

“Can you fix it or do we need to get it towed to Baker?” He asked and handed me the hose again. I closed the hood and leaned against it. 

“Yeah, I just need a new hose, then refill the coolant, and we should be good to go,” I explained. The hose had been dirty, and now my fingers were black, I wiped them off on my skirt. At least my right hand didn’t hurt anymore, it was only sore. 

“Good,” When he saw I wiped my hands clean, he looked down on his own, finding that they were dirty too and wiped them off on his shorts. 

“Yeah, but…” I exclaimed an irritated growl, “this was just not what we needed right now. We’ve had such a good couple of days at Kevin and Tina’s and then the minute we leave…” I clapped on the hood of the car and imitated an explosion. 

“I know what you mean.” He walked closer, standing right in front of me. He brushed a stray strand of hair behind my ear before he wrapped his arms around my waist. Mine automatically wrapped around his neck. “Don’t take it too hard–” 

“I don’t even know why I am.” I rolled my eyes at myself. Cars break down, that was what happened sometimes. Why did it get to me like this? Usually, things like this didn’t bother me this much.

“We’re gonna go to sleep, and when we wake up, we’ll call a repair shop and get them to bring a new hose and some coolant here. Then you’re gonna fix the car, and we’ll be on our way again.” He spoke softly. Like he knew laying it out like that, as a simple plan would make it more manageable. 

It actually worked. It wasn’t a big deal, we have had much worse breakdowns than this one. At least it wasn’t freezing, but nice and warm. 

“Okay?” He tilted his head down and looked searchingly at me.

“Okay.” I nodded and sent him a smile. 

“That’s the spirit.” A wide smile spread on his face before his lips met mine in a soft kiss.   
I thought it would be a short one, but his lips continued to stay sealed to mine, working against mine. I didn’t know if it was to comfort me. 

“I know something that’ll cheer you up.” He whispered against my lips in between his kisses. His hands grabbed my ass so suddenly under the skirt I exclaimed a surprised sound that got muffled by his lips. Then he lifted me up and put me down on the hood with a thud, I clutched onto his t-shirt to keep the balance. Before I could ask any questions, he had pushed my back down to lie against the hood with his upper body as he kissed me more roughly. 

I was definitely gonna have dirty handprints on my ass now. The fabric of his shorts rubbed against the lace between my legs. 

He eagerly started kissing, sucking, and nipping the skin of my neck. 

“Here? Seriously?” I asked breathlessly. 

He lifted his head and looked down at me with a dirty smirk. “We’re in the middle of nowhere. The last car drove by over an hour ago, and I wanna fuck you on the hood of the car.” He said in a definitive tone, leaving me no choice. 

“But we’re dirty–” I started. 

“Shut up. I like getting a little dirty with you.” He grabbed my jaw and growled before he assaulted my lips, his tongue pushing into my mouth. 

Now I got dirty fingerprints on my face! But soon, I didn’t care. He was right, this was definitely the most effective cheering up there was. Quickly, I indulged in the feeling of his lips, his tongue working against mine. His right hand hadn’t left my ass and was squeezing it firmly, the left laid around my neck. 

My left hand laid around his neck as well, pushing him closer, the other had wandered to his back where my nails scraped over his shoulder blades still covered by the fabric of the t-shirt. 

He broke off the kiss a minute after, straightened up, reached up under my skirt with both hands, and ripped off my panties. My hands fell down on the hood on each side of my head now where his body was out of reach.

He leaned over me again, his lips only an inch from mine, but his expression had changed. He looked indecisive for a second. “You know, in the bathroom at the restaurant? You said it was almost like roleplaying. You wanna give it a try?” His eagerness had cooled off, it was a serious proposal, and he was awaiting my answer. 

I bit my lower lip as I thought about it for a second. “What do you have in mind?” It couldn’t hurt to hear what ideas he had, I could always say no. 

“You’re a whore, and I’m paying you.” A shy smile spread on his lips as he spoke. His teeth dug into his lower lip in anticipation. 

I thought back on how cheap he had made me feel in the bathroom of that restaurant. I liked that. I liked when he called me a whore. 

“You can always say stop, and then we’ll stop the roleplaying.” He reassured while I was still thinking, only a few seconds had passed by. 

“Let’s do this.” My voice was raw with newfound arousal and anticipation as I determined wrapped my legs around his waist, and my arms around his neck to underline my words. 

It was almost like ‘jackpot’ was written across his face before he kissed me. His tongue took advantage of my moans as he rubbed against me. The fabric covering his bulge, now directly against my sensitive skin. It was almost on the verge of hurting. His left hand found a fistful of my hair, the other had a firm grip on my thigh right beneath my ass. 

I didn’t know what I had expected, but this just felt like normal. I wondered where the whore part would come in. And would I know what to do? I guess we would just act and improvise. We did that almost on a daily basis, but this was new territory, a different kind of setup. 

“How much do you charge?” He asked when our lips separated. 

Okay, there came the whore part. I scrutinized his face with narrowed eyes and a raised eyebrow as I thought about it. “Oh, for you, honey, I’m cheap. 20 bucks.” I told him in the most seductive voice I could. It was almost a moan. 

This was actually a lot easier than I had imagined. Maybe it was because I didn’t have time to get nervous or really think about it, we just jumped straight into it. 

A superior smile spread on his lips as his right hand dug into the back pocket of his shorts and pulled out his wallet. He put it on the hood next to my head and with one hand fished out a $20 bill. He made sure I saw it before he tugged it down the left cup of my bra. “Now you’re mine.” The tone of his voice was almost scornful as he smiled arrogantly at me. His left hand let go of my hair as he straightened up and undid his shorts. Now when he was out of reach, my hands again laid on each side of my head. 

He bent down and gave me two solid licks all the way up between my legs, leaving a lot of saliva. I jolted slightly with two, “Oh,” one for each lick. I wasn’t completely wet as the foreplay had been too short, but he clearly made up for that. 

As he straightened up, he slowly guided himself into me and then grabbed my hips as he pushed the last way in with a moan muffled by his closed lips. My lips parted, and in unison with him, I let out a deep moan. 

He started thrusting into me in a slow, but hard pace. Pulled slowly out, jolted forward into me with a smack. Every thrust sent my body an inch up the hood, but his grip on my hips dragged me back down again. “Yes, moan for me, you whore. That’s what I pay you for.” He pushed the condescending words out through his clenched teeth along with his other satisfied outbursts. 

My moans increased by his words. This hit some kink in me. I mean I have had men making me feel cheap, just not as much as Jake had the last two times. I was surprised by the fact that I liked it so much. 

He leaned forward and grabbed my hair with his left hand, the right again grabbed my ass, lifting it an inch to make him go deeper into me. “I’m using you. You like getting used, whore?” He panted. I felt his breath on my lips. 

“Yes, I do. Use me. Use me as you like with your big dick.” I cried. Now where he was closer, my hands ran over his lips, then his cheeks, leaving a dirty trail. 

“Oh, fuck yes.” He moaned as his head dropped to my chest. My hands ended at his neck where I grabbed his hair. 

“Look at you, you filthy whore. You’re so dirty. And so fucking cheap I don’t think I can find a hooker that’s cheaper than you, baby.” His head snapped up and almost spat the demeaning words in my face. 

My cries increased again by the satisfaction his words brought me. “God, yes! I’m so cheap. Take me, fuck me!”

My words made him accelerate his pace into me. Instead of pulling out slowly and jolt into me, he was now keeping a steady hard pace back and forth. Grunts of exertion started emitting from him. “I like fucking your tight little whore pussy.” The last four words he pushed out in a raw voice, one for every thrust. 

“I like getting fucked by a stud like you. You’re so hot I just wanted you to fuck me, that’s why I gave you a discount.” My nails dug into his shoulder blades to underline my aggressive words, ablaze because of this whole setup and what it and his words did to me. 

“I’m gonna wreck you.” He growled close to threatening before he fiercely assaulted my lips. Muffling and mingling my lustful cries and his raw grunts. 

Him, taking me like this, this roughly, making me feel like this, set my whole body on fire. It moved with him, my calves at his ass helped him push deeper and harder into me as I bucked my hips, following his rhythm. 

He ripped his lips from mine, his hand clutching onto my hair let go and grabbed my jaw instead and stopped his thrusting into me. “How much for biting you so hard I leave a mark?” He asked, his eyes dark with lust looked awaiting at me. 

“10 bucks,” I replied breathlessly. 

The wallet still laid next to my head on the hood, he found a $10 bill, held it up in front of my face for me to see. He let it swipe back and forth on my lips a couple of times before dragging it down my chin, my neck and tucked it into the left cup of my bra to the other bill. “God, you’re cheap.” He sounded amused. He pushed my head to the side by the grip on my jaw, leaned closer and placed his lips on the skin of my neck. 

To my surprise, he didn’t bite me but kissed me gently. My body was close to trembling just by the expectation of him biting me, even my breathing accelerated. Unexpectedly, he gave me a single hard thrust that made me cry out as his teeth captured a little of my skin. He let go and kissed my neck again. 

The expectation was unbearable, I moaned impatiently. 

His teeth took slightly more skin at the next lonely thrust. My whole body jolted with a cry when his hardness hammered into me that unexpectedly, mixed with the anticipation, and the bite. 

He let my skin go and like before he kissed it softly. “I haven’t left a mark yet, baby.” He teased into my ear. 

He was playing with me, dragging it out on purpose. And it worked, I was close to falling into pieces underneath him. Circling his hips made him touch every wall inside of me as his soft kissing on my neck now evolved to a playful nipping. 

I dragged in a trembling breath through my lips, trying to contain this anticipation, this torture, but helpless whimpers emitted from me anyway as I squirmed underneath him. Every one of his nips on my skin sent a shockwave through my body, and I heard him chuckle. He was clearly enjoying doing this to me. 

His teeth finally closed around my neck and bit so hard down I twitched, and my body tensed. My right hand latched onto his neck, digging my nails in and pushed him closer as I let out a loud cry of both gratification and pain. 

He slowly pulled out and gave me a hard deep thrust without releasing his teeth from my neck, causing another cry to leave my lips. Another thrust, my skin muffling his grunt. The nails of my left hand scraped down his shoulder blade. I felt his fist clutching onto my hair, tighten its grip as he gave me a third and even harder thrust before letting the skin of my neck go. He eagerly kissed where he had just bitten as he continued to thrust into me at a hard pace. I felt his panting breath on my sore skin. His lips moved up to my ear and bit my earlobe, his satisfied grunts now directly into my ear. 

“Oh God, yes!” I cried as he with his grip on my ass, angled me upwards while he fought to thrust deeper into me. 

His lips left my skin and he raised his head while tilting mine back by his grip in my hair, but still, our lips were only an inch from each other. “Does it cost extra to come in your mouth?” His voice was thick with lust, he had slowed his rhythm into me. 

“That’ll be another 10 bucks.” I instantly panted. 

His right hand let go of my ass and fished another $10 bill out of his wallet. He let it swipe along my jawline, then at the edge of my mouth and then directly on my lips. “I’m gonna come so hard in your mouth.” He taunted me before he tucked the bill down with the others in my bra. “Come.” He ordered as he straightened up, dragging me with him. He pulled out of me, his right hand laid on my shoulder, the other still tangled into my hair and urged me down. 

I kneeled before him and willingly opened my mouth. As he pushed his hardness into my mouth, my hands laid on his thighs. I could taste myself on him. 

He started slow, and for every time he went into my mouth, I could feel that he pushed slightly deeper in. After five slow thrusts he pushed so deep into my mouth I started gagging, he instantly pulled a little back. His right hand moved from my shoulder up my neck and settled at my cheek he gently stroked before he continued at a faster pace. It was like now he had tested my limit, and didn’t go deeper than that as his pace slowly accelerated. “Yeah, you like that.” He taunted softly, continuing to stroke my cheek with his thumb. “You like sucking my dick, you filthy whore.” 

His words caused me to moan, and I nodded as much as I could. Raw moans started leaking from his lips as he upped his tempo, I moaned with him. His grip in my hair and on my cheek tightened, and he jolted forward into my mouth. I gagged, dug my nails into his thighs as he did it one more time with a high groan, and I felt his load pulsating into my mouth. One more time he pushed deep and harshly into my mouth emptying himself with a satiated groan. 

I waited a couple of seconds before I swallowed, he moaned weakly when I did. Slowly, he pulled my head back, allowing me to suck him clean on the way out until my lips left his length. He sent me a full smile as I looked up at him. His hands let go of me to close his shorts, and I got to my feet. After closing his shorts, his hands found my neck and waist, pulled me close, and kissed me, instantly his tongue pushed into my mouth. “Mm, you taste so good.” He smirked against my lips. 

“You do too.” I breathed before he kissed me again. 

He pushed me back until I bumped into the car, then once again he grabbed my ass and placed me on the hood. 

What was he up to?

His right hand brushed the outer side of my thigh all the way down to my knee and then up on the inner side, nearing my sweetest spot. 

But– I tore my lips from his as I realized what he was about to do. “No! Those dirty hands are not going in there!” My hand wrapped around his wrist to stop it. 

He looked confused down on his hands, it was clear he forgot because I saw understanding spread on his face as soon as he saw his dirty fingers. “Sorry, I forgot.” He apologized, placed his hand on my chest, and gently pushed me backward until I laid on my back. I saw him kneel down between my legs, I felt his hands sneak under my thighs and grabbed my hips as his tongue started working on my sweetest spot. He had lost some muscles since the hospital, but he was still strong enough to hold me in place without any problem. 

A deep moan left me as he worked his magic. He switched between long slow strokes and quick fast ones. My back slowly began rising from the hood. As his lips closed around me and started to suck as well, I jolted up in a straight position with a sharp moan. “Oh, it’s good.” I moaned. My fingers now ran through his hair. “Oh, yes.” I cried weakly as he increased his efforts. My hips wanted to follow his rhythm, but his grip on me prohibited me, making it more intense. Both my hands now ran through his hair, grabbed it, and ran through it again. My legs slowly closed, they were now resting on his shoulders, my calves at his back. I was almost cradled around him as my head dropped when my attempts to move my hips proved pointless, his fingers were digging into my flesh to keep me in place. To my utter relief his hands loosened their grip on my hips, they instantly followed the rhythm his tongue compelled them to. His hands traced down the upper side of my thighs where he suddenly grasped on to me and harshly spread my legs. 

I threw my head back and sought support with my hands on the hood. I didn’t know what was worst; being able to close my legs but not moving my hips or the other way around. I think the latter as I was getting used to the former. This prohibition of movement was new. 

He started moaning. The vibration from that, his continuous licking, and constant suction made it built up in me, my legs started to quiver, my hips bucked more wildly, my nails scraped over the hood, producing a screeching sound. I felt the need to close my legs, but he mercilessly kept them apart until I erupted in a final high cry with my head thrown back and my legs trembled more than ever as the orgasm rolled through me. The fact that he was keeping my legs so wide apart prolonged my gratification. He slowed his rhythm as my cry morphed into a whimper as I panting sank back down on the now cool hood, my body slowly relaxing. 

He didn’t stop until my legs had seized any fight against his grip. I felt him get up and lean over me. His hands gently stroked my cheeks, and he softly met my lips. “You’re so kinky.” He whispered against my lips. 

“You should be the one to talk, baby,” I whispered back, a smile spread on my lips, and I sighed satisfied. 

“You wanna to go bed? Or tent actually.” He chuckled when he corrected himself. 

“Mm-hmm.” I nodded, I was exhausted now. 

He lifted me up, I wrapped my legs around his waist. He didn’t put me down until we were outside the tent. Out of his pocket, he pulled my panties, I hadn’t noticed what he had done with them after he took them off me. “I’m just gonna lock the car and get my wallet.” He said and quickly kissed me. 

I had barely gotten my panties back on when he returned. I crawled in first, halfway through the opening he smacked my ass so hard my head snapped up. “Jake!” I scolded surprised. He answered with a grin. I sat down on the left sleeping bag and kicked off my boots as he crawled through the opening and zipped it after him before he began taking his clothes off. As I took mine off, I handed him back all the bills he had stuffed down my bra. 

In panties and bra, I got into the sleeping bag, Jake was only wearing boxers. I had set my alarm to 7:50 a.m. As I made myself comfortable, his right arm wrapped around me on top of the sleeping bag. He pulled me closer and buried his nose in my hair. “Goodnight, beautiful.”

“Goodnight, baby,” I mumbled before I closed my eyes.


	47. Chapter 47

A light touch on my naked left shoulder blade woke me. I was lying on my stomach, but because of the already warm morning, I had pushed the sleeping bag down to my waist in my sleep. I turned my head and saw Jake resting his chin on his palm propped up by his elbow. 

“Morning,” He greeted with a smile. 

“Morning,” I mumbled. “What time is it’?” I asked in the middle of a stretch. 

“7:30.” I laid back down. I could sleep for another twenty minutes. 

“Your tattoo is healed.” He stated. 

Actually, now that I paid attention, I noticed his pattern on my shoulder blade wasn’t random. He was tracing the lines of the rune tattoo. “That’s good. What about yours?” I opened my eyes again to look at him. 

“Just like yours.” He leaned forward and kissed me.

After the kiss, I kept my eyes closed and dozed in the next twenty minutes before the alarm rang and I had to get dressed, because of the heat, I choose a skirt and top again today. I checked my right hand, it was slightly red but was only sore if I pressed hard on it. Brushing my teeth was a dry experience because we didn’t have any water, which reminded me of exactly how thirsty and hungry I actually was. But there was no way to get either of it before the car was fixed. 

At 8, Jake called a mechanic, explained our situation, and got them to bring us the parts if we paid for the gas. While we waited, we packed the tent and everything else and put it back in the trunk, after that, I found the sunscreen and put something on as the sun was already baking down on us. 

Half an hour later, a blue van pulled over, and the man behind the wheel asked if it was us that needed a radiator hose for a 1973 Chevrolet Monte Carlo and some coolant. We paid and got our things, though it was pretty expensive to get them to bring it to us, but still cheaper than getting the car towed. 

It didn’t take me long to replace the busted hose and refill the coolant. I got Jake to turn on the engine when I was done to check if it worked properly and wasn’t leaking. Closing the hood, I got in the car next to Jake who was behind the wheel. 

The drive to Baker only took ten minutes. We decided to get food and water at a convenience store, there was still one and a half hours drive to Las Vegas, Nevada. Jake got out, but when he saw I didn’t show any intention of getting out of the car, he turned around and bent down with a hand still on the top of the car door. “You coming?” 

“No,” I replied with a sly smile. 

“Why not?” He asked confusedly. 

“You got to fuck me on the hood of the car, now you go get us some food looking like that,” I said and pointed at his face and hands. Though he had tried to wipe it off, his hands were still dirty, and he had some on his cheek too. I looked even worse than him after changing the hose. 

“Fair enough.” His tone was cool and level, and I could almost see the pretend dignity he walked into the store with. 

He came back a few minutes later with two cups of yogurt with fruit muesli and a bottle of juice. We drove just outside of town where we pulled over to eat. It was good to get something to eat, my stomach had growled uncontrollably, and the juice soothed my dry throat. After I had finished the cup with yogurt and muesli, I was still hungry, which I found odd as one of those usually was enough to satiate my hunger. I ignored it as good as I could, it had already helped a lot, and at least my stomach didn’t growl anymore. A second portion also wouldn’t be good for my diet, I would just have to wait until lunch. 

In Las Vegas, there were so many hotels we could actually afford one of the cheap ones. We pulled up to the valet and handed him the keys to the old Chevy. I saw him take an extra look at us, probably because of our dirty hands and faces. I rolled my eyes, well, we just had to face the people at the lobby before we could get to our new room and take a shower. As I thought, the five minutes at the lobby were awkward, people stared, and I ignored it the best I could. 

The walls of our room were lime green beside the one behind the head of the bed, which was black with strange white patterns. It was fairly small, there was barely room to walk around the king sized bed with the white sheets, but it was the cheapest room they had. Simple white blinds covered the window, the view from up here was gorgeous. The furniture was all in white, except the bed frame that was black, just like the carpet. 

I had just put down my stuff when I left a trail of clothes behind me on my way to the bathroom. It had gray tiles, the mirror had a white frame and the cabinet with the sink was black, the floor was made of black and white tiles, the shower was big and had glass enclosure. 

A couple of minutes after I had stepped under the running water, Jake joined me. The showerhead was big, making the cascade of water wide, meaning we could both stand under it without any problems. It was nice to finally be able to get that dirt off my body. 

After the shower, we talked about the course of action. It had been some time since we had been here last time, and last time Bill had been here too. Our hotel had its own casino and three bars, so obviously we would start there tonight. The only problem was that jeans and top weren’t the proper dress code for such places, so I would have to go out and find something fitting; an evening dress. Luckily, the thrift stores in Las Vegas had loads of cheap dresses that had only been used a few times. Jake had it easy as he could always wear his fine suit to almost every special occasion, but my fine suit consisting of a button down shirt and pants wouldn’t do this time. It would have been practical to have a dress for these situations in the trunk, but to be honest, the storage space limit of the car was close to being reached, and it wasn’t that often I had to use a dress. 

A quick search on the laptop and I went out the door to the thrift store. As soon as I got outside, I realized it had been too long since I had been in a large city. All the people, noise, neon lights, and activity around me made me miss the quiet small towns where we usually stayed. 

Half an hour walk, and I found a thrift store. It was much different than the small town stores where they had a little bit of everything, clothes, knickknacks, plates, toys, books – here, there were colors, feathers, sequins, chains, and the more I looked, the bigger, the brighter and more flamboyant it seemed to my eyes. Mostly it was clothes, hats – way too big hats, bags, purses, jewelry, and shoes. 

The lady behind the counter didn’t look like the type of person you usually saw running a thrift store, she didn’t even say ‘hi’ when I walked into the store, but only looked shortly at me before she continued to do something on an iPad. She looked like she was in her late forties, was wearing a black tight long-sleeved dress that was so short I didn’t think she could bend over without showing off her panties. To accompany that outfit she, of course, wore black glitter stilettoes with at least a five-inch heel. Her hair was dyed very blonde, and her makeup was too glittery considering exactly what kind of store she was in. 

I walked to the nearest rack and started flipping through the dresses. Petticoat, too short, so long they would drag behind me on the floor, too deep a cleavage, feathers – I was _not_ wearing feathers. Ever. I held out a purple dress that looked promising, but as I looked closer, I saw that the whole back and the whole front from the waist and up, except the boobs, were see through. Too vulgar for my taste. I came across a green dress I liked, but it was two sizes too big for me. 

Sequin was everywhere too, to be honest, it was too flashy for my taste, but then I reached a platinum dress on the rack. The simplicity of it appealed to me. It wasn’t too big or showy, it was just a plain sequin dress. Though I would never buy anything like this only to please myself, this was only for the job. It was kinda like a uniform, like both the cheap and fine suit were. I looked at the size, it should fit me, but I took it to the fitting room just to be sure. Otherwise, it would be a waste of money, and because of the breakdown, we were a little lower than we had expected. Luckily, this dress wasn’t too expensive, probably because it looked quite boring compared to the other dresses in here. 

I slipped on the dress in the fitting room. The platinum sequin that covered the whole dress made me think of a disco ball, and if I had been fat, I would definitely look like a live-sized disco ball. It had a V-neck, was sleeveless, and was so long that now without any footwear it touched the floor, there was a side slit on the left side that ended in the middle of my thigh. The back was open with sheer, luckily it had cups on the front so it wouldn’t be too uncomfortable to run around without a bra. The size was perfect, it wasn’t too tight and wasn’t too loose either, but again, I became annoyingly aware of the fact that I had to sway my back and stick my ass out to cover the pounds I had gained on my stomach. I could see my waistline and thighs had suffered under the weight gain as well, but not as much as my stomach, which luckily only was visible from the side. 

I took off the dress, got my own clothes on before I walked back into the store. Walking past some cosmetics, it hit me that perhaps I should look for eyeshadow as well. Eyeliner and mascara weren’t really that fancy for this kind of bars and casinos. I came across a platinum eyeshadow that matched the dress perfectly. On my way to the counter, I eyed a pair of beige stilettoes on sale, probably because they were too boring. I crossed my fingers and hoped it was my size, as my black stilettoes wouldn’t look optimal with this dress, to my relief they were. I hadn’t given any thoughts to heels before I saw the beige stilettoes. Again, I thought about how easy Jake had it with his suits. I quickly paid, the lady behind the counter didn’t say anything else than the total, and she just placed a bag on top of my items instead of packing it for me. You could clearly feel the mindset of the big city where it was every person for themselves compared to the small town mindset where everybody helped each other. 

 

“Did you find anything?” Jake asked as I stepped inside. 

“Platinum and sequin,” I replied with a sigh and an eye roll. I threw the bag on the floor so he could see it for himself. 

He took the bag and pulled the sequin dress halfway out, “It’s very… glittery.” He stated with a crooked smile before putting it back into the bag. Last time we were here, I had found a black satin high-low dress with blue lace embellishment. 

“You wanna check out that fitness equipment they have here?” I asked, there was still a couple of hours till we had to get to work. 

“Sure,” He agreed, but I saw the questioning frown on his face before he got up. He knew as well as I did how unusual it was for me to suggest something like that. But I thought we might as well take advantage of the facilities the hotel offered. 

A short trip to the car, and soon we entered the room with the fitness equipment. It looked like an ordinary fitness center with weights and different machines, I didn’t know how to use half of them. Jake was wearing his black shorts and a gray t-shirt. I had borrowed Jake’s sweatpants as I didn’t own any shorts or gym clothes at all, though I had to fold the sweatpants legs to prevent me from tripping. 

Jake knew what he was doing and immediately walked up to some machine I think trained arms, but I wasn’t sure. I looked uncertainly at the treadmill while I slowly warmed up my knee. I stepped up on it a couple of minutes later and thereafter tried to find out how the hell I got this thing started. 

After pressing several buttons, where some to my embarrassment beeped loudly, I got it started. I started out with a fast walk I maintained until I felt my knee was ready and then continued in a light jog. It wasn’t long until I could feel my broken rib bothering me, but it wasn’t that bad, so I pushed through it.

Half an hour later, my lungs were burning and my legs permeated. I stepped off the treadmill and began stretching out. It took almost ten minutes before I had stretched enough to be sure I would be able to walk on my knee tomorrow. Walking over to Jake, I let him know I was going back to our room. He was sitting at a machine I didn’t even know what was called, but it looked like it trained legs. Like me, he said he could also still feel his broken ribs, but he was glad he could finally put more effort into his workout. 

 

The eyeshadow was easy enough to apply, but redoing the cattail Tina had made when Jake and I went on our first date wasn’t as easy as it looked. I had to remove everything and start over with applying eyeshadow, this time, I sharpened my black eyeliner pencil before I tried again. Tina had used liquid eyeliner, but I couldn’t really spend more money than I already had on this ‘uniform.’ 

Finally, I made a decent cattail on both my eyes, though they weren’t 100% alike, the right was slightly thicker than the left and a tiny bit uneven, which was odd as I was right-handed. I should just remember to stand slightly sideways when I talked to people, same goes for the bruise I got yesterday on the right side of my neck. 

I bent down and fished the dress out of the bag, stepped into it, and pulled the straps up on my shoulders. When I had zipped the dress at the side halfway up, I realized I couldn’t zip it the last way on my own. “Will you zip– oh, my…” I started as I walked out of the bathroom, but stopped dead in my tracks and eyed Jake from head to toe. He was looking deliciously handsome without a tie and with the first couple of buttons in his white shirt unbuttoned. 

He flashed a bright smile when he saw my reaction, then he let his eyes swipe over me as well. “Oh, my…” He mimicked my tone of voice and flashed his eyebrows before he bit his lower lip. His eyes ran over me again, but now they had a dirty gleam. 

I assembled my brain cells and tore my eyes from his, “Will you zip me?” I asked and pointed at the half-zipped zipper at my side. He stepped closer, I lifted my arm to give him more space. 

“What about I unzip you instead?” He lured as he kissed the hollow under my ear, his hand still holding on to the zipper after he zipped it. 

“Tempting. But we have work to do.” I sighed. 

He quickly met my lips before his face fell into a pout and sighed too, “I know.”

I put a Band-Aid on both my heels before I stepped into the beige stilettoes that were slightly higher than my black ones, as I was pretty sure I would otherwise get blisters. Deftly, I strapped my knife to my right thigh under the dress, too bad I didn’t have room for the brass knuckles anywhere. I saw Jake tucking his gun down behind his back. After rummaging around in my backpack, I found the brass knuckles and handed them to him. He took them with a, “thanks” and put them in his pocket, they were less conspicuous than the gun if he happened to encounter one at a crowded place. 

First, I went down to the casino we had decided on starting with, we were pretending to be strangers, so Jake would be down ten to fifteen minutes after me. 

The casino wasn’t much different than the other casinos you would find in this city. I got a few bucks changed into chips before I walked around watching the different games and the shadows of the people in here, pretending to have a purpose and ended at the roulette. After a few rounds, I pulled out a chip from my bra and placed it on 27 red. I watched the roulette and the ball spinning with disinterest. It took me a couple of seconds to register what the ball had landed on after the roulette stopped spinning. 

27 red. 

I struggled to keep an unaffected face as the croupier announced it and pushed the winnings towards me with his rake. 

What were the odds of winning the first bet? Like 0.1%? The casino paid 37 to 1, and as I had placed a $1 bet I just won $37. 

Well, that was a pretty good start, I thought to myself. 

To add mystique to my appearance, I just walked away from the table after gathering my winnings. I didn’t think anyone would bite on to it, but only a few seconds after someone said, “Excuse me, miss?” behind me. It must be my lucky day. I turned around to see a handsome guy in a marine blue suit. 

“May I buy you a drink?” He smiled bashfully, but his blue eyes, highlighted by the suit, stared into mine without shying away. 

I pretended to think about it for a couple of seconds while I eyed him from his dark blonde hair and down. “I guess you may.” 

At the bar, I receive the dry martini I had asked for. Derek, as he had introduced himself as, had gotten a cognac on the rocks. I had introduced myself as Lauren. When I nipped to my martini, I got a glimpse of Jake entering the casino as my eyes raked the room in the search for missing shadows for, I don’t know which time now. My eyes quickly returned to Derek as he asked, “Do you gamble a lot? That bet was pretty lucky.” 

I let my index finger run along the edge of the cone-shaped martini glass, “I’m afraid I’ll have to disappoint you, beginners luck.” I shrugged with an apologetic smile. We continued to small talk for the next couple of minutes, I told him I was on a business trip doing some accounting but said I wouldn’t bore him with the details. Turned out he was on a business trip too, but I didn’t pay attention to what his occupation was, just pretended to listen while I continued my search for vamps. As the minutes passed, I discretely got closer and closer to him. And as I had hoped he put his hand on my lower back when I came closer, I used the opportunity to lean against him. When I finished my martini, I picked up the toothpick with the two olives, led it to my mouth, and really made sure to close my lips profoundly and slowly around the first olive while looking into his eyes as I pulled it off and chewed it. 

It worked every time, his eyes dropped to my mouth while he wetted his lips. His hand slid down from my lower back to my ass and gave it a squeeze.

I used the opportunity when I leaned closer to let my hand slip into his pocket. My fingers closed around a flat wallet and pulled it out, faking a cough I got the wallet under my dress at the side slit and under the waistband of my panties. 

“Are you okay?” He asked worriedly. 

Coughing an extra time and then clearing my throat, I reassured him I was fine now, but he got the bartender to serve me a glass of water anyway. 

“I was wondering if you would like to join me in my room?” He asked without further ado, his hand again resting on my lower back. 

“Oh, Derek, I’m sorry, but I can’t. You see… actually, it’s not me that’s on a business trip, it’s my husband. I was just down here looking for some company as he’s barely home and it’s boring just sitting around or go shopping all day.” I made a sad pout while playing with the last olive in the empty martini glass. 

“Oh, I see.” He said calmly but clearly disappointed as he withdrew his hand from my back. “I don’t see a ring?” He added, he seemed to take my refusal pretty well. 

“Nobody will buy a married woman a drink,” I answered with a sad smile. 

“That’s clever. Well, have a good night.” 

“You too.” I smiled before he left me alone at the bar. I was surprised by the fact that he took the rejection so well. Most guys got pissed or offended. I let the last olive slide into my mouth before I headed for the ladies room. In the bathroom, I opened the wallet as I locked the door of the stall behind me. Grabbing the bills and coins, I stuffed it all down in the cups of my dress before I wrapped toilet paper around the wallet and threw it into the trashcan. 

As I came out, I saw Jake leaving a blackjack table. We caught each other’s gazes for a few seconds, I couldn’t interpret his expression, I think I saw him clench his jaw, but I wasn’t sure. I pushed it aside and looked around, scanning for vampires and my next target for money. 

 

Two naive guys later, the cups of my dress were full. I was glad one of them only grabbed my ass and not my breasts, otherwise, they would have felt how much I tried to hide in there. Like the first guy, Derek, it started with a drink both times and ended almost the same way with a few variations along the way. Unfortunately, I hadn’t spotted any vamps yet. 

Walking slowly by the poker table, I caught Jake’s glance and signaled him to come find me when he had the chance. I found a secluded place of the casino and leaned against the pillar, waiting for him. 

Almost ten minutes had passed before he strolled up in front of me. I hadn’t seen him at first because I was looking the other way scanning the environment for missing shadows and suspicious behavior, it was first when he cleared his throat a couple of steps from me, I became aware of his presence.


	48. His side of things

I checked the clock. It had been thirteen minutes since Val left, I better get down there too. 

As I walked into the casino, I immediately eyed Val at the bar. Probably because I was actively looking for her. She already had a conversation going with some dude and a martini glass in her hand. Figures. 

I tore my eyes away from her and walked indecisively around, getting an overview of the different games and the people in here, but none looked suspicious. My eyes frequently looked in Val’s direction. Watched her move closer, closer, his hand resting on her lower back–

Get your hands off her! Goddammit. 

I shook my head and concentrated on what games looked promising. We needed to blend in, though it already seemed like Val was doing a perfect job at that. A little too perfect. 

Ignore her, ignore her. I had to, I could feel the black monster starting to roam inside me. Though it was hard to do so, as it felt like she did it because she knew it pissed me off. We have been through this before. She knows how I feel about it and then she goes around doing it anyways. 

I found a blackjack table that looked interesting and joined the game in the next round. I placed my bet and received my cards. My focus wasn’t completely on the game, I had to search the room for vamps, but every time my eyes swept the room, they fell on Val, to my regret. She ate one of the olives from the martini in an overly seducing manner. 

Okay, concentrate. But then I caught a movement at the corner of my eye, and I involuntarily looked up. He’s grabbing her ass! Why does she allow that?

Because she’s an infuriating redhead, that’s why. 

I pinched the bridge of my nose, I really felt like dragging her out of here, but I knew we needed the money and we needed to look for vampires. It was hard to watch other guys grope her like that, she’s mine. I wanted to state that for them, but I couldn’t without blowing our cover. It would just be too suspicious. 

Talking about being suspicious, is he really so stupid he didn’t see her sneak the wallet under her dress? Apparently. But on the other hand, perhaps I know her so well, so I know and notice all her feints. 

Okay, focus on the game. 

After a couple of minutes, it turned out my focus didn’t help much, it just seemed like it wasn’t my lucky day. I got a ‘bust,’ which means I got over 21 and then lost. The only time I was lucky I got a ‘push,’ meaning both the dealer and I had 21, but not a blackjack. So I just got my bet back but didn’t win anything. I decided to leave before I lost more money, the chips in my pocket were running low as I hadn’t much, to begin with. Though I didn’t approve of Val’s way to work things, I hoped she was doing better than me. Thinking of her made my eyes involuntarily scout for her, she wasn’t at the bar anymore, but as I searched the room partially for her and also vamps I locked gazes with her as she came out the bathroom. I didn’t try to hide my dissatisfaction with the way she apparently deemed acceptable to work, it didn’t seem to bother her as she unaffected looked away. 

Redheads… 

Again, I indecisively walked around, watching the different games, got a Jack Daniels on the rocks, tried my best to ignore what Val was doing. 

I had a feeling this just wasn’t my night. Sometimes you can just feel everything goes wrong, or everything goes right, or even in between, but this night it just all went wrong. Or at least it did at that blackjack table.

In the end, I decided for a poker game, at least I’m better at poker than blackjack, to be honest. In the beginning, I focused as much as I could on the game. Only subtly looked around now and then to try to spot missing shadows. And with everything I had, I tried not to look at Val. It was too distracting and made the black monster smolder more and more. It pissed me off. Because it was unbearable to watch one guy after the other drooling over her, touching her, groping her, and her flirting, I knew it too well. Tilting her head down, looking up through her eyelashes, shoulders back so her cleavage was really coming forward. It was unbearable to watch, but I also felt the need to keep an eye on her. Protect her. It just lies so deep in me to watch out for her. 

I could feel the black monster flaring up. Mostly, I just wanted to take her back to our room, keep her for myself. But we needed to search, we needed the money. I just praised myself lucky that it wasn’t too often we were in this type of environment. 

I tried dividing my attention between the game, scouting for vamps, and tame the black monster. She really provoked it tonight. But I was trying not to be an asshole to her. 

God, I’m trying to do a lot of things tonight. I sighed internally. It was just hard to concentrate and focus when my thoughts were continuously scattered for either one reason or the other, mostly the one reason – Val.

 

Ten minutes later, Val walked by the table I was sitting at and signaled me to find her as soon as possible. I could see there was no hurry, so I left the game after the round ended, hoping to win something, but I had to fold in the end. 

I found her standing at the back leaned against one of the many pillars in here. She was looking in the opposite direction of me, her eyes flickered back and forth in a search for something conspicuous. 

When I was a couple of steps away from her, I cleared my throat. I knew better than to sneak up on her when she was so alert. 

“You win anything?” She asked as she looked at me. 

“Not much,” Actually, I had just managed to win back what I had lost. As I said earlier, it isn’t my night. Or perhaps it was just because of the distraction standing right in front of me right now. The black monster fought a decent fight to get the possibility to say something to her, put her in her place. 

She narrowed her eyes for a fraction of a second and then dug into the cups of her silver dress and started pulling out bills, coins, and chips. “I got this,” 

When she had emptied the contents of her cups, I stuffed it in my pockets and turned my back to her. It was a matter of seconds before the black monster had won the fight. Better just walk away instead of it turning me into an asshole towards her. 

I barely heard her last sentence, something about it being enough to keep me going for a while. She clearly trusted my gambling skills. I better up my game, otherwise, all her flirting and acting like a slut would’ve been for nothing.


	49. Chapter 49

“You win anything?” 

“Not much,” He answered shortly. 

I ignored his tone of voice, “I got this,” I started emptying the contents of the cups in the dress apart from a few chips. I think there were close to 200 bucks. “It’s enough to keep you going for a while.” I let him know, but as soon as he had put it all in his pockets, he had turned around, meaning I spoke half of the sentence to his back. I rolled my eyes and continued to scout for my next target, which in a couple of minutes became clear was an older guy named Phil. He was close to forty, but that didn’t bother me as I was only out for his money and didn’t intend to sleep with him. 

Quickly, it became clear to me exactly how chatty Phil was, I had a hard time getting rid of him. When he offered me the third martini, I said I had to pass, talked about being lightheaded, praying that he wouldn’t reach for his wallet as I had already snatched it. He didn’t seem to get the hint, but luckily, he didn’t reach for his wallet either. 

Okay, time to try another strategy. “Excuse me, ladies room,” I explained and pointed towards the bathroom. I took a step, twisted my ankle on purpose – ouch! I had forgotten these heels were higher than my black ones – and sought support on his shoulder. 

“Phoebe, are you okay?” He asked and got me to stand upright. 

“I think I’m a little more lightheaded than first assumed.” I apologized. “Will you follow me to my room, please? I think I need to lie down.” 

“Of course,” He offered me his arm to lean on. On the way to the elevator, I made sure to seem as wobbly as possible and accidentally twisted my already weakened ankle for real this time.

“What floor?” He asked as we stepped into the elevator. 

“Um, fourth.” He pressed the button to the fourth floor. I hectically tried to think of a way to get rid of him as Jake had the key to our room. “On which floor is your room?” 

“Fifth,” 

“Okay, I think I got it from here. My room is right outside the elevator. It’s getting late.” I said right before the doors opened. 

“Are you sure?” He asked uncertainly. 

“Yes. Thank you for your help. Goodnight.” I released myself from his arm and stepped out of the elevator, seeking support from the wall. Turning around to wave goodbye, I saw he had pressed the button to the fifth floor. As soon as the doors closed, I lifted my dress and massaged my ankle, to my relief it wasn’t bruised. Normally, it didn’t hurt to twist my ankle on purpose in my boots or my black heels, I had used that diversion several times before, but these beige heels were too high for that maneuver. I bent it a couple of times to get the last soreness to disappear before I pressed the elevator button to get downstairs again. 

I used the toilet in the lobby to dispose of Phil’s wallet before entering the casino again. It was starting to get risky to continue in this casino, so I decided to take one or two more guys before calling it a night. The first guy, I found was named Martin. The scenario just seemed to run on repeat as with the other guys. Flirting, getting a drink, getting close, grab the wallet, get rid of them. And it was starting to bore me doing it over and over so many times in one night. Sure, it could be fun, but not in the long run. 

“Watch it!” Someone hissed in my ear as they walked past me. I turned my head and saw Jake walking away.

I internally rolled my eyes at him. Jesus Christ. I had just gotten rid of Martin and was wavering between going back to our room or take just one more. But we needed the money, so I decided to go for one more.


	50. His side of things

I went back to the poker table, as I believed it to be my best chance of making just a little money tonight. This time, I really put my focus on the cards and the other players trying to figure out their bluff. I hardly spend any time looking around for vamps, because if I looked around, my eyes would automatically seek Val, and we all know how that goes. It would also give me some time to get the black monster to cool off. 

Now that my head was really in the game, it didn’t take many rounds before I had figured most of the player’s bluffs out. But no one was as obvious as Val, she would do this little half pout, but only for a fraction of a second. 

Okay, stop thinking about her… Why do redheads have to be so infuriating? I –again– pushed her out of my head. 

The game didn’t go much better, my winnings were sparing. I had finally gotten the black monster to cool down, so I let my eyes wander through the room. I didn’t spot anything uncommon, besides Val – she was missing. But I was almost sure she was okay, she could take care of herself, and she had her knife under the dress. 

Now that she was out of sight, my eyes swept the room more frequently until I saw her enter the casino. I could feel my shoulders loosen up, which was odd, I couldn’t remember tensing up. 

It had barely been a round before I noticed she had found a new guy to lure and the black monster revived. I was sick and tired having to constantly battle it, but I just had to take one step at a time. The demons slowly disappeared, if I were lucky the monsters and beast would too. And really, I couldn’t blame those guys for falling for her act, she looked gorgeous in that dress. Like it just called out to them, like the sirens calling on the sailors making them sail into the reefs and sink the ship. The siren dress, I thought ironically. They just didn’t die, they just lost their money. 

After winning a round thought it wasn’t much, I decided to take a break, I had a harder time concentrating after seeing yet another guy grabbing her ass, though she had freed herself from the latest admirer, or victim should I say. I couldn’t understand why she would let them grope her like that, and then right in front of me. On my way to the bar, I made a small detour, leading me past her. “Watch it!” I warned close to her ear, but low enough for only her to hear as I slipped by her. 

I got another Jack Daniels on the rocks and found a quiet corner where I could observe everything while I drank it slowly. 

 

She searchingly looked around, not like when she scouted the place for vamps or other suspicious activity, but clearly looking for a specific person – me. I think it’s time for a little chat. After the last guy had grabbed her ass, the black monster was scorching, trying to wrap me in its web. And that’s why I had to talk to Val about this, it couldn’t go on like this every time we were out like this, this was the last drop. 

I took a firm hold on her arm and led her around the corner so we could talk partially in peace. 

“What the–” She exclaimed, but I cut her off. 

“How many more men do you count on luring with your _siren dress_?” It came out way more harsh and contemptuous than intended. I noticed her right hand fell from under her dress, probably after having reached for the knife. 

“Excuse me, what?” She spat back at me. 

“It’s just you’ve already scored yourself plenty of martinis besides the $750 you’ve already given me. Wonder what else you’re hiding under there,” I let my eyes obviously run down her, “besides the handprints of at least three guys that have grabbed your ass!”

Oh, I should have waited with this conversation. The black monster didn’t have full control over me, but it had enough. And I had clearly startled her, otherwise, she wouldn’t have reached for her knife. I felt bad, but I just couldn’t stop. 

“Goddammit, Jake! We need money to blend in and we both know I’ve got a sleight of hand you don’t. This is my way to work things, and it clearly pays off.” She took a more defensive posture. 

“Oh, believe me, I know,” I said bitingly. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She inquired half confused, half offended.

It’s supposed to mean that before, you didn’t stop at only hamstring their money and booze. I know exactly how effective your ‘way to work things’ is. And maybe it was fine when you were single, but you’re _not_ single anymore. “Nothing,” I mumbled instead. I didn’t want to take this fight here. 

“Yeah, right.” She scoffed sarcastically before I could say something, she continued in a demanding tone, “Give me the keys.”

“Why?” I demanded to know before I gave them to her. 

“I said give me the keys! I’m going back to our room.” She said caustically, and before I could do anything, she had turned her back on me and walked towards the elevators. 

“Bitch,” I grumbled to myself. She had no right to be pissed. I bet she wouldn’t like it if it was the other way around.


	51. Chapter 51

“I said give me the keys! I’m going back to our room.” I sneered, turned around, and marched towards the exit before he had a chance to respond. I was getting tired of going through this every time, tired of his attitude. It was this way or break in’s, I couldn’t play poker, blackjack or what else he played as well as him, and would only lose more money that I would win if I tried. We had different ways to work things, and it hadn’t been a problem before, so why was he making such a big deal out of it? Didn’t he trust me? I would never cheat on him. 

It hit me like a fist. He didn’t trust me? I don’t think he did, why else would he act like that? For God’s sake, he knew me. 

I was still fuming when I reached our room. Fuming because he acted like this every time and because he apparently didn’t trust me. As I closed the door, I locked it too. I had our key, and now he could get some time to think about it. But by the time I had undressed and removed my makeup, I had cooled down and felt bad about the fact that I had locked him out, though he was still down at the casino so he wouldn’t know. I unlocked the door before I crawled into bed. Jake still hadn’t returned by the time I fell asleep.


	52. His side of things

I walked up to the bar. When the bartender asked what I would like to drink, I changed my answer from Jack Daniels to water. I have already had two, I better stop before it ends like last time I resorted to alcohol after a fight with Val. 

While I drank the water, I pondered on how to make her understand how I felt about it, because I obviously have wording difficulties as she continues to do it. But as I cooled down, I noticed something else. I controlled myself enough tonight to not drag her out of here. That was actually an improvement. I had been too worked up to see it, but the other times it has happened she had only flirted with one guy, tonight she had flirted with several right in front of me, and not once, I lost my temper and dragged her out of here. She still pissed me off, made the black monster come forward when she did it, but it was clearly better. _I_ was better. It was a slow progress, so slow, I barely noticed it, but when I looked back, I could clearly see the difference. The dot at the end of the dark tunnel seemed bigger. 

Finishing the last of the water, I headed back to our room. As I stood in front of the door with a hand on the door handle, I hesitated for a moment. I hope she hasn’t locked it because she’s pissed at me. Though it’s me that have the reason to be pissed. Holding my breath, I pressed down the door handle, it clicked, and the door opened. 

Phew. 

The room was dark, she was already lying in bed. I wasn’t sure if she was asleep so I didn’t say anything, and just undressed in the darkness. When I laid down, I could clearly hear by her breathing that she was already asleep. I watched her for a couple of seconds. She was lying on her stomach, her arms on each side of her head that was turned towards me. She’s so beautiful, but God, she can be infuriating. Redheads…


	53. Chapter 53

I didn’t know if I woke because of the queasiness or not, but it was clearly there, and I rushed to the bathroom. This time something came up, but on the other hand, I have had a lot more to drink last night than the other times. God, why the fuck did I drink last night? I had totally forgotten what the last times had done to me. How could I be so fucking stupid and forget that? 

When I finally pulled my head out of the toilet, I brushed my teeth. The nausea wasn’t completely gone, but I hoped some breakfast could help with that. 

“Too many martinis last night?” Jake taunted as I came out of the bathroom again. I had run so fast to the bathroom, I hadn’t noticed if he was up or not, but he was sitting at the small white table, the laptop almost took up the whole space. 

“Stop it,” I said in a stern voice. So shortly after I woke up, I couldn’t and wouldn’t handle this attitude of his. I had enough of that last night. 

He held his hands up in surrender, but his face showed disdain before he returned his attention to the laptop. He seemed surprised by my tone, but at least he let it go and let me be.

I poured the muesli and milk in a bowl, sat down on the bed, and started to eat while I flipped through the channels on the TV. 

After finishing my breakfast, which to my relief had removed the queasiness, and doing my morning routine, I let Jake know I was going to the gym, he decided to go with me. Now his mocking and dissatisfied attitude had turned into sulking instead. Internally, I rolled my eyes at him, but let him go with me, as we wouldn’t be near each other at the gym anyway. 

To my surprise, I could actually run a couple of more minutes than yesterday. After stretching out, I returned to our room and took a shower. It was like the running water cleared my thoughts, so instead of being annoyed by how things between Jake and me went yesterday, I decided to talk to him about it. 

I was putting on my clothes when Jake came back. He was sweaty, and the tendons and blood vessels on his arms stood out clearly after his workout. Shortly, he glanced at me before walking to the bathroom without saying anything. 

When I was fully dressed in top and skirt, I sat down on one of the white chairs at the small white table and waited for him to be done. We needed to talk about it. Otherwise, I was sure things were going to explode when we were out tonight if we just ignored it. And I really didn’t like it when he got so pissed he dragged me out of the place. 

“We need to talk about this,” I said when he had gotten dressed. 

He let a hand run through his hair he hadn’t styled yet, “Yeah,” he simply said, then sat down across from me with his arms crossed. 

A couple of seconds of only looking at each other, it became clear he didn’t have any intention of going first. “My way of working things have never been a problem before, so why is it now?” I asked calmly. 

“Are you serious right now?” He asked with a hint of disbelieve while his eyes watched me under the pulled down eyebrows. 

“I’m just trying to understand.” I shrugged. 

“Then understand this: you’re _not_ single anymore.” 

“I know, but what does that have to do with anything?” 

He sighed with a pretend resigned gesture like I was mentally disabled and couldn’t understand a word he was saying. “How do you think it is for me to see you acting like a slut and–”  
“I’m not acting like a slut!” I interrupted offended. 

“Yes, you are!” He yelled back.

“I am not–” 

“Shut up and let me finish!” He slammed his fist on the table. I glared at him and crossed my arms with a scoff. 

He waited a couple of seconds to see if I would keep quiet, and then continued in a lower voice, “How do you think it is for me to see you act like that? Flirting, and let them feel you up, and all that?” The forced calmness got replaced with powerlessness throughout the sentence. 

“It’s my way of working things. I know I’m not single anymore, but you have to admit this works. So what, I let them grab my ass, it pays off. I can’t gamble or hustle people like you can.” I explained serenely. 

He clenched his jaw and unclenched it a couple of times like he was tasting my words and looked thoughtfully at me. When he finally spoke, his words surprised me, “How would you feel if it was the other way around?” He asked quietly. 

Wanting to give him an honest answer, I thought about it for a few seconds. “I wouldn’t like it, but if it were the way that would pay off the most, then I would allow it.” 

“Really?” He sounded unsure. 

“Yeah, I think so. I trust that you do what you have to do because it’s part of the job and has nothing to do with being unfaithful or anything.” I was relieved I got a chance to bring it up because I really felt like he didn’t trust me when it came to this. 

“This has nothing to do with cheating, Val. It’s just… it’s hard to look at.” He shrugged, he looked like he wanted to say more, but didn’t know how to get it out. 

I wondered if another approach would help, “It’s not like I like the way they look at me, and I certainly don’t like them grabbing my ass. That’s your job.” I smiled at him, hoping to lighten his mood. “But it’s the most effective way, and that’s why I do it because it pays off, and we need money. Right now we need as much as we can get so we can pay back Kevin.” I hoped this would put an end to this argument. Honestly, I didn’t care how they looked at me or if they touched my ass or boobs, it was just nothing to me, and I couldn’t care less, over the years it had just become part of my job. “And in the end, you’re always the one that gets to take me home with you.” 

He sighed deeply, but I noticed his shoulders weren’t tense anymore. His hands ran over his face and through his hair. “But I don’t think it makes it easier to watch. Can’t you just snatch their wallets while bumping into them or something like that?”

“I’m not that good.” I instantly admitted. 

“Maybe you should practice.” He suggested. 

“Okay, how about this: I’ll try to tone it down?” He scrutinized my face for what felt like several minutes. “And practice snatching their wallets while bumping into them?” I continued uncertainly, the longer he stared at me, the more uncomfortable I became. 

“Okay, deal.” He finally said with a nod. 

“Good.” I breathed a sigh of relief. Good, we could reach an understanding. Otherwise, it would be some really uncomfortable days here in Las Vegas. 

Jake walked over to me, captured my face between his hands and kissed me deeply. My right hand found his neck. As our lips detached, he whispered with a smirk, “One more, you owe me a goodnight kiss.” And our lips met again, he let out a small moan and so did I. “You’re mine, even though you’re sometimes infuriating.” He said as he placed a small kiss on the tip of my nose before letting me go. 

It had been pretty late before we got to bed and therefore late when we woke up, so it was almost dinnertime. The hotel had a restaurant, but we couldn’t risk going there as we tonight would search one of the three bars that were also a part of the hotel. So we found a diner instead. We agreed to take one bar per night until we had been through all three of the ones in our hotel. 

 

When we came back to the hotel, we watched some TV shows until it was time to get ready. I applied the same makeup as yesterday, slipped in the platinum sequin dress and the beige stilettoes. Again, I strapped my knife to my right thigh. Today, Jake was the one who went down first. Sitting on the bed, I examined my nails until it was time for me to get down too. 

The place was semi-crowded, my eyes instantly started searching for targets and missing shadows. But then I hesitated. How exactly was I going to pull off the ‘toning down’ part? I started with ordering a glass of water at the bar, this morning’s nausea was still too fresh in my memory. As I drank the water, I tried to come up with some sort of plan, but my mind felt inflexible. I had done this for so many years, perhaps I wasn’t very creative. 

Halfway through my glass of water, I noticed three guys talking to each other. I could hear they were talking about cars. 

The tall blonde guy mentioned a Maserati. A short chubby guy with brown hair talked about a Ferrari and the last guy, who looked like he had Asian roots, his height was in between the two other guys, talked about a Nissan Skyline with a lot of additional equipment. 

Well, maybe this could be an approach. I had nothing to lose anyway. “What about some old-fashioned American muscles?” I suggested. The three guys turned around and looked surprised at me, but they didn’t say anything at first, so I went on, “I have a 73’ Chevy Monte Carlo, 145 HP, 5.7 l. Turbo-fire V8. When you step on the pedal, she roars like a tiger beneath you.” 

“You know your car.” The tall blonde finally said impressed. 

“Yeah, most girls only care about the color.” The chubby one laughed. 

And by that, I had found my new approach. They offered to buy me something to drink, and to my regret, I said yes. I had to blend in. 

During the night, I threw the ladylike behavior aside. Asked for beers instead of fancy drinks, burped, and excused myself in a way that let them know I wasn’t sorry at all. Basically acting like one of the dudes. I even threw off my stilettoes and danced with one of them. 

One of the cover stories I told was that my family threw some party where I had ditched them, and it was my mother that had made me wear this, normally, I only wore jeans, which wasn’t a complete lie. Another one was that I had run from my own engagement party and had called off the wedding. When someone tried to make a move, I had to disappoint them and say I was a lesbian, hence why I ran from the wedding my mom had arranged with a guy. But I had a good time and talked really well with the different guys I came across. Even though I didn’t flirt, I did come close enough to steal from them, it just took a little while longer compared to when I was flirting, and it wasn’t everyone I got. Now and then, I excused myself to go to the bathroom and found Jake instead to give him what I had stolen. 

Maybe this was the way to go, the other way was just more natural to me, but now I could see that my way wasn’t necessarily the only way, though it was faster. I couldn’t understand why I hadn’t looked at it this way the other times Jake had let me know it bothered him. 

Now and then, I would bump into some people on my way to or from the toilets, acting drunker than I was so I could seek support on them and try to get their wallet. The first five times, I didn’t have any luck, but the sixth time, I got a hold of it, but couldn’t get it out of the pocket without him noticing. It wasn’t a success, but it was an improvement. 

So far, Jake hadn’t looked disapprovingly at me or given me any warnings. And to be honest, this was way more fun. 

Finally, after, I don’t know how long, I got a break. The last two guys I had talked to had just left. I sat down at the bar and got a glass of water. Now, that I sat still, I noticed I was slightly dizzy and the queasiness had returned. I rested my forehead in my hands and sighed, I hoped a couple of glasses of water could help. Already, I dreaded tomorrow. 

“Rough night?” Someone asked next to me. I looked up and saw a guy, not much older than me, with brown hair and blue eyes. He was wearing jeans, a gray shirt, and a leather jacket. 

“I ran out of my engagement party,” I said like it was a major confession and I didn’t really know what to do. 

“Wow,” He whistled and made big eyes. 

“Yeah.” I sighed. 

“So, do you need a drink and a shoulder to cry on?” 

His offer made me laugh. “Yes, please. A beer, please. Maybe the crying will come later.” 

“One beer coming up,” He smiled, and ordered one for himself as well. When he pulled out his wallet to pay for our drinks, I glanced at it without him noticing, and I had to prevent my jaw from falling open. He had _a lot_ of bills in it. My eyes followed the wallet as he put it in the right back pocket of his jeans. Now that I took a closer look at him, I noticed his clothes were definitely designer even though it was casual, and the watch on his wrist was a simple Patek Philippe, it looked like it was one of the ‘cheap’ ones, meaning it was worth around $30-45.000. If I remember correctly, the most expensive ones were where you could either see the clockwork or it was studded with diamonds. 

I simply couldn’t let him slip away, that kind of money was too good. The flirting always worked, but ‘playing one of the dudes’ as I had done the whole night was only 70% effective. The flirting was at least 95% effective. 

_Okay. Jake, I’m sorry, but I have to do this._ I silently said to myself. I just had to hope he wouldn’t see it, and if he did that he would understand it. 

“So, what was wrong with the guy you ran out on?” He asked with a twinkle in his eyes. 

“Oh, you know, I’m the black sheep of the family, and they deemed it necessary for me to find a husband. So when I didn’t find one myself in a ridiculously short time, the rich family found an appropriate suitor, whom I don’t love. And he’s bad in bed.” I answered honestly, but with a huge sense of humor. 

“Wow, what a mouthful.” He chuckled. “Um, I didn’t get your name? Unless you prefer ‘Black Sheep’?”

“Megan McCarty.” I chuckled. 

“Dylan Braxton.” He held out his hand, and when I took it to shake it, he led it to his mouth and placed a kiss on the back of my hand. I pretended to be shy with a giggle. 

“So tell me, I think I’ve heard that last name of yours before?” He continued. 

“Oh, yeah, probably. It originates from Ireland, but my line of the family is from North America. Florence McCarthy, the prince of Ireland in 1500-1600 is my great-great-great-many-times-great-uncle actually.” I said it like it was something I said every other day. 

As we talked, I really turned up for the flirting, though I felt guilty now when I had promised Jake to tone it down. But I actually connected pretty well with Dylan. If I hadn’t been with Jake, I had definitely gone for it because then I would have had a chance of getting a hold of that watch as well. But by just flirting there was no chance of me getting my fingers on it, I would just have to do with his wallet, which anyway was more than enough. 

After the first beer, I asked if we should switch to something stronger. I needed to get him drunk to get the wallet from his pants. He ordered a bottle of Louis Royer XO Cognac, it cost almost $180. When he asked my opinion, I pretended to like it, but really, I thought it only tasted like smoked wood and it burned in my throat. 

After the first two, I only nipped to my glass, but eagerly poured him one after another, while also pretending to pour my own. I kept my hand around my glass so he wouldn’t notice it was constantly full. Along the way, we were suddenly discussing ‘what kind of man’ he was, boobs or ass, which I found seriously odd, but it turned out he was an ass guy. He asked me what kind of girl I was, and when I looked perplexed, he elaborated and asked if I was into abs, arms, packs, ass. I grabbed onto the chance and said ass as well. 

“If you let me touch yours, I’ll let you touch mine.” His speech was quite slurred at this point, but this was a much better opportunity than I had hoped for. 

“Okay, you got it.” Jumping down from the leather stool, I turned my backside towards him. He gave me a hard slap and then squeezed my ass firmly for a few seconds. I actually didn’t like it, or perhaps it was because of my promise to Jake. “Okay, my turn,” I said with a fake smile, turned around and looked awaiting at him. With a raised eyebrow, he turned around. I gave him a smack on top of his wallet, then my hand slipped into the back pocket and squeezed his ass as he had just squeezed mine. When I withdrew my hand from his back pocket, I pulled the wallet out with it. Simultaneously, I grabbed onto his arm, so we both lost balance and tumbled a few steps to the side, while I slipped his wallet under my dress. “Oh, maybe we should get you back to your room.” I chuckled.

“I think that sounds like a good idea.” He agreed in a snicker. 

I put my arm under his and led us to the elevator. “What floor?” I asked as we stepped inside. 

“Tenth.” 

On the way up, he babbled on about how much fun we have had and leaned closer to me in a way that showed he wanted to kiss me. I held my face out of reach. He told me what his room number was and I quickly found it. In a fake giggle, I asked where his keys were. He pointed to the left pocket of his leather jacket. Fishing out the keys, I dropped them on purpose and then struggled to find the keyhole. I was slightly drunk, but I had to act like I had drunk as much of that cognac as he thought I had. As I handed back his keys, I pushed him inside. “Well, goodnight. Thanks for the cheering up.” 

“No, wait. Don’t you wanna come inside?” He instantly asked and sought support on the doorframe. 

“Dylan,” I paused like I was confessing some big secret. “Another reason why I ran out of that wedding is that… well, I… I play for the other team, that’s also why I couldn’t go through with it.” I shrugged. 

“What? No, no, that’s not right. You’ve been coming on to me all night.” He said confusedly and made some overacted gestures, probably because he was so drunk. 

“No, you must’ve misunderstood something, I was just having a good time,” I said apologetically with another small shrug. He looked up and down me a couple of times, I had crossed my arms to signal a closed body language and had found a disinterested look, unlike the one I had been sending him all night. 

“What a tease.” He grumbled and slammed the door in my face. 

Phew, finally I got rid of him. I hurried down the hall towards the elevator, hoping he wouldn’t notice his wallet was missing before tomorrow. As I pushed the elevator button, I could see it was already going up. It reached my floor and the doors opened. I was about to enter it when I looked up and stopped dead in my tracks, it wasn’t empty. 

Jake stared at me with an unfathomable expression. I was about to ask him what he was doing here, but I had only opened my mouth when he spoke, “Acting like a whore again, are we?” He asked in an acidic tone. 

“It’s not what it looks like. If you would just listen–” I pleaded, but he cut me off by grabbing my arm and pulled me into the elevator. 

“You act like a whore – do you want me to take you like one, so you can get it out of your system?” His voice was harsh but low as he pressed me against the wall beside the doors with his body. 

I could see how furious he was with me, but his eyes weren’t only darkened by fury. There was something incredibly dirty over him and his words, but I had a nagging feeling this wasn’t a good idea. “No.” But then I sighed, my body wouldn’t cooperate with me, not when he radiated so strongly with dirty promises. It was a direct line to my lower abdomen. “Yes.” I moaned as I changed my answer. 

As soon as the ding that indicated the doors closing sounded, he kneeled in front of me and ripped my panties down. I clumsily stepped out of them. As he tore them off me, Dylan’s wallet dropped on the floor, he picked it up and put it in his pocket without looking at it while I wiped some spit between my legs. 

He straightened up, grabbed my right thigh under the shaft of the knife, and lifted my leg up around his waist, his hand didn’t let go of my thigh. Now that he had a hold of me, he took a step back and yanked me with him by my thigh. Only my shoulder blades rested against the wall now, and I sought support on his shoulders, as it was only the toes of my left foot that had contact with the floor. 

With his right hand, he hammered the ‘stop’ button down, making the elevator give a bump, as it had just started moving before he guided himself into me and then grabbed onto a fistful of my hair. Violently he attacked my lips as he started to thrust hard and merciless into me. His lips and tongue silenced my lustful cries while he grunted into the kiss and panted heavily out his nose and in between our kisses. 

His hand in my hair tightened its grip, he kissed me so hard, I knew my lips were going to be red, as he fought to thrust harder and deeper into me. It actually started to hurt, but there was something astonishingly needy and kinky to it. 

It had barely been two minutes when he gave me three hard thrusts, I could feel fluctuate through my whole body, where he came and released inside me, he bit my lower lip so hard I let out a whimper that drowned in his next tigerishly kiss where I tasted blood. He suddenly detached his lips from mine and looked down at me with dark eyes. His jaw was clenched, and his upper lip was raised ever so slightly in what looked like contempt, which I couldn’t figure out why. Normally sex loosened up for his anger, but this time it almost seemed like it had amplified it. 

It didn’t make any sense to me. I tried to lean forward to meet his lips, but his hand in my hair kept my head in place. 

He pulled himself out, removed my right leg from around his waist so brutally I stumbled back against the wall, and then he let completely go of me. With his right hand, he pulled the ‘stop’ button out again before closing his pants while I stood breathless, trying to catch my breath and figure out what the hell was wrong because something was clearly off about him. The elevator gave another bump and started moving again. 

Out of his pocket, he pulled my panties, I hadn’t noticed what he had done with them until now. As he was done closing his pants, he grabbed my jaw, making my lips pout, and planted one harsh kiss on my lips and whispered, “Thanks for the fuck.” In the most derogatory voice, I had ever heard from him and stuffed my panties and something else down my cleavage just as the elevator doors dinged. He let go of my jaw and walked through the open doors without looking at me. Leaving me aghast with my jaw hanging open as I stared at his back as he walked away from me. He didn’t look back at me. For a couple of moments, I was too appalled to even move.

I can’t believe he just did that, I thought shocked. 

I pulled my panties out from my cleavage and saw it was a $20 bill he had stuffed down with them. 

I can’t believe he just did that! I thought again, but now with tears in my eyes.


	54. His side of things

I hadn’t even reached the bar before the guilt overwhelmed me. This wasn’t like the normal guilt, it was too tangible. It was forming into a demon. 

Remember she’s the one that acts like a fucking slut, and what happened in the elevator – I only gave her what she wanted. I asked her, and she said yes. The black monster was convincing me that giving her a lesson like that was what she needed. But the black monster and the beast teaming up was really a bad cocktail. 

Something else told me that what had just happened wasn’t okay. But I had tried to talk to her, even if she hadn’t brought it up earlier, I would have brought it up before we had to go to work. Clearly, she couldn’t abstain from acting like that, and I wouldn’t put up with it. I had now and then watched her during the night, and she did just fine without flirting, and it didn’t bother me. And she had so far, given me almost as much as yesterday, though I hadn’t looked in the wallet that fell to the floor when I ripped off her red lace panties. 

I sighed, pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and index finger; I had stopped and leaned against a wall at the entrance to the bar. The guilt just grew and grew in my chest. Maybe I went around this the wrong way. I couldn’t talk sense into her, she wouldn’t listen. Perhaps I should try something else. 

Yes. The black monster and the powerlessness-demon backed up on the idea that was forming in my head. 

I shouldn’t listen to them. But perhaps it could make her see things from my side. And I had to do something. Just something to get away from the guilt. It hadn’t been this bad in a long time, and I just wanted to escape it. I couldn’t stand it. 

I took a deep breath, tried the best I could to shake it off me, walked into the bar, and looked around. To the right, I spotted what I was looking for and walked up to her, a blonde with light green eyes wearing a light purple dress. Really short, ended at the upper part of her thighs, deep cleavage, sky-high heels, definitely an easy flirt. “Waiting for someone?” 

She eyed me from head to toe before she answered, I could see she hesitated for a few moments. I tried to push everything aside and sent her as dashing a smile as I could. She mumbled something about the seat wasn’t taken, so I sat down. After a few exchanges of sentences, I found out her name was Rachel, I told her my name was Jason. 

It didn’t take long to find out that she had nothing memorable to offer at all. She had her looks, but that was it, the rest was just a dumb shell. It was a forgettable conversation, I made some puns, some fake compliments, turned up my charm, laughed at her jokes, but the more I looked at her, the more I realized the color of her eyes were too weak and transparent compared to Val’s prominent emerald green ones. Val’s were much more radiant and alive. Rachel’s green eyes just looked withered. The longer I looked at her and listened to her, the more annoying I found her. But at least the guilt had been cooled by doing this.


	55. Too much is too much

Quickly, I hid the panties in my fist and hurried to the bathroom. I reached a stall, got a hold of some toilet paper, and dapped my eyes before the tears would brim over and ruin my makeup. 

Fucking asshole! If he would just have listened to me and let me explain. There was no need for him to be this mean– no, it wasn’t just mean, it was malicious of him to do this. It was uncalled for. 

How could he do that? That question kept swirling in my mind. I felt so used, not as bad as the bruise on the cheekbone, but more like I was just an object he could cast aside now that he was done with me. Normally, there were tender kissing, embraces, and cuddling afterward, sometimes a change in his mood, but what he had just done was so cold and malicious, he had crossed the line. And I wasn’t going to put up with it. 

Slowly, I got a hold of myself, put on my panties, and stepped out of the stall. For every step, I could feel how sore I was between my legs. It had happened so quickly I didn’t have a chance to get wet, and with his hard and fast thrusting into me, the spit wasn’t enough. But it was bearable and no way near as bad as it was when I got the bruise on the cheekbone. 

In the mirror, I saw that my eyes were still slightly red. I pulled my tender lower lip down to examine the damage, it had stopped bleeding. Luckily, I was alone in here right now. 

Why didn’t I listen to my intuition when I had a feeling about saying yes was a really bad idea? A really fucking bad idea. But I knew the answer, I had a really hard time saying no to him. Okay, I was good enough at saying no when he hurt me more than I could handle physically, but this time, he didn’t. He hurt me emotionally this time, and I didn’t know how to say no to that apparently. And it was completely unexpected, he took me by surprise and overwhelmed me not only with his fury but also his dirtiness. 

The tears had given me a headache, and I decided to go in and get a glass of water or two while I mentally braced myself before finding Jake. 

 

My glass was half-full when I finally looked around at the bar for him. At first, I couldn’t spot him, but when I let my eyes swipe the place again, I saw him throwing his head back with a laugh after a blonde woman apparently had whispered something funny in his ear, hence why I couldn’t spot him at first. I observed them with a watchful gaze. A minute later, it became clear to me that he was flirting heavily with her. I knew his flirting just as well as he knew mine. That smile and gleam in the eyes. The way he laughed with a crooked smile, showing off his straight white teeth. Tilting his head down and look up through his lashes with a confident smirk, let his hand run through his hair. 

What the fuck was he doing? First the elevator thing and now this? 

I couldn’t decide if I should go over there or just leave. On one hand, I wanted to tell him that what happened in the elevator was far from okay and ask him what the fuck he was doing right now, but on the other hand, I wanted some space from him. For now, I decided to drink the glass of water I had just gotten refilled. 

Now his hand rested on her thigh right where her dress ended, which was pretty far up her thigh. By the look of her, she had upped her flirting game. Her hand touched his shoulder when he made her laugh. Like yesterday, he wasn’t wearing any tie, the first couple of buttons of his white shirt were open, now and then giving a peek of his claw tattoo. His semi-faux hawk was slightly sideways, which he normally didn’t have, probably because he had let his hands run through it so many times. Then her index finger ran over his chest, hooked onto his open-necked shirt, and pulled it slightly down revealing more of his claw tattoo. She leaned forward to take a closer look, at least he turned his head to the side, but then she started kissing the left side of his neck. 

The anger instantly rose in me. Suddenly Jake looked directly at me, he tilted his head back to give the blonde better access. His smile was almost a sneer, and his eyes were full of taunt as he looked at me for a couple more seconds. 

Now it was my turn to be furious. That was the last drop! His intention with this blonde was only to mock me and piss me off.


	56. His side of things

At some point, I noticed Val entered the bar, but she didn’t look in my direction. With the way she aimed at the bar, I doubted she even knew I was here. A couple of minutes later, I saw her looking at us from the corner of my eye. Good. Now I was gonna give her a taste of her own medicine and see how she’s gonna like that. I put my hand on Rachel’s thigh and in return, she put hers on my shoulder, I felt a need to remove it. I got a whiff of her perfume, it smelled too strongly of vanilla. Too sweet. 

Her finger swiped over my chest down to my open shirt, pulled it, and leaned closer. Something about she wanted to see my tattoo. When she got even closer, I by reflex turned my left side towards her. Her lips touched my skin, and I felt an overwhelming need to push her away. This close, her vanilla perfume was sickeningly sweet. 

I glanced at Val and saw she was looking, she looked pissed. Now she gets to know how I feel when she flirts around and let guys grope her. To give Rachel better access, but mostly to piss off Val, I leaned my head back. I sent her a look and a smile that said, ‘see, now it isn’t so fun anymore when you’re the one watching instead of doing the slutty work.’ 

Her mouth fell open with an outraged expression. My smile became wider, perhaps this would make her understand how I feel when it doesn’t help to talk to her and tell her. After a few seconds, my eyes dropped from hers, I think I’ve mocked her enough now and made my point. 

Only seconds later, a swirl of red and silver suddenly stood between Rachel and me. “That’s enough! I know what you’re trying to do.” Val bristled. 

Well, I’m glad I made my point. And somehow, it satisfied me that I pushed it so far she felt the need to pull us apart. 

“Who is she?” Rachel asked. 

“The one that’s gonna kick your ass if you don’t shut up!” Val turned to her and sneered. 

Okay, that’s enough, if you wanna be pissed, be pissed at me, she’s nothing but a prop in this. “Val–” I said firmly, but Rachel interrupted me. 

“You know her?” 

Just shut up. 

“I’ve had enough of you, you fucking asshole. You’ve crossed _several_ lines tonight, and if you don’t stop right now you’re gonna sleep in the hall tonight!” Val angrily spat in my face. 

Oh, shit. The guilt came forward and pushed everything else aside and became the most prominent feeling. In seconds, the only feeling. I just wanted her to see things from my perspective and listen when I tell her something. I was about to open my mouth and say that perhaps we should go back to our room and talk about this, but again fucking Rachel said something. “What is she talki–” 

Can’t you just stay out of this?

“I said shut the fuck up, you blonde bimbo!” Val shouted in her face. 

“Val–” Please listen. I felt how I slowly grew smaller and smaller under her angry gaze. It reminded me of the time when I told her I liked to cause her pain and it made the words stuck in my throat. 

“Don’t ‘Val’ me, I’m so fucking mad at you right now!” She gave me a push on my shoulder. Her tone was almost on the verge of yelling again. 

You don’t say, I think I got the point that you’re mad right now. 

“What are you–” I started when she without warning, began pulling and roaming in my pockets. 

“Looking for the fucking key!” She sneered. “By the way, what a nice shade of whore-pink you’re wearing.” She derided when she stood with the key in her hand and pointed at my neck. Then she turned on her heels and ran out of the bar. 

“Jason, what the–” Rachel said with a shocked face.

“You just shut up,” I grumbled before I got up and ran after her. But when I reached the elevator, the doors were closing, and I got one last look at her angry green eyes that hit me like a whiplash. 

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, I thought resignedly, let a hand run through my hair, and pressed the button to the elevator. 

That was really great. I felt the guilt spread in me like poison. Infecting everything on its way. Why did I fuck her like that in the elevator? 

Because she was acting like a fucking whore, so you gave her what she wanted. She said yes, remember?

But still. I think I went overboard. If I hadn’t taken her like that in the elevator, perhaps the stunt with Rachel had worked as it should. Now the whole thing totally backfired and exploded in my face. 

Why am I such an asshole to her? It was going okay until last night, but then today – or technically yesterday as it’s over midnight – we had that talk, and I thought we understood each other and had reached an agreement. But apparently, I was wrong. In the end, she acted like a slut anyway even though I had several times told her how the fuck I feel about it. 

Doesn’t she care? 

But now when it’s the other way around she just explodes like a freaking volcano. 

The elevator finally stopped at the fourth floor, and I walked down the hallway towards our room.


	57. Chapter 57

“By the way, what a nice shade of whore-pink you’re wearing.” I spat sarcastically and gestured to his neck where I just eyed that he had some lipstick. Before he could say or do anything, I turned around and ran as fast as I could in these stilettoes to the elevator. To my luck, it was down in the lobby, and the doors were open, I hammered the fourth-floor button continuously until the doors closed. Right before they did, I got a glimpse of Jake running towards me. 

“Asshole, asshole, asshole,” I grumbled and pulled my hair until the doors opened on the fourth floor. With the key ready, I ran down the hall, in my hurry, it took a couple of seconds longer to open the door, but when it finally did, I slammed it behind me and locked it. Panting with rage, I leaned against the door. As I caught my breath, I sank down in a sitting position against it and hid my face in my hands. A peek at the clock told me it was 3:36 in the morning.


	58. Chapter 58

I heard steps outside the door and prayed that it wasn’t Jake, but then the door handle was pressed down. 

“Val?” His tone was quiet and slightly muffled through the door. “Val, will you please open the door?” 

“No.” I firmly said after ignoring him for several seconds, I heard him sigh. 

“Why not?” He asked, still talking in that low and quiet voice. 

Well, at least he sounded sorry about what he had done. “Because you’re a fucking asshole,” I stated. 

“I know, okay? Will you please let me in?” He begged. 

“What part of ‘no’ don’t you understand?” My voice was raised. I was still mad at him, so mad, I thought I would punch him if I let him in. “Asshole!” I added a few moments later. 

“I know, okay!” Now he raised his voice too. 

This time, I didn’t react. Apparently, he couldn’t understand a ‘no.’ I needed time to cool off, I needed air. I could go for a walk, but then I would have to go past him, and I wouldn’t risk that. And suddenly, I was so tired. Both physically and mentally. It had been a long night, I had a headache, I could feel my lower lip had started to swell, and I was sore between my legs. 

Over the next fifteen minutes, Jake came with one plea after the other for me to let him in. “Please, let me in. Val. Come on, Val. Please, open the door. Are you still there?” And so on. 

Why wouldn’t he just shut the fuck up? I didn’t want to hear it. I just wanted some space from him to cool off. Maybe sleep on it and then talk about it tomorrow. 

“I’m sorry.” He finally said. 

Now I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. “For what? Fucking me like I was a whore or being one yourself?” I yelled in a mocking tone. 

“You wouldn’t listen! You wouldn’t listen when I told you that I didn’t like you acting that way, and then you go ahead and do it anyway when I thought we had an understanding.” He accused in a raised voice. Seemed like I finally sparked his temper. 

“ _I_ wouldn’t listen? Ha! Well, who wouldn’t listen when I tried to tell you how it was in the elevator? It sure wasn’t you, asshole!” I hit the door when I said ‘asshole’ to underline it. 

I heard him exclaim what sounded most like half a scoff and half a sigh. 

“You should be the one to talk about not listening. You’re the crappiest listener I know!” I yelled to get my frustration out. The anger was so strong, I was on the verge of crying that was how upset I was. 

Instead of an answer, I both heard and felt him hit the door. Really mature. But then it sounded like he leaned against it and, as me, slid down into a sitting position. Well, he could sit there all night for all I cared. 

After that, he didn’t say anything for a long time. The silence was good for my head and definitely also my blood pressure as I could feel the anger began to cool it. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the door while I massaged my right temple. 

“I’m listening now.” He suddenly said and broke the silence, though his voice was so low I could only just make out the words. 

I had almost dozed off, but my eyes flew open. “Check the wallet.” I simply responded. 

“Why?” He asked perplexed. 

“Check the fucking wallet you picked up in the elevator.” I hissed. I heard a sigh, then he moved around, letting me know he did as I said. For several minutes, I didn’t hear anything. In the end, I asked, “How much is there?” In a neutral tone. 

“Over one grand.” He sighed. 

“Exactly. That’s why I couldn’t let him get away. I had to do it. And now that we’re being so fucking honest to each other, I didn’t like the way he grabbed my ass!” I yelled the last part hysterically and punched the carpet with my fists. 

“Okay! You’ve made your point! I’m sorry.” He responded in a firm voice. 

“You just have to learn how to control your jealousy!” 

“Oh, you should be the one talking about being jealous. Who was it that interfered with who, huh?” He retorted. 

On some level, he was right, but those two things weren’t the same. “It was not the same thing! I flirted because I had to, you only did it to get back at me. And maybe you should start wearing that whore-pink lipstick on a daily basis because it really suits you!” 

“Goddammit! You think it’s easy for me to watch you prance around like that? I thought we had an agreement about you toning it down, but all I saw was you going way overboard with him. Flirting with that girl was only to try and make you see how I feel!”

“Then what the fuck was that in the elevator about? And if you would’ve listened before fucking me like I was a fucking Lolita doll you would have known exactly why I did it!” My temper was boiling again. But on some level, I could see what he had tried to do. The problem was that if he had listened to me from the beginning, then there had been no need for him to do that to get his point through. And I still couldn’t figure out the whole deal about what happened in the elevator, it didn’t fit in at all. 

When he spoke again his voice was low, “You wanna hear the truth?”

“No, I want you to lie to me. Of course, I want the truth, dumbass!” I snapped. What kind of question was that? 

He talked so quietly, I could only hear a mumble, I couldn’t make out the words. A part of me had a feeling he was confessing something, but the other part was still pissed. “What? I can’t hear you.” I mocked. 

“I wanted to punish you.” I could barely hear him, but he talked loud enough for me just to hear the words and they sent the anger boiling through me again. 

“Punish me? So that was what? A punishment-fuck? Seriously? I’m not a misbehaved child or a fucking dog that needs to be punished! You know what? That’s it, you’re staying out there, and I’m going to bed!” Somehow, I thought he was kind of over that ‘I want to cause you pain’–thing, but apparently, he wasn’t. I got up from the floor and started to unstrap my knife from my thigh. 

“Val, wait,”

“Why should I?” I yelled back. Fine, he got a kick out of causing me pain or punish me or whatever, but still, I couldn’t get the equation to settle in my mind. The other times, it was physical with the biting, choking, and slapping, and I had kind of accepted that. But what he did today didn’t fit into that category. He didn’t really hurt me physically, and that was why it didn’t add up. 

“Just… please wait.” He begged. Against my will, I took the few steps to the door after putting my knife on the table and leaned my ear against the wood.

“I know I have some… issues, okay? But… I’m really trying. And you have to admit that it’s better than two months ago, right?” 

Continent-sized issues, yes. Everything he said was true. He was trying, and it was much better. But then he went ahead and did something like tonight anyway. It just proved that he could relapse like everybody else, he still wasn’t over it. And I think I had made myself clear that what happened tonight wasn’t okay and I was sure he got that by now. 

“Are you still listening?” He asked after a minute where I still hadn’t said anything. 

“Yes,” I said shortly. 

“I’m sorry, okay? I don’t know what got into me there in the elevator. It’s just… I don’t know. It just felt like you didn’t care at all when you acted like that after you agreed to tone it down.” 

“I do care! If you would just show me a little bit of trust, you would’ve known I had a reason to do it, and that it wasn’t because I didn’t care. I actually felt bad about it after we agreed I toned it down. But I couldn’t let that kind of money slip away, we need it, and we still owe Kevin way too much.” I spluttered my way through each sentence. How could he think that I didn’t care? 

“I’m sorry, Val. I really am.” He tried again. 

I didn’t know how many times now he had said he was sorry, I rolled my eyes knowing he couldn’t see it. He really was sorry. After a few moments of hesitation, I unlocked the door and opened it.


	59. His side of things

“Just because I’m letting you in doesn’t mean I’m not still mad at you.” Her angry eyes hit me like a whiplash as soon as I got to my feet and we locked gazes, her tone sounded razor-sharp in my ears. My throat suddenly felt thick, and I couldn’t do anything but nod, and I looked down when I did. Those eyes were like absinthe, or perhaps more like poison, just waiting for the toxic steam to emit from them. 

It had been much easier being pissed and fight with her when I couldn’t see her furious expression. I was about to creep past her when her hands hammered onto the doorframe and blocked my way. 

“And if you ever pull a stunt like the one in the elevator again, I’m gonna fucking kick your ass. I’m not a fucking doll you can do whatever you want with. Do you get that?” She thundered. 

God, I felt bad about this. I shouldn’t have done it, but she was so infuriating sometimes, I just wanted to put her in her place and make her show a little respect for my feelings. But by doing that, I disrespected her instead. And she certainly didn’t put up with that, even though she was the one that started. 

I swallowed, but I couldn’t get a word over my lips, so again, I just nodded. My eyes only looked at hers as little as they could. 

Her arms fell from the doorframe, allowing me to sneak past her in a hurry. “I’m gonna take a shower,” I mumbled quickly as I passed her and walked as fast as I could without running to the bathroom. Both to escape her anger and to get that whore washed off me, though I had already showered earlier after the gym. But that too sweet vanilla perfume still hung in my nose. A quick look at the mirror as I tossed off my clothes, showed me the baby pink lipstick on my neck, I shuddered with disgust and quickly got under the running water.

I didn’t know I would have this feeling until Rachel touched me. This feeling of utter disgust. I was Val’s, I was private property, no trespassing allowed. Apparently, this was what it felt like to be in a committed relationship. But didn’t Val feel this? Or did she just ignore it or? I don’t know. 

With my hands, I had tried to wash off the lipstick, but I still felt like it clung to my skin with its sticky consistency. Just thinking about it… yuck. Again, a shudder ran through me. I found a sponge, poured soap on it and started scrubbing. Didn’t stop until that uncomfortable feeling of revulsion disappeared and left my neck with a stinging tender sensation, I must’ve scrubbed harder than I thought. But I just wanted it off me. 

I sighed. It was a relief to finally have removed it. Why did I even go through with it? I should’ve stopped when I first felt annoyed by her. But there was no way I could’ve foreseen that feeling I got. Never have I had a problem with women touching me, even though I didn’t find them attractive. Short, tall, skinny, fat, blonde, brunette, it didn’t really matter as I was only spending one night with them and then never had to see them again. I mean, sometimes a fuck is just a fuck, and if you are really needy, you can’t afford to be picky. Or perhaps I just wasn’t that picky, to begin with. Just look at Nicole. I could find her unbelievably annoying sometimes, but we were still friends with benefits for what… one and a half year? 

Okay, I don’t want to think of her right now. In fact, I don’t want to think about any women besides Val _at all_. 

I turned the heat down for a moment before I got out. The cold water felt good against the tender skin of my neck. 

Barely had I gotten out of the bathroom when she stormed in there and closed the door harder than necessary after her. I crawled under the covers, placed up against the head of the bed and looked at the TV without really paying attention to it. 

Wonder how long she’s gonna be mad at me for this. I tried thinking of a way to make it up to her, but I didn’t get that far before she came back and laid down on the bed again. 

“Why’re you so red?” She asked wondrously and pointed at my neck. 

“Just wanted to be sure I got all of that whore-lipstick off me,” I muttered and suppressed a shiver just by the thought of it. To see her reaction, I peeked at her from the corner of my eye.

Bad idea. She looked just as pissed. I quickly removed my eyes from hers and pretended to watch TV instead. Actually, I wasn’t tired. 

Suddenly, she jumped out of bed. What’s she doing now? She looked for something in her backpack. Before I could ask any questions, she returned with a bottle I recognized as the aloe vera lotion. Very gently she started rubbing it in on my neck, I leaned my head to the side to give her better access. I inhaled sharply as it stung. 

“Sorry.” She mumbled. 

“It’s okay, it just stings.”

Yeah, no wonder when I scrubbed that hard. But it was sweet of her to take care of me like this. 

I thanked her as she finished up, by reflex, she said, “You’re welcome,” and crawled under her blanket. “Goodnight-kiss.” She demanded. 

What? Well, perhaps her anger had cooled it just a bit, but it still surprised me. If I had been as mad as her, I, first of all, wouldn’t have been in the mood for that, and second of all, I wouldn’t have cooled down so quick either, if that’s what she really has. 

I leaned closer and carefully kissed her. As I pulled back, her hand grabbed around my neck and dragged my lips back down to hers. 

What is up with her? First, she’s like a tornado of rage and then she wanna kiss like this?

As she didn’t let go of me again and kissed me more deeply, I moved closer, placed my right hand on her cheek and stroked her. In response, her hand around my neck ran into my hair where she grabbed it and pressed me closer as her left laid on my back and did the same. I obeyed her and lowered my body onto hers on top of the blanket. 

Maybe this could be a way to make it up to her. Really take care of her and appreciate her. Especially after how I took her in the elevator. Which reminded me of her anger… is she still mad now or? I’m confused.

“Are you still mad at me?” I asked in between a couple of kisses.

“Yes,” She said in a firm whisper before continuing to kiss me, though it was on the verge of a moan. 

Okay, she’s still mad. Maybe I could get it to disappear now that she has let her guards down.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered sincerely and as I continued kissing her, I let our tongues play. “What about now?” I asked as I felt her body squirm lightly underneath me. 

“Slightly,” She breathed before her lips sought mine again.

I pulled the blankets aside and lowered my body down against hers. The lust began trickling through my veins. My hand moved over her body from her shoulder until it felt the lace of her panties, where my thumb sneaked under the waistband and began pulling them down. 

Then her hand laid on top of mine and stopped it. “We better stop.” She said in a flat voice. 

“Why?” I burst out without a thought before I could stop it. 

“I’m sore.” She said quietly. 

Instantly, I backed away from her and ended up against the head of the bed, I remember far too well last time I had made her sore. The lust that had run through my veins had now turned to ice. 

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Feelings I have had _that time_ ran through me. The icy feeling, the fear that she might cry, and the guilt… the overwhelming guilt. 

“It’s not as bad as… _last time_.” She said in a calming, yet apologetically tone after what felt like a long time. 

It took some moments to comprehend her words over the shock I had just gotten, and I hadn’t come up with an answer before she spoke again in the same voice, “It’ll be gone by the time we get up tomorrow.”

“Okay.” I finally got pushed over my lips, but a part of me had a hard time believing her somehow. 

She came closer, put her hands on my cheeks and met my lips softly. As she pulled her lips away, she only looked at me for a second before she pressed her lips against mine again. 

I think she tried to tell me something, tried to say it was okay or something like that. Or perhaps that she wasn’t mad anymore, she didn’t seem mad at least. 

So I indulged in the feeling of her lips softly against mine. At some point, my hand automatically found her neck, but then I pulled away from her and mumbled, “We should go to sleep.” I could feel I was indulging a little too much in her kiss. 

“Yeah, we should.” She agreed before pulling away, lied down on her side of the bed, and turned off the TV. 

I was about to put my arm around her but then hesitated. I don’t think she’s mad anymore, so I think it’s okay. She moved closer and curled herself up against me with a sigh. 

Okay, definitely not mad. Not right now at least.

After several minutes, I still didn’t feel an ounce of tiredness. Val was already asleep. It started to annoy me, it was like there was a nagging feeling that just wouldn’t go away. I tried to find out what it was and why, but then it all just suddenly unraveled.

What happened in the elevator suddenly had too much resemblance to _that time_. It happened quickly, I was aggressive, her anger afterward… it swirled around in my head. 

I tried to push it away, but something just made me relive that whole experience. It kept taunting me until I, in the end, was so exhausted by fighting it I fell asleep. 

 

I sat up with a gasp. And then frowned. What the fuck was that? Normally my dreams were clear, sharp in their pictures and straight forward, but this time, it was just one big mess of colors, events, sounds, and feelings. Weird. But it still left me with an uneasy feeling, I couldn’t interpret if it were caused by the dream or because I found the dream so weird. 

I turned my head and looked at Val. She was lying on her stomach. I would hate to wake her, so I put my arm around her and very carefully placed my head against her back. She had pushed her blanket down to her waist, something she usually did in her sleep when she was too hot. With my ear pressed against her skin, I could hear her heartbeat. Almost as an old habit, I started counting it until I fell asleep.


	60. Chapter 60

I was barely awake before my eyes flew open, my hand was clamped over my mouth as I fought to free myself from the covers and ran towards to bathroom. 

“Where’s the fire?” I heard Jake mumble behind me just as I closed the door shut and pulled the toilet seat up at the last minute before I emptied the content of my stomach.

Goddammit. I hoped we soon would either find something or establish that there was nothing here to be found so we could move on and continue our regular way of searching. Wonder how long I was going to be affected by that cranial and cheekbone fracture. Though the pain was gone, the cracks in my skull were still there and wouldn’t heal for months. 

When I pulled my head out of the toilet, I brushed my teeth before returning to the other room. Jake was lying on his stomach with his arms slung around the pillow. He had fallen asleep again and was snoring lightly. 

Looking out the window, I noted it was both cloudy and windy, I better put on my jeans just to be safe. I could always change if it were necessary. 

“Oh, you gotta be kidding me,” I said as I was about to close the button in my jeans, but realized I couldn’t. There was a half inch gap. 

When was the last time I wore my jeans? I think it was before we visited Kevin and Tina. Oh, crap. 

I laid down on my back on the bed and tried closing them again, this time, I succeeded. “Phew,” I whispered as I stood up and felt how tight they were. Quickly, I put on my boots and my jacket before I went out the door to get breakfast. 

This time, I decided for vanilla skyr. It was a high protein, low-fat kind of yogurt. Knowing Jake, I bought some muesli he could put on top of his portion. 

Jake was up when I came back. He was dressed and sat at the small white table with a cup of coffee in front of him. As I walked through the door, he made a cup for me too. The red splotch on the left side of his neck looked worse today, it was probably so red because he had scrubbed so hard I even think he had scrubbed the outer layer of the skin off some places. So I placed the aloe vera lotion in front of him before unpacking the groceries. Without hesitation, he started to rub it in. 

“What’s this?” He asked suspiciously when I put the skyr on the table. 

“Don’t worry. I got this for you too.” I rolled my eyes as I placed the muesli in front of him as well. For myself, I only poured half a portion and didn’t put muesli on either. 

“Is that all you’re having?” He pointed at my half-full bowl. 

“I’m getting fat,” I explained with a sigh. 

“You’re not fat.” He muttered with a raised eyebrow. 

“Right. Then why am I having trouble closing my jeans?” I asked in a sharp tone. He just shrugged but didn’t respond. It was clear he didn’t agree with me. But my jeans being too tight was solid proof. 

During our breakfast, which would actually have been lunch for people with normal sleeping patterns, I noticed Jake was pretty quiet. Not the tired kind of quiet like he usually was for the first couple of minutes after waking up, but something else. As I looked closer at him, I saw his shoulders slumped, and he had a small worry line between his eyebrows. But he didn’t look angry or pissed, more like… gloomy. Wonder what was up with him. I mean we sorted things out yesterday, though it wasn’t optimal, but we were good. Or now I was suddenly in doubt if we were. And then I remembered how he had looked when I told him I was sore. He had backed up to the head of the bed with a deep frown and had acted like I had just hit him. I had just laid for a couple of seconds astounded by the abrupt change of scenery. Apparently, without realizing the impact, my statement has had on him. Not until now. 

So I asked him if everything was okay while I was cleaning up after our breakfast. He just said, “Yeah, of course.” 

“And we’re good too, right?” I then asked uncertainly. 

Again he simply answered, “Of course,” And gave me a kiss on my cheek, but the smile he sent me didn’t reach his eyes. 

 

After visiting the gym where Jake still seemed glum, I tried to think of a way to cheer him up. I had again tried to ask him what was up with him or if something was wrong, but he just excused it with being tired, which I didn’t buy. But I think it had something to do with what happened last night, with me being sore. Or maybe because I got so pissed at him. I had tried to ask if he wanted to play cards or wanted to go out and do something, but he refused every offer I presented.

Different scenarios ran through my head, but not one of them seemed like a way to cheer him up as it was at this moment. 

Sex? Hmm, maybe. I hadn’t suggested that yet. But he seemed more sulky than aggressive, so I wasn’t sure if he was up for it. It couldn’t hurt to try, but I needed some sort of plan. 

Biting, slapping, choking… all the different ways that had a positive impact on him ran through my mind, but again, he wasn’t in a pissed off mood right now. Then one of the first times we had sex dawned on me. I think it was the second or third time where he had choked me and then held his hand over my mouth, and I struggled to free myself from his hand to get some air. That seemed to turn him on back then. 

Struggling to free myself… struggling for freedom… taking me against my will... Being taken against my will? Why not? It might work. But how do I suggest it? I guess it was some kind of roleplay. Well, I could always present the idea for him. But how should I start? 

“I’m not sore anymore.” I let him know, perhaps it could remove the guilt if he still felt that. We sat at the small white table as we had just eaten takeout, Jake checked the news on the laptop, I watched TV.

“Good.” He only looked at me shortly before his eyes dropped from mine. I think I traced remorse in his features. 

“Um, yeah about that,” I started, but paused as I saw him tense up. “I was thinking of a roleplay,” I let the sentence hang in the air, hoping it would work as some sort of bait. 

It seemed to pique his curiosity as he found my eyes again. “Go on?” He said inquisitively. 

“Um, I don’t know if this sounds strange, but… taking me against my will?” I had a hard time looking at him, but now it was out there. Anticipated, I awaited his reaction. With a frown he looked down, it seemed like he thought about it. Then he opened his mouth, closed it again, but then hesitantly spoke, “Is that something you want?” His eyes found mine. 

Was it something I wanted? For myself, not really, but if it helped him like I thought it would, then yes, I wanted it. I decided for a more neutral answer than that, “I thought we could try it out and see if it was maybe something we both liked.”

“I don’t know,” He shrugged and looked down with that frown again, but though he still seemed sulky, the curiosity was clear in his darkened eyes. But it was more than that, now that I looked more closely at him, it seemed like he wanted it, but was either hesitant or holding himself back. 

“If you’re thinking about last night, then forget it. You’re forgiven, okay?” With the way he had acted and seemed guilty, I was sure he had learned his lesson, and there was no reason to punish him or be mad at him anymore, he clearly got the point. 

He slowly nodded and sent me a tiny smile. The hesitant attitude seemed to vanish, now there was only curiosity. “How rough did you have in mind it should be?” He asked. 

“As rough as you want,” I said too hastily. 

His frown deepened when he looked down and fiddled with one of the loose keys on the laptop before he looked up at me again with a more determined look. “You really wanna do this?” 

“Yeah.” I nodded to underline my word.

“Then I think, uh, we need some kind of safe word.” 

“Safe word?” I asked uncertainly. Wasn’t that only for hardcore BDSM? 

“A word that means stop. Because if we should really pretend that I take you against your will, then you’re probably gonna say ‘no’ and ‘stop’ as part of the play, right?” He explained. 

Okay. Where did he know that from? I guess he had done it before. I suddenly felt inexperienced for some reason. I pulled myself together and found the courage to say, “Okay. Let’s go.” With a nod.

“You wanna do it now?” He asked perplexed with raised eyebrows like he couldn’t really believe it. 

“Why not?” I said with a shrug. Now was as good a time as ever. And I was tired of seeing him that low. 

“Okay, should we start slow or? You know just to warm up and get comfortable? And then you start to protest, for example when I start to take your clothes off?” He suggested calmly, but I started to see an excited gleam in his eyes that made me think this might actually be a good idea. 

But wow, he knew a lot about this. Where did he know all that from? 

_I bet ya, he has done it before._

Shh. 

“Sounds like a plan,” I said and stood up. Ready to face this challenge with him. 

He got on his feet too. On the three steps, it took him to walk over to me, I saw how the hungry gleam in his eyes unfolded. His hands cupped my face when he reached me. An inch before our lips met he lifted his gaze from my lips to my eyes. “Are you sure about this?” I could feel his sweet breath on my lips.

“Yes.” I breathed firmly. 

“Good.” He nodded and closed the distance between our lips in a tender kiss. My hands instantly found his back. His right hand glided to the back of my neck and intertwined his fingers in my hair, but didn’t grab it. The left moved down over my shoulder to my lower back and pushed me against him, as his kiss became an ounce more insisting. A small moan left me as his tongue entered my mouth. It was still a soft kiss, much unlike him, but it was probably his way of starting slow. Starting slow and get comfortable. 

Suddenly, I remembered a thing we hadn’t settled yet, “So, how does a safe word work exactly?” I looked up at him with uncertainty when it appeared to me I didn’t know how to use it or what it was. 

“Um, if it’s too much you just say, uh, ‘red’ and we take a break. Take it down a notch, okay?” When I nodded, he bowed down and started to place gentle kisses on my neck. 

It calmed me, I know this was my idea, but I couldn’t help but get a little nervous about it now. I wasn’t sure if I could do this satisfyingly or if it would be a total failure. Letting my hands run up and down his back, I pushed myself harder against his body. 

“I haven’t tried this before either, you know.” He said against the skin of my neck. 

Seriously? Well, that was actually comforting. It also told me that the Old Jake probably didn’t like this kind of thing, the roughness with me. Maybe that’s why he needed me now, needed this now. 

“So, we’ll just have to see how it goes, okay?” He continued. I noticed his voice was more filled with life instead of that flat tone he had spoken in all day. 

I nodded to him, he sounded so calm. How could he be this calm? I tried to relax and enjoy it. Tried not to think too much. Just felt how his lips caressed the most sensitive spots on my neck, shoulder, and ear. My right leg wrapped around his waist and rubbed against him. 

Both his hands sneaked up under my top and cupped my breasts. I leaned my head back and moaned. His lips met mine as I leveled my head, they started gently and then got more and more insisting. The fingers of his right hand found the edge of my top and started to pull it up. 

I had gotten so comfortable that I actually had forgotten for a moment what we had planned. As I remembered it, I faintly tried to stop his hand from taking off my top. It was halfhearted, I admit that, and he ignored me. Actually, I didn’t want him to stop, I wanted him to keep going, but now I untangled my leg from around his waist and tried harder to stop his hand, again he ignored me. The total carelessness for my protests actually sparked something in me. 

Now his left hand grabbed the edge of my top as well. I tried to fall into the role, removed my lips from his, and actually made an effort to try to stop his hands. Once again, he elected to ignore my protests, kissed my jawline instead, and used more force to continue to take off my top. 

The spark in me continued to grow, I couldn’t recognize it as something I had felt before. “No…” I said vaguely. 

No response. 

“No, don’t!” I raised my voice and shoved him away, but he was stronger than me, and my attempts were useless. After another shove, he wrapped his right hand around my throat and pushed me two steps backward against the wall. My shoulder blades hit it with a thud, and I gasped for air.

“Stop resisting.” He said in a calm voice and looked me in the eyes. They were dark with lust but full of life. It fueled my own to see him like this. I tried to remove his hand with my own and acted like I didn’t like any of this at all. 

“You’re mine.” He almost growled into my ear. It sent the electricity tickling through my whole body, and I moaned silently on the inside. 

His hand released my throat, but moved up to grab my jaw in a condescending way and pushed my head to the side, leaving my neck exposed to him. He let his tongue run from my collarbone all the way up to my earlobe and bit it. Shivers ran through my body, and I had to suppress a lustful moan. I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed, but I couldn’t move him. 

His hand moved on to the back of my neck, into my hair and grabbed a fistful. He laid his other hand on my shoulder and tried to shove me down on my knees. 

I tried to resist, but he put in a lot of his weight and eventually got me down in a kneeling position with a thud. It wasn’t too much pain, it was bearable, but I overacted it to make it look like it really hurt. Totally improvising for every touch and movement, and it surprised me how easily it came to me when I had no idea if I was doing this right or what I was actually doing. Simply, I just tried to ‘run along with it.’ The spark in me grew bigger and bigger, spreading. Joined the electricity already firing in my body. 

He opened his jeans with his left hand, while the right was holding my head in place by my hair. Trying to make a break for it, I pushed back and struggled to remove his hand with both of mine.

The hit came out of nowhere. His flat hand had connected with my cheek and made me lose balance. He had let go of my hair, so I fell to the floor. Neither of it really hurt, but I gasped in surprise when I hit the floor. 

Before I could gather myself, he ripped me around, sat astride me, and held my arms down. “Come on, you know you like it.” He said in a teasing tone and smiled, before he growled, “So act like it!” And hit me again with his right hand, harder than before. I felt my cheek burn and turn red. Barely had I leveled my head when he assaulted my lips and forced his tongue into my mouth.

The spark in me was actually me liking, no, _loving_ this dominant Jake. I liked it but had to act like I didn’t, then resisting and pretending to act like I liked it with disgust. It was distracting, but also a turn on. Mostly because I knew it wasn’t real. And I had the power to stop this if I wanted to. 

_Are you sure he is going to stop if you really ask him to?_

A shadow of a doubt clouded my mind, but only for a second. Yes, I was sure. He wouldn’t hurt me for real. It was very transboundary for me and new. But it also made it so much more exciting. I writhed and moaned underneath him, half in resistance, and half in pleasure. 

His lips let go of mine, his hands let go of my wrists, the right to find my hair, the other fought to separate my legs even though I pressed them together and my hands battled to stop his arm while I panted, “No… no, stop it. Stop it!” 

“Shut up!” He thundered and slapped me so hard I whined, with the hand that had just tried to spread my legs. Putting more strength into it, he got them spread and laid down between them where he started to rub against me. 

With my hands, I tugged at his shirt and pushed his face away by his jaw as he neared me, my legs strived to get him off me, but he just rubbed harder against me, pinning me to the floor. His hands quickly locked around my wrists and slammed them down on each side of my head. I was writhing and wiggling under him to throw him off, but he was too heavy. He started kissing and nipping at the skin on my neck, I fought to keep it out of his reach, but I didn’t succeed. 

I felt how wet my panties were, so wet they nearly soaked my jeans too. That spark had transformed into pure lust and gave me some sort of high where I got carried away in the role. The more I acted like I didn’t like it and got taken against my will, the more I liked it. It was an amazing, tantalizing feeling. 

And the way he held me down when I fought to try to free myself? To die for! To lay all your strength in it and just go with it. It went straight down between my legs. No holding back at all… I could visibly see the gradual change in his eyes and jaw pose for every time I got a glimpse of his face as we fought. It felt good to see it so clearly. 

At some point, he’d had enough of my writhing and said with a raised voice, “Stop resisting.” 

“Get off me!” I retorted. The words had only left my mouth when his flat hand connected with my cheek and jerked my head to the side. A tear lift my eye.

“I said stop resisting!” He spat in my face, releasing a whimper from me as I, momentarily, did as he told me. A smile dawned on his face, a real genuine smile. The innocence was ruined by the dirty and hungry gleam in his eyes. “Good girl.” He praised as he placed a gentle kiss on my red and burning cheek. Putting both my wrists in his left hand above my head, his right hand lightly grabbed my jaw and leveled my head. “Look at me.” His voice was close to a whisper. When I didn’t do as he said, he tightened his grip on my jaw and again said, “Look at me.” With a more firm voice. 

As I didn’t obey this time either, he just tightened his grip on my jaw until it really started to hurt. I let out a whimper and timidly met his eyes. 

“Good girl.” He purred, his face lightened up in a smile again. “Now I’m gonna take off your clothes. Do you understand?” His tone continued to be soft. I hesitated for a few seconds before I nodded as much as I could. He let go of my jaw and started to pull my top up. As he got it pushed over my breasts, he bowed down and began kissing along the edges of the cups in my bra. 

After two kisses, I started to twist and turn my upper body with a low cry to get away from it. My forehead was getting damp by resisting him. 

In response, his teeth sank into my right breast, which made me twitch. As he let go, he placed one last kiss before pulled my top over my head and in a heartbeat got it over my arms as he released my wrists. His right hand wrapped around my throat without putting pressure on as the left reached behind my back. When I tried to stop his hand from unhooking my bra, he pressed down on my throat, closing my airways, causing me to immediately cease all resistance. He held on for another moment before allowing me to breathe again and proceeded with removing my bra. The index finger of his left free hand started circling my right nipple that instantly became stiff. 

It was clear he was playing with me and dragging it out on purpose, and judging by the hard bulge in his jeans rubbing against me it was clear it turned him on. His index finger moved down from my nipple, over my stomach and ended at the edge of my jeans where he unbuttoned and unzipped them. Slowly he began pulling them down with one hand, his right hand let go of my throat just as slowly. 

At first, I didn’t move. When he had pulled my jeans and panties down to my knees, I made a run for it, or it was actually a crawl. 

With a blink of the eye, he grabbed my waist and dragged me back down, ripped me to my back by my shoulder and gave me a slap on my right cheek before he grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled my head back in an uncomfortable position that made a weak cry leave my lips. His face only inches from mine.

“Okay, listen up, doll face. Until now I’ve been pretty nice to you, and if you don’t start to behave real soon, I’m not gonna continue to be nice. Are we clear?” His tone was cutting and held an edge of derision. 

Doll face? How demeaning! A sentence from last night sounded in my head. _I’m not a fucking doll you can do whatever you want with_. That was probably where he got it from. To be honest, I couldn’t come up with a name more condescending than that, and somehow it sent a new wave of lust and longing through my body. _Please, fuck me soon!_

Another slap tore me out of my thoughts. 

“Answer me!” Jake demanded and yanked in my hair. 

“Yes, yes.” I stammered in a low voice. As a response, he pressed his lips against mine. I fought an inner battle to keep them motionless, but I couldn’t hold out much more than a couple of seconds before my lips worked hungrily against his. 

Suddenly, he pulled his lips away from mine, let go of my hair, and moved down to get my jeans and panties off. This time, I laid still until he had removed them completely, I was getting rather impatient. 

“Stay down!” He grabbed my jaw and instructed close to my ear before he stood up to take his shirt, jeans, and boxers off. The whole time he kept his darkened eyes on me, the setup made me avoid them and caused my cheeks to blush while my arms covered my breasts and my legs were pressed together. 

With his hands on my knees, he spread my legs and laid down between them again. The right grabbed on to my hair, while his left began guiding him into me. 

“No, no! Please, don’t.” I begged and squirmed just as he reached the entrance. A derisive smirk spread on his face as he with a grunt, forced his whole length inside of me without giving me time to adjust and a cry escaped me. It was breathtakingly painful and absolutely amazing at the same time. 

“Mmh, you’re so tight.” He demeaned in my ear as he started thrusting into me in a hard rhythm. His left hand latched onto my thigh and lifted it up and around his waist without letting go, I felt his fingers digging into my skin. 

The only protest I managed to do was pushing him by his shoulders, but every thrust rippled up through his spine and sent his shoulders forward as well. 

His tongue licked a trail from my jawline all the way up my cheek before he pressed his cheek harshly against mine. “I think you like it.” He taunted in my ear in between his grunts, I could feel his panting breath on my heated skin. The rough carpet scraped against my back for every thrust. His hand in my hair moved to my jaw and pushed my head to the side, now he rested his forehead against my cheek. 

I got the feeling that he really tried to treat me like there was no connection. Like I wasn’t a person, but just an object you could use however you liked. I was for pleasure and not worthy of more than that. That condescending act made me feel used and gave me an incredible high, only because it was him doing it to me. And it was ridiculous how much it turned me on. Crying out underneath him, I occasionally got a, “no,” and, “let me go,” pressed out, but he ignored me because I wasn’t worthy of the acknowledgment. I was beneath him, literally and figuratively. 

His hand had again moved to my hair, and with a firm grasp, he held my mouth against his shoulder to silence me. He held me so close and took me in such a determined way, I writhed intensely underneath him in a way that was both of lust and resistance. It was so intense. I couldn’t help but bite him in the shoulder and rub against him. 

He tightened his grip and yanked my head back in a painful position, and I exclaimed my pain. His voracious eyes stared at me for a couple of moments, his thrusting into me continued without a stop, his sweaty body grinding against mine. I struggled against the uncomfortable position as he gave a small yank for every deep thrust. 

“Are you gonna behave, whore?” He asked threatening and really looked at me like I was a filthy whore. 

The weights of pain and pleasure combined with the intensity from the dominating Jake and his thrusts inside me was enough for my mind alone, I was in some sort of high where I just wanted this feeling to last forever. As I didn’t answer, he gave me a hard yank that hurt and I whined out, “Yes, yes, I will!” and by that outburst, it was like I lost control and one lustful cry after the other left my lips.

He let go of my hair as a reward I thought, but it was only to press his hand down on my mouth. I was too loud, and he continued to thrust into me whether I liked it or not. The power and choice were taken away from me, which made it so much easier to just enjoy everything. He wouldn’t hurt me for real, so I had to believe that he would never put more on my shoulders than I could handle, believe that he would never force me to use that safe word. The safe word I had a feeling I wouldn’t use no matter what he did to me, because however rough or violent he was to me, he didn’t just do it for his own pleasure, he did it because he needed it. I trusted him with my life and now my mental health for the first time. 

“Oh, you dirty whore. I’m gonna come so fucking hard inside you.” He snarled in between his rapid outbursts as he lost his rhythm now that he was so close to his climax. His grip on me tightened as he fought to thrust deeper into me, I felt it rippling through my body, my hips now moved in cooperation with him, my nails dug into his shoulders as my muffled cries increased in volume under his hand that pressed harder down. His teeth latched onto my neck as he gave me three deep thrust where he came and released inside me, accompanied with a drawn-out animalistic grunt that was muffled by my neck, but I barely heard it over my final high cries. I felt his strained panting on my prickling skin as his teeth let go and placed gentle kisses instead. 

For what felt like minutes, we just laid there on the floor, panting heavily, trying to catch our breath. Jake lifted his head from my chest and looked at me. The greenish in his hazel eyes were prominent and gentle. He kissed me softly. “I need you.” His voice was almost a whisper. 

“I need you too,” I whispered. _I love you_. I was exhausted, and small shivers still ran through my body. 

“You’re wonderful, you know that?” His words took me by surprise. The atmosphere had changed so suddenly and drastically it almost gave me whiplash. 

I remembered not to think too much and answered, “No, but I do now.” 

He kissed me with a newfound passion before pulling out of me with a weak moan I joined in on. Then he rested his forehead against my shoulder until our breathing had winded down. 

“You wanna take a shower?” He asked as he lifted his head. Too tired to do anything I just nodded.

 

That night in the second bar, everything went by smoothly, I felt like we had taken a step together and it felt good. Though, now where I thought back, the first few minutes had been kind of awkward. It had been a sudden impulse, a complete left turn of how the day had been, and so readily, he had jumped straight into it with me and as we had indulged in it, the slight awkwardness has disappeared quickly. 

It was a relief not having to worry about pissing him off or the uncomfortable feeling of his burning eyes on me at the bar. Even though we didn’t make as much today as the other days, the whole night felt successful in another way.


	61. His side of things

Though, I knew, there was no reason for me to feel guilty, the way too tangible guilt-demon wouldn’t go away. Like it refused to leave now that it was finally free again. It didn’t help that the gray monster backed it up. 

Why did they always have to cooperate?

I could see Val was on to me. But I was busy battling inside myself to really make an effort to seem normal. I saw she didn’t buy my excuses. She tried to cheer me up, but I just wanted peace to handle this. 

I was checking the news on the laptop at the small white table when she suddenly broke the silence. “I’m not sore anymore.” Her tone was neutral, I think, or perhaps I couldn’t interpret it. 

“Good.” I only caught her gaze for a short moment before I had to look away again. She tried so hard, but it felt like the guilt-demon had gloves with superglue on, it wouldn’t let go. Not even after that comment. 

“Um, yeah about that,” She began, and I felt my body tensing up. 

Was I getting some sort of speech now? God, I hope not. Just leave me alone until this has passed. 

“I was thinking of a roleplay,” Her words took me completely by surprise. 

Excuse me, what? Where do this fit into the equation? Was this another sort of her cheering up strategies? 

You know what? Never mind what or why. Her words had actually made me curious. It wasn’t like her to suggest that sort of thing. Though I didn’t felt like I was in the mood, I was still curious. Okay, I have to respond, but what do you respond to that? “Go on?” I finally got over my lips. 

“Um, I don’t know if this sounds strange, but… taking me against my will?” She hesitated, she seemed nervous or shy? At least she couldn’t look at me throughout the whole sentence. 

On one hand, it really sounded appealing, but on the other hand, it really sounded wrong. That one time on the table flickered before my inner eye, but I quickly pushed it aside. She wouldn’t suggest it if she didn’t want it, or did she because she thought that’s what I want? At first, I was almost about to ask ‘are you doing this because you think that’s what I want?’ But as I opened my mouth, I changed my answer as I was pretty sure this was one of those things that sounded much better in your head. “Is that something you want?” I asked and looked directly at her, I had to try to decipher her facial expression. 

She pouted her lips imperceptibly for a couple of seconds, it was clear she was thinking about it. “I thought we could try it out and see if it was maybe something we both liked.”

Hmm, that sounds reasonable, but still… “I don’t know,” I got out with a shrug. How would we even go about that? But even though my common sense tried to tell me why this sounded like a bad idea, I could feel the beast starting to move deep inside me, fighting to get free and get to this idea that sounded so delicious. But the guilt… what if I go too hard on her? It would just make it so much worse. Like I said to her: I don’t know…

“If you’re thinking about last night, then forget it. You’re forgiven, okay?” She suddenly said and interrupted my dialog with myself. 

It felt like a blow of fresh air rushed through me. I’m forgiven. There wasn’t an ounce of doubt in her statement. That’s good to know. I felt how the guilt-demon lost some of its hold on me and by that, it was like there was more room. She had caught the attention of the beast with the idea she presented even though I hadn’t thought about sex at all and actually didn’t think I was in the mood for it. I didn’t know if it was because she knew me so well, or knew before I knew it that it could be something I needed, or what she was up to. But now where there was room it was like the beast seized its opportunity and stormed forward like a hungry bloodhound that had just caught the scent of something utterly delicious, pushing the demons and the monster and all the bad feelings further aside. All these thoughts and feelings and everything that happened in me happened in a matter of seconds, it was like a chain reaction. “How rough did you have in mind it should be?” It felt like it was the beast that pushed the words directly out of my mouth without allowing me to filter it. 

“As rough as you want,” She said without hesitation. 

Okay, that just strengthened my theory about her doing this because she thought I needed it or it would cheer me up or something like that. I couldn’t deny that it had actually worked up until now. “You really wanna do this?” I asked her, I didn’t want her to feel pressured to do anything she didn’t want to.

“Yeah.” She said with a firm nod.

Okay, this was kinda transboundary. We need some kind of ‘pull in case of emergency.’ She said ‘as rough as you want,’ then she was prepared for it to get rough, but what if I go too hard on her? If we’re playing that this is against her will, she would say words like ‘no’ and ‘stop’ as part of the roleplay. A safe word? Well, this wasn’t bondage, but yeah, I think that’ll work, and it also tells her she can say stop at any minute. “Then I think, uh, we need some kind of safe word.” 

“Safe word?” She asked dubiously with a frown. 

“A word that means stop. Because if we should really pretend that I take you against your will, then you’re probably gonna say ‘no’ and ‘stop’ as part of the play, right?” I elaborated. 

“Okay. Let’s go.” She said with another firm nod. 

“You wanna do it now?” I asked surprised. You really just wanna jump head first into this? 

“Why not?” She made it sound like a challenge. 

Shouldn’t we at least have some sort of plan? “Okay, should we start slow or? You know just to warm up and get comfortable? And then you start to protest, for example when I start to take your clothes off?” I presented calmly, though I was far from calm. The beast begged me to just jump her right here and now. 

I can’t believe we’re really about to do this. 

“Sounds like a plan.” She said like it settled it all and got to her feet, I followed her example. 

I controlled myself and the beast long enough to slowly close the distance between us, I wanted to give her an opportunity to back out of this if she suddenly got second thoughts about this. But she stood her ground until I reached her, there was nothing but that determined, stubborn actually, look in her eyes. My hands cupped her face, and I leaned closer to her. “Are you sure about this?” I asked her. Last chance to back out, baby. 

“Yes.” Her voice had changed, I think I traced lust in it, but it was as firm as ever. 

“Good.” Now I was actually excited about this, the beast was more than ready and acted like it was the fourth of July. But I had to restrain its celebration a little longer, we had to start slow. I met her lips softly. Her hands instantly found my back as they always do. My right hand moved to the back of her neck and into her hair. 

Remember, start slow. 

My other hand found the small of her back and pushed her against my body. Her lips parted in a moan I immediately took advantage of. 

She pulled back and easily freed her lips from mine. “So, how does a safe word work exactly?” She looked questioning up at me. 

Oh, yeah, right. Amateur. Of course, we need an actual word for the safe word. How could I forget that? I think I read somewhere about green, yellow, and red. But that was like bondage. I think we could do with red. “Um, if it’s too much you just say, uh, ‘red’ and we take a break. Take it down a notch, okay?” 

Her response was once again a firm nod. I started kissing her neck gently. Until now, I hadn’t noticed her shoulders were tense, I only noticed it because she started to relax them. 

Okay, I just continue to kiss her neck until she’s comfortable. 

“I haven’t tried this before either, you know,” I told her to make her relax. “So, we’ll just have to see how it goes, okay?” I continued when she didn’t answer, this time, she gave me a nod as her shoulders relaxed and after a couple of minutes, the last tension left her body. 

Okay, okay, how do I do this? I stopped fighting to restrain the beast. Just let it go and let it fill me, run uncontrolled through my veins. Yes, yes, this works. Just remember the safe word. Remember it. It’s important. 

 

That night was freeing. Knowing she cared and really made an effort to keep her promise. It felt good. Surely, at some points, she knows me better than I know myself, but that didn’t apply to everything, I had learned that. But it finally looked like she got it, got how much it had bothered me, and took what I felt into account. And it felt good.


	62. Chapter 62

When I woke, I felt well rested. Maybe because last night ended so well, compared to the other nights here in Las Vegas. I felt like we had constantly been fighting since we got here, but now things finally seemed to be better. We had found a compromise that worked for us both. 

After waking up, I just continued to lay in bed. It was far past noon, but we had gotten to bed pretty late. Jake was still asleep next to me. “Jake? Jake?” I called gently. He was lying on his side, his arm rested above the blanket that had slid down, showing half of his smooth naked chest. When I stroked his arm, he inhaled heavily, and I knew he was awake now. 

His right hand sneaked under my blanket, grabbed around my waist and with a jerk pulled me to his warm chest where he buried his nose in my hair and sighed as he snuggled us further under the covers. 

Okay, I guess we could take half an hour more. I closed my eyes and relaxed in his embrace. Now and then, he would either place a kiss on my neck or bury his nose deeper in my hair. 

“We should get up,” I noted after almost forty-five minutes. 

“Yeah.” He agreed but didn’t do anything that indicated he was about to get up. 

I freed myself from his arm and walked to the bathroom. As I was about to grab my toothbrush, I eyed a white package in my toiletries. 

What was that? Oh yeah, the pregnancy test, I had put it there yesterday when I came back from the store with our breakfast, so I would remember to take it today. I unpacked it, read the instructions on the leaflet, and did as it said. 

Now I just had to wait three minutes. Then I could as well take a shower while I waited, what was the difference if I looked at it in three or ten minutes anyway? While I was in the shower, I absentmindedly tried to count all the pregnancy tests I had taken in my lifetime. It was quite a few actually. Close to ten, but none of them had ever been positive, so why would this one be any different?

I dried my body, brushed my teeth, and took my birth control before I returned to the room to get dressed in a skirt and a top. Jake was already up and dressed as well and was making coffee. The bowls and cereal were already on the table. 

“You still only gonna eat that?” He asked and pointed at my half-full bowl of skyr. 

“Yes,” I answered firmly. He just raised an eyebrow, but I could see he was restraining himself from rolling his eyes at me. After I had eaten my breakfast, I enjoyed my coffee while Jake went to the bathroom. As he finished up, I got out there to put my makeup on. I was about to pick up my eyeliner when my hands bumped into the white box where I had put the pregnancy test back into. Already, I had forgotten everything about it. Picking up the box, I pulled it out to look at the result. 

My jaw dropped twenty feet. Two pink lines. That little stick said pregnant. That couldn’t be. I felt numb. 

The queasiness, the puking, it wasn’t because of the alcohol or the fractures in my skull, it was morning sickness. The missing period, the pounds I gained… all because of that. How could I have been so stupid? _How could I have been so fucking stupid!?_

It felt like this wasn’t happening to me, it was like I was suddenly a spectator to something that happened to someone else. My mind refused to wrap around it. 

Involuntarily, I looked down at my stomach, then put my hand that wasn’t holding the stick on top of it. I didn’t feel like there was anything. With both hands, I held the treacherous stick up in front of my narrowed eyes and scrutinized it. You couldn’t be telling the truth, you were just a useless piece of plastic! I put it down, took the leaflet instead, and read through it as fast as I could to find a way out, a false positive or something like that. 

I sighed. More than a 99% accuracy, only a chance of false result if it says ‘not pregnant,’ or if I had recently been pregnant even without carrying to term or approaching menopause it could show a false positive. Obviously, neither of those options applied to me. 

Crap.

Like in a trance, I walked into the room with the stick in my hand. “Jake?”


End file.
